The Internet Makes Me Hate My Husband – Scary Mommy

The Internet Makes Me Hate My Husband

Another day, another online post of someone getting proposed to by skywriting. Or a flash mob. Or a note on the jumbotron. And, since when did weddings become a freaking Broadway show?

I think the final nail in the coffin of my crankiness came last week when I saw the above. A couple in Wisconsin took lessons and carried out the scene…you know THE scene…from Dirty Dancing. At their wedding. Incorporating their wedding party. And including THE LIFT, people! Honestly, it’s enough to make me want to punch my husband square in the genitals as he unsuspectingly watches football while eating a bag of chips. But why?

I wrote a post a while back about my rather obsessive but super unhealthy need to peek over the fence. I’ve always wondered whether the grass is greener on the other side in every area of my life, living with what I have dubbed a serious case of Ally McBeal Syndrome (seriously – was that chick EVER happy?).

And then came the interwebs. Is there a better way to drive yourself nuts than to become a voyeur into everyone’s lives around you? You can go searching if you’d like but the Internet will happily feed you a steady diet of “Everyone Else’s Life Is As Perfect As A Hot Fudge Sundae But Yours Is But A Bland Banana” on a daily basis.

When I saw the Dirty Dancing video I thought, “You’ve gotta be f*cking kidding me. Who does that?” And then I thought, “Hey, these guys are actually really good.” And then, “Why did no one put baby in the corner anyway?” Hey, I can’t account for where my thoughts go. In the end, when I got over my Judgy McJudginess, I ended up with, “Eh, more power to ‘em.”

I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. My husband – not so much. I’ve often told him that I wish we could change our story. From a bit of a botched engagement to a wedding day that began with a clogged toilet and a river of sewage running through our tiny LA apartment, it was anything but a fairytale. In the end, though, it’s our story. And no one can take that away from us. Is it unconventional? Hell, yes. But it’s one that we can tell our grandkids and have a good laugh at one day.

Let’s face another fact, folks. If you treat the world to a Broadway show on your wedding day, where else do you have to go? Because haven’t you already hit the ceiling of coolness? Of course, these will be the folks who craft the perfect Christmas card, baby announcement, and do gender reveal parties filled with “Pinteresting” things for their guests to do that make the rest of us look like total assholes.

So, yes, sometimes the Internet makes me hate my husband. But then I realize how ridonkulous it all is. I realize it’s time to unplug from the web and tune in, instead, to my life, where I can catch the hubs playing ball in the backyard with the boys, or cleaning out the gutters, or making calls for work.

He may not move like Swayze but he’s a pretty damn great guy. So join me, won’t you, in the occasional computer cleanse so we can embrace what’s real and let the rest fade away…at least for a little while.