Gray Hairs – Scary Mommy

Gray Hairs

Have you ever opened your sun roof and become completely mortified by the amount of gray hairs shining back at you? I mean, I am 35 years old, not 60. Why do I have so many damn gray hairs? I just had color put in 6 weeks ago and I look like a pepper shaker. I thought it was looking like blond highlights, but they are frizzy and clearly have no pigment. Now, I don’t consider myself that vain (most of the time.) I have actually considered letting the spirally gray nonsense grow in naturally. But, now I am just pissed off!

Where did these little gray monsters come from?

Hmm, I think I have a pretty good idea.

How about recovering from an excruciating summer of 10 nonstop weeks with my 4 and 6 year olds (BOYS!), only to have Jewish holiday after Jewish holiday (i.e., 4 weeks of preschool closed at least once a week)? I am not an observant Jew, so these Jewish holidays really put a cramp in my mornings off. Forget working out to reduce stress. Hello, 10 gray hairs.

How about 10 days of preschool (aka kennel) cough? 10 exhausting nights of waking up 3-4 times to soothe my sad little coughing/wheezing son. I haven’t had this much sleep deprivation since my boys were teething. I needed an IV of coffee to manage through those 10 days. Did I mention my husband was out of town for 4 of those days? Buon giorno, 25 gray hairs.

How about the nonstop yelling/whining ‘STOP’ that reverberates in my house and car as my kids tease and torture one another? I remember fighting this much with my younger brother, so clearly this is payback. I am sure my mom laughs every time I complain about the noise. To be honest, it makes me want to puncture my ear drums so that I will never have to hear that darn word again. Hola, 10 gray hairs.

How about the need to constantly separate my kids because they are like flies on shit to one another? Why do they have to play within 2 feet of one another at all times? If they spread out, they wouldn’t constantly be in each other’s space (i.e., hitting one another, breaking each other’s toys, and generally pissing each other off.) I guess that is too logical. Ugh, 25 gray hairs.

After carefully looking over the above list, as well as ruminating over the ever-expanding list in my head, I have come to the conclusion that there is no way on earth that these gray hairs are ever going to subside on their own. And, considering how expensive it would be to get rid of my frown lines and dark circles under my eyes, I guess I will just have to keep coloring my hair.