I don't like the term 'emotional affair' but that doesn't mean I don't think a relationship between a man and a women has to be physical to be inappropriate. But if you're lying to your partner or hiding your behaviour from them then that's not ok. Wether it's because you're doing something wrong or because you're partner is a controling jerk it's still an issue - a sign that something is wrong with your relationship.
I think wether it's cheating in the truest sense, going to a strip club or an emotional affair it all comes down to the 'rules' you agree on as a couple. Ideally if you're in a long term relationship you would be on the same wave lenght as each other about this stuff but sadly that doesn't always happen. And couples often run into problems because they assume that their partner will feel a certain way about something without actually discussing it. If in doubt you have to ask yourself if a reasonable person would be hurt or offended by your actions and then go from there.
Personally I know my views on monogamy may be different to others so I like to talk about these sorts of things openly and know where I stand before getting really serious about someone. For example I don't have a problem with harmless flirting or going to strip clubs but I would have a serious issue with my partner having lunch with an ex girl friend, collegue etc behind my back. It's not the physical nature of their relationship or even jealousy that's the issue - it's the lying that's most hurtful.
Not long after I started dating my ex husband I told him straight out that I wasn't the kind of girl to keep a guy on a short leash but anything he could do, I could do to.
episcopal said:I would say that an emotional affair begins to take place when you start confiding things to your friend that normally you would share only with your SO. Your friend begins providing you with the emotional sustenance that one would normally receive from SO.
I would say that an emotional affair begins to take place when you start confiding things to your friend that normally you would share only with your SO. Your friend begins providing you with the emotional sustenance that one would normally receive from SO.
@loveit - I agree there is a big difference between a crush or being attracted to someone who isn't your partner and an emotional affair. The biggest difference is that for there to be an inappropriate relationship the feelings need to be reciprocated. If you're fantasing over the cute guy at your office but he doesn't know you exist then that is a crush not an affair. And as long as it's just a harmless fantasy and doesn't go beyond that then there's no issue. On the other hand if you start stalking him on facebook then you need to take a look at your behaviour. Human beings are not robots and sometimes you can't stop yourself from being attracted to certain people, it's what you do with those feelings that's important.
Everyone has a different 'line' based on their previous experiences, beliefs etc.
My ex was not the jealous type (he gave me a hall pass to hook up with women) but he was an incredily private person. I wasn't allowed to talk about our relationship on facebook or put photos of us up on there. He was also extremly uncomfortable with me talking to my girlfriends about our relationship because he said he was scare on them turning me against him. And he didn't want his family to find out that we met on a dating website, even though it was a totally respectable one.
Everyone has baggage and insecurities the key to a successful relationship is being able to talk about that stuff with each other and where the problem can't be resolved, then you need to find solutions or compromises that you can both agree on. The person with the issue also needs to be willing to work on it by talking it through or seeing a therapist. It's ok to say I have an issue with xyz and I need you to be respectful of that. It' not ok for a partner to punish you for something an ex did and use it as an excuse to control you.