But that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. A hot topic among parents these days is the unbelievable homework our kids bring home — unbelievable not just in amount, but level of complication. None of us probably anticipated struggling over elementary school math homework yet, here we are. And thankfully, the funny parents of Twitter understand our plight. Check out these hilarious parenting tweets about the horror show that is helping our kids with their homework.
1. You could always outsource it.
Just sent my daughter & her math homework into a clothing store at the mall because people there are always asking if they can help you.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 13, 2015
You kid’s homework got you down? Don’t go it alone. Wander into Justice and see if one of the employees knows how to do addition using groups of 10. Anything is worth a shot.
2. Probably by #3.
If Annie has 15 story problems, and it takes her 11 minutes to do each one, how long will it take her dad to drink himself to death?
— Goats? (@hazelmotes1) September 23, 2015
A running theme in modern-day elementary school homework is how long it seems to take. Like, really long. So long you wonder what you used to do with all that free time in the evening before you spent it trying not to slug four vodka tonics in under an hour because your first grader is struggling to complete his 50-word-long Common Core math riddles.
3. Seriously. So we can have a little chat.
Sweet baby Moses in a basket, who decided homework for 1st graders should be a thing.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) September 24, 2015
A 6-year-old who’s been stuck at a desk most of the day and got a scant 25-minute recess and now has to sit at the kitchen table for an hour poring over math and reading homework is not a fun 6-year-old to be around. Not. Fun. At all.
4. It hurts. Oh God, it hurts.
Medical marijuana prescriptions for the pain of helping my son with middle school math should be a thing.
— bougie beth (@bourgeoisalien) October 7, 2015
What’s that throbbing in your temple? Oh, it’s just your brain trying desperately to call up math shit you learned in 1994 and thought you’d never have to use again. Until your kid entered eighth grade and now you’re ready to self-medicate.
5. When all else fails, hope for a miracle.
Our Roomba rolled over a worksheet my 5-year-old was doing for school.
A robot literally ate her homework.
What a time to be alive.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2015
Want your evening back? Just turn on the Roomba and say a little prayer.
6. Things aren’t always as they seem.
wife on facebook: homework with 9, he's doing so well!
wife to me: it took him 8 tries to spell cake. CAKE. grab some wine on your way home
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 9, 2014
In trying to project an image of having your shit together, you might tell your social media world that your kid is doing just swell with their homework. In reality, you’re about ready to hit the bottle. Hard.
7. It’s for their sake too, really.
As a kid, an Afterschool Special was just a show on ABC we watched.
Now an Afterschool Special is a glass of wine with the kids' homework.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) February 2, 2016
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down and a little “after school special” definitely makes the homework more tolerable. And makes you more patient. It’s science.
8. You’ve done it, don’t lie.
You know your 4yo has pushed you to the brink when you put him to bed without brushing his teeth and then go and forge his homework.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 6, 2015
If you’re faced with something as ludicrous as homework for 4-year-olds, feel not an ounce of shame if you decide to take matters into your own hands in order to speed up the process.
9. Because they don’t want to do it either.
Every day I manage to not shout out, "For fuck's sake just do your fucking homework!" at my offspring is a parenting win in my book.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 26, 2015
The only thing worse than sitting there for hours and helping your kid plod through his homework is following him around begging him to do it himself. If you can get through without dropping any F bombs, you deserve some sort of major award.
10. You will never in your life feel more idiotic.
I'd like to thank Common Core Math for making me, a software engineer for a public company, feel like the banjo kid from Deliverance.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 5, 2015
So…we can’t just say 9 x 7 is 63 just because that’s the answer? We need to draw a bunch of teeny squares and make charts and diagrams? Good God, pass the wine.