Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
Jeff and I are not a couple who enjoy seeing movies together. In fact, we make it a pretty miserable experience for ourselves. He insists on playing musical chairs in the theatre in a futile attempt to find the perfect seats. We change rows at least 3 or 4 times before the room goes dark. It’s a very intense 15 minutes or so, taking height, weight and snacking preferences into seating consideration. We’ve have actually resorted to sitting separately because I’ve refused to move for a fifth time.
Then, there’s the food issue. I’ve never really understood the need to eat in a movie. And if you’re going to eat, why not at least a quiet food? Couldn’t the concession stand sell marshmallows? Or jello? Something, perhaps, that doesn’t crunch? Whose idea was it to marry popcorn and movies anyway? The crumpling of the bag, the shaking, the chewing, the licking off of buttery hands…Don’t even get me started on the people who hold the bags to their mouths pouring the whole thing in. Gag me.
That brings me to the talkers. Once the lights go off, all mouths should be zipped. I have perfected the nasty glance back/eye roll/loud sigh that usually shuts up offender in a instant. Feet do not belong on seats, and there is no need to douse ones self in perfume. Common sense, people! Last, but not least, a child belongs in a movie with a rating of G or PG. Otherwise they belong at home with a babysitter.
That was then. Yesterday I joined the ranks of the “GP” (a term Jeff and I came up with years ago referring to the general movie going public) I brought my four year old to a movie. It was not rated G or PG and did not contain a single talking animal or animation. To make matters worse, we were running late and didn’t have time to stop for lunch. My solution? Grabbing subs next door and smuggling them in. Chips, too. Extra crunchy. She sat next to me the whole time asking question after question and rocking in her seat. I’m sure were the recipients of many an eye roll, but I was oblivious. I was actually watching the movie.
Since joining the chewing, swallowing, loudly whispering, child bringing audience members, I didn’t care what they were doing. I couldn’t obsess about Miss Blabber Mouth to my right or Mr. Loud Chewer to my left. I was one of them. A member of the GP. And you know what? It was a much more pleasant way to see a movie. Maybe they knew something I didn’t all along.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m most curious about what film you went to! I can’t envision it without that information.
Dark Knight.
:P
Mama Mia. And I give it 2 1/2 stars max. But it was better than Alvin & the Chipmunks which we are wearing out here. Not good though, and I really wanted to love it!
Sounds fun! But – I came to comment on your twitter thing about Lily – Funny, yeah that’s the word. LMAO!!!
OMG I think you sat by me last week. And once a few years ago. And once in 2000. Oh wait, those were three different people. And one was a man. I guess I’m wrong.
I went public a long time ago. My daughter’s first movie (as an infant): Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo. I’m not kidding. BOy we got some SERIOUS stares. We actually ended up taking turns in the lobby most of the time because of the baby, but it was fun to watch the evil eyes watch us! We just laughed!!
Oh my gosh – you’ve just described my father. He stands in the corner of the theatre scouting the perfect seat.
When living in Israel, the movie theatres have assigned seats – you don’t really get to choose. And there’s no personal space. The attendants group everyone together – starting in the middle and moving outwards.
You got me with the crunching too. I am not a fan of listening to anyone crunch their food, inside a movie theatre or out. It drives me bonkers. My husband knows this and gives a few extra loud ones just to annoy me. It works.
Some things I can relate to, some not…I have a whole food thing anyway so I really have a hard time NOT having popcorn at the movies (even if I’ve just eaten a full meal) – I guess it’s been hardwired in me…a sickness I know!
I still don’t take the littler kids to anything but the kid movies. I guess I stress too much about them disturbing others (and they will, I KNOW this about them!). I once worked with a lady who took her 4 year old to see “Troy”; the 10 pm movie on a school night…needless to say, we had a lot in common.
Disappointed about your Mamma Mia review; was planning on seeing next week.
Now I am done with my freakishly long comment…
My SIL won’t go to the movies because of all the popcorn crunching going on! BTW, don’t forget the Great Pop’rs Giveaway! The more you comment, the better chance you have of winning–Check it out!
OMG that is so funny…you solved your own problem!
I’m not a big movie person either for many of the same reasons.
My husband and I have issues with going to the movies together as well, mainly because I am SLIGHTLY anal about being there at least 20 minutes early.
You did freak me out a little when you answered “Dark Knight”. I was SO judging you. Mama Mia. Not so much.
You would have hated sitting next to me and my husband. We leave the kids at home, because that’s date night. Besides that, though, you totally described me. Especially the feet on the seats. We usually go when it’s not too full, though. It gives you a lot more freedom.
Oh this is such a great post! I used to be all judgy about people and their kids before I was a mom and now…I am GP too.
LOL. For me, it depends on whether it’s my date night or not. Date night: talk and crunch next to me and you risk the death stare. Kid’s movie: crunch away and chat to me all you like.
LOL LOL GP LOVE IT!
It’s like the old saying, “if you can’t beat them, join them.”
Oh I could so go to a movie with you. No popcorn. Standard snack = chocloate bar – melts in your mouth – silently!. And PLEASE don’t talk to me!
Made me laugh. Thanks!
Dork.
I am and always will be a popcorn guzzler. Lots of butter and salt and a soda. And I put my feet on the seats. If no one is in front of me.
Glad you’ve come around to “our” way of thinking! :)
the question is…did Lily enjoy the movie? I was looking forward to seeing Mama Mia but was afraid it would not be as good as the play. It never is. But I can’t resist all those good Abba songs! When i go to the movies, I am obsessed with what I can smuggle in this time.
I haven’t quite gotten to GP status, I still can’t stand talkers in a movie or the worst, back-of-the-seat-kickers. I’ve been known to turn completely around in my chair and throw a glare that made grown men cry. I do need to get out to more movies, maybe I will join the initiated then. :D
Yeah, I was all judgy before I had kids. Then I relaxed a bit. But last year, The Hubs and I went to go see No Country for Old Men and people brought their kids. Young kids. Impressionable kids. I was really bothered. Kids who did not need to see Javier Bardem playing that psycho. I would not have wanted to ease the nightmares those kids had.
Other than that, I am a cellophane rustling, feet up if no one is in front of me, movie-goer.
oh scary mommy now I love you more :) I haven’t taken the 2 year old yet, but in a few years. I think it might just be something I do.
I almost died of embarrassment the first time I took my son to the movies (Gladiator) (he was about 2 1/2). He didn’t sit, he spoke (yelled) and I had to keep taking him outside to try and convince him to behave. No luck. I should have just given up!!! Finally saw the movie when it came out on DVD. *sigh*
At least you weren’t texting your friends on the other side of the theater throughout the whole movie. That makes me completely crazy. I want to grab that phone from their hands.
I’ve given you an award on my blog. Please stop by! Love ya.
Do you make the buttons yourself!!!
I LOVE them! What does it mean to not use them for commercial use? Can I add one to my blog (it pretends to be commercial) but not sell the button of course??
Thanks, Godd & Crazy!
Pu-lease!! Take as many as you want.
I just meant, don't slap it on a shirt and sell it, but it did sound harsh :)
Thanks so much!!
She was pretty good. A bit too chatty, but she liked the singing and dancing. It was nice to have some alone time with her. :)
The movie: I hate to say it, but Meryl Strep was just too old. She’s playing a 40 year old and it’s just silly. Wait for Netflix. Or TBS. Seriously.
Who would have known that joining the ranks would have been so liberating! :)
I appreciate you taking the time to visit my blog when I was featured on SITS. I look forward to many more visits. Off to read more.
oh – you are a brave soul. My husband is the king at getting to a movie about 45 min early so that he can scope out the best possible seats. And by the time the movie starts, I have finished all the popcorn and have to pee.
Wonderful writing style you have here, GF. If you ever get bored, check out my post about taking my mom to the movies… http://www.halfpastkissintime.com/2008/01/elsie-mae-arp.html
It will make you laugh (or tear your hair out).