Hubby Obsessed with girls that don't look anything like me!

TorturedbyTWINS

My hubby saved pictures of fitness models EVERYWHERE! He looks at a site that has girls in yoga pants daily and saves those pics too. The pics are on his phone, our shared computer, the ipad, everywhere. A while back I told him I don't care if you look, just don't save pics. However, when innocently (I swear I actually wasn't snooping THIS time ;-) looking for a pic of our boys I come across 81 more pics of fitness chicks. Now I'm not talking skinny girls that are model like, I'm talking 6 pack abs, manly arms, strong jawline women. I am not overweight..... ok, I could stand to loose 10 pounds... but I am not toned. I am a pile of pudge and cottage cheese after bedrest for twins and not getting out of the house much with the lil monsters. My weight is all in my legs and ass and surprisingly my stomach did some miraculous bounce back from twins and I don't have stretch marks. I'm 5'7" and 140lbs. I did actively ride horses and hike prior to mommyhood. SO, my point is this... The girls dh dated before we met and all had fitness like bodies, then he marries me. Just a normal pastey white girl with no desire to visit a gym. Lately the sex has been dying down because porn seems to get a front seat to wife without makeup and most likely some form of sweet potatoes in my hair and baby crap somewhere on my arm. WTF does a guy marry a woman that is NOTHING like his obsession? This also doesn't take into account that he is overweight and has a HUGE gut that I never bitch about (until now of course). I feel like I married a guy with an Asian obsession, and I'm not Asian!!! He doesn't see what he is doing wrong and doesn't think saving pictures is a problem. He said he grew up with photos of chicks all over his walls and my choices are he oogles girls online, or goes to strip clubs and bars to oogle them. What would you do? Is saving pics disrespectful? Is he setting a bad example for our 13 month old rugrats? Your input is appreciated!

shadylane

I think its disrespectful as hell. Why does he have to save them, I don't get it. He can look without saving them, u shouldn't have to see that shit everywhere, that seems really weird to me.

deviltwinsmomma

I would bitch slap him. I am sorry thats not really advice. But thats hurtful and a fucking blow to your self esteem. Sorry girl but you sound like a hot momma at 5' 7 & 140 pounds show ur hotness off

TorturedbyTWINS

It is extremely hurtful... especially when he does it DAILY and on the couch right next to me. I even started working out to attempt to look more toned. That's the thing though, I could try and look like that for him but I'm too pissed off to work out for his benefit. I won't even shower with him anymore because I feel so unhot. I wonder how superficial our marriage is at this point...

Mommyliciousx4

I would be upset a wondering like you.
Could it be possible that is just a fantasy thing?
Your his dream woman, those are just fantasy.
Have you talked to him about these pix yet? If it really upsets you, tell him, ask him wtf.
If you don't approve let him know.

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TorturedbyTWINS

I brought it up and told him I feel like he married out of his "type" and I'm feeling really unattractive and he's making me feel like shit. I told him I felt like leaving so he could be with a fitness model that he clearly is obsessed with. He replied by telling me to, "Get lost then!" and then told me "good luck finding a man that will take as good of care of you as I did" This coming from a guy that I quit a very good paying job for and cashed in a 401K and sold my truck to live with HIS MOTHER whom I hate for almost 2 years! We have only had our own house for 6 months out of a 3 year relationship. We have one truck (his) and he made no bones about telling me if I go back home to Vegas he isn't paying for anything. Short of having my own car I could EASILY get a great paying job bartending or cocktailing in Vegas again and get on my feet but taking care of twins is a daunting task. I forgot to mention he's a real asshole when we fight. A HUGE one... How much of that he means I'm not sure. This fight happened last night and I threatened to leave today. He has since changed his tune a bit and has asked what he can do to "fix" this. How can he fix making me feel so unwanted and ugly? :-(

episcopal

@TorturedbyTWINS, I'm going to have to have someone help me lift my jaw back up from the floor. HOLY SHIT...

You sound like you're in a position to leave this asshole. If he says to get lost, there's a big part of me that says, "Call his bluff!"

Obviously you don't want to do anything rash and have the twins to care for, but you really need to ask yourself why you're still with this creep. You need to do what's best for you and your kids.

We're all here to support you! Keep us updated.

WickedDunkieJunkie

TorturedbyTWINS said:
He said he grew up with photos of chicks all over his walls

Before he was with you he had picture of girls on his walls... Umm yeah... thats called CHILDHOOD...

I had my teen "heart-throb" posters too... do ya see me still hanging up freaking New Kids on the Block?...

Some people don't care if their man goes to strip clubs & watch porn (I'm not one of them but...) & some do... Whichever you fall into, he needs to realize that doing things that hurt you is disrespectful to you, your family, & your relationship... maybe to him it's just a few silly pictures... but if it's hurting you... it's obviously more.

Like @episcopal said... call his bluff... it's time for TwinsDad to grow up and realize he isn't a teen anymore...
If what he is doing is hurtful... he needs to cut the shit.

***Sorry about the weird quote thing... ***

TorturedbyTWINS

KDT7688 LMAO... Ya my NKOTB posters came down when I was about 8. When he said he grew up that way I said, "Funny, I doubt your DAD had pics of naked chicks all over his master bedroom, ya know why, cause he was MARRIED!"

He has just sent a text apologizing for being a horrible husband and has requested a list of things to get himself back in my good graces.

Ideas for this list ladies? I believe it starts with no fitness model pictures save anywhere EVER, no viewing chicks online when you could be checking out your wife IN PERSON, no porn when pussy is available (which being a stay at home mom pretty much means ALWAYS).

The bonus to my jack ass man is he's really great at making up... but his mean fighting tactics kick my ass and I'm still not feeling great knowing he's obsessed with these type of girls....

Even if he adheres to this magical list I still want to kill him!

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WildandFree

What an ass even if he DID apologize! How DARE he say "Get lost then!!" my jaw dropped! Whatever. He can attempt to he back in your good graces, but that instantly turned me off of him. Good luck and by the way 5'7" 140 lbs is MORE than healthy proportion wise. Don't you go thinking you are fat or any of that nonsense. Next time point out his gut!

momofdbb

My h always looked at/watched porn that had thin little things in it too. Also he liked the " barely legal " age the just turned 18. I am not that, I have never been thin and I can't exactly stay young. One more reason he is. An ex. Lol

TorturedbyTWINS

momofdbb I can understand the barely legal crap but I see porn as a fantasy. If we were all watching some category of porn how many of us would choose Chipendales over men that look like our hubby? LOL I mean, really, who married a Chipendale, and if you did, lucky you! I get fantasy, and I'm okay with it. Everyone needs alone time to take care of their own needs privately and sometimes what you fantasize about is far from reality. However, when its an obsession to stare pictures daily and save them it gets old real quick. On his FB he even subscribes to fitness chicks and I can't get away from it. At some point it becomes not only disrespectful but I look at him and think "you have to be kidding me!" I'm not an ugly woman, I'm just not a fitness model. If you want to obsess over them all day GO FIND ONE and let me go find a man that actually loves me for who I am, not what I look like. Someday we'll all be old and not hot at all.... life is too short to obsess over physical appearance. I'd rather be happy!

meandmy243 · mom of wild children going to the chapel 7/5/2014

My guy likes curvy girls with a big chest.. Im just curvy.. Hes allowed to look with his eyes... But he tells me im beautiful almost daily... Your guy would have gotten slapped if he would have said anything like that to me.. Just ask my ex... I say full body massages....

momofdbb

It just got too much when he was watching it everywhere. He had it on his laptop, his phone, his iPod everywhere. He didn't even try to hide it. I was constantly having to make sure the kids didn't see it.

katz_meow

@episcopal said
Obviously you don't want to do anything rash and have the twins to care
for, but you really need to ask yourself why you're still with this
creep. You need to do what's best for you and your kids.

I agree with this. He sounds like a complete ass to me. My DH and I had an issue where he was checking out nude women on his phone. It has since ended after I explained that it bugged me and why. And if i ever catch it again I'm gone, and he knows this. I will not tolerate that disrespect, and neither should you, in my opinion.

Unrelated, @episcopal, I applaud that you are such an active and supportive male member on a board that was designed for women. It's really insightful to see/hear from a man's point of view.

episcopal

Thank you, @katz_meow! I never would have even heard of SM if I hadn't been on the treadmill that morning watching "The Today Show" and seeing Jill S.'s interview. I've really enjoyed the discussions!

I will admit that the "Rated X" section was where I started checking things out for the most part at first, but I've found myself gaining quite a bit of insights in other areas of the site.

I'm mentioning SM to a number of friends, both male and female. I'm curious as to whether they've checked our community out.

I can also see myself in a number of the descriptions of DHs and SOs, both good and bad. When I was younger and in the early years of our marriage, I could be a real prick at times. I also had my times when I didn't pull my weight on household chores or in taking care of DD. Fortunately, I have a DW who tolerates very little in the way of shit and (I say this very honestly) has made me a better man. That's not to say that I'm completely "asshole free!"

Yeah, I do my share of complaining about the lack of sex and other family circumstances drive me nuts sometimes but overall I am very blessed! When my wife and I hit the 25-year mark a few weeks ago, something inside me just kicked in and I have recommitted myself to being the best husband, parent and caregiver that I can be.

Cheers, everyone!

Redmomma

Well, I know this isn't the mature response, but maybe he needs a dose of his own medicine to understand how hurtful this is to you? Start saving pics everywhere of men that are exactly opposite of him!

TorturedbyTWINS

Off topic @ episcopal... it is actually nice to have a man's insight in certain situations like this one and I really appreciate your input to the "other side" because often times women have three trains of thought steaming in their head at once. We multitask and we assume men have the same three trains of crazy running. It's nice to know what a guy thinks!

Okay back on to topic MAKE-UP :-D

So I made my list of crap that he can stop doing to make me feel more secure and I never even got the chance to use it. I got a midday text saying he was so sorry for being a crappy husband and please forgive him and that I'm the best wife (yadda yadda) kiss ass stuff. I didn't respond. I got another text telling me when he was expecting to be home, another I'm sorry blah blah and I didn't respond to that one either. At this point he didn't know if I was packing the kids for Vegas or not.

He got home and he was obviously relieved to see the truck in the drive and the kids in their cribs. When he took a shower I checked his phone and instead of checking out girls all day he had tried to see if he could "ping" my cell phone. He must have been real convinced I was a gonner. The other search almost made me cry, it was how do I convince my wife I love her.

He tried to make small talk and I ignored him and went to bed where he attempted to cuddle with a pissed off wife. Then he just bust out with this "plan" he came up with today. He said he's giving up porn, not looking at girls, and he's staying off the computer all together because he realized he's been neglecting me and he knows he is my main adult company. He's done with fitness models all together and he's sorry because he didn't realize how he made me feel. He also said he appreciated all my hard work with the kiddos and just earned major brownie points.

I felt like that parent who allows the kid to come up with their own punishment and then you are amazed that they are much harder on themselves than you would be. Regardless, the jack ass is REALLY great at making up, which is why our marriage works. He just needs to work on his fighting skills cause he always says something insanely mean the once a year we decide to argue...

I just saw a naked baby run by, so that's the update! Thanks ladies for the support! I really needed it!