As a young wife, I quickly learned that if I wanted it done the right way, I was going to have to do the grocery shopping myself. I never minded it at all— I had all the time in the world to leisurely peruse the aisles and plan recipes as I shopped. I could sip a latte and read trashy tabloids at the checkout. I could roll my eyes at the tantrum throwing children around me and shop for an hour without ever needing to crack open emergency snack food. It was a breeze. A pleasure.
Three kids later, the market is just another chore that I rarely feel like tackling. If I’m with the kids, it’s a constant game of “we want this!” and “but so and so gets that!!” Not to mention the monstrous car-cart that I am totally unable to maneuver. Rarely can I make a corner without destroying an entire display. If I’m without one, two or three of the kids, I’m always aware of paying someone by the hour to allow for such a luxury. And if I wait until Jeff comes home at night, I pretty much sleep-walk through the entire experience. It’s never fun, to put it mildly.
So, last week when Jeff volunteered to do the shopping, I reluctantly took him up on it. I knew from past experience that this task was way outside of his comfort zone, but I was exhausted from a never-ending day with the children. We were in desperate need of the basics, and anyway, how hard could it be to stick to the list I carefully crafted? The directions were simple: Follow the list, use the club card and use the coupons. Easy, peasy, right?
Wrong.
Not only did I have to return to the market an hour later to exchange a tube of artificial parsley for fresh, canned fruit cocktail for the natural variety and rotten grapes for fresh, but I also needed to get the $19 refund for Jeff neglecting to enter our phone number at checkout. How difficult is that?
It’s going to be a while before I send him back. When I finally do, though, he’ll be armed with a common sense guide covering the most basic of basics. Chocolate milk is fine, for example, just not when I specifically ask for milk.
He’ll still manage to mess something up, I’m sure, but at least I’ll get the fresh parsley and real fruit.
If I’m really lucky.
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I count myself as lucky on this one. I’m right there with you on how enjoyable it was before the kids came. My husband is a better shopper than me because he can actually keep to the list. I am easily side tracked.
.-= April Greer´s last blog ..Great Books =-.
Cracked me up! It’s so true for us too. Every time my wife sends me, even for a quick something I manage to screw it up. Fortunately we live a 60 seconds walk from the store. I often get sent right back to correct my error.
.-= Bruce´s last blog ..Help Your Child Roll Over =-.
I am SO jealous of that– it’s practically an extended pantry for you!
I used to have that problem, then I started making very specific lists. He didn’t need the specifics for very long before he started remembering. He still brings beat-up fruit home on occasion, but he’s getting better. So much better in fact, that as I was reading this he came in and said “Did you make a grocery list or do we just need milk?” and as I was typing that sentence he told me his plans for the day include the grocery shopping. Keep trying, it will get better.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Mommy is Awake =-.
Wow! Parsley in a tube? Never heard of it! When I send my hubby, he usually is a straight “stick to the list” kind of guy. Especially when I’ve forgotten to add something obvious like his shampoo or milk (that he’s been complaining about)… Come on! Improvise! “It wasn’t on your list, so I didn’t get it.” Like my list is the end all, be all and I totally had my head on straight when I wrote it…
Or he’ll add $50 worth of meat that I didn’t put on the list because he wants to “try” a recipe. So he’ll add stuff for himself, but not for me…
.-= Val´s last blog ..Contest! Help me celebrate 135th post! =-.
momma, you so need to write a book all based on this. you could easily do this and not only do it with ease and best of all, humour. I’m serious.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..banana-coconut cheesecake bars w/ rum soaked cherries =-.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Perhaps I should hold a class for the challenged.
.-= DCUrbanDad´s last blog ..This daddy is sooooooo proud =-.
Yep, the husband bought the strong (Not Charmin ultra quilted soft) the other day….Grrr… had to shame him on my blog.
.-= Scout’s Honor´s last blog ..Marriage, Food, & Snobbery: That Meat is Dead To Me =-.
OMG either we are married to the same guy or they are related!
.-= pamela´s last blog ..Who Said Online RPG Aren’t Romantic? =-.
Squeeze parsley? Really? He thought that was okay? LOL
I much prefer to do the shopping myself. Even if I have to walk the store aisles in a coma, it is preferred to the alternative.
BTW, I hate those car carts. I’m on the shorter stature side and trying to push that thing around the store is just ridiculous. Whoever designed those did not test them out.
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Not Back-to-school Blog Hop~ School Room Week =-.
The carts are horrible– I went today and made Lily cry by ramming her arm into a soda display. Good times.
Keep sending him back, I say! For the sake of having someone else do the grocery shop? I can’t bare it with just two kids, I have no idea how you even step foot inside a grocery store with three.
Other idea: online grocery shopping?
.-= Lady Mama´s last blog ..No really, he’s just not that into you. =-.
Oh my goodness, you’ve got it! I hate grocery shopping. I use two carts. Both kids try to escape the whole time. They yell and scream and my son is constantly reaching out to hit people as we walk by them. I ignore it and get through as fast as I can otherwise it causes a big yelling match in the middle of the grocery store when we were ALEADY getting looked at like we’re crazy. It’s terribly embarrassing. I hate it. And with two kids, we’re there like every other day.
And yeah, men just don’t get this. You understand completely. I’m so glad to have a fellow understander of grocery shopping hell. Some people just say “that’s the way it is” or “they’ll grow out of it”. But they obviously don’t get it.
Thank you!
.-= Gabrielle Valentine´s last blog ..These four foot long exotic bats just changed me forever, man. Made me feel way small and insignificant. =-.
Hilarious and so true. My husband will volunteer to go sometimes, too, and I can always count on AT LEAST five phone calls to ask where something is in the store or clarify what I want or whatever. So, where I appreciate him doing it, I DO NOT get to relax while waiting at home.
(And those car-carts are awful. Once, my husband and I were shopping with our daughter and she was acting up, so he took her outside, leaving me alone with the huge, empty car-cart, looking like some sad mommy wannabe….)
.-= Brutalism´s last blog ..A Woman’s Prerogative =-.
LOL @ sad mommy wannabe. :)
It is too expensive to send my hubbie to the store. He loves shopping for fresh stuff and he does a great job at it (he is very fussy especially about which meat to buy). But he also buys all sorts of stuff we don’t need, that he thought was a good deal or felt was something we’d like. We throw out a lot of food when my hubbie goes grocery shopping cause we can’t possible eat all that fresh stuff that fast. He also has to call me about 12 times from the store to ask questions – ie: “there are 2 types of 2 ply tp, do you want the one on special?”. For all the times I get interupted or run for the phone I may as well have done the shopping myself.
Precisely why I don’t let my hubby do the shopping. Too labor intensive on my part to explain exactly what brand, etc.
.-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Blame it on Aunt Becky =-.
I love those squeeze herbs, but when you need a garnish? It sounds like he tried and is very trainable in this area. Over 20 plus years, I’ve slowly grown the size of the list my husband can handle. .. I even can write abbreviations (Lg FF Org plain yogurt is the one it took him years to master) But if he doesn’t have a list, I can only request 3 or 4 items tops – and it better be milk, eggs and cheerios!
.-= Margo´s last blog ..Test ignore please! =-.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but mine is actually better shopping than me… *hides*
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..I Love Women. (Like That Guy in the “College” Song, But With Less Douche.) =-.
So funny, Jill! I had to laugh out loud at the tube of parsley. Eww! Do people really buy that?!
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..Can I Book My Flight Tomorrow? =-.
I could have written this post. It was THAT funny.
I’m always reluctant to let Pat grocery shop too. It takes him forever and there’s always something that ‘they didn’t have’. So I still need to go back….pointless.
But he’s home on the weekends so if I need to leave the kids with him (yes please) so I can shop, then I do.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Review For Revenue =-.
I had no idea there even was such a thing as tubes of parsley. Um, gross!! Better luck next time!
That’s hilarious. Next time send him with the pictures above and he’ll surely figure it out. :)
.-= The Marketing Mama´s last blog ..My Two Maternity Leaves =-.
Oooh this a familiar one! I loved the squeezy parsley – that’s not stupid just, um, creative right?
I have another ‘creative’ shopper for a husband. He’s does reasonably well with extremely specific instructions and a very short list but always, ALWAYS gets lured in by the reduced-to-clear section. So I may have sent him out for bread, milk and cat food but you just know he’s going to come back with minced beef, a packet of broken biscuits, 20 jumbo sausage rolls and a some potato salad. All of which have to be eaten that day.
It’s makes for some ‘creative’ suppers I can tell you…
.-= Josie´s last blog ..The Ordinary Child and a Mashed Potato Moment =-.
I think they always underestimate what it takes to prepare menus and shop for a whole family. Hello, people who aren’t moms who do that, are paid to do it. They are called chefs, and they don’t even have to do their own shopping.
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Short and to the point =-.
Love it, as usual. I’m actually the grocery shopper in the household at the moment…sometimes take our boy with me. Lately though, things have been too busy, so we’ve been using peapod. SO convenient, especially since they bring stuff right to my kitchen table.
You should see if they deliver in your area…great stuff.
.-= Mariano´s last blog ..Tech Savvy Virtual Assistants: Integrating Tech with Your Business =-.
Peapod was my saviour over the past few months! It may cost a bit to have your groceries delivered…but I always saved money because there was no impulse shopping involved. I would add what we needed throughout the week (it saves your list until you submit for shipment). A great idea!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..pre and post preg =-.
Oh mama, I feel your pain.
And why is it so hard to user the club card at the grocery store’s gas station? IT SAVES 10 CENTS PER GALLON. That is big money these days, yet my freewheelin’ husband can’t be bothered to swipe his card.
Don’t get me started on his refusal to use coupons. Obviously, those teeny pieces of paper are as emasculating as ED.
.-= Amy B.´s last blog ..R.I.P. John Hughes =-.
Hahaha. I have to write down weights and specific labels, colors, and brands.
Not sure why this is so hard for them :)
.-= Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..Sleeping in the middle of the bed is 2/3 bullshit =-.
There is a hilarious Richard Scarry story about this that reminds me of my husband every time. I would highly encourage your kids to check out “Best Mistake Ever” so you can read it and LAUGH at the similarities between sending Huckle shopping and sending our husbands. I love my husband, but HATE it when he’s gone shopping without my prior consent or detailed list.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Back to School WOW WOW WUBBZY =-.
Why do men forget how to read in a grocery store? My husband constantly omits items that I specifically request. His way of solving this was for me to text him a list – don’t give him a paper list he’ll lose that, So I text the list and what happens?? He omits items that I specifically request. He wanted french onion soup for dinner one night so I asked him to bring home 6 onions (among other things). What did he forget? The onions, even after he asked me to specify what kind of onions yo buy he forgot to get them!!!
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