Husband tired all the time
  • ojibwaymommy
    Posts: 82Member
    I want to slap my husband when I see him yawning or when he tells me he needs to go take a nap because he's tired.

    I swear to god, that man would sleep his entire life away if he could.

    He works at home and looks after our DS. I work outside the home at a very demanding and stressful job. I come at night to a house that is turned upside down, laundry that needs going and dinner that needs cooking.

    I do all of this and more and I am up early every single day. I don't complain about being tired and I rarely, if ever, take naps during the day if I am at home. Even when DS takes his naps. I may sit down and read or watch a television show, but I rarely sleep during the day.

    My DH often gets a lot more sleep than I do and he still complains about being tired. Many nights, after dinner, he goes to bed to take a "nap" which means we don't spend much time together.

    And no, he doesn't have a health problem or anything like that. In my opinion, he's mostly just lazy.

    I just wonder if anyone else has a DH like this. It really, really annoys me and actually insults me when he goes on and on about how tired he is. Really? You don't think I get tired too. But I suck it up to spend time with my family and do what needs to be done around the house.

    Ugh.

  • crazymommy
    Posts: 776Member
    I deal with similar issues. DH sleeps allll the time. Days off he sleeps until afternoon and it's not uncommon for him to take a 3 or 4 hour nap on the couch after work. His reason probably is medical. I think he's very depressed. We have struggled financially for the last few years. He was laid off from a very good job and had a really hard time finding work. Finally found a job but the pay is much less and it's about a 2 hour drive to get there. The financial stress has turned him into a completely different person, and me too probably. We have problems in our marriage and worry and fight constantly. I still get mad when he sleeps like that. It's really difficult to take the fact that the house is a wreck, the kids are a wreck, and bills need paid or gone over, when DH is laying there sleeping through the afternoon. I have sympathy, but still want to smack him. I feel your pain!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,196
    He probably doesn't have energy because he doesn't exert energy. My DH always says if he works out in the morning, he's good for the day, but if he doesn't, he feels shitty and tired for the day.
  • ojibwaymommy
    Posts: 82Member
    I don't think it's that. We live in the country and my husband cuts and piles wood and does all kind of work around the house.

    He's still tired.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,196
    LOL. Spike his drinks with 5-hour energy, J/k. Maybe he's anemic?
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,802Member
    Hmm... there was a point in my life where I also felt tired ALL the time. I thought I just needed more sleep than a normal person, but it turns out I had a huge iron deficiency. One iron pill a day and I'm good to go :) Maybe suggest that he starts taking iron pills?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Hmmm.I know you said you don't think it is a medial condition but could he be depressed? I think he is. My DH sleeps every chance he gets. He would benefit from working out though too. Maybe if your dh is doing all kinds of work around the house he just tires out easier?

    My dh also has some testosterone issues.He is much more awake from 6-10 a.m. then crashes and burns for the most part of the day...

    Or is could be that they're just lazy jerks!!
  • ut_mommyut_mommy
    Posts: 315Member
    I was going to say anemic too. I'm going to the dr's to get tested. I've been anemic before and lately I'm just exhausted all the time. Like @rap422 said it also helps if I exercise. But honestly I just can't make myself. I really hope it's anemia because then there's a solution.
  • ut_mommyut_mommy
    Posts: 315Member
    That said my ex was just a lazy POS. He slept all the time and never did anything. I tried to blame it on stress and depression and all sorts of other excuses (which is totally legitimate for others! don't get me wrong). But in the end he was just lazy. One of the many many reasons he's an ex.
  • ojibwaymommy
    Posts: 82Member
    Well if he's depressed, he needs to suck it up.

    I highly doubt it's that. He has no reason to be depressed. We're happy, we get by financially and things are good.
  • CoalMinersWife
    Posts: 17Member
    Again, I know you said not medical...but my DH has a heart condition that is extremely hard to detect that causes him to be tired ALL. THE. TIME. The condition makes him tired. The medication makes him tired. He cannot win. He has both AFib and SVT...and the biggest problem for him is that when they happen, he cannot detect them to take his "per episode" medication or go to the ER to put it back into rhythm, so he is just exhausted. In fact, just yesterday he woke up tired around 10 and took a 2 hour nap before he had to go in to work for the afternoon (leaves at 2)and discovered that his heart was out of rhythm. He has had a stress test that took him almost 3 times longer than most people to try to invoke an episode. And he had an EP study where they give you medicine like adrenaline to make your heart race to invoke an episode...his heart raced and they had to shock him back to normal, but it never went out of rhythm.
    For me, I have dealt with depression my entire adult life...there are days I can sleep my life away. Even now. Depression isn't about how great your life is. I have the best husband. He takes care of us. He makes plenty of money that I don't have to work, we drive nice cars, wear nice clothes, have nice things, don't rely on credit cards, go out and do fun stuff, we get along great, lots of friends, and on top of all of that..have 2 amazing healthy boys. My life is awesome. Depression is a sickness. And we often try to hide when we aren't feeling so great so that no one else has to suffer...or so we think :( Fortunately, I had someone tell me they thought thats what my problem was, and now I have a great support system behind me when it hits. I don't take medication for it...I had a bad experience with that...but I have a wonderful older friend who I can talk to anytime I need her. If your husband is that bad, maybe he needs to see a doctor or counselor...at best you get a better H, at worst...he stays the same.
    I know you know your husband better than anyone, but maybe there really is a silent underlying issue that needs addressed?
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    I would send him to the doctor!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Depression is a chemical issue and it's honestly something you can't just snap out of or suck it up about. And it's self-feeding. The more depressed you are, the more exhausted you are. The more you sleep (it's an escape), the more you get exhausted and depressed. A simple anti-depressant from a GP could honestly fix the problem!

    I don't have insurance and can't take meds right now, but I've been taking 2 Super B complex vitamins and they help SO much. But you HAVE to take them with food or they don't work.
  • happygirlhappygirl
    Posts: 112Member
    Maybe he's just tired and you are a better person than he is for being able to "suck it up" and not say anything about being tired. Maybe he mistakenly thinks that you are his partner and care about how he feels? If he cuts wood, etc. then maybe he is just genuinely tired.
    And depression can happen to anyone, whether everything seems ok on the surface or not.
  • ojibwaymommy
    Posts: 82Member
    Yeah, I realize that @happygirl, as someone who once suffered from manic depression.

    And I do care about him, but I'm not going to baby him when he whines like a little baby about being tired. Boo fucking hoo. Go to the doctor then.

    I don't complain and resent when others do. Simple.
  • happygirlhappygirl
    Posts: 112Member
    But you love him, right?
    There are lots of things that I don't do that other people have no problem doing. They are not me, all human beings are different. Maybe he just wants to validate that he is worth listening to even if you don't like what he is saying or would not say it yourself. I don't know him or you so I'm just guessing. But from the tone of most of your posts, you seem very militant. If one does not like your way it's the highway. I just don't understand how that conveys love.
    I'll be completely honest with you. I wanted to maim my first husband any time he said he was sick or tired...because I really could not care less how the man felt. We were definitely not on the same team, much less trying to make each other's lives easier so why would I give a damn how he felt? That's why I'm asking if you love him.
  • crazymommy
    Posts: 776Member
    My dh is like this. He's been working a construction job for the last 5 1/2 months that is a 2 hour drive one way. It's kicking his ass being in the car for 4 hours everyday. On top of that the stress level we are at right now due to finances is killing us. He's depressed, and all he wants to do when he gets home is sleep. I understand your frustration. It's really hard to feel sorry for him when I am under the same pressures and could use a partner when he comes home, and all I get is him passing out on the couch! However, I also remind myself that he is doing this for US. I've come to some pretty hard conclusions lately about myself, and one of them is that maybe I need to stop being so hard on him. I had gotten to the point where I wanted to leave and all these things that I don't like about him were turning into resentment and possibly even hate. But you know what? I'm no peach either, and even though I hate the fact that he doesn't communicate with me the way I think he should, it doesn't take away from the fact that the stress and issues are there for him as well. My way of dealing is to talk it to death. His way is to sleep and pretend it's not there. I realized one thing. Everything he does may not be the way I want it to be, but everything he does is for me and my kids. Period. And I think I'm going to let that be good enough. I love him and he loves me. Hopefully things will turn around for us with this damn money situation. But until then I need to give him some space and let him deal with it the way he knows how to, so if he needs to take a nap after work, He can take a nap.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I went through pretty rough PPD (which, obviously your husband isn't going through, but depression sucks no matter what the cause), and all I could bring myself to do was sleep. It's a very real possibility that your husband is suffering from depression and, if you really are bi-polar as you suggested, you should understand that it's not something you just snap out of. I hope that he gets some help and that you're more supportive in person that you come across here (though I realize this is a place to vent and that may be all you're doing.)
  • ojibwaymommy
    Posts: 82Member
    I love my husband more than life itself, there is no doubt.

    But, I feel when he whines about being tired after doing nothing all day, it undermines everything I do outside the home at work and then at home when I am done working.

    I work full time and then come home at night to do laundry, dishes, clean the house up, etc.

    I very rarely complain about being sick or tired and believe me, there are days when I am both.

    My husband is not depressed. He is just lazy sometimes. My husband and I talk to each other about everything and he would tell me if he was feeling depressed.

    And @happygirl, you're really good at judging people on here. You can't say I am militant just because I am straightforward and the point. It's not my way or the highway by any means. If you knew me in real life, you'd know that.
  • happygirlhappygirl
    Posts: 112Member
    I don't know you in real life and won't so yes, I use the posts you make to "judge" you just like you do me. I expect it because there is no face to face interaction to counteract words on a screen.
    I just don't see how your husband saying he is tired invalidates what you do outside the home.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    It's just how she feels. Most people don't really have control over how things make them feel. Though, to be fair, @ojibwaymommy, you don't always know when you're depressed to be able to SAY, "I'm depressed." At least, I don't. When my chemicals get off, I'm often the last to know. lol. My mom or boyfriend usually realize it before I do by my reactions to things.
    deus ex machina
  • Nocrap
    Posts: 3Member
    Are you serious? You want to slap him when he yawns???
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    If a man wrote this same post about his SAHM wife, there would be 5000 flaming comments in minutes about how he needs to cut her a break, etc. I cannot imagine the freak out if he said her yawning made him want to hit her.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    My husband works third shift. He is tired ALL the time. He's gained 40 pounds. He barely does any housework and is grumpy a lot. It's unavoidable. He cannot get on to first shift any time soon. It's sucking the life out of our entire family, though. But he's working for the biggest company in town. There is no way to make anywhere close to the amount of money elsewhere. Sucks.
  • happygirlhappygirl
    Posts: 112Member
    Third shift is a terrible thing to do to the human body. Your poor family :( I hope your husband is able to change shifts soon.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    "If a man wrote this same post about his SAHM wife, there would be 5000 flaming comments in minutes about how he needs to cut her a break, etc. I cannot imagine the freak out if he said her yawning made him want to hit her."

    Dude, find a site for guys to bitch if you don't like it. This is how we cope. If I hauled off and hit my husband you best bet I would get it right back. Jeeze.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Holy cocinse data batman. Lol!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    to what are you referring?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    IMHO you've got the right asnwer!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    the cheese wiz holds the secret!
  • seamstressJ
    Posts: 724Member
    My hubby sleeps til noon on days off & takes naps every chance he gets too, & so has every other guy i've been around enough to know that much about, so I've come to the conclusion it's a guy thing. It does tend to irk me, but only because I'm on my own with the kids even more than I already was, I already get less sleep than him because 1 mo doesn't sleep through the night yet, feel like it's kind of wasting what little time we get together & since the kids are rarely asleep at the same time, I don't get the same luxury. (somebody has to stay awake & keep them out of trouble! Lol!)
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    My husband is like that too! He goes to work, comes back, takes a nap. WHines about being tired. Weekends - naps. But at night, we complains about being unable to sleep. Well, stay up during the day and you will be tired at night and able to sleep! I work 4 part time jobs and do all the cleaning and cooking for all 4 of us and I do not get naps. ANd I get really annoyed at the whining.
  • redneck_momredneck_mom
    Posts: 281Member
    My husband went through a similar thing several years back, and it DID turn out to be medical. He was constantly tired. And I do mean constant. He'd been to the doctor and had hormone levels, iron levels, thyroid panel, all sorts of medical tests. Nothing. Everything in normal range. So he made an appointment with a therapist. She said after 3 visits she did not think he had any sort of depression or emotional imbalance. But she said he could try a month or two of antidepressants if he wanted. So he did. No change. Then he got a summer cold, coughing and sneezing, and it would not go away. Had allergy testing done. Allergic to BEEF. He also scored a 2 (allergy tests go 0-4 for those who don't know) for wheat and roaches. The doctor immediately told us we needed to eliminate those foods from his diet, and take care of our roach problem. But, we didn't have roaches! His contact with them was because of his job as an exterminator! So, after eliminating those foods from his diet, and getting him a special respirator mask to wear at work, the tiredness gradually began to ease. Now, he's 40, but has the energy levels of our 20 year old ds.

    But cut your man some slack. I don't know many men who would be happy and content letting their wives be the breadwinner, and staying home raising the kids. They're just not wired that way. He very well could be depressed, even if he's never verbalized it to you. He may not even realize he is. He could also be bored, I'm sure his friends are all working during the day while he's home. So it's not like he can just call up a buddy and chat for a while while the littles nap. How about insisting he call up a few of the guys, and arrange a weekend camping or fishing trip? Most men just aren't wired to clean house and chase kids. They're wired to work and hunt and fish and do manly things. Well, except my BIL- he makes a wonderful housewife for my sister lol. Just little things to think about. He may not be willing to tell you if he's feeling bored or resentful. And, like my BIL, he may have people talking behind his back (which always gets back to the subject of gossip). You just never know with men.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I think 95% of men are truly just lazy, selfish bastards.  We have 4 with one on the way and the oldest is 5.  Yes my husband does work in a mill and very much physical labor type job.  But when you come home, pass out for 2 hours, then cuss me out when I try to wake you up.  Then suddenly he needs to take a shower, then he has to take a dump, then he has to sit down cause his legs head stomach or back hurts...   blah blah blah on and on and on.  LAZZYYYYY!!!!   His mama or daddy didn't teach him squat about how to be a father or husband.  NO self discipline and lazy.  I HATE when people make excuses for men!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I hate when people have 5 children with a man they know has no self-discipline.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Seriously, he didn't suddenly start being a sandbagging loser when you conceived number 5. Yet though you disdain his need for showering, shitting, and sitting down, you continue to have children with him, and continue to complain. You rockin mom you.
  • Mommabear777
    Posts: 2Member
    Thanks ladies! I just sent my hubby off to work, dragging his feet, being " Ho hum I'm tired" while I get his lunch and coffee together after being up for feedings thru the night with our 2 month old daughter! I feel so much better reading that I'm not the only one that wants to slap his stupid ass! It's like nails on a chalk board for me!

    I worked a manual labour job as a service technician before I got knocked up, came still came home, cleaned the house, mowed the lawn made supper, washed dishes, and put out! ;)
    Now that I'm a mommy I take care of her, the house, changed the oil in my truck the other day while she was sleeping (great day!) get no solid sleep, make supper, lunches coffee, have been taking care of hubby with blow jobs, then trying sex @ 4 weeks because I want him happy, and I get "I'm tired I just need to relax"
    "ugh I just got home and your rushing me
    To do things" ( things would be make an important phone call or get changed to come to town to get groceries with me)

    And he pouts and sulks if I give him shit, I've been completely embarrassed by him doing this when girlfriends have been by for visits....

    The men posting here, eat dick this is a great place for women to vent! Like I am!

    Whew! Feel so much better! Off to do dishes now!! :)
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    My husband has ADHD and depression. When he's out of meds, this is exactly how he is. When he's on his meds, he is happy, calm and energetic. Please, get him some help!
  • yarrrrrrrr
    Posts: 207Member
    Laziness doesn't make you do that.  You might lie around a lot but you won't be actually sleeping that much.  My opinion is he's either avoiding something (I occasionally say I'm going to lie down in our room when my dh gets home because I'm so tired of noise and kids crawling on me), or he does have a health problem.  Could be depression.  Could be low testosterone (been there and done that w/ my DH and he slept allllll the time.)  It could be other things, but those are the top two possibilities.  The thing is, if it's low testosterone, that causes depression, then the problem compounds itself.

    No harm in getting a simple blood test done to check his testosterone.  It's easy to diagnose and easy to fix, and it makes a world of difference.  If my husband's hadn't been diagnosed and treated, our marriage quite likely would've ended.  He's a new man.