Never Mind The Sugar Crash, Halloween Is Freaking Awesome

I was in Target the other day with my kiddos and heard screeching mixed with laughter that was probably laced with a little too much sugar, but hey, ’tis the season, right? As I got closer to the Halloween display where the glow of the orange lights and gold and black skeletons came into to view, I spotted the culprits. It was four little boys who were so excited to see all the scary, pretty, fun, and spooky Halloween stuff out on display, they were holding onto their privates, dancing, laughing, and…well, they were just really fucking excited.

You have to admit, we have all been those boys at one time or another in our lives. Damn, I was so in the Halloween spirit after watching them, I wanted to get all high on sugar and dance around myself. Yes, Halloween can throw our kids (and us) into a sugar craze, which leads to the inevitable sugar crash, but it is fucking awesome, here’s why:

It falls during the best time of year.

Halloween straddles the time between fall and winter. People start to gather more for after-dark parties. They bust out their Crock-Pots, share treats (like candy apples, warm pie, gobs of candy), and tell scary stories. If that doesn’t make you feel all warm and cozy, you don’t have a soul. Plus, there’s all this:

It is fun.

You get to knock on people’s doors with your kids and ask for free stuff. It is the one night of the year when taking things from strangers is totally acceptable. And if someone just leaves a sign next to a bucket of candy that says, “Please take one,” look out! Mama needs a piece (or a fistful) of that.

You can use candy as a bribe.

Even though it’s your kids’ candy and they did all the hustling to get it, you are still the boss. The boss gets to bribe the kids with their own stuff. If you are lucky, you can make their sugary nuggets last just in time to start using Santa as a bribe. You should be good until New Year’s.

You can dress up your pet without feeling like a lunatic.

Admit it, you wish you could dress up your pet every day and snap pictures to post to all the social media outlets because it’s so damn entertaining. But you don’t, lest you come off like a crazy person who has lost their damn mind.

Remember, you have first dibs on your child’s candy.

I have fond memories of putting my children to bed and curling up under a blanket with their bags of candy. I look forward to this honored tradition every year. We are the ones who check everything over to make sure it is safe to eat — and sometimes that involves a lot of sampling. We just want our kids to be safe.

We get to watch our kids use their imaginations.

I love seeing some of the costumes kids come up with — especially when they start stressing me out about it and planning it in July. Finally, when the much-anticipated day is here, you see how proud they are of their/your creations and how fun it is for them to show off in front of their friends. There is sheer joy in every smile.

Adults get to use their imaginations too. Or role play. Whatever.

Adults can be whoever they want to be for a night without question. Hello, bad Catholic school girl. I want to be you, all hopped up on sugar and fun punch, if only for a night. And the bonus is I don’t have to explain myself the next morning to my very distinguished professor (aka the hubs).

It’s the most carefree holiday.

I don’t have to force my kids to sit still in matching sweaters and try to get a fake picture for Halloween. I just have to snap one as they stand, waiting with buckets outstretched, at the first door before all the sugar kicks in. That’s a fucking precious moment right there. Done and done. Nobody expects a card, nor do I have to buy a gift for all the people I know. I can throw down a motherfucking pumpkin on my front porch, slap some candy corn in a bowl, and call it good.

Halloween is the start of something pretty fucking magical. It’s an opener, if you will, for so many fond memories to be made. It leads you right into Thanksgiving, cooler nights, fires, and all that cinnamon and pumpkin spice and shit.

And you might as well, because after Halloween, all the holidays come in one large clump. We can capitalize on that by using them as an excuse to do what we want, like working on our winter bods. Everyone puts on a Charmin layer during the cooler months and Halloween is usually when that layer starts to thicken.

So just embrace it. Halloween always has been and always will be a time to stuff your gut full of high fructose corn syrup as you walk around dressed as someone else. It’s just as good as expensive therapy, so let’s just embrace the Halloween awesomeness.

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