Fucking Auto Correct

It’s a well known fact that I have a deep appreciation for certain four letter words. I always have, I always will and with the exception of some Pollyanna people on Facebook, it’s never been much of an issue with anyone in my life.

Except, that is, for my phone.

For years, my iPhone has been not so subtly suggesting that I clean up my foul language. When I innocently ask “What the fuck,” my phone seems to think that “what the duck?” or “what the fickle?” is equally as effective. It swaps out “shot” when I type “shit” and even had the audacity to once correct my mistyped “asshole” to “appalling.” Appalling, indeed. Asshole.

Oh, sure, auto corrects can be amusing and all — yes, I know of the laugh-out-loud websites dedicated to them, but I’m a busy mom of three. If I want to swear, I want to swear and that’s the end of it, dammit. I mean, who has time for a phone hell-bent on altering their voice? Not I.

But those days are over, my friends, because last week I got the tip of a lifetime: You can actually program words into your iPhone’s dictionary.

{Please tell me that I’m not the last person on earth to know this and if I am, why the hell did none of you ever tell me?!?}

All you have to do is go to Settings and then to General > Keyboard. At the bottom of the screen, find Shortcuts. Click Add a New Shortcut and add whatever words you want your dictionary to recognize and auto complete..

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For someone like me, it’s a fucking dream come true.