I’m not really an idiot, I just have 3 children

109 Comments

So, you’ve all heard of the so called “pregnancy brain,” right? It’s a totally valid condition; I’m an absolute space cadet when I’m expecting. It’s just par for the puke filled course. But, what’s it called when you are no longer pregnant, but still totally moronic? Child-induced stupidity? Just plain stupidity? Honey, the children ate my brain? Whatever the hell it is, I’ve got it and it’s getting worse by the day.

Perhaps the most illustrative example was last week when I asked my thirteen year old neighbor if she had children. (In my defense, she really looked older and I was all flustered because Penelope almost ate her dog when she came over to introduce herself. The good news is that she babysits. The bad news? She was busy this weekend. Attending the Bat Mitzvah of her best friend. Whoops.)

I sent my mother to Lily’s class last Friday for Grandparent’s Day. She took the day off from work, slept over the night before and got all dressed up, only to be told that she was early. By a week. (Double whoops.)

But it doesn’t end there… I am completely unable to remember Lily’s teacher’s name. People ask me and I go blank. It’s Nancy, but when I’m put on the spot, I simply cannot remember. Last night, we were sweetly invited to the home of some school parents for dinner. There were several other couples there and in making conversation, I asked  a man if he lived in the neighborhood. Considering he was the owner of the house, the answer was yes. Not surprisingly.

I could go on all night, but I’ll spare you. Suffice it to say that I’m pretty much a mess. But, I swear I wasn’t always like this. Or, maybe I was and I just can’t remember. The kids seem to have eaten the memory part of my brain along with the smarts. At least they left my body in the shape they found it. Or, not.

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 1

    Rebecca says

    Ha…classic! I can’t even remember some of the dumb crap I said when I was pregnant…yes, my brain has rotted even further from the twins. The 13-year old and the owner of the house…awesome. I’m sure you were able to help them laugh it off!
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Babysitter =-.

    Show Replies
  2. 2

    From Belgium says

    A question: does it worsen with the amount of kids? Because if so, two is enough.
    My brain is so pregnant that I sometimes adress the cat as I would my daughter and my daughter as I would the cat (‘Down Attila, no climbing the stairs, down A… Oh’).

    Show Replies
  3. 4

    Mishelle says

    Thank heavens – someone else not only has it but admits to it as well!!

    2 kids – no brain! Somewhere my science degree is floating along but I doubt I could pull any of it to the surface.

    My Mom tells me it comes back around the time the kids turn 20. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

    M
    .-= Mishelle´s last blog ..Arrrrggggghhhhh =-.

    Show Replies
  4. 5

    Kirsten says

    Snorting with laughter. My Mommy brain is in such advanced state of rot & decay that I can’t even think of a stupid thing I’ve said. Which I do daily, so …

    But I can confirm that I am online to send pictures to son’s preschool for Mother’s Day project – pics were only due TWO EFFIN’ MONTHS AGO.
    .-= Kirsten´s last blog ..John Cusack, The Boss, and Ex-Boyfriends: Part II =-.

    Show Replies
  5. 6

    Rachel says

    I’ve heard it referred to as “Mommy Brain”, too. Not that I have any personal experience with the condition. I have 5 children and I’m still lightning quick. ;)
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Are You There, God? It’s Me, Fourth Grade Parent =-.

    Show Replies
  6. 7

    Brandi says

    Yep, kids are brain-suckers. I think at some point they know it too, which makes it even worse. My older boys find great amusement out of the fact that I constantly ask where the baby is… only to realize he’s sitting in my lap.

    Show Replies
  7. 8

    Cindy S says

    Hilarious. And so true. And I even have the added bonus of being really effing stupid AND completely uncoordinated. I can barely put one foot in front of the other anymore without falling over.

    Have you tried doing a cartwheel since you had children? Terrifying.
    .-= Cindy S´s last blog ..Hurry Up and Slow Down =-.

    Show Replies
  8. 10

    TheKitchenWitch says

    I insist that I lost 1/3 of my brain with the birth of each child. Thank goodness I stopped at two.
    .-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..EEK! It’s Big! And Green! =-.

    Show Replies
  9. 11

    Molly says

    I feel you! I have the short term memory of a goldfish. Once I was at an alumni event and I introduced myself to this guy. We chatted for a bit and then I went to talk to other people. A half hour later I introduced myself to someone only to have him say “I know. We met already. I just took my nametag off” Yeah. It was the same guy I’d talked to before. Whoops.

    And I don’t have ANY kids.
    .-= Molly´s last blog ..One year =-.

    Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>