10 Signs You Need To Get The Hell Off The Internet
The internet is full of all sorts of innovative and helpful resources to improve and simplify your life. It’s also the source of endless conflict, self-doubt and mind-boggling stupidity. Here are a few signs that you need to stop whatever you’re doing, get the hell off the internet, and walk away:
1. You’ve spent the last hour and a half looking at un-Photoshopped celebrities and were just about to Google “Charlize Theron cellulite.”
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
2. You’ve written such a long and passionate Facebook comment that you can no longer see the top of the post that made you so ranty in the first place.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
3. Your Sephora shopping cart has 19 random items in it just so you can qualify for free shipping and samples.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
4. There are so many open tabs at the top of your browser that you can hardly click on them just to hit the X.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
5. You’re trying to time your bathroom breaks to perfectly coincide with the 9-second autoplay message between episodes on Netflix.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
6. You accidentally clicked “like” on your coworker’s photo from 2009, and now she’s going to know you were deep-stalking her.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
7. You’ve read so many nostalgic articles on Buzzfeed that you’re tempted to to buy every single scrunchie, Doodle Bear and Polly Pocket you can find on eBay.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
8. You’re legitimately confused by whether or not you actually made a bunk bed out of toilet paper rolls or just pinned it on Pinterest.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
9. You repeatedly pull up the same person’s Facebook profile, knowing every single thing they post annoys the hell out of you. But you do it anyway.
Get the hell off the internet. Walk away.
10. You’re legitimately crying over a car commercial because it reminds you of your childhood, your first dog, and the fact that we are all destined to die alone.
Seriously. You need to get the hell of the internet, and you need to walk away.
I know it’s tempting to keep hitting “Next” on a slideshow of former child celebrities who have secret identical twins, but I’m telling you—as someone who’s been there—you will thank me later.
