As a young wife, I quickly learned that if I wanted it done the right way, I was going to have to do the grocery shopping myself. I never minded it at all— I had all the time in the world to leisurely peruse the aisles and plan recipes as I shopped. I could sip a latte and read trashy tabloids at the checkout. I could roll my eyes at the tantrum throwing children around me and shop for an hour without ever needing to crack open emergency snack food. It was a breeze. A pleasure.
Three kids later, the market is just another chore that I rarely feel like tackling. If I’m with the kids, it’s a constant game of “we want this!” and “but so and so gets that!!” Not to mention the monstrous car-cart that I am totally unable to maneuver. Rarely can I make a corner without destroying an entire display. If I’m without one, two or three of the kids, I’m always aware of paying someone by the hour to allow for such a luxury. And if I wait until Jeff comes home at night, I pretty much sleep-walk through the entire experience. It’s never fun, to put it mildly.
So, last week when Jeff volunteered to do the shopping, I reluctantly took him up on it. I knew from past experience that this task was way outside of his comfort zone, but I was exhausted from a never-ending day with the children. We were in desperate need of the basics, and anyway, how hard could it be to stick to the list I carefully crafted? The directions were simple: Follow the list, use the club card and use the coupons. Easy, peasy, right?
Wrong.
Not only did I have to return to the market an hour later to exchange a tube of artificial parsley for fresh, canned fruit cocktail for the natural variety and rotten grapes for fresh, but I also needed to get the $19 refund for Jeff neglecting to enter our phone number at checkout. How difficult is that?
It’s going to be a while before I send him back. When I finally do, though, he’ll be armed with a common sense guide covering the most basic of basics. Chocolate milk is fine, for example, just not when I specifically ask for milk.
He’ll still manage to mess something up, I’m sure, but at least I’ll get the fresh parsley and real fruit.
If I’m really lucky.
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Squeezy garlic and lemongrass = good. Squeezy parsley = gah!
The secret to a happy marriage:
LOWERED EXPECTATIONS.
I have learned to choke down many things I swore I never would. Or do without. Or make up something on the fly. Or use my “emergency stash” frozen pizza. I just simply don’t expect my husband to ever shop correctly for us. It works for me anyway.
.-= Texan Mama´s last blog ..Perspective: It’s a Beautiful Thing =-.
I have to confess, my hubby actually shops more than I do. He also does most of the cooking. Do I have to hand in my girl card now?
CT Dad no longer does the grocery shopping. He can drop $80 on absolutely nothing. He also forgets to use his club card. I always pray to the layoff gods to, if they must, strike me and spare him, because god forbid he becomes the stay at home dad, we’ll go broke from his shopping for a whole lot of nothing.
Artificial parsley in a tube? What the hell do you use that for?! I wasn’t aware such a thing even existed!
I now refuse to do the grocery shopping with both my girls in tow. Not to brag or anything but most times I either leave one or both here with Shane. I prefer to do it by myslef, natch… if I can go solo, I usually put my iPod on and take my sweet time, going up and down every aisle…
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..A good night’s sleep should never be overrated… =-.
There’s such a thing as tubes of parsley? Obviously I haven’t been to the grocery store in awhile. My husband always goes. Yes, seriously.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..We Fought the Law, and the Law Laughed in Our Face =-.
Lowered expectations is wise advice, indeed. I just want things the way I want them too much to allow others to take over. I’m perfect, after all. ;)
And the tube of parsley was revolting, especially since I needed it as a garnish– what was I going to do, drop globs on top of my chicken? Gross.
I think they mess it up deliberately so we don’t ask them to do it. Ditto for dishwasher loading, laundry and cleaning.
The laundry & cleaning, yes- 100%. I really do think he tries with the shopping though. But maybe I’m naive.
Oh that is so frustrating. My husband does ok grocery shopping but there are always some creative purchases.
my hubby would do really well shopping for you. he works best with a list. I on the other hand can’t make a detailed enough list to save my life.
I agree with the lowered expectations…I send Joe to the store with a specific list and he comes home with half the things on it, and then the wrong brand or wrong type of diaper, whatever. So frustrating that he asks for a list in the first place!
However – he is much better at grocery shopping when he does the whole shopping and plans to cook. When I go, it seems we have nothing to eat within 2 days. He actually manages to buy a week’s worth of food. I try not to bitch too much about the other stuff, but it’s just in my nature…
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Alone time is a girl’s best friend. =-.
Hmmmm… I do find myself at the market at least 2 or 3 times a week. Maybe I’m not so good at it myself!
My husband usually does ok when I ask him to do the shopping for me. He learned when I was pregnant because I was violently sick and too weak to get out of bed. But I also write VERY specific lists – like, I don’t just write “bread,” I write “bread: Arnold brand, 12-Grain (red label)”. If I know the store he’s going to, I’ll write down the aisle number. I’ll also jot down notes on how to select the produce. It makes it difficult for him to mess anything up.
That said, I usually only send him to the store for basics, very rarely if I need a big haul.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..me, you, and the dance floor =-.
It would take longer for me to write all of that myself than just to suck it up and go!
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping for Dummies =-.
It takes longer for me to write a list for hubs than it would for me to go myself. I would have to be so specific it would be more like a book than a list.
Oh and we would have more chips and ice cream than a birthday party when he came home. He’s a bit of a junk food junky.
Great minds think alike. :) And so is mine, big time.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping for Dummies =-.
Haha, well, hopefully he watched the kids while you had to go back! Shopping is SO different after kids, it’s the last thing I want to do.
:)
~Tabitha
My husband would be so lost in the grocery store. He is okay going for a couple of items but not my whole shopping list. I remember when I was a kid my mom sent my dad and I to the store on her list she had gr onions. My dad took it as grunions and bought some sardines. When we were home and my mom was looking for green onions we realized we bought the wrong thing.
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You know, guys do that crap on purpose right? Because now he knows you won’t really WANT him to do it again!
This is one of the things that go pretty good at our house. David does a good job at the store getting the things I want. Our problem is the little “extras” he tends to bring hom. You know, the things that I try to avoid because I will scarf them down and immediately gain 10 pounds.
We have two shopping lists – the one hubby goes to get and the one I go to get. There are some things that I can do faster and it’s too time consuming to explain exactly what I want and where it is in the store.
And I’ve discovered grocery shopping after bedtime – I leave my little one at home with his dad and I can race through a fairly empty store. And I don’t have to grab a toy on the way in for the little one to play with and then hide it on a different shelf on the way out!
Shopping, cooking and laundry. Two things that should never be delegated…unless you just don’t care!
.-= Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com´s last blog ..Going With the Flow =-.
That is so true. The last time Jeff attempted to do laundry, he called to ask me where to put the detergent. Sigh.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping for Dummies =-.
I’m not a big fan of grocery shopping – but it’s become a daily outing now that I’m a SAHM. Everyone’s screaming and/or naked? Let’s put on shoes and go to the store! (but get dressed first if applicable)
Since we’re also poor now that I’m a SAHM, I have to be thrifty too (not my forte), so I’m getting pretty good at this whole price comparison thing.
Who am I kidding? I miss kid-free trips to Whole Foods.
Oh, Whole Foods sans kids… That was heaven.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping for Dummies =-.
I would have failed you too! I hate the store and only go if I have no other option!
i am very lucky .. i have a boyfriend who went shopping with his mom all the time .. so he is very good at grocery shopping ! good luck ! hope he gets better .. if i was closer i’d help you out in heart beat :)
egg substitute??? men – sending them shopping is hysterical
LOL… I have a REALLY good DUMB Husband post… yesterday, he emptied the hot water tank cleaning the bathroom…(NOT that dirty)…. not thinking I may need to take a shower before the guests arrived… dick…
still not over it… hmpph.
LOL. Whops.
My DH does ALL the grocery shopping for our family, as well as about half the cooking. He loves to shop, and will spend hours each week doing it, and I absolutely DETEST it, so it works out great for us. In over six years, we’ve never had a problem with him not getting what I had on the list. I am truly blessed!!!
Rub it in, why don’t you? ;)
Five years of regularly dragging the husband around the supermarket has only improved his shopping sense slightly. I now send him with a list that details brand names, sizes and probably even the colour of the item. He also has strict instructions to call with anything he’s not sure of.
Really, it’s just easier if I do the shopping myself.
.-= Vic´s last blog ..18 weeks, 3 days/16 weeks, 2 days* =-.
I think your husband has stumbled onto the solution to my problems… The tube or parsley got me thinking…Too bad the grocery store doesn’t have tubes of meat, tubes of crackers, tubes of food! I’d have so much more room in my pantry & fridge if I just had tubes of food to store.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The Ugly Truth =-.
Seriously! They have every herb imaginable and just look too nasty for words. Especially during the summer when fresh herbs are everywhere. Why??
That is so funny. I’ve never even heard of tube parsley! And I must confess, my husband is a fabulous grocery shopper – probably because he’s an excellent cook. I’m the one calling him from the store asking him where things are and what the difference is between parsley and coriander. ha!
.-= christy´s last blog ..Because I know you want a peek inside my brain, this is how I think =-.
Oh, no!!! What the hell is that parsley in the tube thing? Is that for real? GROSS! Grocery shopping with kids is not that fun – always takes 50% longer than if you went alone – but it is a way to pass the time, sometimes. It’s just that you end up spending way too much money because you buys them (at least, I do) everything they so much as look at to keep them happy! Hubby is good at grocery shopping – but he never comes home with any ‘extras’ – he only gets what’s on the damn list! If I say: “We need milk and eggs.” He’ll go get MILK AND EGGS… whereas if I were to go for milk and eggs, I’d also buy bagels, cheese, chocolate, a magazine, popcorn, pasta, orange juice, etc. etc.
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..My petty complaint =-.
I about pee’d my pants reading this. You would think they could read and follow step by step instructions, but no they can’t. I give my husband the ad and CIRCLE the items that I want. That still doesn’t work. He recently did a five store trip for me and did ok, but that’s only because there was only one or two items per store. Just don’t confuse him and give him 10 items to get at one store.
.-= Shannon @ For the Mommas´s last blog ..Weis: Kellogg’s Catalina Deal =-.
I count myself as lucky on this one. I’m right there with you on how enjoyable it was before the kids came. My husband is a better shopper than me because he can actually keep to the list. I am easily side tracked.
.-= April Greer´s last blog ..Great Books =-.
Cracked me up! It’s so true for us too. Every time my wife sends me, even for a quick something I manage to screw it up. Fortunately we live a 60 seconds walk from the store. I often get sent right back to correct my error.
.-= Bruce´s last blog ..Help Your Child Roll Over =-.
I am SO jealous of that– it’s practically an extended pantry for you!
I used to have that problem, then I started making very specific lists. He didn’t need the specifics for very long before he started remembering. He still brings beat-up fruit home on occasion, but he’s getting better. So much better in fact, that as I was reading this he came in and said “Did you make a grocery list or do we just need milk?” and as I was typing that sentence he told me his plans for the day include the grocery shopping. Keep trying, it will get better.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Mommy is Awake =-.
Wow! Parsley in a tube? Never heard of it! When I send my hubby, he usually is a straight “stick to the list” kind of guy. Especially when I’ve forgotten to add something obvious like his shampoo or milk (that he’s been complaining about)… Come on! Improvise! “It wasn’t on your list, so I didn’t get it.” Like my list is the end all, be all and I totally had my head on straight when I wrote it…
Or he’ll add $50 worth of meat that I didn’t put on the list because he wants to “try” a recipe. So he’ll add stuff for himself, but not for me…
.-= Val´s last blog ..Contest! Help me celebrate 135th post! =-.
momma, you so need to write a book all based on this. you could easily do this and not only do it with ease and best of all, humour. I’m serious.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..banana-coconut cheesecake bars w/ rum soaked cherries =-.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Perhaps I should hold a class for the challenged.
.-= DCUrbanDad´s last blog ..This daddy is sooooooo proud =-.
Yep, the husband bought the strong (Not Charmin ultra quilted soft) the other day….Grrr… had to shame him on my blog.
.-= Scout’s Honor´s last blog ..Marriage, Food, & Snobbery: That Meat is Dead To Me =-.
OMG either we are married to the same guy or they are related!
.-= pamela´s last blog ..Who Said Online RPG Aren’t Romantic? =-.
Squeeze parsley? Really? He thought that was okay? LOL
I much prefer to do the shopping myself. Even if I have to walk the store aisles in a coma, it is preferred to the alternative.
BTW, I hate those car carts. I’m on the shorter stature side and trying to push that thing around the store is just ridiculous. Whoever designed those did not test them out.
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Not Back-to-school Blog Hop~ School Room Week =-.
The carts are horrible– I went today and made Lily cry by ramming her arm into a soda display. Good times.
Keep sending him back, I say! For the sake of having someone else do the grocery shop? I can’t bare it with just two kids, I have no idea how you even step foot inside a grocery store with three.
Other idea: online grocery shopping?
.-= Lady Mama´s last blog ..No really, he’s just not that into you. =-.
Oh my goodness, you’ve got it! I hate grocery shopping. I use two carts. Both kids try to escape the whole time. They yell and scream and my son is constantly reaching out to hit people as we walk by them. I ignore it and get through as fast as I can otherwise it causes a big yelling match in the middle of the grocery store when we were ALEADY getting looked at like we’re crazy. It’s terribly embarrassing. I hate it. And with two kids, we’re there like every other day.
And yeah, men just don’t get this. You understand completely. I’m so glad to have a fellow understander of grocery shopping hell. Some people just say “that’s the way it is” or “they’ll grow out of it”. But they obviously don’t get it.
Thank you!
.-= Gabrielle Valentine´s last blog ..These four foot long exotic bats just changed me forever, man. Made me feel way small and insignificant. =-.
Hilarious and so true. My husband will volunteer to go sometimes, too, and I can always count on AT LEAST five phone calls to ask where something is in the store or clarify what I want or whatever. So, where I appreciate him doing it, I DO NOT get to relax while waiting at home.
(And those car-carts are awful. Once, my husband and I were shopping with our daughter and she was acting up, so he took her outside, leaving me alone with the huge, empty car-cart, looking like some sad mommy wannabe….)
.-= Brutalism´s last blog ..A Woman’s Prerogative =-.
LOL @ sad mommy wannabe. :)
It is too expensive to send my hubbie to the store. He loves shopping for fresh stuff and he does a great job at it (he is very fussy especially about which meat to buy). But he also buys all sorts of stuff we don’t need, that he thought was a good deal or felt was something we’d like. We throw out a lot of food when my hubbie goes grocery shopping cause we can’t possible eat all that fresh stuff that fast. He also has to call me about 12 times from the store to ask questions – ie: “there are 2 types of 2 ply tp, do you want the one on special?”. For all the times I get interupted or run for the phone I may as well have done the shopping myself.
Precisely why I don’t let my hubby do the shopping. Too labor intensive on my part to explain exactly what brand, etc.
.-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Blame it on Aunt Becky =-.
I love those squeeze herbs, but when you need a garnish? It sounds like he tried and is very trainable in this area. Over 20 plus years, I’ve slowly grown the size of the list my husband can handle. .. I even can write abbreviations (Lg FF Org plain yogurt is the one it took him years to master) But if he doesn’t have a list, I can only request 3 or 4 items tops – and it better be milk, eggs and cheerios!
.-= Margo´s last blog ..Test ignore please! =-.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but mine is actually better shopping than me… *hides*
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..I Love Women. (Like That Guy in the “College” Song, But With Less Douche.) =-.
So funny, Jill! I had to laugh out loud at the tube of parsley. Eww! Do people really buy that?!
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..Can I Book My Flight Tomorrow? =-.
I could have written this post. It was THAT funny.
I’m always reluctant to let Pat grocery shop too. It takes him forever and there’s always something that ‘they didn’t have’. So I still need to go back….pointless.
But he’s home on the weekends so if I need to leave the kids with him (yes please) so I can shop, then I do.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Review For Revenue =-.
I had no idea there even was such a thing as tubes of parsley. Um, gross!! Better luck next time!
That’s hilarious. Next time send him with the pictures above and he’ll surely figure it out. :)
.-= The Marketing Mama´s last blog ..My Two Maternity Leaves =-.
Oooh this a familiar one! I loved the squeezy parsley – that’s not stupid just, um, creative right?
I have another ‘creative’ shopper for a husband. He’s does reasonably well with extremely specific instructions and a very short list but always, ALWAYS gets lured in by the reduced-to-clear section. So I may have sent him out for bread, milk and cat food but you just know he’s going to come back with minced beef, a packet of broken biscuits, 20 jumbo sausage rolls and a some potato salad. All of which have to be eaten that day.
It’s makes for some ‘creative’ suppers I can tell you…
.-= Josie´s last blog ..The Ordinary Child and a Mashed Potato Moment =-.
I think they always underestimate what it takes to prepare menus and shop for a whole family. Hello, people who aren’t moms who do that, are paid to do it. They are called chefs, and they don’t even have to do their own shopping.
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Short and to the point =-.
Love it, as usual. I’m actually the grocery shopper in the household at the moment…sometimes take our boy with me. Lately though, things have been too busy, so we’ve been using peapod. SO convenient, especially since they bring stuff right to my kitchen table.
You should see if they deliver in your area…great stuff.
.-= Mariano´s last blog ..Tech Savvy Virtual Assistants: Integrating Tech with Your Business =-.
Peapod was my saviour over the past few months! It may cost a bit to have your groceries delivered…but I always saved money because there was no impulse shopping involved. I would add what we needed throughout the week (it saves your list until you submit for shipment). A great idea!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..pre and post preg =-.
Oh mama, I feel your pain.
And why is it so hard to user the club card at the grocery store’s gas station? IT SAVES 10 CENTS PER GALLON. That is big money these days, yet my freewheelin’ husband can’t be bothered to swipe his card.
Don’t get me started on his refusal to use coupons. Obviously, those teeny pieces of paper are as emasculating as ED.
.-= Amy B.´s last blog ..R.I.P. John Hughes =-.
Hahaha. I have to write down weights and specific labels, colors, and brands.
Not sure why this is so hard for them :)
.-= Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..Sleeping in the middle of the bed is 2/3 bullshit =-.
There is a hilarious Richard Scarry story about this that reminds me of my husband every time. I would highly encourage your kids to check out “Best Mistake Ever” so you can read it and LAUGH at the similarities between sending Huckle shopping and sending our husbands. I love my husband, but HATE it when he’s gone shopping without my prior consent or detailed list.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Back to School WOW WOW WUBBZY =-.
Why do men forget how to read in a grocery store? My husband constantly omits items that I specifically request. His way of solving this was for me to text him a list – don’t give him a paper list he’ll lose that, So I text the list and what happens?? He omits items that I specifically request. He wanted french onion soup for dinner one night so I asked him to bring home 6 onions (among other things). What did he forget? The onions, even after he asked me to specify what kind of onions yo buy he forgot to get them!!!