I really hate to judge, but “Helicopter Moms” have always driven me totally crazy. I frequently roll my eyes at that mother who hovers over her children at the playground or a friend’s house, rarely letting them out of her site. The mother who has so many issues that her poor children aren’t allowed to have any good, old fun. How annoying are they?
I was pretty easy-going with Lily and by the time Evan came around, I was as mellow as jello. Whether the kids are at the park, the pool or playing with each other, I am able to totally tune out the chaos and noise, and just let the kids be kids. I think it’s better for everyone that way.
This summer, however, something changed. My children decided to actually… swim at the pool. To dunk underwater without the aid of floaties, vests or an adult. To kick their legs and pump their arms and actually move in the water. Gone were the days that they fearfully clung to me and were content playing under the fountain in the kiddie pool. And with those days, my peaceful afternoons in the water were over. They have become heart-stopping adventures as my elder children plunge confidently underwater for endless moments.
With them in the water, I am that annoying mother who holds my breath and can’t engage in a conversation because my eyes are glued solely on them. I grip the rail, palms turning white and heart rate quickened. I watch them, filled with a combination of pride and fear, realizing that I have become that mother I so despise. Only once they are draped in towels and headed home can I fully exhale.
I guess that Helicopter Moms aren’t so horrible after all. At least pool-side.
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok so I like to think that I am not a helicopter mom either but at the pool is a whole other ball game and maybe that b/c you can heal from a fall at the play ground but there is no healing from drowning. I freak out at the water now and my kids don’t swim underwater yet. Man, I am so in for it next summer.
Jen, buried with children´s last blog ..What Does a Murloc Say?
Twitter: buriedwithkids
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I think you get a pass when there’s a pool involved. Kids drown, there are objective and very immediate risks involved. It’s not as if you’re sticking them in a bubble and not allowing them to go on the playground. Really, the fact that you’re letting them in the pool independently speaks to how much you’re NOT a helicopter mom.
(I say this to justify the fact that I can’t let my 1-year-old and 4-year-old take a bath together without one hand on the baby at all times. I try not to helicopter, but there are times when I believe my attention is all that is keeping these children alive.)
Amber´s last blog ..Maternity Leave in Canada by the Numbers
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Yes, that’s true about the water. Maybe that’s a logical exception.
So, what’s up with all the other mothers of similar aged children, who were sunbathing and reading while their kids swam?
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That is so funny! I have no choice at the pool – Fiona likes to try to crawl around the baby pool, but if she did that she’d choke because it’s a little too deep for that. I think Amber’s right too. What she said!
christy´s last blog ..Because I know you want a peek inside my brain, this is how I think
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Yea, I’m like a hawk at the pool. Maybe becuz my kid has no fear. I also tend to watch other people’s kids becuz most of the time they are not watching their own kids, which completely freaks me out.
But for the rest of the stuff, I’m pretty relaxed.
Julie @ Angry Julie Monday´s last blog ..Project Playhouse
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That’s sweet. Isn’t there a cute lifeguard to helicopter FOR you? If not, there really should be.
Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: An Old Toy.
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Being super alert when the kids are in the water does NOT make you a helicopter mom. Holding your breath while junior plays in the sandbox or runs around in the back yard… THAT would make you a helicopter mom.
As moms, we’ve all heard too many true stories of water related injuries for us to be anything other than vigilant. So I’d say this just makes you “normal”… whatever that is.
The moms that are sunbathing and reading? Are either heavily medicated, completely oblivious to the danger (how is that possible?) or of the mind that someone else is paying attention, so why lower themselves to that level? Once the kids become a bit older and more comfortable in the water, you’ll be able to relax some, I promise.
Kay´s last blog ..I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was… Six Word Saturday
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The more I can ignore my kids while out the better, but then I have friends that I feel like I have to watch their children for them when we hang out other wise their kids would play in on-coming traffic. It’s one thing to helicopter, it’s another to never take a glance to see where your child is at. You can only push the line so far. I agree with everybody else, the pool is just one of those areas where you have to be more watchful.
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Im the same way when it comes to water!! Other then that at parks and such, I just let them go at it!!!
Stephanie´s last blog ..Our day at Younges
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Honestly, I’m just happy that they didn’t inherit your “wimpy” gene. If they can manage to keep their eyes open during a sleepover, I will be ecstatic!!!
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Seems like a good idea…in this case :)
Kimberly´s last blog ..Its Official
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OH, phew… you don’t hate me after all! I am guilty of often being ‘that mom’ who can rarely let her kids out of her sight… I am okay with Christos playing in another room with friends alone – but not yet with Dimitry! But yes, the water is scary and even though they are swimming like little fishies now, you still have to be careful. Christos can swim on his own, but wearing a life jacket, and I’m obviously still holding Dimitry in the water.
Loukia´s last blog ..My petty complaint
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My kids won’t go anywhere near the pool without a floatie and I’m glad. Even with those, though, they still have a tendancy to gulp mouthfuls of water.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Showing Her Age
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No helicopter involved, just being a mom – as for the chicks that read while their kids flop around, I’m betting they’re counting on you to hover.
We have a pool. You can bet we have a triple lock/baby proof gate and beep on the house alarm should anyone go out there without me. You can’t be too safe with water. The playground? My kids eat dirt – no sweat.
Em´s last blog ..Make an experienced parent laugh, tell them your toddler woes.
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:44 am
We looked at a house once with a pool, and the pool was the reason we didn’t put a bid on it. The thought of it was just to stressful with little ones.
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Deep water is SCARY BUSINESS! It’s hard not to hover when the possibility of drowning exists!
Dolli-Mama´s last blog ..Nothing good to say
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The water totally freaks me out. I just can’t help it. Other times I’m pretty laid back…. or at least I like to think that I am. LOL
Jennifer´s last blog ..Home again, home again
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I don’t want to be a helicopter mom but my child seems to have a death wish. There is no ledge she won’t jump off of, no moving object she won’t walk in front of and no body of water she won’t dive into. She’s 22 months old. I don’t get a moment of peace. I wish I had a kid I could let run around.
Cara´s last blog ..Contradictions
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Sounds like my youngest, except he is fearful of water. Thank goodness.
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I tend to lean more towards the let-em-be-kids side, but with 5, I kinda have to be that way. Granted, when AJ’s in the pool I’m right there with him, but for the most part I like the freedom–both for me and for them.
Lolli´s last blog ..Can I Book My Flight Tomorrow?
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I’ve got a helicopter mother in law. If I send 9 yr old to the bathroom which is within sight of our table at a restaurant, she gets all fussy that she should go with her. Um no… She can do this by herself. But, but… No. It was worse when 9 yr old was younger. My mil lives with us, so at dinner, I have to separate them so if dd needs her meat cut, I’ll be the one to do it. Not hover over her plate for when she needs another bite…
I think I just threw up just a little in my mouth remembering this…
Val´s last blog ..Current sewing project – Vest
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:51 am
You have my undying respect for having your MIL live with you.
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I hover quite a bit but my child is fearless and if I’m not close by he will jump right off the top of the jungle gym – he is only 20 months old. And I am totally paranoid around water – he is also fearless there too. We’ve had a couple kids here locally that have drowned so that just feeds into my water paranoia fears. As far as I’m concerned you can NEVER be too careful when it comes to kids and water.
T Rex Mom´s last blog ..I LOVE My Blog…
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I still SO CLEARLY remember the first time I took my kids to the lake (beach) and let them swim without floaties. My daughter was 6 (almost 7) and a great swimmer. Plus, she could stand up in the water and it was only up to her chest. But still, watching her go under AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE HER freaked me the hell out. It’s different in a pool where you can potentially see a body at the bottom. But a lake? That shit was very scary.
Texan Mama´s last blog ..Clothes Sorting
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Oy. I can’t even imagine. What about the sea monsters?!!
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The lifeguards at our pool SUCK. It’s actually a blessing to know that fact so that I am never deluded into thinking that my kids are relatively safe. I AM finally ok with letting the older boys go to the deeper end without me, but it’s usually pretty empty at the pool, so I can do a constant headcount. The fun part is when I bring friends along and then can’t find someone! Good stuff!!
tracey´s last blog ..Like Miralax for the Mind
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 6:55 am
The lifeguards at ours are a joke– gum popping, bikini wearing 15 year olds. No thanks.
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i had a helicopter mom of the most clueless sort… i’m worse/ more vigilant… i always check out the restrooms, dressing rooms, and oh yeah, the CLASSROOMS my children visit… roll your eyes all you want, i’m sure it’s really damn funny as long as it’s not YOUR “moment” that turns into tragedy… check around… there’s a whole lot of suffering going on behind the behavior of the “helicopter moms”… i hope you never KNOW what i mean, really, i do…
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I hate being like that too…but since my oldest can be a bit rambunctious, so I kind of have to put on the show of telling him to not push, be gentle, they don’t like that, stop splashing, when people cry it means they’re not having fun… He’s exhausting. I probably let too many things go when I don’t feel like other mothers are there expecting me to intervene and control my child, but I just can’t spend the whole day saying no to him.
Okay – that’s all kind of off topic… We’re still in the baby pool (not taking three kids who can’t swim in the big pool) – so I don’t have to worry about this yet!
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..My Hardest Break Up – By Far
Twitter: BigPieceofCake
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That’s why I hate going to the pool with kids.
I agree about all the other places. Nevermind space for the kids. I go there so I get some space to do what I want while they amuse themselves.
Mwa´s last blog ..Mindfulness rocks!
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Oh, I’m an anti-helicopter mom….. until there’s water. I actually turn my chair around and look away when the boys are doing mad stuff in trees and wrestling in mud and eating sand because I don’t want to see, but WATER is serious stuff.
I have pulled two kids out of pools. Where were their parents? Tanning and chatting. The kids were drowning. One of them, an armband had come off and she was underwater sideways. She coughed and vomited water afterwards, blue-lipped, while her parents wondered how the armband could have come off?
My own middle boy was pulled out to sea by an undertow, and he was chest-deep in the water to begin with. Not even out of his depth! But I was there, and looking, and got to him in time. If I had been thinking “ahhh, he’s not even in deep water”, I would have lost him for sure. He was 3.
So here’s your “Helicopter Pass”, bestowed by me, for use in watery situations.
Nan´s last blog ..Warning: Blunk Drogging….
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Scary Mommy Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Holy shit, that’s scary. I don’t think I’d ever recover!
And I’m considering never letting them swim again. In fact, I’m thinking of just building them a padded bubble that they can never leave. Inside, they can do whatever they want.
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Scary Mommy, you’re not alone. Even though my kids are 10 and 13, I still watch them vigilantly by the pool. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to them in the water.
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..You’re wearing THAT?
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Yep – what everybody else said…the pool is the exception.
I hoover over my kid and since I just have one to watch over, I keep my eye out on the other little kids whose parents think the lifeguards will take care of any problems as they sit back and read/sleep/eat/use phone.
Futureblackmail´s last blog ..PIANO MAN
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In most cases I’m not a helicopter mum and they drive me crazy too. I think you’ve got your head screwed on with this one though. The pool has the potential to be a dangerous place and where once the kids’s fear would’ve kept them safe, you’ve no longer got that behind you. In this case, you’re perfectly allowed to be a helicopter!
Vic´s last blog ..Holiday Blues
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I am no Helicopter Mom by any means, but I’m with you on the pool thing. When life or death is a factor, then it’s o.k. to hover.
Run DMT´s last blog ..The Time Traveler’s Wife
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I think there’s a time and place for everything. Sometimes, at the pool or other bodies of water, is the time to be on top of your kids. We had an incident at our neighborhood pool where a little one went in without her floaties….there were 12 adults standing around. It only takes a moment. Luckily, she was okay but things could have been a lot worse!
I’m a mom to just one little one. I normally let him just do his own thing but again….. in a matter of seconds, he was down in the road pushing his golf caddy about 50 yards from our home. Literally, I saw him one minute before I checked again and in that amount of time he was in the road. Things can really happen very quickly.
Keeping a close eye on your kid/kids vs not letting them breathe without you standing here is two different things.
Cookie Crums´s last blog ..Dear Mr & Mrs Cow Owners
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I’m pretty sure the reason I feel tired at night is that my eyes are working overtime making sure my kids in the pool are ok, too. :)
angie´s last blog ..Tuesday’s Tribute-Betty Smith, WNBA
Twitter: 7clowncircus
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Your post made me smile! At first, I thought you meant moms who fly helicopters or work in them. (See how egocentric we are, even on a good day: I used to hop in and out of helicopters as an Army officer, and I had kids at the time, so “helicopter mom”!). I enjoyed the metaphor once I realized what it was! Apropos! And funny!
Elizabeth Mahlou´s last blog ..Monday Morning Meditation #3: Legacies from the Tower of Babel
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never heard that term before, but I’m not a mom (can I still join the club though?)
I thought you meant like soccer moms but with a shitload more money. LOL!
dawn´s last blog ..banana-coconut cheesecake bars w/ rum soaked cherries
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I am right there with ya! Hate the helicopter moms but good LORD! Bram is going to give me a heart attack this summer. If I have yelled, “WHERE’S BRAM!” once, I have yelled it 1000000 times. And the funny thing is, my eyes are never off of him, I just expect him to come up for air sooner than apparently he needs to. Ugh!
court´s last blog ..School time wine glass swap!
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Hey, I learned a new phrase today: Helicopter Mom. Thanks!
Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Why Are You Talking to Me?
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I totally get this post. My mother is a helicopter grandma. I get so annoyed with her when she hovers over my son. I come from a family of fear based people, and a brother who lives his life from his room, afraid of the world. I don’t want to pass this down to my kid. But, yes there are times that I feel like my own mother. Maybe it’s ok at times….? I want my kid to be fearless….almost.
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Any time there is an open body of water near your children, you get a pass.
Aunt Becky´s last blog ..And You Just KNOW I’ll Be “Plumpy.”
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Oh, I hear you! Stella started swimming too this summer, and since then, pool = anxious time for me. I can barely recognize myself.
Elisa´s last blog ..Stamp of approval: talented indie jewelry designers
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I admit, I am a semi-heli. I have gotten a lot better with each subsequent child. But when it comes to water, I’m pretty sure I will always hover. Water is scary.
Missy´s last blog ..Clutter
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I think I might be guilty on this one. I just got back from the zoo. We go all the time…it’s right there in the city. That said…it’s like hearding cats! They are just everywhere. I hate being outnumbered:P
Nap Warden´s last blog ..Horse Thieving 101
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Ohhh, been there, done that, so many times. Actually, every time we move, the first month of trips to the new playground is full of nothing but, “OMG DON’T DO THAT YOU’LL BREAK YOURSELF!” This move, in particular, was a bit on the traumatic side. All the other playgrounds we’d gone to were nicely fenced in. But oh, no, no. Not this one. This one is wide open space. Sure, it’s surrounded by houses and housing itself is, y’know, enclosed in fencing topped with barb wire, but still! You never know what could happen if they suddenly decided to run off. Hoooo boy. It’ll pass with time, though. And I’ll be pool-side, ready to have a heart attack next summer.
LinLori´s last blog ..EEGad!
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I am the same way with my son. He’s four now. I’ve never been one to follow on his heels making sure he doesn’t fall or, gods forbid, get dirty, but when it comes to the pool I drive him nuts. He even tells me “Mom, stop following me, go away!” I’m already an embarrassment to him! I do yell out the occasional “Get down before you smash your head! Do you WANT to go to the ER?” But beyond that, I let my son have a lot of independence, except of course when he could drown in seconds flat. So I think you can keep your “not a helicopter mom” title.
Oh, not sure what the etiquette is for a first time comment, so hi, I’m Nikki. I found your blog through One Nerve Left, which I found through Rock and Drool, from a referral through Suburban Oblivion. It’s always nice to run amok down strange avenues and find cool stuff.
Nikki´s last blog ..Yoplait Whips Giveaway
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I love pools, but they scare the crap out of me too. I’m all over that like a fly on a turd…
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Helicoptering is totally acceptable, and preferable, at the pool!! Now mine are both on the swim team, but that still doesn’t keep me from cringing every time the little one jumps into the deep end.
Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Blame it on Aunt Becky
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Oh I do this every time they swim, it’s amazing how long the buggers can hold their breath isn’t it!? I am normally not the mom running every time something happens but OMG in the water if they don’t come up soon enough I jump up and bolt to the water. Freaks.me.out. I could have written the same thing. We have a 3ft pool they can touch in it and both my older 2 have had numerous swim lessons and swim very well and I still panic, my youngest wears a life jacket at all times (well for the most part) at the pool and can’t get it off on his own and I still panic when I don’t see him for 2 seconds. Water can be scary stuff with kids.
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I think it’s normal. At a pool or playground, BAD things can happen and there are people who lurk around waiting for that mom not to look for a second, long enough to snatch her kid. So, I think it’s OK to keep a constant eye. Now, if we are at someone’s house I am totally fine with them in the other room while I am sipping a cocktail in the next one over!
Live.Love.Eat´s last blog ..Roasted Veggie Pitas
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From reading some of these comments I think some of you may be in line for a heart attack!
If I could offer any sort of advice, I would suggest that you look at things from a different perspective. My mother had a nice saying that hung on her wall ever since I can remember through my 33 years. It reads.. “Prepare the child for the path.. not the path for the child”. She reinforced this by letting my brother and I become complete independent people while preserving her sanity.
I have employed this tactic with my own daughter as my wife and I raise her the best we can. The simple truth is that your child will never be able to deal with a problem if the problem is always solved for them. In this case, enroll your child in swimming lessons. Its fun for them and you can even be in the water with them! They teach kids how to swim, how to be safe and even how to alert others when they see problems. Wouldn’t that help alleviate your sanity the next time at a pool when you have confidence that your child knows how to be safe around water and alert you when something is wrong?
You cannot protect your child 100% of the time for the rest of their lives. If they never learn how to deal with problems then you have set them up for failure later in life while making you feel better in the early years. It may be very reassuring hovering over your child, but it is a very selfish thing to do. I am all for safety, but stressing constantly will never end without confidence in your child to know and do the right things. Your job as a parent is to give your child the tools and skills neccesary to be a independant person. They will be there before you know it and by then it will be too late!
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