Holding a Grudge


I used to pride myself on the ability for holding a grudge for, like, ever. Why on earth would I pride myself on such an awful quality, you ask? Well, I may not be able to stick to a diet or exercise program for more than a week, but staying pissed off forever takes dedication, dammit. And, I excel at it! Go, me!

This quality has served me well for the last thirty odd years. However, these days, I’m finding my ability jeopardized. Everything is so much more complicated once children enter the picture. Lily has this thing where she acts like a complete and absolute terror,  screaming that she hates me and wants a new mother and that I am ruining her life. It takes every fiber in my being to not yet yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” at her and slam the door in her face. It’s fantastic.

But, then, suddenly, she’s over it. Her big brown eyes peer up at me and she innocently asks “Can we start over, please? I’m sorry.”

Now, I’d like to say that I melt into a pile of love and all of my anger just washes away. That would be the right thing to say, but that’s not the case, see, because I have that gift of holding a grudge forever. No apology can get through the wall I put up, no matter how tear-filled.

But, I’m realizing that that’s not the example that I want to pass on to my daughter. Even if forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to me, it does for her and that’s a good thing. I can learn from her. I want to learn from her. So I accept her apology and move on, until the next inevitable explosion.

And I know that I’m lucky. With me as a mother, her gift of forgiveness is going to come in pretty handy.


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  1. 3

    Elaine Grant says

    Wow, bet i could beat ya!! And as for the whole daughter melt down thing? bah! My Bratgirl (11) could out -meltdown anyones child! and apparently they out grow it someday. Even my son (26) who is bothered by nothing runs and hides when she is on a roll!, seriously though yeah the forgiveness thing is a great lesson our kids teach us. keep up with the totally awesome posts!! they make me smile, laugh, cry, and everything in-between!

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  2. 4

    Serene says

    I think it’s good to learn to forgive. It’s also good, though, to let her know that it’s not easy for you when your feelings are hurt, and that maybe they’re still hurting.

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  3. 5

    Rhonda Stansberry says

    I have also always prided myself on my grudge holding ability. But I struggle with turning this off when dealing with my daughters. I’ve had to work so ever hard on turning it off and letting go. After all, they are only kids. I can sock it to ‘em later when they’re adults, lol!

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  4. 6

    Rachele says

    Grudges serve us well to those that “do us wrong”. It makes us refuse to be doormats. Kids come along and all the rules change. The little ones have all the power over our emotions. At least you’re learning something:)

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  5. 7

    Jennifer says

    I just try not to take it seriously when mine does that, although it is really hard not to sometimes. I know she doesn’t mean it and she hasn’t yet learned that her words can really hurt other people.

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  6. 8

    Kat says

    The only thing I can tell you is ………… once she is all grown up and moves away (or just goes away to college) she will be your “best” friend and you her “confidant” when it matters most.

    It’s not easy – believe me it was never put in the parents handbook or the baby “how to” book – but it is so worth it.

    Hang in there.

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  7. 9

    Daria @MomInManagement says

    Awesome. That’s been my experience too. I was a damn good grudge holder until kids entered the picture. Now my head spins with how quickly my daughter (8) can switch from pouting and devastated to perky and the world is filled with sunshine. What? How the hell does she do that?

    I too am trying to learn from my kids. To let go of things, but others too. My youngest (2) melts everyone’s heart by being so incredibly happy to see them. Hmmm, maybe if I acted like I was happy to see my boss I might get further? I’m not quite there yet, but am pondering it….

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  8. 10

    Carolyn (temysmom) says

    Nope… I’m pretty sure I can hold a grudge longer than you can. Just ask my husband. Once you piss me off, I’m pretty much done with you. Luckily, I don’t get pissed off too often, so when I am, it’s for life.

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  9. 11

    Crazy Lady says

    I SO understand. My teen son and pre-teen son REALLY like to push my buttons lately. Let’s add in the little 7 year old DIVA to the mix.. How did I end up with the youngest being so sweet and loving?? It’s okay to have a favorite, right?

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