Sex offender status, should it be reversed or even not applied in some cases?
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    I get bored and VOD shows a lot and came across and MTV true Life I'm a registered sex offender.  It brought up the topic of young men who had been in consensual sexual relationships  with girls under age. And once those relationships went south, or the parents decided they didn't like it suddenly they became registered sex offenders. 

    In both of the cases neither man had forced himself  upon the girl  it was totally consensual.  One of the guys in peticular had dated the girl who was 15 or 16 and he was 18 or 19  and they were together for several months.  He decided to end the relationship and because of that the girl reported him for having sex with her since she was a minor. 

    The other guy had two offenses , the first time  he got a slap on the wrist the 2nd time he got jail time and became an offender.  Both tried to get there status reversed the kid with one offense was denied his reversal the other guy had his reversed because the girl who's parents turned him in came to the court date (at 17 or 18 now)  and said she  had no problem with the guy and felt he did not belong on the registry as she also had a part in what happened and was not forced to have sex with him. 

    So moms what do you think??  Do you feel that young men who are in consensual sexual relationships with older but still underaged teen girls deserve to become registered sex offenders for anywhere from 25 years to life? 

    Keep in mind to it is not just having to register with the police department, you cannot live within 100 yards of a bus stop,park,school.  You are told not to do your shopping at times when the store may be heavily populated with children.  you are advised not to go places where children might be ( amusement parks, concerts, parks including state parks,malls ect.) it is considered a felony and most job applications ask if you have  a felony on record.  Any time you move you must register or risk going to jail and when you do move in the  police and general public are allowed to post flyers warning of your sex offender status they do not have to explain the situation either so  even though it was consensual people are free to assume you molested little kids or raped someone.  any time you do want to move you have to do your research to make sure you are not around any of the places you cannot  be. 

    My personal opinion on this  is that at 15 maybe 14 depending on the girl  they know what they are getting into and if they are having consensual sex with someone 18 19 or even 20  depending on the age of the minor  that  registering should not be mandatory.  

    I was 15 when I lost my virginity  i lost it to a 19 year old   He never pushed me to do it or asked me to  the pushing and asking came from me.   Yes he was older but honestly I am glad I lost it to him and not some  asshole  i went to school with who would be talking about how he had sex with me on monday morning.  We did it once when i was 15 and again when i was 19 he was the first and second person i ever had sex with....


     I do feel the registry is a GOOD thing in cases of  sexual assault,  rape,  molestation and distribution of child pornography.  but i also feel there is a gray area and that having to register should be decided on a case by case  basis  and if  the person were to offend repeatedly  then yes  they would have to register as  them dating younger girls as they get older and older gets creepy


    So opinons please 
  • momsaidnomomsaidno
    Posts: 1,796Member
    I was 16 when I got prego and my bf was 19. Needless to say my dad and mom went happy. But we planned on getting married. Which didn't happen. MY parents didn't have him arrested or anything.

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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    see thats the crap I'm talking about.  Sooo when will the law change to  if you breast feed in public and OMG someone sees your  nipple by mistake you become a sex offender, or a guy decides to feeball it one day and his fly is unzipped with out him relizing  it and someone sees the frank or beans.
  • BakingmommyBakingmommy
    Posts: 409Member
    If you piss in a public place (parking lot/park etc) you get put on the sex offender registry as well
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    If you are convicted of soliciting a prostitute...

    community-manager


  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    I think in the US it is 16 With parental consent or at least it was in NY  it may vary state to state.  Now i agree at 15 i probably should not have been having sex with a 19 year old  i totally get that. But i NEVER do this but i will  pull the blame the parent card at least in my case.  My mom was pretty much a non existent parent to me till i hit about 16  she shipped me off to boarding schools and summer camps.  When I was home  she  really never gave a crap where I went or what I did.   She started getting more involved as i got older but was never in my business of who i was hanging out with or what i was doing.   I never had a curfew and I would call her  when i would be out late  or if  plans changed, or so she thought  I made up lies quite a few times  including driving 2 hours with this guy to long island to a concert when I told her i was going with a girl friend.  If she had been more aware  she totally would have known what was up ..... if i ever have a daughter i will be up her ass till the day she turns 18 
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    Oh, im sure he was having sex with girls his own age too lol  I was just 15 at boarding school and the only virgin in my dorm  that was SOOOO ending that weekend I was home. 
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @OxiMom - just one quick correction, under Megan's Law (NY Sex Offender) they can only post fliers / go door to door with Level 3, predicated sexual predators. The level of offense you are talking about here would be Level 1. That means that they are not searchable in the offender registry unless you call a number, give your name, address, etc and know their name, address, etc.

    http://www.criminaljustice.ny.gov/nsor/

    Even Level 2 sex offender don't give picture or address.  ONLY Level 3 sex offenders have picture, full address and fliers posted. These young men would NOT be subjected to that, in NY at least.
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    @LivinTheDream  thanks!

    I know here in PA  it shows all of them   or at least from what I know it does  a kid my ex boyfriend went to school with is searchable and lives down the street from us  he had naked pictures of a 14 year old he was chatting with on the internet on his home computer and is now a registered offender.   It probably varies state to sate, but that makes sense having diffrent levils. 
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @OxiMom - I just finished writing a massive paper on this exact topic, but I am going to avoid the public debate. I am happy to provide you with information!

    The reason your neighbor is on the registry is that he was in possession of child pornography, a 3rd degree felony. See this link:

    http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/CrimeCode.aspx?dt=

    "(d) CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. –
      (1) Any person who intentionally views or knowingly possesses or controls any book, magazine, pamphlet, slide, photograph, film, videotape, computer depiction or other material depicting a child under the age of 18 years engaging in a prohibited sexual act or in the simulation of such act commits an offense. (2) A first offense under this subsection is a felony of the third degree, and a second or subsequent offense under this subsection is a felony of the second degree."
  • OxiMOMOxiMOM
    Posts: 3,104Member
    I did not know that thank you. I just assumed pics from a girl he was in school with would also be a lesser charge. My ex said he was 18 at the time it happened still in hs with her.
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    There was more to what I was going to say, but it wouldn't let me type after I cut and pasted that. So, to go on......

    Under PA state law the flyers are again only distributed for a sexually violent predator. NOT a low level sex offender. It appears, though, that they are searchable with address information provided.  Here is a link to the FAQs of the program, and here is a key piece of info:

    http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/FAQ.aspx?dt=

    What is "community notification" under Megan's Law? A: Community notification is the process by which the community's chief law enforcement officer notifies the community of the presence of a sexually violent predator. The chief law enforcement officer notifies the community using a community notification flyer.   Q: Who is subject to community notification? A: Sexually violent predators are subject to the community notification requirements of Megan's Law. Also, certain out-of-state offenders are subject to community notification under Megan's Law (please see "Out-of-State Offenders" FAQs for additional information).
    Q:

  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @OxiMom - if he is 18, in the eyes of the law, he is an adult. In school or not. She is a minor, a child. That is considered child pornography.

    And, a quick note on my opinion (yeah, I said that I wasn't going to post it, and I am not going to post the entire thing):

    Megan's Law is fairly pointless because more than 95% of child molesters AND rapists are first time offenders. This makes the cost of Megan's Law are wasted on administration, because the people on the registry are not the ones committing the crimes.

    Want some interesting reading on this subject I can provide you with the links. Also, check out McNeil Island in Washington State.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    @LivinTheDream it doesn't work that way here. If you look up the Mississippi Sex Offender Registry, and type in your zip code, for instance, you may get 30 hits within 3 miles, and then you have to make an EFFORT if you want to know exactly WHAT they did. It doesn't just say it outright on the first page, and they are not separated by level or degrees of the offenses. 


    community-manager


  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    I know a comupter repair guy who turned a computer in with chipo on it and the person who he was fixing it for said he sold the computer to the repair guy.. Repair guy got 5 yrs in prison and has to regester as a level 3... None if the repair guys info was in the computer just the guy who needed it fixed...
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @Love - I was looking, and you are correct. Each state takes a different interpretation of Megan's Law (Federal) and Mississippi apparently is no joke - they just put it all out there. The funny (??) wording of one statute that is a register-able offense is "Forcible rape with intent to ravish" Um. Yeah, as opposed to plain rape without intent to ravish. However you should be able to locate what they were convicted of.... I found this (can you tell I am in school mode by the way??)

    http://www.klaaskids.org/st-miss.htm

    Information on registered offenders is available on the website: www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us (http://www.sor.mdps.state.ms.us/).
    Information is also maintained at local sheriff's offices and the MDPS.
    Information released includes: name, race, sex, date of birth, height,
    weight, eye and hair color, address, aliases, crime for which convicted,
    date and place of conviction, and a photograph. Geographic searches and
    notifications are also available. The MS statute also states that any
    other information deemed necessary for the protection of the public may
    be released. (emphasis added)

    @meandmy243 - I would be VERY interested in reading that case. That does not sound typical - unless he was convicted for NOT turning the computer in with the information on it. As in, he saw that it was on there and did not make a call to authorities to report it. That is a crime, or if he backed up the data (before making the repair) that would be a crime as well.
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    And...not quite sure how sex offenders became a specialty of mine....
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    LOL It's easier than that, you just have to know where to click.
    My point (sort of) is that people often don't check the original offense, when they commence to yelling monster.
    KWIM?

    community-manager


  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,312Member
    At 15 my DD snuck out to meet a 21 or 22 yo guy. Thankfully they never did anything more than talk because I found out about it very quickly. And I told him back off she's only 15 or I would report him to the police. They still texted, so I did call the police and ask them to contact him with a warning. They did. Done!

    Had anything happened I would have pressed charges.

    However if we're talking kids say 16 and 18 and in a known relationship, I disagree with tagging someone as a sexual predator.
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  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @Love - Yes, that was why I was shocked that MS didn't distinguish between sex offenders levels. That is why a lot of states do that. Honestly, the statutes are pointless.

    @AloneOverseas - Can I ask why you would have had him charged? I have an honest curiosity. Yes, I have a 15 year old DD, and I would control HER behavior (I think? I don't have a typical 15 year old...so can't really speak). If your DD is willing to sneak out, and had chosen to have sex was there some reason that you felt he was preying on her? Or is it just the maturity difference? Did you, at the time, think of the consequences of charging him or did it not matter? (This is NOT me being snarky. I am curious of the thought process.)
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    Personally, I think there are certain instances that the "offender" shouldn't have to register as a sex offender.  I am a product of such a situation.  My parents loved each other until the day my dad passed away 9 yrs ago. 

    I think consensual is consensual regardless of age. 
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    We've had underage employees, and it's sick how some of the men prey on them. Mind you, it is a grey area. You can always tell. Sometimes you'll say "back off, dude, she's 16" and they'll be abashed. Other times you get the crooked grin and "So? She can say no." Right. You're going to tip her $20 every time you come in, and a 16 yo is going to stop flirting? Please.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,312Member
    @livinthedream ... I would have charged him for many reasons ... one because he was in his 20's, definitely old enough to know better! Another because someone that old showing interest in an underage girl (and yes, 15 is underage) is of course, flattering and ... grooming. A 15 yo girl can not be trusted to do the right thing.

    And she met him online playing a game. DH got her hooked on the game but didn't foresee that she would make plans to meet someone then sneak out to meet up at the local playground (which thankfully was almost across the street!). He was also from South Africa. She had an interest in the country so was drawn to him because of that and his accent and he was talking to her about going back with him. Wrong!!

    Had it come to it, I would not have cared what happened to him. Would it have been different if he was only 16 or 17, sure. Then they'd both be stupid hormonal teenagers and I would have had to get over it. But a man in his 20's with a 15 yo ... Tough shit.
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    Can't help but remember the kid in OK or IA or somewhere a few years ago who had a 16-yo girlfriend and he was 18. I think they were at the same high school. She got pregnant. Her parents weren't happy but they didn't file charges - that would have been the shitbag state prosecutor who decided to keep the world safe by putting the kid in jail for rape and registering him as a sex offender. That kid got lucky - the public uproar convinced the prosecutor's office not to file charges. So I would have to say, with the younger set, there are a lot of extenuating circumstances that need to be taken into account.
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    Also, DH was an MP desk sergeant for a couple of years, he says he still cannot believe how many people - male and female - filed sexual assault and rape charges against someone because they were pissed off at them. Investigations cleared most of the bullshit cases, but he still thinks a couple people who got sent up and labeled sex offenders were probably not guilty. But that label will stick with them forever.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    In GA they have the close-in-age-exemption laws called the Romeo and Juliet Clause that prevents them from being prosecuted for statutory rape. http://www.age-of-consent.info/states/Georgia

    Here's the story of the now man (and Pro football player) who inspired the law changes in GA. It was huge news for a while. http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-11-26/news/30445669_1_marcus-dixon-pepperell-high-peri-jones
    deus ex machina
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    AnonMom said:

    I think consensual is consensual regardless of age. 



    I beg to differ.
    An underaged child can't legally give consent, regardless of their desires.

    community-manager


  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    OH that's what we have here, I think. The "close in age" clause anyway, but we had it before that court case.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @AloneOverseas - the meeting online and all that, yeah. I can see that.

    I asked DH about it, and he said that 15/19 was kind of ok, he'd be pissed but not prosecute especially if they were in school together. But, if he is in a position of authority (camp counselor, teaching assistant, etc) that changed it. When I was 15 I dated a 20 year old, and had sex with him. Didn't seem like a big deal then. Now? Yeah, bit more so.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    @LivinTheDream it's different as a parent, isn't it?
    My first was 19 too. I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. 


    I remember asking my dad once:
    "When are you going to stop being such a grouchy puss when I have a date????"

    He said "When you stop bringing home grown fucking MEN. Date somebody your own age, or I'm just going to start shooting before they get to the door."

    community-manager


  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,887Member
    K so I always feel soo bad about those young guys who get soo screwed by some lil girl who gets pissy when dumped or cries rape went busted or mom n dad press charges cuz they can admit that their lil princess is already having sex or in some cases a slut. I dated a 22yr and fucked him every chance I could @ the ripe old age of 13 and before u scream creep or pedophile. I lied my ass off to him complete with fake ID sayin 18 so who was truly to blame ? So now with all the technolgy to make lying to them so much easier why is it always the PENISES getting blamed when let's face it teenage girls are some of the most scheming conniving crafty ass creatures
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,312Member
    @stinkersmommy, there's a big difference though in a 20 something screwing an underage girl knowingly and one who is lied to and tricked. If he honestly did to know, then I agree, should not be charged. But if he does it full well knowing her age, then he deserves what he gets.
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • MegsueMegsue
    Posts: 1,846Member
    I didn't read all the posts cuz I'm tired and lazy; but here's my 2 cents: I don't think in most circumstances that an of-age person should be a sex offender for having consensual sex with their underage bf/gf. The ONE sex offender in my town was busted for having sex with his 16yo gf and he was 19 (here in ME 16-17 year olds can consent with someone no more than 2 years older than them) so because he was 3 years older, he's a sex offender. Fast forward 10-12 years, he's still on the registry and they are happily married with 2 children. The biggest problem I have with this, is that when you search for sex offenders in the area, he pops up, has his picture, name, address, DOB, and date of conviction, but not what he was actually convicted for or why! Someone who didn't know him might view that and think he raped babies for fucks sakes. He's married to his "victim" and that should be out there for public knowledge as well IMHO.
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 195Member
    I watched the MTV true life episode as well. I agree with most of the ladies that young men who have sex with their underage girlfriends should not be forced to register as sex offenders. It is difficult to draw a line for it though...are they ok until age 21? Is a three year age difference ok, but not a four? Perhaps these are all things that should be considered in a case by case basis. But I also agree that if the older person is in a position of power to the younger one (like teacher, counselor, etc), then no way! But some of these cases, particularly the one with 18 year old boy (and let's face it...they are BOYS at 18) and his 15 year old girlfriend, are so ridiculous , I have no idea how they got on the list in the first place. I guess it comes down to how strictly the laws are written. Well these legislators need to be watching themselves some MTV because what I watched was truly sad!
  • cbreeze
    Posts: 40Member
    If a 19yo dude wanted to date DD16, we'd have a problem. The biggest problem is college or real world vs. high school experience.

    If my 19yo DS(now 5) was a convicted sex offender for dating a 16yo, I'd be livid. Yes, I am embarrassed to buy into the double standard.

    If girls are widely considered to be more mature than boys in their mid to late teens, why isn't the girl in a consenting relationship also a sex offender? I've seen a few almost professional hussies at age 18 that obviously brainwashed their 16yo boyfriends.
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 195Member
    @cbreeze I absolutely agree that it should not matter what gender you are...male or female, if the age difference is that big with a minor, they should be considered a sex offender.