A poll: Kid's Birthdays

onetime

So DH and I have decided that this year would be the last year we have a big party for DS's Birthday. He's going to be 10. We talked about from here on out, he'll get presents, a small cake and ice cream gathering, and maybe a sleep over, or a special family outing.

What do you think of this? Are we mean? I don't think it's mean, he's getting older, and his presents more expensive, making the funding for a party smaller... I think maybe a party at 16 also, but I don't remember having parties as a teen, or even a few years prior.

Your opinion?

p.s. we've also decided we'd do the same for DD, so as to be fair.

momofdbb

We do a party for all of the kids at once so we really can't do that. They all share a month. Dec. We have birthdays on 12 (DD ) 17 (DS 13 this year !) and 20 ( DS 5 this year ! ) . Last year was the big year. We had planed for years to go to Disney when youngest turned 4. We went , it was fun and hard at the same time. This year I don't know what we will do.

Birdie

I'm all about this! It's expensive to have a party and on top of that to buy presents. I think smaller gatherings would mean more also!

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tothemoonandback

I don't think that's mean.. but I remember having birthday parties (nothing fancy.. closest friends and family and cake) all the way til highschool (by then I only wanted to be with my friends). I love birthdays and still celebrate every one of them. I think toning it down to a more manageable level is fine, you're still celebrating. What does DS think of it? My son is only 2, so I really can't speak from experience quite yet!!

Birdie

And btw... I've never had a birthday party. My bday is on Christmas. So don't feel bad at all for cutting them off at 10!

onetime

@tothemoonandback, We just discussed it this morning, and haven't talked to him about it, but he's always chosen cheaper versions of his parties with better gifts over big parties with fewer/cheaper gifts, so I can't imagine he'll be devastated, LOL.

Grits

We don't really have parties where we go all out. For the big ones, yes. First birthday, at 5, and then maybe when they turn 10, 13, and 16. But I don't think it's necessary. If money was too tight one year, I would have no qualms about telling anyone of my kiddos that it wasn't going to be anything major. For other birthdays, they still get cake and ice cream, presents, and if I'm feeling generous, a sleep-over for a couple of friends. I think we make way too much out of birthdays anyway. I got 2 birthday parties as a child. One when I was 8 and a sweet 16. That was it. And I turned out just fine (maybe better) than those whose parents thought it was necessary to throw a huge party every year. Birthdays are special days, but not once in a lifetime special. I don't think it's even remotely mean not to have birthday parties every year. As a matter of fact, you're probably doing your kids a favor by teaching them not to expect mom and dad and everyone else to drop a ton of money on them for something that happens every year.

AnonUser34

I don't think it's mean at all it's life lol.. I must be really mean because we haven't been able to afford a big birthday party for DD10 ever, both of my kids birthdays are in the middle of winter and my house is to small so we'd really have to throw a lot of money out on just the location.. I wouldn't worry @Onetime your DS seems like a cool kid I think he'll understand.

chaosmom

We've never really done the whole party thing. We keep it mainly to just family but it helps that we have so many kids in the immediate family! I let them invite a friend or 2 but most of the time, they would just rather have our family get together.

Koala82

We usually do combined birthday parties for DS8 (about to be 9) and DS5 (turning 6) as they are both in July. We go to Grandma's and have a pool party with mainly family and close friends.
For my DS7 we usually do something else as he is in November and pool party just wouldn't do. We usually do something different each year. Frankly, I say screw inviting a bunch of bratty kids over. My kids do just fine with family and always have a blast.
;)

AnonUser37

I dont think its mean...its just not for me/us. Some of my best memories are of the pool parties, sledding parties, sleepovers, bbqs etc that we had for birthday parties. They weren't expensive persay...they were just a chance fpr us to all hang out and be together. Usually we had some pizza and chips and a cheap sheet cake. And we had them up until our 16th I'd say, when most of us had simple...but special sweet 16 parties although not so much for the boys.
Im certainly not saying they need huge lavish events, but we loved the chance for all of us to get together somewhere .....and birthday parties were always the most fun.

MaryPoppins25

I don't think it's mean to stop going all out, I think I was 11 or 12 when my mom stopped.

Personally I would probably encourage them to call a few of their friends for a sleepover. With pizza and a McCain 4$ choc cake and some candles. Just to involve their friends in the celebrating of their day.

Gingersnap

Our birthday "parties":

Party 1: close family, cupcakes, ice cream, and four presents. Some decorations.

Party 2 (optional): cupcakes, ice cream and under ten kids. Play date. No presents, but cards are welcome. More decorations.

There are two parties because it is otherwise overwhelming. Hubby and I think the current trend for huge birthday parties is insane.

Yes, we still do nice things with our kids, but we don't button them down to certain dates.

sunnymomma

Today is my DD15's birthday, gulp, and I was actually thinking about all the parties we've had over the years. The past 2 years all shes wanted was friends over, some food served and to see the family at some point. Of course I went all out with decorations and food, but this year she is just having a sleepover (4 friends), they want to go see a movie and just hang out at the house. We have a family birthday party on saturday as well. 3 reletives all in the same month with birthdays. I always ask her what she wants to do for a party, some years we have to compromise. I think im dissapointed in this years party because it doesnt seem like a celebration. But its what she wants, and if it will make her happy then I should be happy. I dont think your mean at all for just having a small celebration. Kids tend to taylor it back after 10 anyways!

regp

When DS turned 5, we had the big themed party at the park and invited his whole class. That was the last party like that. It's so much work and money!

We are fortunate that we have a pool and the kids' birthdays fall at the right time of year to have pool parties. That's what we did last year and he's having another one this weekend. A few friends, cake & snacks, water guns, easy peasy.

CanadianMama

My mom used to give us a choice; either she would spend the $ on a birthday party, or she'ld spend the $ on a present. I was the only one who consistently chose the party.

TrEr02

I am right there with you!! Its too much damn money and my house gets trashed lol. last year was the last of the bday parties. This year we are doing close family and they get to pick a place they would like to go.

jacigirl6354

You are being realistic!

Today is my DD's 8th birthday. We are doing a family birthday party tonight with cake and munchies (sliders, meat balls, etc. and the grown ups will probably have some wine on the deck) Tomorrow night she is having three girls over for a sleep-over. We always have 2 parties, one with her friends, one with our families. The friend parties have varied in size from 3 girls to 8 girls, we've always had them in our home and we usually do an activity. Last year it was a "spa" theme where we did manicures and pedicures and decorated flip flops to show off the pedis. DS is 15, we have a family party for him, he stopped having "friend" parties with gifts probably around 5th grade. We now get to venture into boy/girl birthday parties...not looking forward to that!

While I don't mind spending on the actual party, I would like to find the mother who started the "goodie bag" craze and kick her in the twat....the goodie bags are getting out of hand!

Crash

Yeah this last year was my dd's last year for an 'invite all the kids in the class' party. It just gets out of control with 15 ten and eleven year olds running around like total loons.

breezy

I give me kids a few options and I am the opposite of @curious I have little parites for the kids while they are young. Close friend and family and as they get older they and they can maintain a friendship for longer than 30 seconds I let them invite some of their friends... And when I know that my family would have absolutely no fun with 8 15yo girls I give thwem the option of hanging out for some free pizza or just dropping off a gift. And I have a budget for every b day... My kids know that a party with a bunch of friends is there present.

Katescrazymom

Once we got to high school our parties were just couple friends and a movie or something. Some teens with summer birthdays still had bbqs or pool parties.
So, no, not mean. Kids have to learn the whole world doesn't celebrate their birthdays some day.

irishlass

I plan on always having small/cheap parties! This year benji turns 3 and we are having a taddy bears picnic in a local playpark. Basically everyone comes to the park, I pack a shitload of sandwiches and juice and that's it! My sis will probs do face painting but that's all!
I think that's a good idea you've got there :) for my 11th birthday I had 3 friends over for a sleepover and we went to the aquarium ( you have to go on a 10mion ferry journey to get there) it was fantastic!!

Emmie

We only have birthday parties on certain birthdays...last year was dd's last bd party...sweet 16. DS turns 13 this year, so he gets a party this year then again when he is 16.

Even if I try not to spend too much, it always gets out of hand.

Oh, but I did have a great birthday party for myself this year...the big five oh! LOL!

primalmomma

nothing wrong with small. nothing at all. my son is going to turn 3 and we haven't even had a party for him yet.

elsiegal

my son is turning seven and wants to have a party with his best friends. I guess I'll have parties until he tells me he's too old, then we'll just celebrate with the immediate family.

meandmy243 · mom of wild children going to the chapel 7/5/2014

I didnt have parties.. But every august i set up my dads old surplus army tent and had 7 of my friends come over or all the girls in my girl scout troop and wed camp out in the yard.. I lived out in the sticks.. We went on snipe hunts and ran all over had pizza for dinner and giggle all night.. My bday is in feb so no fun then...

Charlotte_Sometimes

What we do is decide on a budget and then let the kid decide, pretty much, how we'll spend that money. They can choose a party --- a big enough party means no gift at all, the party IS the gift.

Or they can compromise with a simple cake/punch party and a gift or two.

Or they can skip the party and get a "bigger" gift.

Of course all of this depends on our budget. Sometimes there simply is not money for more than a homemade cake, dinner at home, and a small gift and they understand, they really do.

I've noticed that DS14 will often choose something like taking 3 friends out for pizza in lieu of a party and that's fine too.

canadamom

Kids have the following choice and have always had these options

1) I can get you an awesome present and we will have cake and ice cream at home with just family.

or

2) I will do a friends party - either a sleep over or an outside BD party to a movie or lasertag or some such event type thing - but there will be no present from me as me paying for this event would constitute as the present.

I spend no more than $100 bucks (budget permiting) either way.

Some years they choose the present but most years they chose the party.

Calliopemarie

My oldest 2 ages 8 and 5 were born in January. Oldest was the 17th and the 5 year old on Jan 2nd. The other 2 are August and October. We usually just do cake and ice cream at my moms and here as ds8 doesn't have a lot of friends and the rest don't know anyone

GisleyandHank

I love birthdays but DH's family never celebrated them. I love this idea of making 10 the cutoff. It makes everything even and fair.

Bassmom

I'm trying to figure out what to do for my DS8 turning 9. His bday is on the 24th. Not a whole lot of time to get invites out and stuff. We have a pool and it is getting a massive drain/clean today. We just moved in and there are still boxes everywhere and it's a complete mess. I'm not sure if I want to do the pool party or go somewhere else. Ds would be crushed if there was no party, but I honestly don't want to deal with it all (spend money I don't really have, get my house in order, etc etc). Ugh

squish

My parents threw one party for me when I was 5. I don't even think my siblings even had that. We didn't do presents or cards either. You got a cake and your favorite dinner and we looked forward to that every year.

As for my DS, we had to go back to nj and instead of a big party for his 1st, we did two family parties. Nothing big but it gave everyone a chance to see him since we live so far away.

I'll probably stick to what my parents did. Small and close. I have great memories of birthdays and I don't feel like i missed out on anything.

Persephone

My mom was a really lame party thrower - in fact there was only one that she ever threw for me, and when it happened, I was stunned. So I am pro-big parties, but I'm also pro-choice, and ultimately I want to make them as happy and memorable as I can muster :-). I like Charlotte_Sometimes' idea of the choice of a big party or a big gift; what better than to let them have the choice? They can learn what they like and next year they can decide on what they want.

That said, this year, we're thinking of just going to Disneyland b/c a lot of our friends are leaving SoCal and we have annual passes to Disneyland, and DS will love Disneyland. So we might go small this year. He can choose later.

ChristyJ

We have always done home Parties. This year, now that he has friends from school, we rented a Shelter at a local park. Just going to have burgers, hotdogs and the usual that goes with those. For fun we are just going to bring water guns.

We invited all sixty kids from Alex's group and so far only 2 are coming.

I only ever had one big birthday party when I was a kid at something like Chuck E Cheeses. Otherwise, it was only family parties. After I got into my teens, I basically just picked out where we would go to eat. I always chose Chi-Chi's. Geez, I miss them.

Kitt

For less than $100 my dd4 is having her preschool class over. Since her birthday is in the summer it helps her stay connected with school friends and she loves it. Its really just a glorified playdate with cupcakes and a craft. We'll have family over after for cheap bbq and cake. I wouldn't miss the chance to celebrate my little girls birthdays, but am sure it will get lowkey once "big" school starts.

KindredSpirit

I don't think it's mean at all. My SDs are 12 and 13 and we've just done sleepovers the past couple years with a cake, pizza and a few presents. This year we're going to let the oldest and her friends "camp out" in a tent in the yard and she's really excited about it.

@Rosieo8: I know people who spend that kind of money on their really young children and I think it's ridiculous. They are hardly going to remember it and it's more of a party for the parents and their friends anyway.

GisleyandHank

Bassmom said:
I'm trying to figure out what to do for my DS8 turning 9. His bday is on the 24th. Not a whole lot of time to get invites out and stuff. We have a pool and it is getting a massive drain/clean today. We just moved in and there are still boxes everywhere and it's a complete mess. I'm not sure if I want to do the pool party or go somewhere else. Ds would be crushed if there was no party, but I honestly don't want to deal with it all (spend money I don't really have, get my house in order, etc etc). Ugh

I've thrown two parties right after moving. I did them 100% outside and didn't worry about the house at all.

deviltwinsmomma

I will fess up im one of "those" parents we have bday parties at pizza places, movie theaters, museums, any where someone else serves the food, cake and does the clean up and preparations. The less I do the better, I like to mingle. And enjoy my babies bday. Yeah its expensive but I never got to have bday parties growing up, just taken out to dinner and a gift. So I want to give my babies the experience I never had. So there :P

magratnj

While my kids were in preschool, we had parties (10-20 kids) at home that lasted about 3 hrs. We went to a lot of other kids' parties with special activities that were heavily scheduled (and over the top expensive), but we've found that little kids love running around a big backyard with completely unstructured play. So, we just tossed the kids in the backyard with a bunch of toys, the swingset and a Lego or Thomas table on the patio and they had a blast. We get a pinata, munchies/pizza, a cake, and some balloons and that's about it...cheap and easy. My 6 yr old just had his last home party...he may have 1 or 2 bowling/roller skating/museum etc. type parties like his big brother did. However, I've found that after they reach about 8, they want just some pizza and a friend or two for a sleepover.

bombkitty

canadamom said:
Kids have the following choice and have always had these options

1) I can get you an awesome present and we will have cake and ice cream at home with just family.

or

2) I will do a friends party - either a sleep over or an outside BD party to a movie or lasertag or some such event type thing - but there will be no present from me as me paying for this event would constitute as the present.

I spend no more than $100 bucks (budget permiting) either way.

Some years they choose the present but most years they chose the party.

This. Almost exactly what we do.

momofalmost3

We usually do a home party invite anywhere betweem 15-40 people friends and family. We decorate, play a couple (cheap) games then burgers, cake, ice cream etc. Never spend more than $100 for party and gift. My son is turning 9 this year and his birthday is REALLY close to my due date. So he is just getting a nicer gift and no party. He was fine with that.

CSmith

We have a large family and a birthday in almost every month so there is no way we can spend a $100 or more every month on a party. My kids get to choose their birthday dinner (at home with family and maybe 1 friend), they get cake or cupcakes and 1 gift from me, maybe a couple from other relatives. Sometomes I let them choose to go somewhere as their gift. This year my 10 yr old wanted me to take her and her sister to Six Flags, so that was her gift and only because 10 is kind of a big birthday, double digits! I think over the top birthday parties are ridiculous and just too stressful.

Norasmom

We had huge $500.00 parties for dd's 4th and 5th b-day. For us it was social, we were new to our town and wanted to meet more parents. We're done until she's older. I would love it if she had a ton a friends at 16 so I could host a huge party. The next few years, though, will be just a few friends, pizza, cake and theme.

gamommie

Mine just turned 11. I told all the family he wanted to go out to eat and they could come celebrate at the resturant but it was buy your own meal. I made a cake and they call brought a car with $5 in it bc he was going to the beach with my sis so he could get a cool souvineer. Did the same thing the past 2 years. It's just easier. Besides his friends are smelly little asses and he doesn't wanna share the cash we give him for a gift by having to buy party stuff...

sleevienicks

I think what you're doing sounds just fine!

Our daughter just turned 3 and we've never had a big party for her. Sure, we've had birthday parties for her. We invite only family and the first two years I made all the food and the cakes. Lots of work, but it was so much cheaper.

This year, we were having her party back in KY (where we used to live) and so it was 8 hrs away. We ordered the cake and had a sandwich tray made. I made the rest of the food and we had the family over. She's the only small child in our family at the moment, so it's always like a birthday party/family reunion. Good times and very low key! She loves it and doesn't have huge expectations.

She starts school in two months though and I expect next year will be very different. She'll want a party with her school friends, so we'll have to come up with a different plan. I'm already worried the parents of the other kids will think we're weird and they won't let their kid come. Oy!

Anyway, I think what you're planning on doing is great! Not mean at all and kids can't realistically expect a huge party every year. If my parents gave me the choice, I would pick a better present rather than a big party :)

Love

Mine know they get X amount of $ spent on their birthday. It's their choice how that gets allocated. If they want a big blow-out at the skating rink with all their friends...that means less or smaller presents.

Some years they pick the presents, some years they pick the party.

My daughter is more likely to pick the party, than the presents. She's much more social.

The boys? They want the stuff!