My DD is 9 It depends on what kind of day she is having. She has ADHD so some days are just a mess. I give her choices about food (breakfast) and clothes pretty much on a daily basis. She is allowed to pick out clothes she likes when we are shopping, with the understanding that if I say no that's it. All choices are subject to approval. I will also make the effort to explain to her why I don't like the choices I don't agree with. Also, with friends I maintain the ultimate veto as well, again with a reasonable explanation as to why I don't think the person in question would make a good friend.

We had the haircut disaster last summer. Over the winter she had been after me to get her hair cut. It was down to the middle of her back and very thick. She wanted her hair short like mine. I decided to wait and see if she kept talking about it in the spring and sure enough she did. right before the end of the school year I took her to get her hair cut. We sat down with the stylist together and talked about how she wanted her hair. She opted for a pixie cut and I thought she looked adorable. She was okay with it for the first day. The next day she woke up and decided she hated it when she saw herself in the mirror. I talked her through it but it took about a week. She has asked about getting her hair cut again this spring. I am reminding her of what happened last year. But, ultimately it's going to happen if she keeps asking and I have the money.....

So, that's the way I handle it. I hope it helps. I know how hard it is. I am an over protective mother.... Good luck!

My daughter is 5, so that's still a little young to make all of her own decisions, but I try to ease her into the whole process. She, too, has been bugging me to get her hair cut. It's down to the elastic in her pants, beautiful and curly at the end...hence why I don't want to let it go. I tried what TVmommy did and let it go to see how long she would keep pestering me about it. She's eased up, but still occasionally reminds me or her aunts that I won't let her cut it. If she still wants it cut off by the time she starts 1st grade in the fall, I'll probably let her.

As for clothes, she's still at the point where I can pick out her wardrobe and she likes it. But if we go shopping for specific things like shoes, a bathing suit, a special occasion dress or her Halloween costume, ect...it's completely up to her. I let her pick out her own clothes for school so long as they match and are weather appropriate. I give her the options of what she can have for breakfast and she chooses as well as how she wants her hair done for school.

We didn't have very much money growing up so I mostly wore hand me downs and thrift store clothes, but I never cared. I don't want to raise a child hell bent on owning things because of their material value or popularity, which is why she doesn't have more control yet. I believe it also depends on the child themselves and how you feel as a mother about what they're ready for. Some don't express the maturity to make these decisions until much later than others, and some do quite earlier. My daughter will be one of the early risers...but my son is a completely different story.

2 of my kids (DS10 and DD12) have ADHD and the other (DD14) is very headstrong and independent. I have to pick my battles or we'd all just be fighting over stupid stuff all the time.

As far as clothes go, I've let my kids choose their own since they were of school age, but I reserve the right to veto anything that shows too much skin or isn't weather appropriate. Same thing with their haircuts. Hair grows back and if they're made fun of for their clothing choices, then they'll quickly learn not to wear that again.

All 3 of my kids make their own breakfast, lunch, and snacks. They each get to plan 2 dinners per week fro the family. I feel that between nutrition lessons during school and me setting a good example, they are perfectly capable of making good food choices. It also helps that I don't keep junk food in the house, pretty much making that a non-choice.

Choice of friends is an important issue. I have let my kiddos choose their friends. Any of their friends can hang out at our house and that's never been a problem. If they want to go to a friends house, then I have to meet their parents first. I did have to have the "making good choices in friends" talk with my son this year because he kept getting into trouble with the same 2 boys (who both also have ADHD) at school. He and his friends have learned to channel their energy though into more positive activities, like reading contests.

Your DD is 8 and IMO it's time to start letting her make some decisions. I know it's hard to let go, but you're going to have to eventually. The more practice she gets in making her own decisions, the more confident you and she both will be in her ability to make good decisions in the long run. Start by letting her make the less important decisions, i.e. what to wear to school. Gradually work up to bigger decisions. By all means, make suggestions and offer good choices, like just having healthy snack items in the house. She does still need your guidance after all. Ultimately though, our goal as good parents is to raise productive members of society that are well-equipped to make good decisions, not just for themselves, but for the greater good. If she never has the opportunity to make her own decisions now, she won't feel confident in her choices later on in life.