The Scary Mommy Community is a place to find support and camaraderie with amazing moms who love to help one another. We are scattered all around the world, of all different colors and sizes and lifestyles, united by a single thing: motherhood.

Please create a profile to post and for access to all of boards. It's quick and completely painless!

"Best Of" Scary Mommy Confessions [4-23-12]
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,791Member
    Every week Jill and I pick out Best Of's from the confessional. Go and confess your juiciest secrets and you may see your confession here next week!

    168685    DHs cat ""accidentally"" got out of the house today. Apparently I have some sort of allergic reaction to cleaning things covered in cat piss so  many times that causes me to forget to close doors.

    170922    DH asked me what my list of confession numbers was. I'm a teacher so I told him they were answers to a test

    169159    Today I walked in on my two year old drawing on his floor. With poop. And a kazoo.

    170993    Dear Husband- put your god damn computer down and pay attention to me! I will be heading to bed in about 15 minutes and if you try to make your move once Im in bed I just might stab you in the throat! Your loving Wife

    169487    My neighbor politely asked if he could bring anything to the local dumpster for us. I jokingly said "I have two kids you could take". He didn't find that nearly as funny as I did... and neither did my DH.

    171037    I want to suffocate my DH while he's sleeping. His snoring is out of control!!!! And he has the nerve to get all bitchy w me when I gently whisper for him to re-adjust. Next time I'll kick u in the dick to wake u darling.

    170682    I'm downstairs looking for soap while my husband is upstairs with the kids. Just how long can I "look" before he gets suspicious?

    170660    Waffle House is like butt sex. It seems like a really good idea when you're drunk at 3 AM, and it might even feel good at the time. But then you wake up the next day filled with shame and regret and you can't shit right.

    170501    Dressed my kids in swimsuits, set out towels, bath toys, fed them Goldfish, veggies, and popcorn, and put on Finding Nemo. They loved it. But really? Was so I could eat popcorn for dinner, drink a beer and watch my own show

    170473    DH can "squee", "nom nom", "fanboy" and "0.o" as much as he wants... he will NEVER be a "cool" young guy again, at over 40 it's just creepy!! Want me to find you uber sexy cool again?? GET A JOB!!
       
  • Lovebug71210Lovebug71210
    Posts: 58Member
    Yay I made it twice!!!! Woo hoo!!! Let's just say this week I have cleaned poop and lost a cat!!!
  • OpheliaOphelia
    Posts: 3,738Member
    #170660 is hilarious.
    Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.. -Grateful Dead<3
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    LOL!!!  Poop and a kazoo....I have actually been there!  RIGHT there lmao.
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • MamaAce
    Posts: 404Member
    LOL awesome choices.
  • lizim
    Posts: 52Member
    Second week in a row for me!  I'm on fire!

    And I'll cop to it, I'm Waffle House lady.  

    It tastes so good, but treats me so bad.........
  • OpheliaOphelia
    Posts: 3,738Member
    I dont think I have ever laughed so hard at a confession @lizim
    Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.. -Grateful Dead<3
  • LadyBug0910LadyBug0910
    Posts: 233Member
    #169159 ive been there. like yesterday. my dd2 thought she was hilarious. just replace the kazoo with my hairbrush and its dead on. :-/
  • lizim
    Posts: 52Member
    @Ophelia That's because only the truth is funny............
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    Interesting... didn't realize there was a 'Best Of" for confessions... One of mine is up there... LOL 
    B
  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,470Member
    @lizim you are so right about the Waffle House...
  • babynkittymama
    Posts: 77Member
    I am at work and a couple of these made me LOL so that a coworker asked me what I was laughing at!  OOPS!
  • fitmommyfitmommy
    Posts: 79Member
    this are all too funny and I can relate to a few
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,607Guest
    170660 OMG funniest shit ever!!!
Add a Comment