Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
If you’re going to BlogHer, there are a few things about me that I’d like you to know:
1. I’m not an alcoholic.
2. I do not dance.
4. I may squeal/scream or jump up and down when I see you.
Why do I feel the need to tell you these things? Well, because I plan on drinking. Quite a bit. When else am I without a family to take care of, a car to drive and no reason to get up before 6? When else am I presented with free frilly drinks and a bed of my very own? Once a year, baby, that’s when. So, no worries when you see me chugging my 7th cocktail of the evening. It’s all good.
The second part? I never dance. Pretty much, ever. Unless I am totally intoxicated and have zero inhibitions. When I do, it’s reminiscent of Elaine’s office party fiasco from Seinfeld. Just not pretty. So, if I’m dancing, forgive me. Clearly, I have no idea what I am doing.
And, I’m really, really excited about this weekend. I’m not normally one of those girls who screams and claps when I see my friends, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing plenty of that this weekend. You might want to hold your ears.
Feel free to avoid me at all costs, I won’t blame you at all.
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
let’s see…checking out the racks of others and an Elaine dancing reference.
kinda dovetails nicely into an exposed nipple on the Holiday card, no?
have fun at Blogher.
john cave osborne recently posted..Five Tips To Make Them Forget All About Mommy
So wish I was going to have a cocktail with you. I have also been told that I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. I always considered it a compliment b/c when I do dance like her it means that I have had many, many, many drinks and I am having a fucking fabulous time!
Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation recently posted..Gisele Bundchen can kiss my ASS
Don’t be a pussy about the boob job! I just got mine done in July and I **love** it!! It really wasn’t that bad…and paired up with Vicadin and Valium that was prescribed…I was Good To Go!! LMAO!! Check out my blog…I even blogged from bed after surgery! (Not about my surgery, only because I didn’t want to announce it to the world…well, maybe the world, but not my entire extended family!) I say GO FOR IT!! And have a drink for me — now you have another excuse to have just one more! :-)
Angie recently posted..Not Me Monday
As long as we stumble back to hotel together, well, I’m all good.
jodifur recently posted..Guilt- It Is Whats For Dinner
Boobs are pretty. I think it’s ok to admit that.
Jennifer recently posted..Whats for dinner
I totally need a boob job too…if I were going to Blogher I’d join in you in “researching.”
I AM always checking out other people’s boobs. I’m already a 38D but nobody believes me because I don’t look that big.
BUT I’m scared of needles and a big baby about pain and stuff.
I will squeal when I see you!
Dude I get you! I am a 38H and NO ONE believes me. WTF?
OMG! dude, now I am even more jealous! I am going to miss Elaine dancing? I don’t care if I blog with myhusband. I am so going to BlogHer next year ALONE for the booze, my own bed and checking our racks. Oh, and meeting interwebs bloggy buddies. so fun!!
kerry recently posted..What Brings Me Joy
Kerry-
Haha!! I’m with you! Next year…..
Kelly recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
You better go for sure next year! That’s when I’m going and I have to see the whole Elaine dancing thing!
Have a fabulous time!!!!
Dawn (Bee and Rose) recently posted..My Checkered Preppy Past
I hope you all have a great time! I also hope to bring my boobs and the rest of me to next years Blogher.
I love you already, but this post made me love you even more. Can’t wait to see you, squeal, and have you check out my enormous tatas! (nursing a baby has it’s advantages, you know!) haha!
christy recently posted..I just might eat some cake
I so want boobs too! I don;t know if that is something people do together but hey man I do not you can’t drink before so it may be out for quite some time. So I will sit in a corner, sip a cocktail and check out some racks with you babe.
And yes, I will squeal when I see you TOMORROW because I cannot wait!
Strangely I am nervous…and need a drink!
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..My BlogHer Weekend – Holy Moly!
Um sorry I have already had a drink tonight and my spelling has gone to shit. Sorry.
Brittany at Mommy Words recently posted..My BlogHer Weekend – Holy Moly!
Hehe. If you’re drinking the right stuff I guarantee you won’t care who/what/where your boobs are, if you’re doing the white man’s overbite, or that you’re screaming like a Bieber fan.
Look forward to seeing you (and all of the aforementioned).
PS: have you considered a new bra? I mean, a really good one fitted by a professional? Cheaper and painless! I’ll show you mine, LOL.
Glamamom recently posted..STICKY BELLIES REMOVABLE MILESTONE STICKERS GIVEAWAY
Oh I hope I get to see you there. We can do the Elane dance together.
Jen recently posted..Summer Fun- Harvest
Momma I need a boob job too! Let’s go to Bev Hills and get ‘em done. Pronto!
vanillasugar recently posted..white chocolate cheesecake w- cherries and a mini-vacation
I can’t wait to check out your boobs!
Marinka recently posted..Tile
Oh yes, there will be loads of drinking, boob checking, dancing and screaming – and I can’t wait to be there right there with YOU and the 2,000 others doing it all!!!
Theta Mom recently posted..The Most Fabulous Vintage Pearl Giveaway
I’m really starting to want to go. I boob gaze too sometimes. I’ve always wanted perky tatas but never had them. curse of the DDs. Great cleavage though.
Sarah recently posted..Mannland5 Getting to Know You
I was checking out your boobs yesterday and they’re totally hot. Boob job, schmoob job.
I will be drinking, enthusiastically, from the moment I leave my house. I’m considering bringing a bottle (in a paper bag, of course) on the bus up there. I believe that officially makes me the classiest gal going this weekend.
Carabee recently posted..Monday Cuteness
Haha. Have fun!
I’m with Marinka and Theta Mom and everyone else- can’t wait to see you!
Dancing, boobs, drinking- it’s all good, mama!
;)
If you spend more than three seconds gazing at my rack, I will be amazed. It ain’t much. But I do have a sparkling personality. Or so they tell me. (Who “they” are? Don’t know.)
dusty earth mother recently posted..Time to Weed the Garden of Good Intentions
I have decided that next year, I need to go to BlogHer. Will you allow me to be your groupie? Please!? You can look at my boobs all you want. ;)
Jen recently posted..She’s Got the Smarts
Well I know I have nothing to worry about as far as you checking me out since my rack is, well, rack-less. Although, I’m really ok with it since I DO like to dance and would prefer them not bouncing up and down with me as I get down on the dance floor.
I hope to meet you! Maybe if I stand NEXT to someone with some impressive boobage, I’ll have a better chance. :)
becca recently posted..Winner
While you are really, really excited to be going, I am really, really bummed to NOT be going. So STFU.
I kid, I kid. I want a boob job too. You go first and blog about it so I’ll know what to expect.
Sara Plays House recently posted..It’s Always Quiet Here
The first thing I do when my college loans are paid off this winter is getting a boob job. I can’t stand the pain of taking these DD to another aerobics class. Feel free to stare at mine all you want because they won’t be around for much longer.
OHmommy recently posted..Good God- I couldnt make these things up
You’re so adorable. Have a blast!
Serene recently posted..Summer Tomatoes
Dang, you are funny!
Stephanie recently posted..Another autobiography
It sounds like such a great time. Wish I was going…next year for sure!
Alecia recently posted..Green Monster
I’ve been doing that boob research for years. When I finally found a gal whose boobs I totally admired, and she had already admitted to surgery, I came right out and asked for that doc’s name and #.
Still have the dichotomous flat chest and yet saggy boobs. Someday.
gigi recently posted..Approaching the throne
i cannot believe you said you are an enormous pussy. that is all kinds of bad images right there. i really, really, really hope you get drunk enough to dance, because i’m pretty sure that will be worth the price of my admission if i get to see that.
alexis recently posted..my idea of freedom- only one butt to wipe
Have a wonderful time..
Alexandra recently posted..Evil Clouds
All I can think of right now is the warning that one of my kids wrote on your business card after the first time we met. He added three simple words: Watch out for…ScaryMommy. I think it may be good advice. LOL!
I’ll drink and dance with you! But fyi, my rack is lopsided.
Jessica McFadden – A Parent in Silver Spring recently posted..Kid-Friendly Activities This August- In The Washington Post
I vote, if you drink as much as you’re planning, there may be one time where you lose control and start dancing a little bit. Maybe you’ll start with a slow bop…move your head back and forth a few times…maybe even shuffle your feet. Then you’ll find your decorum again, put the drink down (your 7th?), and head to your room…that will be the sign that you’ve had enough! Have fun and good luck with the sandwich…I think some sort of panini is in order!
Rebecca recently posted..Dear Brain-
Well, I think your fabulous any way you look at it, Elaine-dancing, boob-glancing, and all. Just wish I could be there at Blogher with you to get smashed, trashed, and otherwise make an a** out of myself. Have a great time. :)
Ahh I am green with envy! I wish I could be there. Would love to meet you, even though you probably wouldn’t have a clue who I am! LOL :)
Have an AMAZING time! x
Marylin recently posted..Fucking Five Year Olds… ARGH!
That’s funny the first two times I read this post I thought you wrote “I have an enormous pussy” . And I thought wow, maybe she’s already drinking but after re-reading I got that you wrote you ARE an enormous pussy. Thanks for making me laugh, even if it was unintentional.
Raquel recently posted..GOODBYE MILLIPEDES
Other things you may not know about Jill:
1.) She’s shorter than you might imagine…like tiny…at least from my point of you…and I’m 5’11″ so I guess everyone is pretty small from here.
2.) Her voice is higher pitch than you might imagine. I don’t know what I expected…maybe a man voice like mine? Hers is definitely girly.
3.) She’s way too nice. Her face will light up to see if you even if she doesn’t have a clue as to who you are…but watch her try to figure it out. She’ll love you for saying hi. Especially if you’re handing her a free drink while doing so.
Mama Kat recently posted..BlogHer Can Suck It…Totally Not Jealous
have a fantastic time..I am only coming for LUNCH on Friday, so you will probably not see my adorable Ta-tas..but I know you’re going to have a REALLY Great time…(I would have loved to see that dance..LOL)
SWQEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Kir recently posted..Sort of Wordless Wednesday- Whismy
Does anyone else feeling like pulling the covers over your head and refusing to leave your bed until BlogHer is over? Oh, the posts and tweets! I think I have to go next year to avoid feeling like the only one who didn’t attend the prom.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..5 Tips for Supporting a Separated Friend
I can get the whole dancing thing… but squealing? I don’t know you well at all, but you kind of strike me as the kind of gal who would roll her eyes at those who squeal.
Or not?
Maybe I’m talking about me here…
Anyway, I hope I see you at BlogHer. Squeal if you see me!
I will be on the look out for you! I am going to BlogHer for the first time and I will be all alone! LOL Hoping to hear your squeals!!! And I will squeal right back!!!
YAY! BlogHer here we come!!!
http://www.aboutone.com
Helping you store what matters most!
Have a great time!
Can’t wait to meet you, finally!
I don’t drink like I used to but I will be throwing back a few at BlogHer.
And I want a boob job too!!! Always have. Haven’t passed the pencil test since… NEVER! If you need some company while deciding who has the best rack at BlogHer, let me know…
Is that weird?!
Um… yes!
Nicole aka The Wannabe WAHM recently posted..Being Attractive Pays- 5 Tips to Get That Job
When I met you at Baltimore Bloggy Boot Camp I thought you were charming and nice. Though possibly that was before you started checking out boobs.
Not that I would have minded.
You can check out my boobs anytime.
Have a great time! Wishing I was going to get to see you again. *frowny face*
And girl, LIVE. IT. UP!!!
Elaine recently posted..Sending out an SOS Save Our Sleep!
Not able to go, but sure wish I was.
It’s like the saying “If you’ve got nothing good to say, come sit next to me.”
I’d totally be drinking, compare/contrast boobs, do the “Price Is Right” hysterics along side you. But I would make it my mission to get you to dance. And then laugh as you Elaine-away the night.
Have fun!
Betsy recently posted..Simple is good
One more thing…
I’m not in for the boob job- I’ve been known to have spectacularly bodacious ta-tas. BUT that was before the twins and baby Lug, the latter to I believe both sucked me flat and a cup smaller. He was as they say in France, from birth, a boob man.
So I’m in for a BOOB LIFT. As for the cup smaller, so I have small C’s… I can live (and run faster) with them.
Betsy recently posted..Simple is good
I don’t want Boobs, got those, I want lipo on the gut.
My boobs, just FYI, are totally real and totally small. I intend to save 4k and get a new set that will properly fill out a sweater. Point me in the right direction for the free frilly drinks — like you said, when do you ever NOT have a kid hanging on you and no car to drive? Beautiful.
Sara — The Football Wife recently posted..This Post Brought to You by the Letter “Pee”
Well now I wish I was going to be there! What a show you are promising to put on for everyone!! LOL
Cheers to that bed all to yourself, the remote in one hand, and a selection from the mini-bar in the other!
Have a great time!
Jennifer @ The Mommy Mambo recently posted..Joy to you and me!
Hi Jill! I’m so jealous… you’re going to have SO MUCH FUN! Have a frilly cocktail for me!
First of all..I want to say that I am CRYING that I will not be at BlogHer this year.
Second, The three times we have met I thought you had a very nice rack just the way it is. Why ever would you want to change it?
I thought you said you ‘had’ and enormous pussy! Blooming speed reading!
I want a reduction–so maybe we can work something out that I get a reduction and get you my extra. Looking forward to meeting you in person!
C.Mom recently posted..Writer’s Workshop- A Long Drive
I’m so jealous that I won’t get to be there for you to check out my tits.
So :( that I could not get a BlogHer ticket!!!
Chrissy MacCEO recently posted..Wordful Wednesday- When Daddy gets you dressed…
Can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer!!! Would love to stare at the bazooms with you. Mine are deflated after nursing twins. Oh well, they did their job.
Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..Look- Ma- Im going to BlogHer
Have a wonderful time at BlogHer! I haven’t worked up the courage to attend yet…perhaps next year?
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Traffic jams are only good on toast
Have a wonderful time! I’ll be back to see what happens at the dance:)
Puna recently posted..Welcome Home!
I might have to come to BlogHer sometime!! After reading so much about it, I really want to go!
Shelley recently posted..Weekend Recap
So many times when my mom visits or I visit her, I’m like, “Mom, you know I’m drinking this much because I’m on vacation, right??? I am not an alcoholic.”
http://www.pampersandpinot.com/2010/08/safe-place.html
On the topic of boob jobs!! I had mine done in May and I have to say BEST decision I have ever made!!! Truly!! I say you go for it…a little pain goes a long way when you are staring at a beautiful set of twins that you have wanted for so long!!
Feel free to “stare” at mine lol, if you wanna check them out…http://www.howdoesshedoitmom.com/141/
Have a great time at BlogHer10!! So jealous!!
Carrie Campbell recently posted..Stress 101
omg, you are hilarious! I love it! I so wish I was going to the Blogher conference. It sounds like a lot of fun!!!
You can get a boob job for $5k? I was given to understand it was more like $10k)
frugalista recently posted..Blogher 10- TMI Session
Drink and dance away, Jill! I’m with you in spirit. And I know what you mean about the boobs. Oh, the toll of breastfeeding. Any advice for repairing stomach muscles?
As I new blogger who needs idols, I just wanted to tell you that you did an incredible job at the community keynote. And by the way, I have no rack — so you won’t notice me @ BlogHer.
Oh, I hope you do all that and more! I love a writer who can admit to all that we think but don’t often admit!
You might enjoy a fictional tale I’m posting at http://www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com about a wife-mommy who veers down a path most don’t, can’t or won’t. It’s fun, dark and a little dangerous – a “What If” rendition of the life most of us lead, with plenty of drinking, shadow dancing and a boob job or two. I hope you will take a peek.
Hope the re-entry wasn’t too hard!
Elizabeth
I wish I read this post before I saw you…. I got one (shhhhh)… I would have even flipped up my shirt for you!
Kat @ TodaysCliche.com recently posted..He Said- “Call Me Crazy”
as for the boob job, i’ve had to have 3 (so far, yes, things have gone seriously awry)… that written, i know at least 15 people personally who have had them and none of them have had the problems i’ve had. i can also tell you, even on the 3rd time, it didn’t hurt as much as any of the kids!! :-p feel free to email me directly if you want some insights.