I’m a mom. I love my family and all that jazz, butI had two kids back-to-back which means that I haven’t slept in years. What I wouldn’t do for a good night’s sleep. I have literally set my alarm to take a seven minute nap. Seven minutes!
Now, to make every one of those minutes count, I have embarked on a mission to buy a new mattress. I asked around my office. It turns out “John the Lawyer” has a new bed from Leesa.
It was somewhat of an awkward convo being that I hardly know John and he is a serious, understated dude with no kids. But mama’s gotta sleep, so I had no shame in grilling him about his Leesa.
I asked him eight questions. Here’s what I found out.
Me: Technically that’s not a question, but the last mattress I bought required a trip to the far attic level of a department store. I felt like a hostage, trying out rows and rows of beds that all looked the same, while a creepy salesperson watched me and tried to negotiate. When I finally gave in, it felt like it took forever to be deliver delivered. How did this experience compare?
John: Very easy. You order from Leesa online. Shipping is free and our mattress arrived in a couple of days.
Me: Let’s cut to the chase. Suppose my bedroom actually goes back to being a bedroom for a night, how’s Leesa going to work out? I’d rather not announce my big night to my downstairs neighbor if you know what I mean.
John: I’m not sure I understand.
Me: Sex, John. I’m talking about sex.
John: Oh. Um, it’s stable. No noise. And none of the memory foam awkward quicksand feeling. Um, are we almost done here?
Me: Just getting started. On the rare occasion when I can sleep in—like maybe an apocalyptic snow storm that buffers all street noise—will I feel my husband when he gets out of bed?
John: Leesa has a core of memory foam so I don’t really feel the bed move when my wife gets up. I toss and turn more than she does and she says she doesn’t notice.
Me: That’s because she still loves you.
Me: Go back to the part about shipping. I can’t stay home to wait for an 8-hour delivery window that ends with two dudes with beer breath walking into my bedroom with their shoes on.
John: It came packed in a box. You can probably carry it yourself, or at least push it along the floor. You open the plastic wrap and the bed unrolls on its own.
Me: My current bed has taken a hit from every kid accident known to man. Including a five year old who ate lentil chili and then got a stomach virus. You get the idea.
John: Ours came with a seamless, heather grey, woven mattress cover.
Me: Awesome. Stain proof?
John: I think so. You can spot clean with a little soap and water. But we haven’t had to do that yet.
Me (in my head): I can’t wait for him to have a baby with reflux.
Me: I am usually squeezed between my husband with bad blanket management, a six year old’s curly mop of hair and an amputated American Girl Doll. Is this mattress hot?
John: I haven’t noticed that it’s hot, so I guess that’s a good sign. The top layer has two inches of perforated Avena™ foam that helps with airflow.
Me: You actually speak with little trademark symbols in your quotes? Wow, you really are a lawyer. Also, I think this means I can start wearing pajamas again.
Me: John, I want to believe you, but I am programmed to not to believe you because you have two incomes and no children in your bed. What if this bed sucks?
John: My facts are legit. But if you are still skeptical, they let you try it for 100 nights risk free. If you don’t like it, send it back.
Me: We both work at the company that owns Scary Mommy. What’s the deal with our deal?
John: Leesa is part of our Discover & SAVE program. It gives you $75 off your order, plus a $25 Target eGift card.
This sponsored post is part of the Scary Mommy Discover & SAVE program. Click here to check out Leesa and get $75 off a new mattress. (Scary Mommy editorial staff was not involved in the creation or production of this content. Also, they gave us a mattress so John the Lawyer could try it out.)