All year long, us parents emphasize the importance of telling the truth to our kids. We don’t want to raise little liars, and we teach them that it’s always best to be honest. And then comes December where we turn that whole notion on its head with the biggest lie of all: Santa Claus.
Not that there’s anything wrong with lying to kids about the existence of Santa; the myth of the big guy in the red suit is a right of childhood in many families and considered totally acceptable to perpetuate as long as your kids believe. Along with that right to lie comes some pretty funny situations, as the funny parents of Twitter demonstrate with these hilarious tweets about the Santa fib.
1. Santa’s silly like that.
Daddy, Santa should know that I don’t like Rolos but he puts them in my stocking every year.
Me: (Unwrapping a Rolo) Yeah, that’s weird.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 27, 2015
Oh shit, Santa is a dope, sweetheart. Better give Daddy those rejected candies. Make them go away so you never have to see them again.
2. Gotta keep the magic alive.
Sent my daughter to her room for misbehaving and went outside in a Santa costume and peered in her window and shook my head while sobbing.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 2, 2016
Talk about commitment to a role. But hey, whatever works.
3. Drunk with power.
The lies started when I told my kids that Santa’s real and now I can’t stop. They think mommy makes dinosaur chicken nuggets from scratch.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 7, 2016
Kids will believe anything. While you’re at it, tell them you’re Beyonce. They don’t know.
4. A lie for all seasons.
I don’t limit lying about Santa to just Christmas, he’s my year-round fall guy for every disappointment I cause my children to experience.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) December 7, 2016
Why only have this fail-safe one month out of the year? Use Santa in the dead of summer. There are literally no rules stopping you.
5. He’s serious competition.
If Santa was ever real I feel like Amazon would have had him killed.
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) December 23, 2014
Amazon is powerful but if the Santa we tell our kids about were real, he would pose a major threat.
6. Speaking of Amazon..
“Mommy, what’s Amazon Prime?”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s what they named Headquarters of Santa’s workshops.”
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 24, 2016
You’ve gotta come up with some explanation for the December deluge of Prime boxes. Well, if you’re me, they’re kind of a year-round thing so there won’t be any questions.
7. Santa is a major douche.
I’m sorry kids, it looks like santa got hungry last night and ate all the chocolates out of your advent calendars. Man, what a bummer.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) December 2, 2016
He’s the only one who could get away with such an unforgivable act while still retaining your child’s affection. Feel free to use for all other snacks you want to consume without taking the fall.
8. Sick burn.
The biggest lie about Santa is that he’s a man who stays up all night taking care of the kids.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) December 7, 2016
We see what you did there. And we love it.
9. We’re listening.
If you swap out the milk and cookies for wine and takeout, I’m suddenly much more okay with this charade.
— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@sip_at_home_mom) December 7, 2016
Not that there’s anything wrong with cookies and milk, but pad Thai and pinot grigio? Shut up and take my money.
10. He needs a modern update.
We parents need to stop threatening our kids with a lump of coal. It’s cruel and outdated.
Behave or Santa will break your iPad, kids.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 7, 2016
Santa is taking no prisoners, kids. Better shape up.