The Funny Parents Of Twitter On Why We Worship Target – Scary Mommy

The Funny Parents Of Twitter On Why We Worship Target

For many parents, Target is our mother-ship, plain and simple. It has clothes, toiletries, sunglasses, cool scarves, pet food, last-minute birthday gifts, bikes, people food, throw pillows and pretty much everything you could ever dream of. But it’s when you have kids, that Target takes on a whole new importance you never could’ve imagined.

Need diapers? Target. Need formula? Target. Need a $5 DVD to watch during your seemingly endless pumping sessions? Target. Bored and kind of lonely as a stay-at-home parent? Go. Wander. Target. Whatever you need, Target can provide. It’s like an oasis in the desert that is parenthood and the funny parents of Twitter completely understand your Target codependency. Check out these hilarious tweets about our love affair with the big red bulls-eye.

1. Everyone’s an expert.

Nothing brings out parental rage like a trip to Target. Come at me.

2. Buying all the things.

That bulls-eye is hypnotizing, no question. That, plus the disorienting florescent lights and popcorn-scented air clouds the brain. No good decisions are made within these walls. Except maybe the Oreos.

3. A literal nightmare.

The best part about being a stay-at-home mom is wandering Target at 10am on a Tuesday. Try it on a weekend at your peril.

4. Or maybe the condoms?

Ask them to reach you a box of the super absorbency kind. That’ll teach them.

5. *guitar strumming*

Even after you walk out (hoping you don’t somehow set off the alarm, why does that always happen to me?) Target’s hold over you remains. Until next time, it whispers in your ear. Which you can only barely hear because of the fucking stupid alarm.

6. Nothing compares.

You might go to Walmart some time just to price check but you’ll come crawling back with your little bull-dog tail between your legs. Go home. Are you too good for your home?

7. Real AF.

And tomorrow. And probably again this weekend. 

8. Don’t make it weird.

I mean, technically, we could live there. They sell futons. There’s groceries. And bathrooms. What’s stopping us? Like, don’t snuff out my hopes and dreams, floor manager. Get your own brilliant life plan.

9. A literal black hole.

Leaving Target like, “What year is it? Is Trump president?” Shudder.

10. Oh shit, they know.

Our cover is blown, RUN!

11. Cheers.

I still kind of wish the security guy at my Target looked more like Norm but otherwise, it’s welcoming as can be.

12. You don’t know what you need until Target tells you.

The number of things a mom buys at Target is kind of like the number of rings on a tree; the longer you’re a mom, the more shit you buy. Science.