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Is there anyone else who DOES NOT see a problem with this?
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/27/11429170-mom-who-used-facebook-to-discipline-teen-has-no-regrets?lite


    I think in a society where spanking your kids is considered child abuse, even a slap on the hand is looked at as wrong,  we as parents have to take other measures to show our kids we mean business.  

    I'm also a firm believer in eye for an eye.  Let my child try to embarrass me in front of his friends and I'm likely to turn around and do the same to him.

    I don't know, I think what she did was great and probably did teach her daughter a lesson.  Just like the guy that went on YouTube and took a shot gun to his daughters laptop.  


    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,224Member
    Lol. I could totally see me doing this when my kids are teenagers. I mean, come on. There'll always be a critic no matter how discipline your child.
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,175Member
    i think what she did is perfectly appropriate. and i bet her daughter learned a lesson from it. i'll have to keep that one in mind for when my kids are teens....
  • jovie
    Posts: 16Member
    We live in the age of humiliation...
    I see what this mother did as bullying and would not do it myself.
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    I would do it.
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    I HAVE done something similar - when DD14 couldn't watch her language on FB I put up a status that said "DD is not yet mature enough to respect others. She has been grounded from FaceBook until she shows maturity in her online interaction."
  • vintkey78vintkey78
    Posts: 324Member
    I think it's a damn fine idea.
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,224Member
    How is it bullying?

    Any sort of discipline technique involves some sort of coercion.  
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • vintkey78vintkey78
    Posts: 324Member
    When my daughter was grounded from her phone and then was sneaking around using her brothers phone, I texted everyone she was talkin to and told them what she did and that she was not allowed on the phone.
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    Good call @LivinTheDream.
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,716Member
    i would do it in a second. hell yeah. same w/ the dad and the .45.
    we got the house!!!!! i have worked so hard for 5 years to get us in a spot to buy! isnt it cute?!?!?!?
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    @jovie, I can see how you would see it as bullying but think about this,  we are living in a time now where a lot of kids have absolutely no respect for their parents.  They disrespect them in front of their friends, talk crap about them on the social media sights.  These are the same people that gave them life, kept a roof over their head, kept clothes on their back, kept food in their bellies and loved them UNCONDITIONALLY no matter what.  I would NEVER think to talk to my parents or treat my parents the way I see kids doing it now.  Even as an adult, I am a little more verbal, BUT still very respectful.

    We're not supposed to spank our kids, slap them on the hands and honestly sometimes giving them a time out just doesn't work.  My oldest has been doing the reverse psychology on me for the past 2 years and he'll be 7 this summer.  His response when I say I'm going to take away things to punish him is, "I don't care, do what you have to do."  I took toys away from him 2 years ago when he started saying that.  The child had no toys for 3 months cause he never asked for them.  

    We all have our own views on what's "right" and what's "wrong"  If my child wants to out me on a social media site you bet your butt I'm gonna do the same thing.  
    :D
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • WildandFree
    Posts: 1,600Member
    Frankly I think this is great. All this pussy footing around disrespectful little shits is infuriating. The mother forget point across, and even the daughter willingly admitted that this was her way of being grounded. Was it embarrassing? Maybe. But the girl had to put her big girl panties on and respond to each person who asked like a big girl while owning up to her actions. Hell, she could've actually hurt or humiliated the kid. Instead, she thought outside fhe box and actually got her attention. Bravo mom!
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,701Confessional Manager
    I don't think it's so bad, not sure I would do it myself but I'll let you know in about 7 years.

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    I am totally on board....even with the handgun toting dad that completely destroyed his daughter's computer.  Teenagers suck lol.
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    I think that you haven't dealt with a teenager you really can't say what you would and wouldn't do. Just like before you are raising your own toddler you have NO IDEA what it is like and what they are capable of doing. At all. Teens are NOT toddlers. And they are bullies constantly. Talking and reasoning doesn't work with them, because they will twist and argue shit that you say.

    Example: "DD, you can't put things that have the word 'fuck' on your FaceBook. You are friends with your aunts, that is the main way they get to find out what is going on with you because they live so far away from you. It offends them."

    DD: "What do you mean? It was just a PICTURE!! Why are you stalking my FaceBook?? How could you???" *insert stomping and door slamming*

    And...yelled from the next room: "Why do you hate me?? You never pick on my sister about this stuff (who is 5, btw).....she gets to do whatever she wants to!! This isn't fair!!! I WILL NOT TAKE DOWN ANY PICTURES AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"

    And...off I go to the router and change the wireless router password. Take away ALL ELECTRONICS and she is once again grounded.

    Tell me how those of you THAT DON'T HAVE TEENS would handle that situation???
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 1,849Member
    I'm not knocking anyone's parenting, I'd put up the pic, but I can't say I'd make her explain what happened to everyone. To me, making her relive it repeatedly just rubs it in. But maybe that's what she needs. Idk, I have a 3 yo who is super sensitive. We'll see.
    I like the gun guy's approach. :D
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,224Member
    Oh teenagers are master word twisters. If there's a loophole, they'll find it. I'm not looking forward to my own teenagers, because I've seen my teenage waitresses. I smile at them, and indulge them, thinking the whole time "I'd SO kick your ass if you were my kid!"
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    @Curious - My favorite line: "You wanna call the cops? Fine. Here is my phone - call them. But you better fucking hope they hurry up, because I am NOT going to jail for grabbing your arm. I am going to jail for beating your ass!!!" She's never called.
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    As along as it isn't spanking (ahum) i'm ok with creative ideas, to each his own. Had a friend who made her daughter (who wore something inappropriate to school, well she changed into it at school) wear a outfit of her choosing to school every day for one week. The clothes were only slightly embarassing but just enough and the mom put the photos up for us adults too see. Daughter took it in stride.

    As far as facebook goes I don't know (yet) how i'd handle the situation and what is age appropriate - this seems alright.

    As for the older teen with the dad who shot out computer. At first I laughed *go dad* but then thought why didn't he take the computer away or give it to someone? Then I saw the girl's response... and apparently she is a lesbian and her dad is homophobic and so there is more there than meets the eye in their family drama... which made me realize that there are always two sides to a story and why shouldn't children have a voice and speak out? Shouldn't their opinion count? Should they keep shut about abusive parents? Many questions and nothing is so black and white. Maybe they need a ScaryChild site? ;)
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • Mommyto3
    Posts: 118Member
    I think what she did was probably what needed to be done with her dd. All teenages are different and respond to different discipline methods. I'm sure by the time my dds are teenagers I will have come up with something that works for our family. And I'm not going to say that I won't embarrass them because I am sure I will, especially is whatever they are in trouble for embarrassed the family some how.

    @livingthedream I love your favorite line and I can so see me using that one in the future!!
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    Ah I just thought of something I read last night - the dad who duck taped the mouth and hands of his daughter and put her in a cage... people found out about it because the son took a photo of his sister and put it on facebook... he was charged with abuse.
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,224Member
    @Beam: That story is another way that teenagers, in particular, like to obfuscate the issues. The dad was very plain in what happened, what she wrote on FB, and why he responded the way he did.

    Her lesbianism and his homophobia is just a lovely hot topic to muddy the waters when it's completely irrelevant.

    Just because she's gay she doesn't have to do chores? Just because she's gay she can call her parents out on FB after blocking them? Just because she's gay means she doesn't need to respect her parents? 

    I mean the dad and the laptop shooting.
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    @Curious - From what I remember the enviroment was quite toxic due to her sexual preference and she has moved out... if you don't respect your children don't expect them to respect you - it goes both ways.
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
  • lmallison
    Posts: 59Member
    I brought this up to my mom and sister, and my mom reminded us:

    When my sister was in grade 8, she got in trouble at school for not speaking French (she was in French immersion, and you had to speak in French always). She told my parents, "the teacher is mean, she doesn't like me, etc." My parents spoke with the teacher who said my sister is very smart, and she CAN speak in French, she just doesn't want to!

    So after getting in trouble for this numerous times, my parents cancelled the pool party she was supposed to have, as punishment. My dad sat down with her at the kitchen table, and made her call every one of her friends and explain that she wasn't having a pool party, because she didn't want to speak French at school. That sure taught her a lesson!!!!!

    And I think if we had had Facebook then, my parents would've done this, and it would have worked!!
  • LovestheMountainsLovestheMountains
    Posts: 17Member
    Ha, Ha I think it's a good punishment!! My Aunt always told her kids growing up "just remember if embarass me out in public, I will embarass you!!" her kids never acted out with her, so it must have worked!
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    I agree with @LesboMom this was a parent doing what she felt was right for her child and their family in the way of discipline. I don't see what the big hullabaloo is and why it needed national attention. The child herself admitted it's the same as another grounding. #1.. IT WORKED (and everyone survived!) 
    B
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 2,460Member
    I don't think she did anything wrong. Why is it that everyone today feels like we need to "protect" our children? I mean, come on, they have to learn someday! 
  • crazymama2twocrazymama2two
    Posts: 843Member
    Omg hat was nothing in comparison of some shit. I thank her for giving me the idea for use Ina few years lol
  • Emmie
    Posts: 277Member
    My basic rule of thumb as a parent is not to publicly humiliate my kids.  I respect them, and try not to punish them in ways that others (including their friends) will know that they are being punished.  It is just between me and them. 

    With that said, when they are grounded from the phone or other activities, of course their friends will know, and the kids generally tell the friends why they are grounded. 

    However, I could see myself doing something similar to this, but only in certain situations, when other attempts have failed.  And I support those parents for making the choices that they did for their kids.  Both have said that they didn't do it for publicity or expect others to pay attention. 
  • bombkittybombkitty
    Posts: 306Member
    I think that a bully does things to deliberately hurt another person.  This mom wasn't doing that.  I see a lot of parents that take the path of least resistance, esp with teenagers.  I tell my DS (15), "I love and support you, but I'm not your buddy, I'm your mom.  I have things to teach you so you can be a productive, happy adult."  He and I can be pals when he is an adult, like I am with my mom now.  We had a rough time when I was a teenager, but she stuck to her guns and I turned out OK.  Sometimes a little embarrassment goes a long, long way with a kid that age.
  • Teeny
    Posts: 3Member
    I had a checking account when I was 16. My mom made me close it because I was bouncing checks all the time. She told the teller we were closing it because I was not responsible enough to have a checking account. As a result, I'm completely obsessive about NOT overdrawing my accounts EVER! A little embarrassment taught me a huge life lesson!

    Love it!
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,561Member
    Noah used to embarrass me in public, so I started speaking loudly about vaginas. He stopped. :)
    deus ex machina
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 2,460Member
    I just don't think there is anything wrong with embarrassing your child if that is what it takes to get the message across. I mean, we can't spank, cant yell at or in any way degrade our children. Cant do ANYTHING. So where does that leave us? 
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,278Guest
    I think the Mom is a fool IMO. When you stoop down to a childs level I lose respect for the adult as well.
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,278Guest
    The more I think of this the more of a disgrace I think this woman is. She made it all about HER not about disciplining her daughter. Same as that dickhead dad who shot his little girls computer. I think it's a "Look at me! Look at me! This is what I do to discipline my kid. I'm awesome. I kick ass!" This woman spent all this time to photshop a picture of her little girl and write a bunch of crap when all she had to do was be a fucking grown up and de-activate the kids account. For good!
  • discomoose87discomoose87
    Posts: 45Member
    I'd do it in a heartbeat. Embarrassment, when used properly, can be a very effective tool. When I was a kid I would have much rather gotten a spanking than have my parents embarrass me so I watched my mouth and didn't act out, especially in public and I'm not emotionally scarred from it. I learned self control. In my hometown recently a teenage boy was caught stealing from his parents' friends and was given the choice between them going to the police and him getting a parole violation or standing on a public street corner all day wearing a sign describing his crime. He chose the corner and given his demeanor that day I doubt if he'll be in a hurry to steal again.
  • Twins911Twins911
    Posts: 212Member
    NOT a problem for me… I would do the same. Times have changed it is not enough to ground your child, because parents have it harder with all this social media. The girl will think twice before she disrespects her mother or other grown ups again. Lesson learned. 
  • jovie
    Posts: 16Member
    handtowelLady said:

    The more I think of this the more of a disgrace I think this woman is. She made it all about HER not about disciplining her daughter. Same as that dickhead dad who shot his little girls computer. I think it's a "Look at me! Look at me! This is what I do to discipline my kid. I'm awesome. I kick ass!" This woman spent all this time to photshop a picture of her little girl and write a bunch of crap when all she had to do was be a fucking grown up and de-activate the kids account. For good!



    this!
  • Die4mygirls
    Posts: 18Member
    I agree with what she did. They are taking all the power out of the parents hands! Children need disipline! This will only help them when they are older!
  • Diamethyst
    Posts: 8Member
    I think we all forget that we have the emotions of embarrassment and humilitation for a reason - they are "oops, I screwed up" emotions, and meant to help us learn not to repeat the action or lack thereof which caused us to experience those emotions in the first place.  Removing that natural consequence of behavior is leading to a generation of kids and adults who have no compunction about being disrespectful and ill behaved because they have no fear of being embarrassed or humiliated as a result. 
  • French_momFrench_mom
    Posts: 1,541Member
    @livingthedream  my bf did call the cop on my mil saying she was hitting him.  Wich she was not. He was been a major pain in her ass.   The police called back.  My mil told the policeman that she didnt hit him at all but that NOW she would.  That was the end of it.   Since then my BF listen to his mom. Even now that he is all growned up at 37yo. If she just twitch, he ducks.   And she is this tiny woman, and he is this big guys.

    As for the main topic. I dont know. If they humilliate me, they need to feel what it is like to be humiliated too. I might not take it to public. But i am sure i will find a way. 
    It is for me to know and you to dot dot dot.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,248Member
    I didn't have a problem with what this mother did, this is a kid who's old enough to know better and while I'm not a big fan of embarrassing your kids intentionally, I doubt expressing displeasure in this case would have worked.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • SaraSara
    Posts: 1,037Member

    I think there are too many people out there telling parents what they can and can not do to raise their children. There is a difference between discipline and abuse. Neither is supposed to be fun and they both change over time. Spankings are now considered abuse but 30 years ago children picked their own switch. Today using social media to get your kids attention is sometimes the only way to get it done. I doubt the mother did what she did the "first" time the daughter acted out.

    I have a 17 year old and I have personally heard him on several occasions making me out to be an asshole to his friends. In some cases over things I didn't even know about. For example, he told all his friends he couldn't go to a pool/birthday party cause I would say no. I didn't even kow about it until afterward...and I called him on it in front of his friends...he tap danced his ass around that one. When he is grounded he always tells his friends, "Oh, she got mad at me so I am grounded." Right...I randomly got mad and grounded the kid. Poor sad neglected child... So the friends think I am a cunt and mean mom. But did he tell them that he got caught stealing presciption drugs from my mom and selling them at school? Oh no...he forgot to mention that. Or that he got caught for the THIRD time with pictures of teenage girls in their underwear on MY computer? That's ME that would be labeled a sex offended...not that little shit head looking for something to jerk off to.

    So when it comes down to "humiliating" these poor defenseless little teens...you think you can raise my kid better than me, take him. You'll have him back home within the week. If he is going to put me at risk with the law and rack up his own felonies...you can bet your ass I am going to take whatever steps necessary to prevent this behavior from repeating itself.

    Think of your problems as challenges to overcome not obstacles to be avoided.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,757Member
    @Sara AMEN sister. I get really tired of the hippy dippy parenting shit. I don't like being told that I need to rationalize and negotiate with my children. That's crap, and that's why we have an entire generation of kids that think they rule the roost. Obviously, I do not advocate or condone abuse, but another poster mentioned that humiliation is a purposeful emotion. She was right. Kids need to know that there are consequences more severe than a "good talking to" in the real world. I am all for creative discipline. Obviously, different strokes for different folks applies, but I will not let my kids turn out to be insufferable little shits because no one told them that it's not okay to be mean or disrespectful, or because they were led to believe that IRL, everyone will just tell them that what they did was wrong and that's the end of it. If you fuck up at work, you get fired. If you are disrespectful to others, you might get your ass kicked. It sucks, but it's real.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • Mellibell
    Posts: 3Member
    Hello everyone!  I am new to this site and look forward to intelligent discussions here.

    I am on the fence on this one.  I don't know if this is something I would particularly do, but the nice thing is that we can hear from the child on this one, and she thinks it isn't that big of a deal.  So, if she isn't totally upset by it, I guess no one else should be that up in arms, either.  I tend to believe that the child/parent relationship itself has a lot to do with the punishment.  If mom was constantly trying to embarrass said child and always attention seeking, I think this would be more over the top.  But, since that doesn't seem to be the case, and the girl doesn't think much of it, I guess I don't think much of it, either.
  • SaraSara
    Posts: 1,037Member
    @Grits, thank you! I was kinda thinking I might get a backlash there but I was honest. I have been told this is the entitlement generation and so far I haven't see anything that makes me think otherwise. MOST kids today SEEM LIKE they are preprogrammed to expect cell phones, laptops, iPods, MP3 players, cars at 16, no bedtimes, no limits...it scares me to think that these are the same kids that will being running our country when I am old.
    Think of your problems as challenges to overcome not obstacles to be avoided.
  • Mommato3Mommato3
    Posts: 22Member
    I Dont see anything wrong with what this mother did! It reminds me of a picture that I seen, It said something like this: People always say we need to leave a better planet to our kids when we need need to be worring about leaving better kids to this planet.
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,070Member
    @Sara - I wouldn't sweat some of the "she got mad and grounded me" as we all said the same things growing up and doesn't change much how we feel about our parents nor our friends parents. Talking the good talk about being grounded "for nothing" was just part of the game of saving face in front of our friends growing up. I think most of us felt that it was parents being parents - it was the "cool" parents that seemed odd. Basically what I'm saying is we aren't there to be buddies with our kids or have their friends like us or even care that their friends know the real reason for the punishment, as that is between a parent and the child. They should have the choice to keep the offense private and/or blow it off in front of their friends - even if in private they deserve a whole lot of whoopass as yours does ;)
    But back to fb - they need to learn that fb is public forum (not private) and their disrespectful words towards others (parents, classmates, family) have consequences as they would if they, for example, disrespected their parents in public at a restaurant.
    "Magic things are fond of deceptions.” ― Tom Robbins
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