Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Taking Back What’s Ours - June 19, 2013
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
Jessica is a highly sarcastic mom of two creatures and wife to one highly sarcastic man. Monkey man and Diva are so blessed to have such an awesome ninja like me on their side. How am I a ninja? By God’s grace, I beat down the zombies called postpartum depression and anxiety. On my blog, Really? I’m A Mom?, I fight those zombies regularly by encouraging other moms currently suffering from PPD/PPA. And yes, I did just use God and zombies perfectly in a sentence. You can also stalk me on twitter: @imperfectmomma
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Hi, my name is imperfect momma.
Idyllic name for me as…well…I ain’t perfect. Shocking yes I know. Watch out…more pieces of knowledge to be dropped on you throughout this post.
Someone once asked me why I chose that online persona. It’s plain and simple. I have met Mrs (ms, miss…whatever I aint even gonna try and be politically correct). Perfect. And? She is annoying.
She is in fact a good friend of mine. She has breastfed til her kid told her enough. She made all her baby food from scratch. She lost all her baby weight within the first 3 weeks (okay, I’m not sure of that last one but it’s probably true). She now feeds her kid all natural, fresh baked crap. And? Her kid doesn’t watch TV. Maybe some videos here and there, but nothing regularly. In fact, they don’t even have cable. Sad, but very true story.
I love her, but I can’t stand her.
Anyways, this post is not about her…this enigma. Sorry, I get sidetracked a lot. Anyways, this post is about me. Being imperfect – and being okay with that.
With the birth of my second daughter, I developed postpartum depression and anxiety. It screwed with my thinking greatly. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me cause; well…I’m a ninja. And I beat that suhckah down. But during that time, I hated myself. Unjustly.
For example, I thought I was screwing with my kids development because I let them watch TV. A lot. Like, the entire time they are awake? The TV is on type of a lot.
Okay, not really. But still, I felt guilty. I felt like I was a horrible mom.
Another thing? I felt it was the end of the world that my son refuses to eat vegetables. I was scared that his diet is mostly chicken nuggets, cheese sammiches and whatever else I can shove…ahem; I mean get him to eat.
But here’s the thing…that’s not the case. My son gets his food. My son gets his vitamins through gummy vitamins. He is happy and very much well rounded. He is not overweight. In fact, he’s kinda under weight. He loves going out with mommy on errands and play dates. As for my daughter? She is still an 8 month old blob. But she is the same. Happy and very well rounded.
As for the TV? Well, he knows his alphabets thanks to me and a huge thanks to Superwhy. He knows to count to wahteen (thirteen) cause of Sesame Street. Yes, he does have an attention span of a gnat. But you know what? One, his father has ADHD, obviously my son was gonna get it. Two? He is a boy and three? He is two years old.
But here is the best part? During those times he is watching those shows? I get to pee or poop in peace. I can tweet or blog (shoo, I ain’t gonna lie about that awesomeness). I can do my laundry without an extra set of sticky hands. And? I don’t feel guilty anymore.
Why? Cause I may not be perfect, I may use processed food to feed my kids, I may let them watch Elmo and Superwhy and Sprout channel a lot – but they are happy, healthy and know how much I love them.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
OMG you know “perfect mommy” too? Why do I simultaneously want to hug her and punch her at the same time? Thanks for your awesomely honest post, and for making me seriously miss Sprout and the sweet sweet moments of peace it affords. :-)
Mama Melch recently posted..Fred Tour 2012, Part 1: Friedrick the Great
Great post, I have met the perfect mommies two. The ones that loose the weight just by breastfeeding, guess what I breastfeed two kids and that magic did not work for me. I made my first daughters food but once the second came around jar food was so much easier. My kids do watch TV, they play outside they love workbooks. And when they watch TV I can catch up on house work. Hey I grew up watching TV and I turned out OK.
Shirley@motivatedmommyoftwo recently posted..{Goals} 10 Weekly Goals
Yes, this. I let my kid watch TV, play with the iPad and my phone. He can work those gadgets as well as an adult and he’s only 2+. But he also knows his numbers, colors, animals, all because of those gadgets and of course, my persistent repetition of said numbers, colors, animals – I’m not all that unpresent :)
Also, he doesn’t eat vegetables either. Or vitamins. But he’s healthy, happy and I refuse to stress over it right now. Let not meal times be a battlefield right?
I had no idea that made me an imperfect mother, heh!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The Little Joys of Motherhood
If your kids are happy and healthy and they know some boundaries, they’re fine. Let your gut and your heart raise your kids, not an impossible standard.
Anne Kimball recently posted..Adoption Tuesday – Attachment.9
Oh, I don’t know, sounds to me like you are the perfect mommy for your kids.
Gigi recently posted..Because SOME day someone, somewhere will thank me for this…maybe
I think Mrs. Perfect uses that title to hide what isn’t perfect about her life.
My kids watch TV, play video games, and my 6 year knows more about an iPhone than I do! But, like yours, my kids are happy and healthy. In the end, that’s all that really matters, right?
Evonne recently posted..Poison Ivy and Snakes
Us imperfect MaMMas have to stick together! Who knows what perfect is anyway? I agree with Gigi… And that’s what gets me through each of my days. I’m perfect for my Pule right now and will hopefully adjust as she does too. Great post.
Leah aka FFPMaMMa recently posted..Today is Perfect. What is your Perfect?
It’s no coincidence that “imperfect” is “i’m perfect” with a few extra symbols. Glad you are embracing the real you. It’s essential that all mommas realize they ARE perfect for their family. No ifs ands or buts. YOU are the perfect momma for YOUR baby. (and all those mommas who look “perfect” can definitely be found screaming at their children or crying in a locked bathroom once in awhile – this parenting stuff is hard no matter how perfect your tv schedule!)
Jenelle W. recently posted..Getting back on the horse
You never know, that “perfect mommy” might have crippling anxiety and is medicated to within an inch of her life (not that there’s anything wrong with that) to be able to function “perfectly” She also might think her life sucks and may wish to have your joie de vivre & laid-back attitude :)
Besides, a little tv and baby food from a jar never hurt anyone. Look at how we turned out!! lol
ha!! I think we wrote the same blog post today. :-)
Michele C. recently posted..K is for Knowing
Seriously, Jessica; that’s all that matters. In all honesty, everyone else can kiss your ass (there, I said it for you). My kid may eat a hell of a lot of vegetables, but at 2 1/2, he watches an insanely embarrassing amount of movies on the computer. God, we spend so much time judging ourdamnselves that we get sidetracked by the fact that guess what, our kids are FINE. McDonald’s having, lollipop licking, YouTube in the car so they’ll shut the hell up watching, FINE. I know the PPD is what caused the irrational thoughts for you, and I’m so, so glad you beat that suckah down.
Arnebya recently posted..This Is How I Feel
Lol! I thought I was the only one who gave my kid the gummie vitamins!!! Yay- I’m not alone.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..What Do You Think Of The Rutgers Verdict?
Oh do I know “perfect mommy” too. She is an annoying biatch! But a perfectly loveable one. sigh
And TV is also a savior in my house as well. With how often it’s on, it’s a wonder is still works.
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..LINK UP WITH LINK’N BLOGS
I love the idea that I’m exactly the perfect mama for my kids! I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t comparing myself to Perfect Mama? And Perfect Mama changes regularly for me – this week it’s the Perfect Mama at my girls’ school who is friends with all the moms, volunteers constantly and runs an ER when she’s not taking her daughters to the art museum. Ugh! Is there a surgery that can remove the comparison gene?
Mary Nelligan recently posted..Get Your Own Damn Tissue!
“Perfect Mommy” sucks! I’m happy that she can do it all, but it’s not real. There is something that she is slacking on, you just can’t see it. Anyway, the tv is just a tool that we “real” mommies use to maintain our sanity, while getting things done.
Cassie recently posted..Writing Makes Me Happy!
I live around the corner from “Mrs Perfect”… She drives me so crazy that I switched daycare providers and blocked her newsfeed on FB so I could avoid her ‘perfectness’.
I also had PPD and Anxiety. It sucked. I know exactly how you feel about worrying that everything I was doing (or not doing) was screwing up my child…. Being around Mrs Perfect didn’t help either. But hey, if your children are happy, healthy and developing then you are certainly doing a great job! That’s what I keep telling myself ;)
THANK YOU! Phew! I let my youngest watch tv or have it on in the background all day too. I have friends who won’t let their kids watch much tv and although I think that’s a little much, I do feel guilty about the amount of tv I let my little guy watch. Or that it will foster a dependency on having something on in the background. But you know what? He’s a smart little guy with a fantastic vocabulary. Much of which he picks up on the box. Incidentally, the friends kids who don’t watch tv can barely string together a sentence. Just sayin’. To each their own for sure, but just to let you know, it’s not a bad thing and you’re not alone and you’re not a bad mom and I loved this post!
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..Mod Mom’s Dream Analysis: Saddam Hussein and An Oreo Cookie
Love is the most important ingredient, no matter what :)
(And you know that Mrs. Perfect isn’t REALLY perfect, right?)
Kimberly recently posted..People will buy anything…
ahhhh, we were separated at birth. I feel all the same things, and thanks god someone comes out to say it. Thank you.
Not Winning Mom of the Year recently posted..Mommy Fail #7
Ahhh yes, the perfect mommy in my life is a skinny beeyatch with a gorgeous home, keeps it’s perfectly tidy and does all things…housewifey, I feel ya. While I am very anal about the food that goes into my children’s mouths, one has autism and he wont eat many many many things…so we have to compromise. Again I have a son with autism and he NEEDS to chill out and that means computer, TV, iphone. If he didn’t have those he’d just sit there and spin something…what’s better? I dunno.
I feel the same as you, very much imperfect and very annoyed at the pressure to BE perfect. I want to rebel against it and embrace it all at the same time. It’s so annoying. Having depression since I was 7, I feel ya hun. Especially the post baby and post autism diagnosis depression that makes you wanna throw yourself off a bridge.
I kind of actually blogged about the whole perfection thing today…in the form of Children’s birthday parties….and how pinterest makes me look like such a loser haha.
Thanks for your honesty, I loved it.
The Informal Matriarch recently posted..Throwing the Perfect Children’s Party
I feel like this could be a meme: Like…Perfect Mommy follows me around the grocery store and silently judges me when I don’t buy organic.
Or Perfect Mommy knows that my cookies are store bought.
Or Perfect Mommy doesn’t drink wine at playdates.
Melinda recently posted..Does Your Mother Suck? Baby beware.
I met perfect mommy once. She made some snide comment to me about how I shouldn’t ever curse in the presence of my own children, and I kicked her ass! When she laid bloody and busted on the ground I told her, “Bitch I will effing curse whenever I want”
I haven’t seen her since. Well I have but she knows not to get within arms reach of me now. Don’t worry girl us imperfect mommies raise kids that think for themselves, are capable of fast problem solving, and cope with the trials of the real world with ease. Perfect mommies helicopter in so much their kids have to make sure its okay to flush the toilet if mommy hasn’t checked the color yet.
Sweety Darlin recently posted..I wanna trade pink hard hats and work boots for heals and skirts!
I was a single mom in the beginning and I let my son watch all the PBS and videos he wanted. I may have ruined him for life but I was able to make dinner and have a “life” outside of entertaining him constantly. I feel a little guilty but he was happy and I was happy. He’s now 15. He watches a lot of tv (we don’t have cable but he watches online). He watches cartoons in Japanese which just amazes me. He reads piles of books. He’s smart and well adjusted so I must have done something right.
I aim to be a “good-enough” mama. As you know, we can drive ourselves bonkers if we are always trying to live up to some unattainable notion of perfection. And how can our kids ever learn that it is OK to be anything less than perfect if we are killing ourselves attempting to be perfect?
It so happens that our kids thrive in our less-than-perfect homes because we are calmer.
Rebecca Schorr recently posted..Torah in all Sorts of Places