The GOOP Summit is coming. The world is not ready
You could go to Gwyneth’s upcoming GOOP summit in June — or you could just set $1500 on fire. But if you opt for the latter option, you won’t get an IV drip or the chance to have a cocktail with Gwyneth, so…
Yes friends, there is a GOOP summit coming to Los Angeles on June 10. It’s called, “In GOOP Health.” Where else could you spend nine hours browsing around for crystals, meditating, rubbing elbows with celebrities like Cameron Diaz and Lena Dunham, and (if you pay enough money) cocktailing with Gwyneth?
Nowhere. The answer is literally nowhere. This is the only place you could ever have this experience so grab your credit card and jump on a plane.
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Gwyneth has decided to bring her “wellness content to life.” Crystal therapy, aura photography, non-toxic manicures, a “flower remedy” station, a foam rolling physique session (conducted by a “fascia expert,” duh), a no-sweat mind-body workout experience, a sound bath, and an IV drip — just in case you showed up to the health and wellness summit hungover. Gwyneth’s got you covered. Three different ticket tiers give you access to some or all of that stuff. Someone is getting fired. They forgot to book the vaginal steamer and yoni egg instructor. It’s so hard to get good help these days.
The three ticket tiers are Lapis, Amethyst, and Clear Quartz. The Lapis ticket will run you $500 and gives you access to every panel and keynote. The Amethyst ticket is $1000, and you get to have a cocktail with Gwyneth! You also get access to the special foam roller workout and a mini version of some total-body no-sweating workout. Sort of love how Gwyneth seamlessly integrates booze and wellness, not gonna lie. The $1500 Clear Quartz ticket gets you drinks and lunch with Gwyneth.
You know you want to eat a pile of greens with Gwyneth, DON’T LIE.
“Over the course of one intensive (but fun) day, we’ll gather for a series of panels, keynotes, and restorative interactive sessions from the health-defining doctors and experts we rely on at goop,” the conference site explains. All of this is jammed into a 9am to 6pm session. “We’ll be addressing everything from gut imbalances to sexual health, and you’ll also get exclusive access to a market lined with clean beauty products, incredible food companies, and wellness goods.”
Nine hours of gurus, crystals, aura photography, and Gwyneth. Who wouldn’t want to pay $1500 for that? The Clear Crystal ticket tier is sold out, and so is the Amethyst. But you still can get your discount wellness ticket on — a cool $500 will get you in the door. But don’t you dare try to rub elbows with Gwyneth or sneak into the sound meditation class. Not for you, commoner.
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