My dearest Lily, Ben and Evan,
Having left you alone last weekend with your father for the first time ever, I have to express my sincere disappointment in you. You really let me down, kids.
I know how long the days with you can be. I live them day after day after day. Lily, you can carry on for hours about the most insignificant things. You yell so loudly that I’m sure the neighbors hear and wonder what on earth I have done to unearth such a beast. Ben, your whining makes me want to bang my head against the wall until I pass out. Your crying is so over the top dramatic, yet no matter how silly, has a way of getting me at the core. And Evan, my love, you are a walking disaster. You start the day at five in the morning and insist on tearing apart the house every chance you get. You all are totally exhausting.
I was over the moon that your father would finally have a taste of what I go though everyday. I had visions of coming home to a house filled with appreciation and awe for what I deal with on a daily basis. My feet would be rubbed nightly from now on and never again would a dinner, an adventure out with the kids or a folded basket of laundry go unappreciated. Perhaps, even a throne and tiara would be awaiting as I walked through the door. Welcome home, Queen Mother. It would be fabulous.
Except, it wasn’t. Because, apparently, you were on your best behavior this weekend. Behavior that I am entirely unfamiliar with. You all slept until 6:30 am– I had no idea you could even do that. You didn’t bicker, pinch or bite. There were no temper tantrums or disasters at restaurants or trips to the emergency room. There was no shrieking or glass breaking. It was a nice, quiet weekend, from what I hear.
So, I ask you: Who were these children? And why don’t I ever get the pleasure of their company? It’s just not fair. I suppose your behavior will make your dad more willing to do this sort of thing more often, so for that, I thank you. Just don’t go quite so easy on him next time, alright?
With gratitude and love,
Your Scary Mommy
Previous post: BlogHer High
Next post: An Edible Masterpiece
{ 81 comments }
my kids were so good for my husband. and then the minute i walked in the door, after the hugs and kisses…the whining started.
sigh
Great, great post! Loved this letter to your darling children! (I love that picture of them!! Hope you have it in a frame!) And amazing how well-behaved they were while you were away. Well, at least you know you will not have to do a lot of convincing to your hubby to go to next year’s BlogHer, right? ;)
That’s the only bright side to it!!
Oh that is just not fair! Do you think he’s lying to make himself look good?
Nah, if it was a nightmare he would want me to know it!
I totally agree with this post. My kids are the same way. Why is it that they seem to save their worst behavior for us??
Seriously– it’s really just not fair!
This post will also be applicable when they enter the teen years. Actually, just frame 3 copies and kept it in their rooms.
Truly the worst kind of evil was goin’ on there…deception, deception, deception! ;) haha! Well, on the beautiful side of evil, you probably can get away again!! But, what an angel that husband!! -Chris Ann
Your kids sound a lot like mine and I’m sure the same thing would happen if I left them alone with their father. Halos and rainbows all around, damn them.
I’m guessing today is NOT the day to direct you over to MY latest post, lol. It’s about babies. And kids. And I want all the moms to tell me why being a mom is so awesome.
Those little demons, now I’m pissed at them too!
It was probably really like one of those crazy house parties you see on tv,. Then when the parent (you) pull up outside, everything gets shoved under the couch. And they all pretend it was peachy.
Check for the broken glass under the couch.
Hmmmmm— I *did* find a piece of glass on the floor. You may be onto something.
Bjørn always tells me the same thing… (I think he is full of shit) We will soon find out, as I will be leaving my little darlings 2 ‘x before Christmas… for 10 days at a time… booo Haaa haa haaa… I wan’t te see if he sings a different tune then. Great post!
Don’t be fooled. Your husband is obviously lying.
I read somewhere that children tend to melt down with the person they feel safest with. Like, when they’re perferct at school and then they come home and go nuclear. It’s because they’ve had to keep their behavior in check the whole day, and once they get home, they feel safe enough to let out their true feelings. Or something like that. So, it’s kind of a compliment to you. But I know you wish your hubby would have gotten to experience the hell. ;-)
That’s the shittiest compliment ever!
This is so funny, and so true. On the few occasions I’ve left my kids in my husband’s capable hands, it always seems like a complete a total breeze.
I hear ya, sister.
Great post. Made me laugh. I suppose you could look at it as a compliment. They are so totally secure around you, and you have done such a great job as a mom, that they are able to be 100% themselves, in all the ugliness and glory. So when Mom goes away, their little unconscious’ say, “Uh oh. Mom’s gone. We better be on our best behavior.” It’s an instinctual survival mechanism. ;)
PS: Don’t let dad read that. It might not make him feel too good. :)
That’s kids for you. I once read some drivel in a magazine which suggested you should take this as a complement as they only dare to behave like that with you if they feel loved unconditionally, even when they are bad.
Kids have such a way of doing that, don’t they?! As kids, my brother and I were always super good for my grandparents and would completely melt down once my mom and dad got back. Poor moms…always get the brunt of it all!
Bugger – didn’t read the previous comment first. Sorry about that. Uhm, maybe it wasn’t such drivel? (How to lose friends and alienate the internet.)
LOL, I think it’s drivel too. Even if it’s true! It just sucks for us.
those little *&%$@*’s.
you KNEW that would happen…
Actually I thought they’d be terrors. I’m still a novice, I guess.
If it makes you feel any better my kids are just as bad for me as they are for my wife. Little turkeys.
Mine ALWAYS picked up toys for the sitter and ALWAYS ate whatever she put in front of them.
They’re about the same for my husband and myself in those respects… However they jump when Dad tells them to do something and when I do, it’s whine this and whine that. They try to negotiate… I must have set a bad precedent somewhere down the line…
My kids hate me too!
Oh that is just too classic. Why do kids ALWAYS behave better for everyone else BUT mommy? And yes, you deserve that throne and tiara. :)
PS- Great picture!
I know secretly you are proud of them – it’s a reflection of you as their mother!
I hope it was an enjoyable trip but I’m sure they’re glad to have you back.
the same thing happens when I leave my kids with their Dad. Perfect angels. Why is it that they save all the bad behavior for mommy?
I so hear you on this one. The first time I went away for a MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) Conference I was so sure I’d come home to fanfare. But no, my darling daughter was an angel all weekend and cried when I came through the door because she didn’t want to give me a hug! In a few weeks Conference is on again. This time I’m leaving hubby with two kids…
Seriously. WTF? I was on the edge of my seat waiting to hear from my husband of how hard it was. Nope. All was quiet on the western front. Of course, the fact that they spent pretty much all day in front of the tv eating mcdonalds might have had something to do with it. It took three days for my daughter to come down from the french fry high.
Well, yes, the fridge was filled with untouched fruit and veggies and the trash was filled with Chinese takeout & pizza boxes. And I hear many a movie was watched. I think they might behave for me if I treated them like that!
Kids truly do “save the drama for their mama.” Though I do think we can comfort them like no one else can. I adore my daddy, but even now, when I’m sick I want my mommy! Cute post.
I suspect dad dosed them up with Benadryl…
Hmmmm… I hadn’t thought of that.
great post, and the pic worked so well with it :) i agree with what some of the others have said… print it out for when they’re teens :)
I should have warned you. I’ve had to travel for work and this is always what happens. Also when I come home Baby Girl was always kind of distant from me at first, kind of like she was pissed off at me. No worries thought. I didn’t have to wait long for everything to get back to normal. (hoping you can sense the sarcasm in that last statement).
Oh, that’s soooo infuriating, isn’t it??!! Men will never have even the slightest clue what we deal with on a daily basis. I leave my husband PAGES of notes to be sure he knows every single little important detail whenever I get the miraculous chance to get away. I often wonder if I should just let him figure it all out on his own, but I know that’s just a recipe for disaster. I swear the whole ship would sink if something ever happens to me! Next time you leave, you should tell your kids to be on their WORST behavior! (Although, he may never let you leave again…forget that….) :-)
I totally agree!!
On an unrelated topic, it appears you have taken your *perfect* summer photo of the kids. It’s adorable!!
Eh, not *perfect*. The quest continues. :)
Amen. I was so thrilled when my husband announced he was going to take our 1- and 2-year-old to the grocery store by himself. Then he would get to deal w/the little one trying to Houdini out of her seat and the older one shaking all the boxes and both of them whining about the other one looking at them. But, no, they were perfect. He has no idea why I find it difficult taking them out on my own. Now if he can manage them both during an hour wait in the pediatrician’s office, I’ll have to just hand it to him…
I HATE it when this happens.
I don’t know what’s worse — either my kids want to be nice for anyone other than me, or my husband is actually more competent than me!
ME TOO! And I was so annoyed.
My husband said (once the whining began at 5:30am upon my return) – “It’s so weird, they didn’t do that the whole time you were gone.”
To which I said, “OH REALLY! Is this somehow MY fault?”
Then he put the pillow over his head. Damn him.
P.S. I liked meeting you for 3 seconds too. Let’s do it again sometime.
That always seems to happen with me too, not matter who they stay with they are angels. When they’re alone with me…let the claws come out. I always say they save their “best” behavior for the one they love the most ;o)
Hmmm… Mommy’s scary but Daddy’s scarier? That can’t be it. Does he have a secret magical potion? Will he sell it?
Yes. Awesome.
My husband never gets it when I say, “Yes, I CAN get a babysitter, but I want YOU to watch them.” I want him to share in the agony.
Just last night I went out for some “me time” and came home at 8:30, expecting all kids to be tucked in and nearly asleep. I came in, didn’t hear anything, and thought “WHEW”. Then I saw my husband and said, “So where are the kids?” him: “Oh two are in the bathtub, one is sitting on the toilet, and the other is watching TV.”
See, no wonder he has an easier time. He doesn’t make them toe the line! Maybe your kids didn’t really sleep till 6:30. Maybe he just ignored them till he heard something break. :-)
That’s totally what it was- he ignores the baby and the baby eventually falls back to sleep. I just can’t ignore him and he knows that I’m a total sucker!
Of course!
But do see it as a blessing – there is usually no change in behavior when my husband “babysits” – uh it’s called being a parent. So perhaps you’ll be able to get some nights out!
He’s lying!! :)
Either (A) he’s lying, or (B) you’re just not as scary as you say you are.
Or they could be evil, maniacal, sadistic children trying to drive you into the grave before your time.
Why do they always behave for daddies? I just don’t get it!
Check the liquor cabinet, he may have given them ‘special juice’ to control them :)
Too funny, LOL. I am off to Hong Kong for 5 days in 2 weeks. My partner will be left in charge of Mr 5 and Miss 2. Should I put them into training now of how not to behave?
a word to the wise. this is the way it will be. live with it and enjoy the time you have to yourself. it’s all good. it doens’t make you a bad mother or mean there’s something wrong with the kids or that your hubs is drugging them or bribing them! it’s all good. (did i say that already?) enjoy, and let us ‘older’ mums enjoy our ‘knowing’ hehe. i SO remember that feeling, i felt ROBBED, i felt my children had let me down SO badly, but it’s just the way it is. strange but true.
I think it’s a trust issue…I think kids trust their mommies more (sorry daddies) that they can throw tantrums, beat the crap out of, be as mean as they want….and always KNOW that their mommies will deal with it and love them just the same. I think it’s especially true for little girls. They want the world (daddies included) to see them in their perfect way but then they need to release the rest and mommies are the ones they do it too! Just my 2 cents.
I found that my Hubby was lying…
they were the same for him…he just wanted me to think he had the magic touch! :)
Been there. I recently blogged about it, saying my husband is a better SAHM than I am. Some lovely troll told me it’s because I sit around online all day, bitching and whining. So maybe that’s your problem too? ;-)
Clearly, your kids need more practice. They just don’t know HOW to drive their Dad round the bend yet. Therefore, you must leave them with him again SOON and let them get used to each other.
Genius! My husband took the boys to Houston & spent two nights in a hotel room with them and THEY DIDN’T FIGHT ONCE. Dear God, what are we doing wrong?
It was so lovely to meet you! I hope to meet you again when I’m not exhausted and tipsy and freaked out from being in close proximity to Carson Kreeley’s bronzer.
Maybe he just told you they were good but really they were loud, annoying and all around awful! ;)
Oh that is too funny Jill! As you said, the one silver lining is you can get away more often. Hip hip hooray! I just bought my ticket for blogher 2010! Hope you do the same soon!
Hey! I’ve just given you an award on my blog!
http://sewnotmyday.blogspot.com/2009/07/one-lovely-blog-award-and-winner-is.html
Isn’t it always the case? The husband is home or the grandparents are over on the weekend and the kids are on their best behaviour. “They were angels”. They are fooling you all…as soon as Monday rolls around, they turn back into those lil’ devils once again ;)
Oh my, Jill! My kids did the SAME THING to me last weekend. At 7:30 they woke and then snuggled in bed with Adam until he decided to get out of bed. What the hell??!! Usually at 6:45 I am quickly getting together a breakfast for a demanding 21 month old and making sure the volume on Sesame Street is perfect for a spoiled 4 year old.
Not last weekend, just perfect.
Maybe my kids talked to your kids….or maybe our husbands talked and are just lying to us.
I’ve come to this same situation before AND a clean house. Not that I’m complaining, but seriously! It just reinforced to him that he can’t figure out why I can’t find time to clean.
Who told you about this angelic behavior, your husband? Hmm, do you think maybe he’s trying to cover something up? I think all husbands believe taking care of the kids isn’t that hard or they could do it better. Do you think he’d admit it if something went a rye? I don’t know your kids or husband, but I’m a little dubious.
it’s just that they have a reserve tank where they hold all the mischief so they can throw it in your face when you get home.
oh wait, those are my kids. nevermind.
It is all just so phenomenally, PHENOMENALLY unfair. That we should drag ourselves out of bed at inhuman hours, that we should endure the days and days on end when we want to pull our hair out. And that they somehow morph into little angels under someone else’s watch. As if the problem is that we don’t know what we’re doing or something.
So. Unfair.
Hey…blog hopped and found you. I have to say when I am gone, my kids and their dad have a great time! They can’t wait for me to leave and don’t look over thrilled when I return. The house stinks and so do the kids. No one is complaining though because, just like you, I can leave again without any guilt!
The same thing has happened to me! But, really, it’s all for your benefit in the end if you get to have more trips away!
I can relate to this. I get it from both my partner and my son’s father (ex-husband)… I used to work nights and I’d come home and ask my other half how Silas was… “oh, he was great. we had tons of fun. he ate all of his dinner. he was a perfect angel.”
WHAT?
And when he goes to my ex’s house for the weekend… “he was so good this weekend.”
WHAT?
Where is the screaming and the yelling and the clumsy falling and the demanding and the monsterishness?!?!?!?!?
I think he is pulling your leg Jill. Seriously. They couldn’t have been that perfect.
Like when I take Naji home at the end of the summer I am going to say he was AMAZINGLY well behaved. I am not going to tell her about him cursing or calling Kaishon a “bitch ho” on his first night : ) I am not going to tell her that he kicks me when I have to wake them up in the morning so I can go to work. Nope. I am going to say he is delightful! Cause I can’t let her know that he truly is part beast : )
Your husband probably made that all up and bribed them to back him up. Otherwise, he’d look like a failure (you know how guys are.) Either that, or you are a pushover, and he is not. Just kidding. I’m sure you’re not a pushover. Right?
Surely your husband is a liar, no? ; )
Of course if he’s not it sounds like you should go away more often! HA!
Wonderful post. As a mom, I can vouch for the fact the kids always do the exact opposite of what you think they will. my first time here. will return.
hubbie lied – don’t you think?
Oh, I can SO relate. I think our kids have “mom moods” and “dad moods”. I had a similar experience. the silver lining, of course is that my husband already said that a yearly trip to go to BlogHer would be totally fine – even better, he volunteered that, without even being asked.
Still, he also commented on Stella, who had a tantrum the same afternoon I arrived, had not done anything similar THE.ENTIRE.WEEKEND. Apparently I’m a tantrum-trigger. Damn.
Still, I’ll see you next year in NYC!
Sounds like my princesses. If I ever go over being a neurotic nut job and left them that is. Hugs, Jen
I seriously think it’s a plot against all mommies.
My husband recently drove 8 hours to Texas with our 22 month old.
Wouldn’t you know she was an angel–during the trip, at the in-laws, and on the way back home.
Seriously? I had to ask him if he was sure it was our daughter he had…
.-= Chelle´s last blog ..Mommy’s Little "Helper"…Ha! =-.
Coming over from the blogger carnival. I love it!
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Kaitlynn’s 2 1/2 Birthday =-.
Comments on this entry are closed.