Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Liz lives in the middle of the crazy-hot city of Austin, Texas. She likes small gestures and big belly laughs, still calls playlists “mix tapes” and drinks sparkling water like it’s tap. She blogs at Peace, Love and Guacamole and, not surprisingly, her homemade guacamole rocks. Follow her on twitter as @peaceloveguac.
Some parents, when they see their youngest child covering his ears at the sound of a blaring guitar riff, might just turn down the volume. But me, I grab the camera.
For more than 7 years, I have been perfecting this habit without criticism, but now a little someone has started calling me out on it.
One recent night our wee one, Smiley, was flinging his dinner on the floor and making a spectacular mess of pasta, beans and strawberries. So naturally I reached for the camera. I shot frame after frame (always aiming for the perfect mid-air capture) until finally a voice of reason spoke.
Big sister Doodlebug said, “Um, Mom? Maybe you should stop him from throwing food instead of taking pictures.” Right.
Thank goodness I have someone here to remind me to be a parent.
I often wonder what message I’m sending the kids with my near-constant documenting. Worst case: they grow up believing that the perfect photo-op trumps the actual moment. I’m thinking specifically of the day I forgot to bring my camera to one of Doodlebug’s ballet performances. I grumbled and cursed at myself until she said, “Mama, I guess you will just have to watch me.” Of course.
So I guess it’s about time to question the merits of playing the double role of family historian and parent.
After years of documenting the kids, do I know how to fully live in the moment without thinking about the perfect photograph? Am I taking notes for them or for me (or does it even matter)? Is all this documenting going to come back and bite me in the form of family therapy bills? Will my kids be able to pick my face out of a line-up if there’s not a camera attached to it?
All important questions—for you and your own wrestling-prone conscience. Personally, I’m willing to take the risks because I believe my heart is in the right place. I’m giving them a gift that also happens to fill me up creatively. I am showing them that their lives, their stories, are worth cherishing (the good, the bad, the messy).
And when their memories become full of grown-up worries, I can offer my kids tales of how their childhood appeared from their mother’s eyes. And perhaps if we are lucky, we will all look back and laugh at the fun (and sometimes “fun”) we had learning to be a family.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Even though I’m not nearly the photog you are, I wrestle with this too. But even at age 40 I love looking at pictures of my parents from before they had me and of my childhood. So I keep snapping away in the hopes that my kids will be grateful for the documentation of our lives.
I think my parents have about 4 photos of the two of them pre-kids and yes, they are TREASURES!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I actually struggle with this in life in general. I hate those memories I have of events or places that are only really snapshots of memories. I try now to do a mix of both—take a few shots and really experience a moment while I’m in it, and write down the memory soon afterward. I can see how with kids you might be even more tempted to photograph everything all the time!
Yep, I wish this were just a mom problem…but I wrestle with this in all kinds of situations. I think Twitter was built on this very compulsion.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
This is a great post. I’m not a photographer, and I’m the one who always forgets the camera, but this helps me not to feel SO bad about THAT! What a great “object” lesson!
Julie recently posted..I think Shell Pass!
Thanks Julie! Any way I can help!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I think that the kids will LOVE it later in life. They will not remember holding their ears or that the music was too loud but they will know that you were right there to capture it all.
Raquel recently posted..Suggestions- Anyone
Thank you, Raquel. I’m going to keep your comment handy the next time I feel guilty!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Parent? Journalist? Whatever. But as in all things, moderation is its own reward. If your daughter needs to remind you, perhaps there’s too much of the “Journalist” being expressed in your relationship with your family. On the other hand, too much “Parenting” has its own lack of merit, as well.
Just play it by ear. The fact that you’re thinking about it – that you’re aware of it, speaks well to who and what you are as a Parent – and as a Journalist.
lceel recently posted..Sarah – Exposed Shot – Part 2
“The fact that you’re thinking about it – that you’re aware of it, speaks well to who and what you are as a Parent – and as a Journalist.”
Thanks for that!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Haha! So true… I’m always behind the camera instead of watching… This past Christmas at the in-class dance show, I set up my tripod and remote… Just so I could actually watch. There are even days on vacations when I refuse to being my camera, just so I can live in the moment. There’s a fine line to walk, for sure.
A tripod and remote–brilliant! Why haven’t I thought of that before? Seriously!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Great post, Liz. And timely for me. The other day at the mall, I forgot my phone at home (I felt terribly naked), so I noticed how many parents whipped out their camera phones to document even the most mundane things their kids were doing – which I would’ve been doing had I had my phone. W/ 2 young daughters (2yo & 3 weeks old), my wife and I are still trying to find the balance between documenting the moment (usually you can’t enjoy the moment w/ the kid but u can enjoy it together later) and simply enjoying the moment together.
Additionally, I’m an amateur photog at best but somehow, I’ve managed to accumulate several HDDs filled with photos and videos over the years. Growing up, I used a film camera, so w/ only 24 exposures, you thought a lot about what pictures to take. Now, armed with a 16GB CF card, I take multiple shots of the same composition – usually from different angles. And I’m not sure how it is for others, but for me, it’s hard to delete any of them. As a result, I’ve got a lot of photos of our 2yo that are just taking up space. So for baby #2, I’m trying to pretend I’m using a film camera or if I go nuts, edit and delete that same day.
Congrats on being a cool kid! :-)
Pop recently posted..Grill- Pop- Grill- Jalapeño Lime Chicken
Photographing the mundane…yes, it’s funny what people find compelling (although, sometimes some of the best photo ops are built on a mundane moment.)
I like your idea of pretending the use a 24-exposure film camera. I tend to take a lot of photos, but I’m brutal when it comes to deleting.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
One way to pretend you are using a 24 exposure camera is to use the best quality and biggest resolution setting on your camera. You will limited by how many pics you can take at that time. Oh yeah, use a smaller memory card too!
I think it is great that you see the humour in life! You are savouring every minute of their childhood. It is a much better response than freaking out on them for all their messes. My first child was horrified when she accidentally made a mess, and would fall to pieces over it- we had to constantly remind her that it was no big deal. I am a photographer and I can tell you it is so important to capture the history of your family; they grow so fast and photographs have a way of bring back all the memories that surround that timeframe that would otherwise be forgotten. You are giving your kids such an important gift that they will appreciate many years from now. So keep clicking….besides think of all the blackmail material you are gaining! :)
Haha! Yes, blackmail!! Thanks for your encouragement, Lisa!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
It is my personal belief that only good can come from taking more photos – so I think you’re doing great!
Thanks Megan! Your comment makes me feel like I’m contributing to the greater good of humankind…I like that!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
yay, Liz! Great post. I wonder this all the time too. First it was photography, now it’s photography, food blogging (and its accompanying photography) and mom blogging.
I have started to look at nearly everything as if from a distance.
But as you said, I think it’s a great way to show our lives in the written word and photos.
gigi recently posted..Friday Flip-Offs- 7-23 Edition
“I have started to look at nearly everything as if from a distance.”
Yes! Like I’m in a freaking movie sometimes. (Reminds me of Scary Mommy’s musical guest post the other day!)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
It sucks when I kids are more logical than us. And smarter. That happens to me all the time.
And can I pretty please have that guacamole recipe?
Jennifer recently posted..Fit B4 40 – Saddling Up
Happy to share!
Full disclosure: I am not an serious foodie, but I do looove me some guacamole.
Guacamole
4 lg, ripe avocadoes
1 sm. onion (purple or white)
1 sm. can chopped chili peppers (or fresh jalapenos)
1-2 garlic pods, mashed
4-6 T. fresh lime juice
5 T. chopped fresh cilantro
4-6 dashes Worcestershire sauce
4-6 dashes Tabasco
4 lg. tomatoes, diced (or 2 cans)
Salt (season to taste)
Gently mash avocadoes, add onions, chilis, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, Worcestershire sauce. Mix. Add tomatoes, stirring just until combined. Serve with tortilla chips. (Or really anything. I could eat cardboard if it had guac on it!)
*I use this recipe as a loose guide. You really can’t mess up guac…play with the flavor by adding more/less of the seasonings. Also, I like my guac on the chunky side, so I’m careful not to overstir. And I always use more tomatoes and lime because I love them so.
*Fun tip: To keep a bowl of guacamole from turning brown, cover it with a large piece of plastic wrap and push it all the way down on to the guac so there’s no room for air to get in.
*In a pinch, I will make guacamole using fresh avocadoes; fresh, prepared pico from Whole Foods; and some limes. Super easy and yummy.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I hear you.
I went to Tokyo for 3 weeks as part of an 18-member group (it was a work thing). I was the only one without a camera, and some people just could not believe I was going to Japan without a camera. The way I figured it, I would be more likely to actually experience the place, and besides, I could always look at the rest of the group’s photos (which conveniently included me, something my photos wouldn’t have done). It was a good choice; I enjoyed the trip a lot, and I never had to stop to get the right shot.
Serene recently posted..12 Intimidating Foods I Want to Learn to Make
When I first started reading your comment I thought “She did WHAT?”
But that’s actually really smart…in this digital sharing age, it’s so easy to enjoy/download friends’ photos. (And you are IN the photos. What a concept!)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Hi Liz, great to “meet you” here. You had me at guacamole. Yum.
And I agree with you on our role as memory keepers of our family, and trying to marry the need to preserve and to improve on our skills. Two birds. One stone. Not a bad thing right? (Says the girl with over 10,000 pics on the hard drive of her 20-month old. Yes, math says that’s an average of 500 a month. But it’s mostly practice. Really… :)
Off to go check out your site!
Justine recently posted..Coming down from a high doesn’t mean we have to crash
500 a month–very impressive!!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Love this post.
But please don’t take pictures of me throwing my chips and salsa on the ground tonight after I’ve had too much tequila at Hokgardner’s birthday party.
I can’t promise anything, Wendi.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I can’t even tell you how many times I have NOT comforted the crying or distraught child in favor of grabbing the camera for a picture. It’s sad, but I do want to remember those situations too.
Lolli recently posted..Cooling Off…GMYBSPSF
Thanks Lolli! I agree, who wants an entire family photo album filled with posed, smiling kids? :)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I *wish* my mom had chronicled our lives . . . instead, I have *one* photo of me as an infant. That’s it. And the next photo is of me in second or third grade. *Sigh* It sucks to be the third child.
Caroline recently posted..Have a Little Faith
Oh yes…the third child. Sigh. I hope you are making up for that “lost” childhood.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I may not take good pictures but I definitely think about taking pictures. Hello? I took pictures of our son getting stitches – while he was crying. :S
S Club Mama recently posted..CSN Stores review
And when he’s older he will SO love that photo–it will make him feel tough!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..Breaking out
I relate completely. There’s also a third option though, which is to not be engaged in the memories at all. I sometimes find myself tuning out in music class, or a trip to the park. The documentation keeps me focused and inspired. I see it as a positive all the way around.
You’re so right! Focused and inspired…exactly!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I tell myself that I am even more in the moment when photographing it
since I’m so “focused” on it (ha ha, knee slapper that one) but I have
to wonder if taking crying pictures of my baby for the sole purpose of
putting them in a slideshow set to tune of “It’s my party and I’ll cry
if I want to” for her first birthday won’t one day be misconstrued as
mean…
Yuliya recently posted..When the going gets tough- it’s tough not to have a cookie
Hahahaha! Sounds like a great slideshow.
I have a photo of our oldest (now 7.5) when she was 2, dressed up in a Halloween fairy costume and she is bawling her eyes out. It’s the only photo that she hates, but no way am I deleting it.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I grew up with hardly any photos taken of me and my brother. In fact the only picture I have from my high school graduation was from my best friends mom. My parents never thought about pictures. We only have a few baby photos too. So I take tons of pictures of my family. I know my kids will appreciate them when they are older, I know I would have.
I think that’s wonderful…and just think, if your kids are ever outraged by your enthusiasm, you can always blame the grandparents. (Ha.)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
My thoughts exactly. I almost always have a camera strapped around my next. My 2 year has even started reminding me to bring it. I’m in trouble once he wants to start using it.
Oh I KNOW…it’s a tricky thing once they want to be the photographer. Of course you hate to discourage their interest, but personally I’m very protective of my camera. We bought them semi-toy ones and also let them use our phones. My kids use semi-toy ones, one of my old ones and of course our phones.
A few years ago, I framed/hung a series of “portraits” my oldest had taken of each member of our family. It’s pretty cool to see that perspective all in one place like that.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
I think you struck exactly the chord you needed when you said that you are capturing their childhood and filling your own creative needs. How many opportunities do we have in mothering to fulfill the needs of our children and ourselves at the same time? Keep up the good work!
Momalom Jen recently posted..Together inevitably
Such a great point! So few of those opportunities!
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
Word. Because the habits of taking photos of everything also helps us see the fun side, the cute side, the lovely side of things that would normally just elicit a groan and an eye roll, to the very least ;-)
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels recently posted..The making of a road trip
and I made at least two typos/grammatical errors in one short comment. In my defense, it’s 11.20pm in Zurich. And isn’t parenting the hardest job? So there.
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels recently posted..The making of a road trip
Haha! Hope you got some sleep. :)
I’m still trying to capture that perfect eye roll! You would think it would be easier considering how often my 7yo does it.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..It’s only a leeetle bit scary…
“Pick my face out of a line-up if there’s not a camera attached to it?” – Fantastic, and a gem of a post. My father was a camera-addict too and my siblings and I, lovers of a good audience that we were, played up to it big-time. Those memories of my childhood are priceless and I love looking through those albums. Your children will value all the documenting you’re doing. Promise.
The Flying Chalupa recently posted..Five-Alarm Obsession
Thank you so much! Yes, my kids can be total hams too…which means I have to be extra stealthy sometimes. (Guerilla photography!)
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..Breaking out
I find the problem of my kids are going to wonder where I was when they were experiencing all these moments. Since I”m the one always behind the camera there are never any pics of me enjoying the moments with them!
B recently posted..Best of the week
You’re so right…I worry about that too. Every once in a while my hubby gets behind the camera, but we have very few spontaneous shots with me in them.
Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole recently posted..Breaking out