Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Natalie is a SAHM to three children three and under: a 3 year old son and 1 year old twin girls. She spends her days chasing the three of them in three different directions, usually all at the same time. She blogs about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising children. In her free time, which she rarely has anymore, she enjoys writing, reading, gardening, cooking, and lots of wine.
The name of my blog is Mommy of a Monster and Twins. This is misleading. You would assume by reading that title that I have one monster kid and two good ones, when in reality my son (my monster) when I first started my blog last year is no longer a monster (most of the time). The twins, on the other hand, are both monsters. Well, I will say they are considerate enough to take turns being monsters instead of bombarding me at the same time. Usually.
My past-monster, Tater, is three. The twins, Ms. L and Ms. M, are a year and a half old. Whenever I’m out in public with all three of them, I will get stopped at least once to have someone tell me “Wow! You must be busy! I don’t even know how you do it!”
The reply is a simple one: “I just do it.”
This simple reply is so much easier to explain than the actual honest answer. Because you and I both know that strangers really have no desire to know how I really do it. The real answer is that 95% of the time, our life is chaos. The house is a mess, at least one kid is crying, there’s constant noise and chatter, and constant movement. I’m busy. I’m trying in vain to avoid going crazy. And I am tired.
So come with me, and spend a few minutes in my life…
Tater is three. Tater talks. A lot. I mean A LOT. Like never shuts up. He is also a rambunctious boy that is go, go, go from the minute he wakes up until the minute he goes to sleep. He’s now at the age where he says “I want to do it myself” and so everything takes twice as long. And Tater tortures his sisters. Well, not literally, but if you have siblings or more than one child, you know exactly what I mean. I couldn’t even count how many times a day I yell “Tater! Keep your hands off your sisters!”
Ms. L and Ms. M are a year old. They talk, but it’s all Chinese to us at this point. They actually prefer to play lets-see-who-can-scream-the-loudest rather than talk. Tater enjoys joining in, too. It’s not something you ever want to be around to witness. Trust me.
The girls are typical toddlers…inquisitive and into everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Child proof locks are a joke. A spoon is way more interesting than any of the tens of thousands of toys they have that litter my entire downstairs, and that spill out of their supposed toy room and into the hall. The whole house is a toy room, if you ask me.
But back to the spoon. Let’s say that I’m making dinner and Ms. M comes into the kitchen to supervise. She knows where our silverware is and will come over to the drawer, point, and say something that sounds like “insaybobway”, which of course means “I want a spoon! Get it now, woman!” So I give her a spoon. At that exact second, Ms. L will look up from whatever it is she’s doing wherever she is, instantly knowing her sister now has something she wants. She runs over, and grabs the spoon. A fight ensues. Screaming drowns out anything I try to say to calm them down. I get another spoon and give it to Ms. M. Now Ms. L doesn’t want her spoon, she wants Ms. M’s spoon. But Ms. M wants that spoon too. A fight again ensues. More screaming. Tears. Pushing and shoving. Good times people, good times.
Meanwhile Tater is tearing around the kitchen screaming singing Mary Had A Little Lamb death rock style and swinging his guitar around. As he comes around the kitchen table, his guitar slams straight into Ms. M’s head. Ms. M, who is already crying and screaming, now begins to shriek. She drops her spoon. Ms. L stops crying, bends down and takes the spoon. Now she’s got both of them and is happy as a clam. She walks off to enjoy her pillage.
Ms. M cannot be calmed. I’m sitting on the floor comforting while Tater is standing over her yelling in her face “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She is now just pissed. She is pushing me away, she’s pushing Tater away, and squirming around trying to get off my lap so she can flop onto the ground and throw herself a real fit.
And then she realizes her spoon is gone. Tears immediately stop. Now she’s in predator mode. She goes looking for it, and it all starts again.
You’ve now spent five minutes walking in my shoes.
I have no idea how I do it. I have no idea how any of us do.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
I can feel your aggravation, but this post is LOL funny, and I hate writing LOL. I wish you tons of energy for daytime and tons of relaxation for nighttime.
30ish Mama recently posted..Day 26- Have you ever thought about giving up on life
It gets better! I promise! In a few years, 3 at the most, you will be able to send all 3 of them outside into the back yard by themselves. They might eat a bit of dirt and they might fight a bit, but you can knock on your window and shake your finger at them to stop and then go back to cooking dinner in your peacefully quiet kitchen which has a full spoon drawer.
Until that day happens, throw them in bed as early as you can so you can enjoy a couple of hours by yourself or with your husband.
I know all too well what you mean. Complete and utter chaos from sun up to sun down, and I’m so glad it’s not just me! As a mom of twins plus 1, I’m fascinated by how you did infant twins with a toddler. Props to you!
As a mom of four, including twins, “I just do it.” has come from my mouth many times. :)
That’s it, I’m going to conceive twins right NOW so my blog fodder can be as funny as yours.
Yuliya recently posted..Then there was you…
That sounds like you are in my house. Minus the 3 year old. But the spoons. What is with that? It also applies to Mum’s phone and cookies.
I’m So Fancy recently posted..Fancy Therapy Episode 65783
Sorry! Would help to fill out the comment box!
Natalie, this was so fun to read! Out loud chuckle with the ‘in predator mode’- toddlers have such a wicked ‘mine!’ issue, don’t they?
It does get easier…one day you will find it’s very quiet and wonder what they are doing and discover they are all playing the same thing and doing it nicely! That day will be here before you know it :)
Kelly recently posted..Mom Got Blog is Moving!!
FABULOUS! Hilarious and even as I try to write this comment – prying my 2 year old off my lap while she hurls blankie over the screen of my laptop and pounds on the keyboard….I know what you mean – I have 3 (6,4,2….and I’m 6 wks. pg:)
We are warriors:) Love your writing!! Can’t wait to stalk your blog…when I get a few extra minutes…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Erin recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Mini-Monkeys 1st Haircut!
Your writing is amazing. I sit and laugh out loud, all the while knowing that you are evoking my own memories of mommyhood that will make my PTSD flare up once again.
Renee Fisher recently posted..We have stuff Like earrings with a lot of breasts
sound like my home…constant noise, crying, fighting…
and the child proof locks? We’ve actually tried super gluing them to the surface after #3 kept breaking them…and no, it didn’t work
I can so relate! I have 5 year old twins and a 1 year old and I work full time out of the house, so I bascially have 2 full time jobs and can completely relate to how you feel. People ask me all the time “How do you do it?” I tell them the same thing. “You just do it.” Your house may be a mess, you make eat take-out twice a week (sometimes more), but you do it.
My answer to ‘how do you do it’ is always “not very well.”
Which sounds self-deprecating, but in actuality, it’s the only way TO do it – drop the expectation of Perfect Happy Family and just make it happen: messily, noisily, chaotically.
your post made me laugh, and… not want a 4th. :)
Kirsten recently posted..5 Minutes that Mattered
Funny. I have a 3 and 5 yo girls and yes they torture each other and play who can be louder. So I laugh because it is nice to see I am not the only one. Thanks for sharing.
This is so true – those “How do you do it?” and “Oh, you have your hands full” statements are annoying. I also have three kids, two which are one year old twins – and you just figure it out. I had a longer comment planned, but one twin is screaming now……LOL. I’ll be stopping by later!
Nicole@MTDLBlog recently posted..My Husband’s A Rockstar
Hilarious! I’m popping over to your blog right after this comment and read all your older posts!! :-)
I really don’t know how you just do it. I only have one and he’s just over a year old and already getting into things and SPOONS (what’s up with that, really?) so I’m questioning my sanity (what’s left of it) as to why I want a second one soon!
Wishing you lots and lots of energy!!
Man I don’t know where Jill finds you guys! That was hysterical! And pretty much exactly what happens in my house on a daily basis.
I choked on my coffee at “Let’s say that I’m making dinner and Ms. M comes into the kitchen to supervise.” My kids are so like this. The other day we were going to the grocery store and the stupid woman in front of me was too scared to make the left hand turn into the parking lot. I finally got fed up and honked at her. My not-yet-4-year-old says to me “Mommy you have to wait for the other cars to go first. This is not a race.” I wavered between laughing and wanting to throw something at her. It truely is “good times” with toddlers.
I love that you are are guest posting on Scary Momy! As always, I loved your post too. I only have two kids and they are a handful but I know how you do it…. you just do
myevil3yearold recently posted..Ive Finally Hit the Big Time
Spoons just rock, at least according to my 2yo. And also: toilet paper, toilet paper is such fun! Take it of the holder and throw it around, spreading toilet paper happiness… (extra point if you hit the cat).
I only have one son so don’t get that very often with him. But we’ve had a lot of drama in the last few months and in the midst of that people say, “I don’t know how you make it through,” or “I don’t know if I’d be able to do it.” I say, “Uh, what are my other options? What the hell else am I going to do?” We all have days where we want to just lay down and pull the covers up over our heads (some days we might even get to). But as a mom you don’t get to stay there. Besides, if you do, somebody will come along and jump on your head demanding you get up. So you get up and slog through it with the assumption that things will be better on the other side.
I ♥ this post. It’s well written and funny.
Brook @ To Be Dancing recently posted..Counterbalance
OMGosh! Thank you for putting my thoughts and life into words! I also am the mother of a 3 (almost 4) yr old and 17mo. B/G twins. Reading your post was like seeing MY life through someone elses eyes! From the grocery store happenings to the absolute joke that is child proofing! I loved it!
Had to LOL reading this – I can soooo relate! I am mom to 3 boys: ages 2, 3 and 4. Every single time I take them somewhere, at least one person says, “Oh! God bless you! I bet they keep you busy!” I just laugh and think, “You have no idea!” It is wrestlemania 24×7 in our house, and everyone speaks (incessantly, I might add) at approximately 3000 decibles. Some people have even asked me if we are going to “try for a girl.” Are you nuts? I’d probably have twin boys! Life is busy, but great – I am one lucky lady!
I’m a single mom of 1 with no financial support and very little physical support. I’m also a full time university student and I work part time. The whole, “I don’t know how you do it” thing has always thrown me off, and I’m sure I look like a deer in the headlights when I’m asked. Like Brook’s response, mine is typically “Uh… what else am I supposed to do?” Most days I put one foot in front of the other and it gets done. Not always well, but my daughter is typically happy (she’s 6 – she makes drama up when there’s none to be had naturally), she’s thriving beyond my expectations, there’s always food on the table and a roof over our head, and I’m on the Dean’s list at school. So I must be doing something okay.
I will say this. I have no idea how SAHMs do it without completely losing their minds. And you have nothing but my deepest respect and awe.
I love your blog. I have always loved it. Our kids are the same age, only my twins are just one person.
I even pointed it out to my husband one night. “Look honey! She has a Tyler and TWO Kendyls!”
He shuddered.
Keep on just doing it!
JustMom420zaks recently posted..Daddy and His Princess
Believe me. When I am out with my five kids, I hear the same thing, get the same looks. Luckily, now that they are older, I rarely have to go anywhere public with all of them. LOL. It really does get better!
Lolli recently posted..San Francisco- in Pictures
OMG. OMG.
The people sitting next to me at work are wondering why I am guffawing.
My heart actually started racing while I was reading because it was like I was there. Which I didn’t want to be because OMG.
This is one of the many reasons you are one of my heroes. :)
<3Cate
Cate recently posted..Feelin’ The Love
This is so funny, sorry, but I can really feel for you even though I have only one of them (who is having a tantrum – but just a little one – while I’m writing this). I love your blog.
@mommysparadise recently posted..Every Mommy needs a helping hand
I only laugh because that is all too familiar a scene at my house. I’m a mom to 3 boys (ages 7, 6, 4 (almost 5)), 1 girl (18 months), and another on the way. The 7 and 4 year old will set each other off and will be CRAZY most days, (I’m very greatful he’s in school), the 4 year old will do the same to my 18 month old, and I’ve said what you’ve said to him. He also likes to get into arguments w/my toddler, take toys away from her, and so on. He also likes to talk A LOT, is rarely quiet, and will sit practically on me, even when I’m reading one of my books when it’s quiet time (18 m.o. is down for a nap), and will CONSTANTLY ask me questions!
Hope you find the energy you need! :)
I love the words pillage and predator. Completely the perfect way to describe toddlers!
KLZ recently posted..Happy Valentines Day- I Hate You
I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve said, “Leave your brother alone,” in the last two years. I could probably retire. I feel you, and I’m not sure how any of us do it either. Pretty much like you said; we just do.
Jennifer recently posted..Winning the War
Perfect.
Yes, I’m partial to the twins, but still:
I could read these posts EVERYDAY.
Why? they make me laugh out loud. And I see it: they want what the other one has.
You may be suffering. just a wee bit..but you see the wonderful humor in these days. Yes, you feel like your losing your mind, but you will go back and read this and miss these days so much. My oldest two are now 14 and 15, and I remember these days. At the time, I didn’t know I was having fun.
I wish I would have.
Alexandra recently posted..What The Madison Auditions Were Like – Listen To Your Mother Show
Well really, Nat, Nike should sponsor you. You know, just do it.
Heh.
Anyway? I SO get you. p.s. I also SO like you :)
I can so totally relate to this post. Its a good one, Nat. :)
Jen recently posted..“Tonight is Gonna to be a Good Night”
LOL! Where you at my house? Because I swear the same thing goes on here too. I have two toddler girls that behave exactly the same way!
Morela recently posted..Bringing Up Girls
My hat is off to you! Mine are 21 months apart and most days I’m sure that I never, ever stop to breathe…so I just can’t imagine! I try to reframe my toy-ridden, messy home as “this is a place where kids have fun!” (I’m the only one buying it…)
Practical Parenting recently posted..Spoiler Alert! Tips for increasing pro-social behavior
OMG. Chaos. there is a peace that comes with accepting chaos, though…like you said, you just do it.
“ohsaybobway” = my favorite :)
gigi recently posted..The 3 Pillars of Blogging Enchantment
Like with anything in life, it becomes your “norm”. You have to figure it out because it’s your norm, so it’s not like you CAN’T do it. Seriously, what do people expect you to respond with when they ask that question? :)
liz recently posted..Mompetition
Natalie, this is one of my favorites from you! You hit the nail on the head when you say that strangers (and family too!) do NOT want to know the truth about what goes into parenting. You’re doing a great job!
(From Brazil)
What can I say? I feel your pain! How can we survive? I have only two, but your five minutes were very familiar to me.
alex recently posted..Mãe Idosa É a tua!
Too, too funny. My older are 15 months apart, the youngest 2 years younger. It really does get better – they are playing on the Wii now and I’m reading blogs.
The messy house is still happening, though.
triplezmom recently posted..Bad Mother Chronicles- part 1196
One of those moments that makes me realize that teenagers are not so bad!
Ally recently posted..Does That Mouth Have A Filter
Oh I was so there a few years ago. I had four children in five years, NO TWINS. Yes, pregnant that many times in that short of time. I agree, it does get better. Although your post really had me in flashback mode. I remember the looks people would give me. I mean stare at me, as if I was crazy. Which in all honesty I was. I actually flew with my kids alone, when my youngest was about 4 or 5 months old. Oh that was a sight I’m sure. It took us forever just to get through security. I am fairly certain everyone behind me hated me at that point. After standing in a long line to get to the security folks. They took as much pity on me as they could. Up until my then 3 year old refused to go through the x-ray machine himself. And my 2 year old didn’t want to take off her shoes!
I vowed NEVER again. But then I had to fly home!
You just described everyday of my life! Great post!
OMG…seriously hysterical. My favorite image from the whole piece: She walks off to enjoy her pillage.
Great writing. I’ll be by the blog (and probably subscribing).
Kimberly recently posted..I Got A Cooler in the Truck
Natalie, I’m exhausted just reading that.
Really. But I would love to sit in your kitchen drinking a glass of wine and just watch those three run around!
Oh, and then I’d help you out, of course…
Sherri recently posted..Guest Posting at a belle- a bean & a chicago dog
Though I feel for you and wish upon you more peace and energy, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Sounds pretty typical to me. I guess the only comfort you can take is that somewhere in the world, there is another mother going through the very same thing at the very same moment.
Julie recently posted..Was it a Stroke
You have been busy, guest posting lately! I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how I do it sometimes too. Just today, these young 20-somethings, no kids, at work were like, “I don’t know how you go home from here and take care of a kid.” I used to think the same thing about women at work with children. And now I am one of them. You do it because you just do. And you can’t imagine it any other way.
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
well….that sounds about right. good times, good times indeed! And someday, you’re going to miss it!!!
Crystal recently posted..The Looney Bin Called- Theyd Like To Speak With Us
I’m with Sherri. I’ll bring my Mad over to mix things up, some wine, cheese or maybe just some pot brownies and watch the show.
Not that I’d know what pot brownies are but I hear they’re great fun at parties.
Mad Woman behind the Blog recently posted..A night to remember
And this is exactly why I still only have 1 kid ;)
MamaRobinJ recently posted..Preschool Postcard
I stumbled across your blog and I just wanted you to know that I read it for about an hour and was laughing the whole time. Thanks for writing. I love it and appreciate it.
Ah! Another woman in my shoes! Yes, how do you do it? You just do! hee hee! My three are now 8, 8, and 9 — and I’m still just doing it.
Jae recently posted..Happy Birthday!
OMG, I thought only my twins were like that…but holy good gawd, I actually FEEL Better now. Because I can even offer two exact same things to both of them, let them pick, Make the decision themselves, isn’t that what the books say..LOL, and they will still want to “Trade” or as I like to call it….FIGHT LIKE CRAZY MONKEYS over what they don’t have…even if they picked that one in the first place.
I loved this post, I am not laughing at you….I am commisserating with you for sure.
hugs