How to be a Good Wife


Want to Know How to be a Good Wife?

With three young kids, jobs, a new house and just general life, my marriage could use some TLC. Sure, my husband knows that I love him. But, do I love him well? Turns out, I have some things to learn.

Imagine how excited I was when I stumbled upon an inspirational site. There is a challenge called “Loving Him Well” that just started this week. By participating in this two month commitment, I’ll make my man happier and more fulfilled. Through that, I will become more fulfilled myself. For, a happy husband makes a happy wife. That’s what it’s all about!

This enlightening video lays out the plan:

Are you excited? I’m super excited! Here are the weeks that I’m especially looking forward to:

Ask your husband every morning how you can pray for him that day.

Bonus: Fast and pray for him one day this week. (I especially love the idea of combining the fasting and the praying. Two of my most favorite things!)

Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask him to prioritize them for you of what is important to him.

For example – a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc. (Not sure about you, but Jeff gets really excited when I clip coupons! That’s going to top the list for sure!!)

Make him a priority.

Ask him what his favorite dinner, dessert and drink are. Be sure to serve him all three one night this week. Bonus: cook his favorite dishes all week long! (Homemade pizza, Chinese food and burgers, here we come!!)

Support his vision.

Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. Share with us how you let your husband lead. (We’ll follow wherever he may lead.)


No complaining, criticizing, rolling your eyes, nagging, or giving him any friction this week. Enjoy a week of peace in your home! (No friction at home- yay! Except, maybe in between the sheets, if you know what I mean! Wink, wink!)

Fun, right?! I can’t wait!

It’s really amazing to have found a site that is so in line with my personal values as a mother, a wife and a woman. The most exciting part? That there are 127 other women whom I can find so much in common with. Gee whiz, it’s almost too much for me to bear!

So, are you with me, dear readers? Can we all commit the next two months to becoming the women our husbands really want? Women that serve them, worship them and put them first? I know that I can’t wait to jump right in!


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 21

    Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation says

    Holy shit shoot me now. What a fucking joke. Can you imagine???? I can barely be the woman I WANT to be, let alone some friggin’ woman some man wants me to be. YIKES is all I have to say.

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  2. 23

    mommymomma says

    I read this amazing blog when you posted earlier about her, & I was so hoping you would join up so we could glean not only hers, but your wisdom on this project as well.

    I have a favor…do you think you could ask a eenie-weenie question of the lovely woman on the original blog? Could you find out if she would be willing to interpret this challenge for lesbians?I know we’re an abomination, but we need happy homes, too!

    Yours in Christ,

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    • 24

      Scary Mommy says

      I’ll see what I can do, but I’m pretty sure since you’re going to hell that there’s no point in having a happy home. Worth a shot though!

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  3. 25

    subWOW says

    Ok. I know you are being sarcastic. Yes, you are, right? Don’t make me cry. LOL.

    As for the video, no, I didn’t click on it. Just reading the summary is enough to make my skin crawl. *shudder*

    Do these women have girls? Why do they even bother encouraging their girls to study or do anything else if they expect grown women to do nothing else but allow their husbands to “lead” them? In that case, wouldn’t the men prefer the ignorant kind? No talking up nor speaking up? Wouldn’t that just make this whole scheme a lot easier to maintain? Look at what’s going on in the fundamentalist Muslim societies. If girls are not allowed to go to school, yes, men there can continue to lead as long as they’d like.

    I am getting riled up without even watching the video. I am sorry. I tried to be sarcastic and funny and yet I failed miserably.

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    • 26

      nic @mybottlesup says

      just had to answer the “do they have girls” part b/c when i scoped out this site yesterday, after i finished dry heaving, i made the mistake of clicking on this badge on the sidebar, which led to the site, created for the dear daughters…


      and then i resumed my dry heaving. you’re welcome.

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        • 28

          subWOW says

          Actually, I take it back. I visited the site briefly. And as a mother of two boys, I am going to be selfish and highly endorse such a scheme of producing wonderful homemakers who will take care of my boys much better than I have been and ever will. I never have to worry about my sons getting beaten up like Elin beat up Tiger Woods. And I can really learn to be proud of my boys when they show their women what their places are in the world. I wonder whether they also teach about “submission to parents-in-law since you know they gave birth to the man who is leading you so they are like on an even higher level” because the last thing I need after raising these brats are daughters-in-law that talk back and don’t appreciate my gorgeous wonderful sons. Awesome!

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      • 29

        Kathleen says

        I saw that site recently too and had to comment on the authors post about not wanting to encourage her daughters to go to college. It was a bit frightening.

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        • 30

          rumala says

          It’s more important that the girls are taught how to be good obedient wives than anythings else. Today we are seeing, girls are getting educated in schools/colleges so they get jobs, but what about happiness? Number one friend of these women is anti-depressant. Is that good? Is that progress of women. Decide for yourself.

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      • 31

        Bruna says

        So, I went to check on that “Raising Homemakers” site… Maaaan, I still don’t know how I feel about it – “frightening” sounds like a good word to sume it up – but it’s kind of the same as I felt reading this whole “challenge” thing here: I don’t think it matters if you’re christian, catholic, atheist, buddist, muslim, WHATEVER, to me it will always be about sharing, respecting one another, growing TOGETHER, as a couple and a family, and never EVER just submitting yourself to anything/anyone when the other part doesn’t do the exact same. I always wanna please my husband in every way, but that’s also because he loves me so much that he acts the same way toards me!

        And I thought, when I went to “Raising Homemakers”, I’d find more then just “how to turn your DAUGHTERS into perfect housewives”. I’m sorry, this BUGS me like sh*t! Of course I like to cook, I am glad I can take care of my house, family and everything, but the PLANET where me and my husband come from, home duties are for both parts (and my family is italian!). You should see how much my dad helps at home. He’s not usually the one vacuum cleaning (they have maids and so, but I bet ya he would do it, if needed) but he cooks, he does the dishes, he always helps keeping things in place, he is always doing smth around his house. I grew up seeing that. And my husband, who is danish, he was raised to be ‘self suficient’, to be a MAN, to know how to live by himself, to help his wife, and as much as I want my daughter to be a good housewife, I hope she finds a man like her father and mine, who make sure their wifes have all the support they can give them, at home. And I am raising my son to be just as supporting. He has his chores at home, too. He will be taught how to cook, clean, fix, share, respect, blablablah, the same way I saw my dad and now see my husband doing.

        Grrrrrrr it really gets me that some people think “women” are the sole responsibles for all that cr*p, always. This is so 18th Century!

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      • 32

        Alzaetia says

        The reading list (and accompanying warning) was my favorite:

        “When reading literature, occasionally you might run across undesirable topics. I always advise parents to use it as a tool to teach a biblical worldview. Some parents even make it a “game” or “challenge” to find areas in a book or piece of writing to note feminism, sin, agendas, fallacies in logic and so forth as they can make for excellent points of discussion.”

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  4. 33

    SquiggleMum says

    That post was kinda mean Jill. I think you could have shared your opinion on this without poking fun at another blogger, and the 100+ women who think like she does. I don’t have a problem with you disagreeing with her, just with disrespecting her.

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    • 34

      Scary Mommy says

      It didn’t seem so mean at 1:00 AM when I wrote it, but everything is different with morning eyes. I just found it so off the wall, as I was crafting a post about rolling my eyes at my husband too often. And, I felt compelled to share. Oh, the dangers of having a blog.

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      • 35

        nic @mybottlesup says

        jill, when did sarcasm and “mean” become one in the same? i must’ve missed that lesson when i missed the submit to my husband lesson. crap. i always fell asleep when the nuns were teaching.

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      • 36

        alexis says

        i thought you were perfectly nice. i would have been much less so. i mean, i only left a comment and i told her to pull her head out of her ass. that probably says more about me than about how nice or not nice you are, but still. i found your approach to be quite above board. then again, i will cut a bitch.

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      • 37

        Bruna says

        Neeehhh that wasn’t bad at all girl. It was funny. Of COURSE you didn’t mean to make her look ridiculous or anything. It was a joke, based on smth you saw and didn’t really connect with. What’s the bad in that? I’d even say you were making fun of yourself instead, for not being *that* devoted! Ahhhh come on… It was funny. And not disrespectful, or anything.

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  5. 38

    Angie says

    OK, this doesn’t appeal to me either. Submit? Huh?
    That is NOT the marriage I want!

    BUT… if this is what makes this lady happy and her husband happy, well, I bet they have a pretty happy marriage. And IF it works for them then they will feel satisfied and in love and in tune and support each other and be better partners and parents for it. As icky and unappealing as the means to getting there are (to me), I gotta say, they will probably all be the better off for her commitment and … submission.

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    • 40

      Rachel says

      There are some people who are literally born with a disorder which makes them produce too much serotonin. It really has no drawbacks to the person, but makes everyone around them(especially those of us with the opposite problem) cringe. This could be the case.

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  6. 41

    Susie @newdaynewlesson says

    I am really torn in which direction to reply so I will reply in both ways. Before I do, I want you to know what I say comes from a place of really loving your blog .

    First-people are free to choose what they want to read and do. The world is great because we can always agree to disagree. Like squigglemom said, the way you have blasted this women’s beliefs was kind of mean. If this is what works for her or other women, that’s their perogitive. What is right for one person is not right for another. She is not forcing this on anyone. Whatever her life style or issues that she has that make her believe this is the right way to go is her issue. You can say you disagree or don’t understand why submitting yourself to another is right. You can agree not to see eye to eye. If she truly believes in her cause, this post if she ever reads it must cause her a lot of pain and possible embarresment. (a post I wrote about the power of words http://www.newdaynewlesson.com/?p=629 ) .

    Second-I am ashamed to say that I did laugh as I read some of it. Ashamed because I try hard not to make fun of others.

    All in all I don’t think you need to give up your rights or wishes for someone else. What I do know is that when you treat someone (especially your partner) the way you want to be treated without wanting anything in return, you will get your “investment” back many times over in love, consideration and respect. Something to think about.

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  7. 43

    Holly says

    Love the post, love the comments (even the lower lip trembling ones) but I love love LOVE the comment about the husband ‘banging his secretary’.

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    • 44

      Kathleen@so much to say, so little time says

      Personally I thought that comment was a cheap shot, and absolutely unhelpful to anyone. It’s really hard for me to be put in this situation, b/c this concept of marriage (submission) is as irritating to me as it is to most of you–yet I respect the sincerity of their beliefs, and I do think that their marriages (and probably mine and yours, too) would be happier if we instituted some of what they said–not b/c it makes us worship/serve our husbands, but b/c it gets us away from focusing on ourselves. A previous commenter said that women put everyone else first, and in some ways I think that’s true–but I also think we tend to consider ourselves martyrs for doing it, which means we really are still putting ourselves first.

      (Donning flak jacket)

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      • 48

        DebbieJ says

        Yes, and from experience, the nastier people get is usually a sign of their own guilt, denial, or both and their refusal to admit it. The sarcasm, and bashing of the person makes them feel powerful, and distracts from the flaws and chaos in their own lives. I remember girls like this in 1st grade and 8t h grade. Unfortunately, some never seem to grow out of it, and use these tactics their entire lives instead of facing and dealing with the true problem-themselves.

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  8. 49

    Amanda says

    So when does the HUSBAND’S 2 MONTH CHALLENGE START??? when do the husbands sumbit to us? when do they start worshiping? everytime woman get 5 steps ahead with equality idiots like this woman come out and kick us 10 steps back its infuriating.
    n dont rag on my sp idc.
    Good for you Jill for posting this dumbass :D

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  9. 52

    OHN says

    1) What the hell has she been smoking?
    2) Lets flop this puppy upside down and have it be the summer where HE caters to US.
    3) What the hell has she been smoking?

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  10. 53

    The Grasshoppa says

    Sounds exactly like the kind of thing this other blog might post that someone told me to read once. And that’s exactly how many times I read it. Once. I think it was Mcmama or something ike that. I just remember she referred to all her family members as McDonalds foods. And her life is all based on submission to your husband.

    It makes me want to throw my computer through a window.

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  11. 54

    OHN says

    Sorry….already commented once but I just watched it again (yeah, kinda like you have to slow down to look at the mangled bodies in a wreck).
    This lady is nucking futs.

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  12. 57

    Amanda says

    After reading what you wrote, I knew I couldn’t click on the video without wanting to reach into my monitor and strangle the woman in it. My husband is a type-A and married a type-A. We don’t do submission in this house. My husband would have me put in a straight jacket and committed if I did any of that. As for the favorite foods, My husband did mandate pizza night once a week per his addiction when we moved in together, but who am I to argue with a night I don’t have to spend in the kitchen?

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  13. 58

    CT Mom says

    Um, what? If she wasn’t so serious (in her perky way) in that video, I would have thought she was kidding. Marriage is a 2 way street, give and take. If she had suggested a 2 month challenge for both partners, I might have considered it.

    I’d have to add it to my list of 5 things and then asked my video playing husband to prioritize it.

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  14. 59

    Kevin Bruce says

    These 2 months I commit myself in submitting to my wife, to give her the pedicures and selfless worship she needs. This is because I’m what is known as the “modern man” not stuck in the pilgrim age and love my wife as an equal. Nuff said!

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