Times are tough, parents. We’re just going along trying to do our thing and now, we have to worry about crazy clowns with knives chasing our kids. It’s been a strange and creepy last few weeks with these evil clown stories hitting the news, and we’re pretty fed up.
We can all agree that clowns are basically the worst, and now that they’ve officially become our sworn enemies, we need to focus. But first, let’s laugh. Because as with all horrible things, it’s usually best to find the humor. So, we’ve gathered a collection of hilarious tweets from the funny parents of Twitter about evil clowns and how they pretty much need to disappear right now.
1. It’s giving us all new hair goals.
[to my hairdresser]
I want red and curly but not so red and curly I end up on the news as a scary clown sighting again.
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 5, 2016
Make sure your stylist knows — not even a hint of clown. It’s not a friendly climate for people with curly, red hair right now. Stay safe out there, moms.
Creepy clowns are nothing compared to a small child staring you down because they woke in the middle of the night.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 5, 2016
There is one thing scarier than murder clowns and that’s your kid doing the 3:00 am “Angel of Death” routine standing at your bedside waiting for you to wake and promptly wet yourself.
3. Live life to its fullest.
Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) September 28, 2016
If you can’t beat them, join them. Or at the very least, infiltrate a clown coven to see what the fuck is going on.
4. This is more than fair.
Any clowns that knock on my door on Halloween, I plan on taking a handful of candy from their bag. I see it as payment for my night terrors.
— ÜRSÜLÄ(S) (@3sunzzz) October 4, 2016
You’ll have to pay the clown toll, kids. And no shitty candy corn, either. The good stuff.
5. Now we’re curious.
These clowns- do they accept babies as well, or, should I get a separate sitter for my son this weekend?
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) October 5, 2016
They keep going for the kids but it’s worth an ask for those of us with infants. Like, we could get a date night out of this, at least.
6. Clowns with knives are the biggest nope of all.
Of course clowns creep me the effff out. Anybody who “smiles” that much is not cool, man. Not cool.
Oh,and the knives &machetes. Also bad.
— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 4, 2016
The only thing creepier than their eternal cheeriness is their weapons. No thank you, please.
Sure, clowns are creepy and scary but when you’re a parent it’s far scarier to run out of diaper wipes or wine.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 4, 2016
Bite your tongue. Don’t even speak of such things. And buy in bulk. Trust me.
8. So you did a poor job blending.
I’m not exactly admitting I messed up my makeup today…just don’t worry too much if you hear about one of those creepy clown sightings.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) October 1, 2016
The stakes have never been higher for a contouring fail and a bad lipstick job.
5: I wanna be a witch for Halloween.
Me: That’s fine.
5: Or a mummy.
Me: That’d be cool, too.
5: Maybe a clown?
Me: LITERALLY NO WAY IN HELL
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 5, 2016
Sorry, kid. I’d let you dress as Trump before a clown. Not that there’s much difference there and at least clowns have better hair? Ugh, gonna have to think on this one.
10. Add him to the Facebook LuLaRoe party!
*Clown runs out of woods screaming*
*me, chasing him* Just try a pair of these Lularoe leggings!
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 5, 2016
Mobilizing the rabid direct sales moms might be our only hope in defeating the insane clown epidemic. The essential oils are probably our strongest weapon.
11. Sweep the leg.
If you bring your kid to my house on Halloween dressed as a clown plz know that I’m already practicing tactical maneuvers to take him down.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 4, 2016
Hiding behind my living room curtains. Watching. Waiting.
12. This is not the time for puns.
If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clowns…
Go for the juggler
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 10, 2014
We see what you did there, but this isn’t funny anymore. Go away, creepy clowns. We’ve officially had enough of your shit.