If We Talked To Our Husbands Like We Talk To Our Kids – Scary Mommy

If We Talked To Our Husbands Like We Talk To Our Kids

After recently saying to my son, “Go ahead, stick your face in the snowbank, it’s your face,” my husband said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you talked to me like you talk to the kids?” Well it turns out, it might not always be that big of a stretch and it looks a little something like this…

husband

Do you think you could just ask for help instead of crying about it?

Honey, you’ve been washing your hands for 5 minutes, your skin is seriously going to fall off.

Gentle touches please.

No biting.

Okay, how fast can you go? I’ll time you!

Please use your big-boy words.

Get your fingers out of the butter. Seriously!

Have you gone potty lately, you look like you need to go potty.

Okay. Calm down. No one is going to eat anyone else’s brains today.

Can you try to make better choices, please?

I can’t understand you when you use that voice.

Hang tight and I’ll get your special drink for you.

Yes, you have to wear pants when your friends come over.

If you can’t stop crying, you are going to have go to your room and calm yourself down.

You can play with that all you want but you need to do it in private.

Can you please say “Hi”? It’s weird if you don’t say hi when other people are talking to you.

No, you can’t sit on my lap while I’m eating.

Yes, you are such a scary monster.

I don’t see any actual blood, so I don’t think you need a bandaid right now.

Can you get your hands out of your pants please?

It’s hot! Don’t touch it! Well, I told you.

If you bite the balloon, you won’t have a balloon anymore.

Please don’t lick the table.

Yes, you are the fastest person that I’ve ever seen!

If you want to go the store with me, you need to try and be a happier person.

We simply don’t have time to drink out of every water fountain that we see.

Did you make any new friends today?

If you wrap that string around your hand, you probably won’t have a hand anymore.

Don’t do that to your shirt, you’ll stretch it out and then you won’t have that shirt anymore.

No, you can’t just eat olives for dinner.

You tell me what time it is.

What’s that smell? Do you have poop in your pants?