I’m not really an idiot, I just have 3 children

109 Comments

So, you’ve all heard of the so called “pregnancy brain,” right? It’s a totally valid condition; I’m an absolute space cadet when I’m expecting. It’s just par for the puke filled course. But, what’s it called when you are no longer pregnant, but still totally moronic? Child-induced stupidity? Just plain stupidity? Honey, the children ate my brain? Whatever the hell it is, I’ve got it and it’s getting worse by the day.

Perhaps the most illustrative example was last week when I asked my thirteen year old neighbor if she had children. (In my defense, she really looked older and I was all flustered because Penelope almost ate her dog when she came over to introduce herself. The good news is that she babysits. The bad news? She was busy this weekend. Attending the Bat Mitzvah of her best friend. Whoops.)

I sent my mother to Lily’s class last Friday for Grandparent’s Day. She took the day off from work, slept over the night before and got all dressed up, only to be told that she was early. By a week. (Double whoops.)

But it doesn’t end there… I am completely unable to remember Lily’s teacher’s name. People ask me and I go blank. It’s Nancy, but when I’m put on the spot, I simply cannot remember. Last night, we were sweetly invited to the home of some school parents for dinner. There were several other couples there and in making conversation, I asked  a man if he lived in the neighborhood. Considering he was the owner of the house, the answer was yes. Not surprisingly.

I could go on all night, but I’ll spare you. Suffice it to say that I’m pretty much a mess. But, I swear I wasn’t always like this. Or, maybe I was and I just can’t remember. The kids seem to have eaten the memory part of my brain along with the smarts. At least they left my body in the shape they found it. Or, not.

Comments

  1. 1

    Rebecca says

    Ha…classic! I can’t even remember some of the dumb crap I said when I was pregnant…yes, my brain has rotted even further from the twins. The 13-year old and the owner of the house…awesome. I’m sure you were able to help them laugh it off!
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Babysitter =-.

  2. 2

    From Belgium says

    A question: does it worsen with the amount of kids? Because if so, two is enough.
    My brain is so pregnant that I sometimes adress the cat as I would my daughter and my daughter as I would the cat (‘Down Attila, no climbing the stairs, down A… Oh’).

  3. 4

    Mishelle says

    Thank heavens – someone else not only has it but admits to it as well!!

    2 kids – no brain! Somewhere my science degree is floating along but I doubt I could pull any of it to the surface.

    My Mom tells me it comes back around the time the kids turn 20. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

    M
    .-= Mishelle´s last blog ..Arrrrggggghhhhh =-.

  4. 5

    Kirsten says

    Snorting with laughter. My Mommy brain is in such advanced state of rot & decay that I can’t even think of a stupid thing I’ve said. Which I do daily, so …

    But I can confirm that I am online to send pictures to son’s preschool for Mother’s Day project – pics were only due TWO EFFIN’ MONTHS AGO.
    .-= Kirsten´s last blog ..John Cusack, The Boss, and Ex-Boyfriends: Part II =-.

  5. 6

    Rachel says

    I’ve heard it referred to as “Mommy Brain”, too. Not that I have any personal experience with the condition. I have 5 children and I’m still lightning quick. ;)
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Are You There, God? It’s Me, Fourth Grade Parent =-.

  6. 7

    Brandi says

    Yep, kids are brain-suckers. I think at some point they know it too, which makes it even worse. My older boys find great amusement out of the fact that I constantly ask where the baby is… only to realize he’s sitting in my lap.

  7. 8

    Cindy S says

    Hilarious. And so true. And I even have the added bonus of being really effing stupid AND completely uncoordinated. I can barely put one foot in front of the other anymore without falling over.

    Have you tried doing a cartwheel since you had children? Terrifying.
    .-= Cindy S´s last blog ..Hurry Up and Slow Down =-.

    • 9

      Scary Mommy says

      Considering that I had zero coordination before children, no, I have not attempted a cartwheel. I would surely end up dead or in a coma.

  8. 10

    TheKitchenWitch says

    I insist that I lost 1/3 of my brain with the birth of each child. Thank goodness I stopped at two.
    .-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..EEK! It’s Big! And Green! =-.

  9. 11

    Molly says

    I feel you! I have the short term memory of a goldfish. Once I was at an alumni event and I introduced myself to this guy. We chatted for a bit and then I went to talk to other people. A half hour later I introduced myself to someone only to have him say “I know. We met already. I just took my nametag off” Yeah. It was the same guy I’d talked to before. Whoops.

    And I don’t have ANY kids.
    .-= Molly´s last blog ..One year =-.

  10. 13

    Dawn Strauss says

    I am crying I’m laughing so hard thinking about you asking the owner of the house if he lived in the neighborhood.

  11. 14

    Jayme says

    I am totally with you- the kids do eat your brains. Or perhaps our minds are just numb from too many episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba… either way I’m glad I’m not the only one to do stuff like this!
    .-= Jayme´s last blog ..Ryan vs The Baby Pool =-.

  12. 15

    BlissfulBabe says

    Oh girl, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I am NOT alone. I thought I was the only one that lost any sort of brain capacity. Seriously. Especially when I was working full time! I could write a post about how much I had forgotten whilst working.

    Suffice it to say, I am not made for working full time out side of the home. I remember things much better like, now that I am doing my own thing.

    Again, I thank you.
    xoxo
    .-= BlissfulBabe´s last blog ..It’s Fabulous Friday! =-.

  13. 16

    LoveFeast Table says

    On number 5, I swear it’s a miracle I didn’t loose a kid in the process! It was so bad, my whole family, in laws included, jumped in to be daily reminders! I had full on conversations where times and details were agreed upon and the next day…ummm, what did you say? It does come back, I’m happy to say…probably just in time for menopause!
    .-= LoveFeast Table´s last blog ..Fancy Friday Lemon Zest =-.

  14. 17

    Smores for Breakfast says

    Fantastic post. Had me laughing out loud. And I agree, what us moms have is a valid condition it has just yet to be diagnosed. And, whatever the diagnoses might be, it gets multiplied with every child you have. xo

  15. 18

    Shannon says

    My kids tease me about my “memory loss”… they can’t believe I forget the simplest things. I tell them if they had to remember just HALF of all the stuff that I do, they’d lose their minds, too.
    .-= Shannon´s last blog .."A good book… =-.

  16. 19

    Jen says

    Just know that you are not alone. I suffer from this aliment too. In fact, I caused me to forget to get Hayden from the bus.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Not as Simple as Flushing a Toilet =-.

  17. 20

    lceel says

    LM (Love Muffin) always says that “Each Boy costs you a third of your brain. And she had three.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Monday Meanders 4-26 =-.

  18. 21

    TinaLou says

    I am of the philosophy that you give birth to your memory when you have children – I’m just sayin!!

  19. 22

    Lynn from For Love or Funny says

    Luckily, I never had a memory to begin with… so I’m not missing anything! :)
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I’m just a heartbeat away from an affair =-.

  20. 23

    Maggie says

    I write everything down in my planner, not that it helps. I am still running in circles trying to figure out where the hell I am SUPPOSE to be. I always think the other parents must be shaking their heads and secretly laughing at me. From reading all the comments, I now know I am not alone!!

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