42156-- having abortion after affair
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I'm having an abortion tomorrow because I had an affair with a black man and don't know if it's his or my husbands.H has no clue. I'm doing what's best for my son!!!

    Okay, this boils my blood. Not because you had an affair, or because you're having an abortion, but because you're patting yourself on the back like aborting the baby is the right thing. Give me a fucking break. If you were at all interested in doing what's best for your son, you wouldn't have been out fucking another man to begin with. "I'm doing what's best for my son." Keep telling yourself that. *eye roll*
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Take your xanax already. I am the "omg, me too"

    Same thing happened to me years ago. The affair was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I got pregnant by accident. I didn't want to destroy my family by having the baby, since I didn't know who fathered it. The best thing I could do was have the abortion to protect the kids I already had.

    Trust me, the original confessor is not "patting herself on the back". She is struggling with a awful decision, and she will bear the burden of her mistake and have to live with what she did for the rest of her life.
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    Following Anon's post...agreed that if your son's best interest was at heart, you would have been working on your marriage instead of having an affair.

    But let's say the affair was "unavoidable". You should have been using condoms!! You opened yourself up for not only an unwanted pregnancy but also a variety of STDs. Your health matters to your kid also.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Stuff happens... We don't know the original confessor's whole story. I am 10:01, and I know the affair was wrong. My BC method failed.

    I'm not defending the situation, I am simply saying that I can appreciate what she's going through. And trust me, she's not patting herself on the back or celebrating what her mistakes have led to.

    Again, stuff happens.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Abortion is a legally protected right in the USA. Cheating on your spouse is not illegal, and most states don't have a legal precedent regarding marital fidelity. Stay out of this woman's bedroom and womb.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Just because something isn't illegal, doesn't make it right.
    I'm pro-choice all the way, BUT using abortion as birth control because you didn't have any better sense than to
    (a) cheat
    (b) cheat without protection
    (c) cheat without protection with someone of another race and
    (d) not consider any of this BEFORE you had an innocent life growing inside you whom you are now considering terminating ONLY because the race may be different and you couldn't pawn it off on your DH...
    It's your life, your womb, and your choice, and I fully support your legal right TO that choice. Even if I am biting my tongue at the recklessness and irresponsibilty that brought you to this place.
    At least you THINK you're doing the right thing by your child NOW.
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,145Member
    Actually if you look at most states law books adultery is a crime. It's not enforced any longer but if you want to be technical its a crime. But for that matter having a bathtub on the front porch is as well.

    As far as this woman's confession. It is what it is. I don't think she sounds proud or is giving herself a pat on the back and I do get where her mindset is at this point BUT IMO she's only avoiding the inevitable. I think eventually her husband will find out and if not then at least their relationship will fall apart anyway is this abortion going to be something she can live with down the road? And before anyone says anything about choice yadda yadda...I am pro-choice. I'm fine with any decision a woman makes. I just worry she's doing it all for the wrong reasons.
    apsycho

  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    she's fucking ignorant lousy ass cunt. she needs her uterus ripped out and someone needs to inform BOTH men she was sleeping with. this is utterly disgusting. grow up lady
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    i feel sorry for her, yeah she made some poor choices but this is probably the only place she felt she could let it out & she is getting ripped apart. no woman deserves to be called such nasty names. it sounds to me like she is trying to save her family. its her life & her body; sometimes abortion really is the best decision for a woman. she is not patting herself on the back by any means, i am sure this is the hardest thing she has ever been through. she probably posted the confession hoping someone would understand what she is going through but of course people on here just search for confessions that they can judge so they can feel they are better than someone.
    ~slim shady~
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Hey, like someone said the other day, reactions aren't always pleasant.
    It's called common sense. And the world would be far better off if more people had it.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I don't feel bad for the OP, but I can empathize with her. No one knows what led to the affair. Maybe her BC failed. We don't know all the details of her situation and have no room to judge her.
    I could not imagine what a difficult decision this has been for her and calling her names is not what she needs.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    So you are all ok with her killing an innocent baby just to get herself outta trouble with her dh? So fucked up. Really who does that shit? At least plan ahead if you plan to have an affair.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    When you marry someone (MY OPINION) it is a sin if you cheat on your husband/wife . It is better if you let your spouse know that the marriage is falling apart or that there is no more love then go around sleeping with other people and the race doesn't matter. I would never have an abortion (only if it was life threatening for me or the baby in the womb and i'd have no other choice). I think that you are not doing this for your son but looks like you are doing it for yourself , you seem to regret what u have done but here in my country we say "DON'T Lick what You have Spitted before" yuckkkk .Maybe it doesn't sound that nice in English hahah. Anyway i am against cheating and against abortion and i totally would bring a law that puts Abortion under Crime .. POOR little things .

    PEACE OUT
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    i don't think its ok but if she feels its best for her then that's her business. we don't know all the circumstances. i'm sure she feels bad enough already without strangers ripping her to shreds
    ~slim shady~
  • crazymommy
    Posts: 776Member
    People screw up and make poor choices everyday. IMO getting an abortion, although it may be the right choice for her, is not going to make this problem go away. She needs to come clean to her husband and either try to fix the problems with the marriage(if they can be fixed at this point) or end it. Cheating is never ok in my book. There is no winner in a case like this.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I am going through the exact same thing at the moment. I had an affair, it was wrong, but my husband and I were having a terrible time, and things were not working. My method of birth control failed with the man I had been sleeping with, and now I am pregnant with his baby. I have a 3 year old with my husband already. I have not slept, not ate, I was originally going to keep the baby, I confessed everything to my husband, and he said he would even raise it but would not let the man I slept with be around it. After a lot of heart wrenching choices, I have decided to have an abortion next week. I have told both my husband and the man I was having an affair with, and this is what we have all agreed upon. Its not an easy decision, I feel sick thinking about it, but this is what is going to work for everybody. Dont judge peoples situations. Nothing gives you that right unless you live in their shoes.
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Anon, I'm sorry ur going thru this. I commend u for coming clean, that must have been so hard. Ur very strong for doing the best thing for everyone involved.
    ~slim shady~
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member

    Hugs @anon.... @lizzwizzy and I will both hold your hand!!  No judgement ...you will also be in my thoughts and I hope you're able to find some peace within yourself soon. 

  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    No judgement sweetie. You've been honest and had this discussion with the only person who matters, you. We're all here for you hunnie, we'll get you through it. Big ((((Hugs))))

    community-manager


  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I won't judge. I'd probably do the same as the poster and have the abortion. Well, no, I wouldn't cheat to begin with. However, let's say I did and I got knocked up I'd not want the baby. I don't know how I could keep it from DH though. It isn't like an abortion is something you can just pass off as your period. Well, maybe unless your DH has no clue about your time of the month. Mine would know something was up.
    Anyway, she must be going through a hard time an hating herself. I would hate myself. So there is no need for me to hate on her.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    And I do think sometimes abortion is the best thing one can do.
    There. I said it.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I don't think anyone is okay with killing an innocent baby. I don't think that is the case here. I don't see it that way. I see it as ending a pregnancy that was never wanted or meant by the persons who screwed around. While she should probably come clean and try to start from an honest place, that is up to her. But why have a kid who was the result of a horrible mistake?
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    Anyone who says it's a decision made lightly has obviously never been there...hugs..
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Personally I'm very grateful abortion exists as a viable alternative for us women. Of course it's very sad & it shouldn't be one's first choice of birth control but that's how it is, life is just not a bowl of cherries. Things happen.

    Would like to add that in my experience female contraception has a way of failing when you need it the most. Best add a condom to the mix, make sure it's very good quality and has some room at the tip. One could still get pregnant but if you're on the pill & he's wearing a condom at least you can say, I tried everything.

    Plus it protects from whatever is floating around out there and even if you don't care about catching something (there's other, bigger issues than pregnancy) there is really no need to expose the spouse to whatever is out there.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    so i wasnt going to write anything but i came back. im sure im going to piss a few of u off. YOUR KILLING A BABY CUZ U COULDNT KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED!!!!! no excuses! if your unhappy in your marriage. leave. cuz im sure this affair u had is not going to improve your marriage!!!!!! STOP KILLING BABIES!!!!!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Its a fucked up situation, but the person who is getting it done, for those reasons, SHOULD feel bad.  I am for abortion when its a threat to the mothers health or rape, incest, ect but having an abortion because you decided to step out on your husband and sleep around? No getting pregnant is your punishment that you should have to bear.  Put the child up for adoption is an option, but nope just a quick trip to the Dr office and a little snip, and pain and you think its going to fix it?  When your DH leaves you for being a skank I hope you think about that little child that you KILLed everyday...and I hope it tears you up inside.  Actually on second thought maybe it is a good idea, that way your precious child doesn't have to live knowing what type of person mommy is
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member

    Wall anon..1:02p that was helpful...thank you for your clear insight and infinite wisdom. It's not worth the effort of getting pissed off at you.  Have a nice day.

  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @anon 1:02 - are you the same anon that caused Skanky Whores to Unite? If so, thank you. Roses need manure to thrive. 

    to the OC - I'm sorry you are in such a painful position. *hug*
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member

    @Gingersnap  Well said Skany Whore!!!  All my love, Skanky Whore too!!

     

  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    I have yet to meet someone who takes abortion lightly. I know there are people out there, but I've yet to meet of or hear about it from anyone I know. Just putting that out there to make the point that MOST women who choose abortion do so with a heavy heart. They don't need our judgement. They are already judging themselves far more harshly than we will ever realize!

    Secondly this confession gives us NO insight into what her life is like. Maybe her husband is abusive and she fears his wrath. Maybe she thinks he would run off into the night with her son. Who knows?! I'm not condoning infidelity. I'm just pointing out that there is probably a LOT of reasons this woman arrived at this decision.

    community-manager


  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074

    im so apart of the "SKANKY WHORE CLUB" <3 u guys!!!!! just thought ide throw that out there!!

    :-D
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    She knows she screwed up and she feels horrible enough. She used bc and it failed. Yes she shouldn't have cheated but u don't know anything about her marriage, u can't tell her to just get a divorce. She came to this decision along with her husband and the og, they agreed that its the best thing for everyone. How can u tell her it would be better for them to have an unwanted child and just give it up for adoption, I don't see how that's any better. How can u know what's best for her and her family. And u don't have to be so cruel, u can state ur opinion without name calling and hatefulness. Her husband isn't going to leave her, he even offered to raise the kid as his own. He obviously loves her and wants to work things out.
    ~slim shady~
  • i_am_a_thunderbirdi_am_a_thunderbird
    Posts: 1,672Member
    I feel bad that you have to make this decision.

    You have to do what is best for you. Plain and simple.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    ^^^ so kill a baby? you'll never change my mind that abortion is wrong!
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    And you'll never change our minds that it isn't so black and white. 

    community-manager


  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Nobody is trying to change ur mind, u just have no right to call her names or proclaim to know what is best for everyone.
    ~slim shady~
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074

    ill (((Hug))) that baby thats in heaven now!

  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    then dont blast it all over the internet if u dont want everyones opinion!
  • bendorbreak bendorbreak
    Posts: 494Member
    We just don't want your opinion because you're cunty about it. Its fine for you to have your opinion but being a bitch is out of line, so shut your pie hole and go light a candle if it makes you feel better.
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    Wow, massive hugs anon! Im here for hand holding too!!
    Its impossible to draw clear cut lines - 'abortions only okay if you were raped, not if you were happy when you had sex' That is just impossible, what about if you changed your mind about the guy as soon as you agreed to have sex? what if you used birth control and it failed? there are just FAR too many variables to say that its so black and white.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    Anon, im sure that the group of 50/60 cells that is smaller than a penny is taking great comfort from that hug...
    Do you have your cats/dog neutered?
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I'm pretty sure an abortion debate here and now isn't going to change anybody's position. But, threads change topic all the time. . . so go ahead if you must. 
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member

    I'm curious...not to derail this any further...Obviously, I'm pro-choice. I respect a pro-lifer's right to an opinion. I'll leave it at that.  Is this issue as red hot in Canada as it is in the States? I assume in Ireland it is(yes?)...No idea about England.  I ask this because I had an OB that was German.  We had a chat once (strange conversation at my 8 month check up but she was a fascinating woman) Anyway..she said it's a simple procedure with no stigma there.  She couldn't understand why it could cause such division and emotion here in the States. This chat was prompted by a recent killing of a Doctor at a clinic by a radical pro-lifer.  So no...I wasn't asking for an abortion in my 8th month for any crazies that want to take it that direction.

     

  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    @lifeisgood it comes up now and than, but I wouldn't say it's the same divisive issue here as it is in the United States. 

    However, PEI will not perform abortions at hospitals, they will arrange for a woman to be transported to a hospital out of province if they need one and it is still covered under their Provincial Health Insurance (i.e. medical necessity) so even they aren't willing to put the health of the fetus above the health of the mother. It's the only province that has taken that particular stance.

    I would not make the claim that it isn't an issue here, it absolutely is, it's just not as big of an issue. 

    community-manager


  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member

    It's an emotional subject...so I understand that is should be an 'issue' for consideration, but it shouldn't be THE issue..  I think it's the political agenda they make of it here that drives me INSANE!! Yes..this candidate has had 200 affairs, is a crack addict and steals tax money...but he's pro-llife (pro-choice) and WINS by a landslide...SMH...Thank you for explanation!!  All done!