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Does one HAVE to get married? (a rant)
  • palmer93
    Posts: 49Member
    I'll admit i've dreamt of walking down the aisle with all eyes on me, everyone whispering "look how beautiful she is", and the man of my dreams tearing up a little as I smiled at him. But the more people ask me if I'm ever going to tie the knot the less I want to. I mean really whats the point? I already have committed my life to my boyfriend, and hes committed his to me. So how much more committed could one be? I mean I understand it's tradition and yeah it sounds fun but to me were already married. Then theres the people that understand where im coming from and they think I dont think about how married people have the financial upper hand but that doesnt affect us in any way what so ever. So why push us? Why is it SO wrong to be in love with someone, have a baby with them and NOT be married? Is it because YOU don't want to have to explain to YOUR kid why we think it's okay to have sex and not be married? Did you forget you never even believed in saving yourself until you got married? This is aimed at a few certain people in my life and I just..i want to be able to tell them to keep to themselves without being mean. Im happy, they're happy, so why does it matter so much to them?
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,701Confessional Manager
    Marriage doesn't make it a commitment if you ask me. The love and devotion two people have between one another is what makes it a commitment. Do not get married for anyone else except for the reason that YOU want to. 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • LA_PygmyHerderLA_PygmyHerder
    Posts: 1,239Member
    Marriage is no biggie one way or the other. If it's not for you, so be it. They can stuff it. It's supposed to be about you and him anyway, not what everyone else wants. Dh and I were "living in sin" for 3 years before we got hitched. Mainly for the financials as you said. But it was about and for US. We even debated just eloping since it wasn't that big a deal to us anyway.
  • MalmqukMalmquk
    Posts: 633Member
    9 years and no marriage and no plan to marry! 2 mortgages, a child 2 cats...and my surname is far better than his anyway so I dont really see the point tbh.
    I'm not religious, I don't see 1 day all of a sudden giving us commitment we don't already have.
    I'm pretty unfazed by it all.
    Next time it get mentions ask them if they are offering to pay?
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,254Member
    I'd have to say that I agree with @unforgiven.  Marriage doesn't always mean a commitment.  My DH and I tied the knot, because we both wanted to and it was what worked for US. We didn't think about what anyone else wanted.  And you shouldn't either.  If you and your SO are both satisfied with your current situation, then that should be enough for everyone.  No explanations necessary, in my opinion.
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • MiaMommyof2
    Posts: 152Member
    I totally agree with @unforgiven. I, personally, have no reason to get married. I do not think it will do anything different than we already are. If you are happy with each other and both agree on how your life is working, why do something that could cost bundles of money just to make people happy. You keep doing what you are doing and be happy!
    Hakuna Mata....
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    6 years : 1 dd , 1 cat, and no plans to get married... I just can't see spending the money (both my parents have passed and other family members are too distant to care). Always thought I'd get married but now I couldn't give two hoots... although the tax break would be nice for my SO.
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • PandamandaPandamanda
    Posts: 134Member
    We have been together for 3 yrs and have a 13 month old. We are choosing to get married in October because we WANT to. We were getting asked all the time about it because DF is a devoted practicing Catholic but our reasons were different is that we didn't want to get marries for the wrong reasons and we arent. We feel we are ready now but my stance on it is that you do it or not but you guys know what works for you!!
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 192Member
    I am a married woman, but only because I chose to. To each his own, doesn't bother me in the least. However, I would like to point out that being married gives a couple certain legal perks that those who are not married do not get. For example...filing a joint tax return, if you have no will your SO is going to have a heck of a time with possessions and custody if something happens to you, if you or your so is in the hospital and it is a "family only" situation you might not be allowed to see them. These are certainly not reasons you have to get married. Just a few advantages. But still, you should do what you want and FUCK anyone who tells you differently.
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    I am not sure about the situation in the USA but here (in France) you don't have to be officially married to be considered "family only" (and even back in the usa I don't remember anyone asking to see proof) also with inheritance and children (and even with a will) the law states that is goes to the children but as far as possessions go, I don't know. In the USA when my father died, no will the house went to 50% my mother and 50% to us kids - they were divorced but it was in the agreement... but not married it might go to 100% the child but you would be legal guardian until the child was of age. But yes the "in case one of us dies" was on my mind when I was pregnant but now dd has all her paperwork in order.      
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 192Member
    @beam if you are not married and you don't have a will...everything ends up in probate...unfortunately you do have to be married to be considered family, although I hope they never ask for proof! I have no judgements here AT ALL...just some things that were once brought to my attention....
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 192Member
    Hey! Where did my emoticon go?!? I'll try it again!!! ;)
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    @Jessiesmom - yeah I am not sure about possessions and living together and whatnot and the laws here are different (ex. here you cannot leave a child out of a will). With my father (died when I was 18) things went smoothly (I was the executor), same when my mom died. As far as hospitals, they have allowed me to see my SO's family (uncle) in the hospital (no questioned asked just two at a time). And can't imagine a hospital asking to see a marriage certificate and I have been to see a friend in critical condition at ICU because she was asking for me... I have never heard of a hospital refusing if the patient wants to see someone. Questions that would be more complicated : care/decisions if one was in a coma or incapable of signing for such and such a treatment. My SO was declared as responsible for me in such cases.
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • AnonUser28
    Posts: 2,083Guest
    I didn't realize it was different in the US, but in Canada we have common-law marriages. If you live together as a couple for a certain amount of time, or have a child together while living together, you are considered married in the eyes of the law, and have all the priveleges/obligations of a married couple, like the joint tax returns. And though a divorce is not needed, there can be issues of things like alimony/division of property if the couple separates.
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