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"Best Of" Scary Mommy Confessions [5-21-12]
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,791Member
    Every week Jill and I pick out Best Of's from the confessional. Go and confess your juiciest secrets and you may see your confession here next week!

    179825    Finally had an awesome poop....and no mother fucking toilet paper...ain't that a bitch?

    181604    I told BF that I have an ear problem that requires me to wear ear plugs at night. This way when we have kids together my ear plugs will be in and he'll have to get up with them at night. My ears are fine tho.

    181904    Best friend's cat went missing, then returned sans testicles. Someone stole him and fixed him because he's an outside cat. She is angry about it, but she didn't even know he was gone for 2 weeks, I know b/c I stole him

    181909    If I knew I wouldn't get caught, I'd keep a coffee cup of vodka on my desk to sip throughout the day. I'm a 2nd grade teacher. I need it.

    179966    I thought I sucked at bjs, until tonight. Score! I'm so proud I finally got him to "go" just by my mouth! Afterward, I shouted I AM THE WINNAH!!!!

    180027    Whenever I have the whole bed to myself..no DH or kids I sleep with a stuffed elephant I've had forever. Nobody knows.


    181808    I know my 3 year old picks up on everything me and my bf say but damn it sometimes I just need to fucking let out one fucking bad word! Fuck-shit-damn-cuntface-asswipe-cum guzzling-asshole!

    181772    The other night I told my husband I had to work late. I sat in my office watching TLC & eating the secretary's chocolate. It was wonderful.

    181652    If I would have known that my husband was going to follow me home after our wedding, I probably wouldn't have participated in the ceremony !

    181614    My DS4 barged in the bathroom this morning as I was applying depilatory cream to my bikini line. "Mama, why are you painting your 'gina'?" he asked. I said nothing... But I put $100 in his piggy bank for future therapy.

  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,528
    These are ALL hilarious!
    Get me a damn beer.
  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,686Member
    I love the kitty cat thief! Whoever you are >:D< :x
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 5,831Member
    I wish the kitty thief would have stolen the male cat that knocked up all the cats at my ex's house. Including his own spawn.
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 5,831Member
    181652... Right? I just wanted some financial support, health insurance, & future life insurance benefits.
    No one said I was supposed to KEEP him.
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,169Guest
    THESE are hilarious!!! Great choices!
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,844Confessional Manager
    @notsohotmomma This one "I AM THE WINNAH" made me think of you for some reason - probably because you're just nutty enough to do something like that!!! 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • TorturedbyTWINSTorturedbyTWINS
    Posts: 1,161Member
    Yay for whoever fixed a kitty, especially cause your friend was clearly not going to!  \:D/
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,489Member
    This is the best selection of confessions pretty much ever, IMO.
    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,470Member
    @lesbomom that's so funny. As soon as I read it I thought of her too!
    We know who you are @notsohotmomma, and you are the winnah!
  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,470Member
    Those are all great ones this week! I love the cat thief! I wish someone would come steal my dog and take his stinky ass to the groomer!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,528
    Lmao @pdxmama & @LesboMom!!! :)) That definitely is something I would have confessed! You ladies know me too well :p
    Get me a damn beer.
  • sothisislifesothisislife
    Posts: 32Member
    OMG!!! I was laughing so hard at the confessions I tinkled!!
  • lefty63
    Posts: 244Member
    My cousin was a cat thief too, he would round up the strays and take them to be spayed - until he took the new neighbors show cat that somehow got out.  He got into a world of shit for that.  She threatened to sue him.
  • nessamommynessamommy
    Posts: 671Member
    Alright, I confess... I AM THE WINNAH! Yay, I finally made the cut! Dh was super happy too, he's been super nice to me ever since...lol
    If life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice in life's eye!
  • 2callmemommy2callmemommy
    Posts: 220Member
    Whoo-hoo I made it this week....all because of an elephant almost as old as I am! :D
    http://www.mkacty.blogspot.com
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,844Confessional Manager
    These were pretty effing amazing!

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
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