Jake Ryan Vs. Lloyd Dobler: 2 Epic Boyfriends Go Head-To-Head – Scary Mommy

Jake Ryan Vs. Lloyd Dobler: 2 Epic Boyfriends Go Head-To-Head

I’ve always been more of a Dobler girl, but I wanted to give Ryan another shot. I put these guys head-to-head in an epic rematch to see which boyfriend would prevail.

I re-watched Sixteen Candles and Say Anything to determine, knowing what I know now, who would win my heart.

Wheels: No contest, right? Jake’s red Porsche crushes Lloyd’s Malibu any day of the week. Not so fast. I’d much rather do it in the back of a Malibu. Roomier.

How they treat women: Jake gives his drunk-as-a-skunk girlfriend to the Geek like she’s yesterday’s newspaper. Um, hello? Red flag. Lloyd points out broken glass before Diane steps on it, volunteers at a nursing home and helps his sister take care of her son. This round goes to Dobler.

Friends: Jake’s posse of nameless meathead jocks is not winning him any points. It must be real tough being popular and misunderstood. Lloyd’s best friends are girls, and they like to sit around and talk about feelings. I like my guys somewhere in the middle: a splash of meathead and a dash of emotional. This one’s a draw.

How they party: While his parents’ house is being trashed, Jake locks himself in his room. Making sure no one drives home drunk, Lloyd is the key master. Responsible wins this round.

Financial security: Jake’s family lives in a mansion with an exercise room, wine cellar and garage full of luxury automobiles. Lloyd shacks up with his sister and won’t commit to a career, but he does have a job teaching kickboxing. It kills me to go with Richie Rich vs. independent and self-motivated, but Jake scores for cash in the bank.

Style: Jake dresses like an 80-year-old man: sweater vests and plaid shirts. But next to Lloyd’s Clash T-shirt, weird track pants and trench coat, Jake’s octogenarian fashion choices take this round.

Personality: Jake’s a little blank behind those puppy dog eyes, which means Samantha is going to be bored out of her gourd in about three days—or he just needs the right girl to draw him out. Lloyd, on the other hand, makes Diane laugh and is completely himself for better or for worse. And while Jake is a man of few words, Lloyd never seems to shut up. Mysterious brooding vs. heart on sleeve. Vulnerable gets me every time.

Character: Jake is checking out Sam before he even breaks up with his girlfriend, and he lets his so-called friends trash his house. Lloyd doesn’t give up when he’s asking Diane out, or later after she breaks up with him. I’m just not convinced Ryan’s a good person, and refuse to be swayed by his perfect hair. Another point for Dobler.

Motive: Jake is bored with partying and wants something serious. Lloyd worships Diane from afar, enamored mostly with her looks. Jake makes a comeback for choosing interesting over goddess, but can he move ahead?

How they handle stress: Jake slams doors. Lloyd drives around in the rain. Meh. No clear winner here.

Epic gestures: Playing “your song” outside your bedroom window, or crashing your sister’s wedding? Hands down, boom box overhead. Dobler is about to finish it.

The bottom line: Jake has everything in life, but his life won’t be complete without you. Lloyd doesn’t know what he wants in life except for you.

Wow. That’s a lot of pressure on a girl either way.

The decision: Both dudes tap into the fantasy of being chosen. That someone outside of your regular circle sees you, and picks you. It could be someone you secretly worship or someone you didn’t know existed, but the intrigue is in the fantasy of being seen for who you really are.

Jake’s a good guy, but he could benefit from Corey’s advice:

“Don’t be a guy. Be a man.”

And the man that wins my heart every single time with a knockout punch:

Lloyd Dobler.