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Not close to the MIL
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    Okay, now not only am I not close what's so ever to my MIL but neither is my bf and its his own mother! So when we found out we were pregnant (with our first child) I had no doubt in my mind that the ONLY people that were going to be in the delivery room was going to my my bf (of course) and my mom. Now my mom was my sisters coach threw all 3 of her pregnancies so since this is my first child and I have no idea what to expect I thought the only right thing was to have my mom in the room to help me out. Well when I told my bf he was okay with it, he wanted his mom in the room but understood i would be uncomfortable since both me and him don't talk to his mom. Can you say AWKWARD! Well since I'm close to my due date, like a week away I've been stressed OUT about who is going to be in the room and all that mess because my MIL decided to send me a 3 long text message saying why she should be in the room and i'm taking the opportunity away from her! BLAH BLAH BLAH. She made me feel really bad, and mad and all types of emotions I called my mom crying! I feel like she is being very very very selfish and by sending me a text making me feel guilty just rubbed me the wrong way! I have been nice to this lady ever since i met her, i couldn't believe she made me feel like this and is in my eyes only thinking about herself! Well I didn't reply to her text that day because I was so upset. The next day I texted her telling her that my decision was set and I'm sorry she needs to understand! and that the opportunity has not been taken from her because i never invited her into the delivery room anyways! Well don't you know she called my bf at work, cryingggggg! and didn't even text me back! Then i had my bf calling me on his break asking me to reconsider just because she went crying to him, when he was on my side from the beginning! Ugh seriously what do I do?? Oh annndddd she keeps saying she is gonna buy this and that for the baby but makes an excuse when we ask her if she got it yet. Like don't say your gonna get it and then you don't do it. Ugh seriously annoyed with her, as you can tell probably lol. Anyways let me know what you ladies think about my situation.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 1,899Member
    Your birth is YOURS, and your baby's. Having someone there who makes you uncomfortable could slow down your labor, especially if you want to go natural. Your bf should support you and run interference with his mom.
    And I knew my mom was going to buy stuff for dd, her first grandchild but I didn't want to have to ask what, but I needed to know, we bought a lot ahead of time when we saw sales. I wanted the necessities covered. My sympathies that she doesn't understand this!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    @MammaTeeRoll & @Katescrazymom , THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! Thanks what I'm freaking sayinggggggggggg! If this wasn't my first child, it would just be me and my bf in the room but i'm seriously clueless besides what people tell me what is going to happen in the delivery room. That is the only reason why my mom is being in the room plus she knows how to calm me down better than anyone, i mean come on its my mom! Did i mention that his sister asked him to be in the room! If she wanted to why wouldn't she come to me and ask ME I am the one that is going to be pushing a baby out! Like WTH! Oh and I didn't mention that my surprise baby shower, my MIL came with her husband (my bf step dad who NO ONE LIKES) and the step dad was at my parents house talking shit on my bf infront of ALL OF MY FAMILY! While my MIL sat there laughing, do you honestly think I want you in the room when you don't even stick up for you own damn flesh and blood! ugh she just seriously erks me!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    Oh I plan on having a talk to with nurses about a lot of things when it comes to his family! They are like over excited, more excited than I am and I'm pretty damn excited lol. I have a feeling they are just gonna rush in and wanna take her over, LIKE HELL NO! I PLAN ON HAVING SOME TIME WITH MY DAUGHTER BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. They are just really pushy and really over excited! Not use to that at all...
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    @SammiR  great idea to talk with the nurses about your plan. My SMIL rushed in as soon as she heard the baby cry... I was so not ready for her to be in there... Is there anyone reasonable on his side you can leave instructions with? Maybe they can be the moderator for the waiting room so no one tries rushing in or crashing the birth. Otherwise maybe someone from your fam can be the waiting room attendant (Dad? Sib?).. and pretty much tell them "THIS is the birth plan and I'm sorry but it's not your choice when to go in"
    B
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    @Boring_name My MIL thinks she is going to be outside of the room, i highly doubt any hospital allows that so she will have to wait in the waiting room! but on his side of the family, nope no one! They all want to be in the room and are like over excited. I just seriously have a gut feeling they are going to rush in when they hear her cry like yours did. I will freak out. I told my bf if i have to be a bitch then im sorry i will be a bitch. but i plan on telling my dad what i want just because he is going to be in the room until its time to push then he will get out. i know my dad will take care of it even if he has to get a little hot headed lol.
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    @SammiR Glad to hear your dad will stand up for you. It's important that YOU be comfortable with who's there.. their wants don't matter... even SO's don't matter much. 

    IMO SO should be standing up to his OWN family and telling them you will call when the baby is born and when they can visit, otherwise they shouldn't bother showing up! 
    B
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    @boring_name I told my bf that after i give birth i dont want any visitors in the room UNTIL i get moved to my recovery room. My mom said it would probably be an hour or so. But when i told my bf that he got so pissed off and was like well why is my mom and sister coming down then? I told him I DONT FREAKING KNOW I DIDN'T TELL THEM TO COME DOWN WHEN I'M IN LABOR! YOU DID! ugh its just so stressful! Like i need more damn stress in my life and that is so not good for my daughter! It's like I have to keep my mouth shut about certain things, and i dont think thats far to me! 
  • OtakuHimeOtakuHime
    Posts: 357Member
    I hated my MIL, she was in the room until it was time to actually get the little bugger out, then my mom stayed with me. I understand not wanting them there, but in all honestly past a certain point of pain, I didn't even notice who was there..I noticed who wasn't tho! My husband (now my X!) kept leaving to go smoke ciggerettes the whole time I was in active labor. Then the night after I gave birth he went out with his friends for coffee all night, and left me with the baby..but that's a whole different story!

  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    @OtakuHime my MIL is just so awkward and shy and its so annoying, i can't stand it! but wow to your story!
  • SpringSpring
    Posts: 1,543Member
    It's so easy to be a bitch when you're in labor too. And later you get to excuse it. Because hello? You were in labor. And then they get to feel like the bitches for being pushy. My husband kept being the messenger, from the waiting room to the delivery room and kept saying, "They want to see you! they want to be with you!" Even before she was born. And there were 14 of "them." I yelled at him and told him to go ahead and say I was being the unreasonable one. (Which to his credit, my mom said later that he kept saying "we" instead of blaming it all on me.) I couldn't have cared less at that moment and I am always the one to keep everyone happy. "They looked sad when I said they couldn't come see you." I DON'T CARE! A HUMAN is leaving my body!
    "Sometimes I question my sanity. Sometimes it replies."
  • notperfectnotperfect
    Posts: 762Member
    Bottom line this is all about YOU!

     My DD is due to give birth in October, as much as I desperately want to be there with her I will only be in the room is she asks, no hurt, no hard feelings all about her. There will be plenty of time to see little one after he/she is born.  
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    ^^ agreed!
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    @sammiR...I have been in your shoes girl!! Alls I can say is that if you give into this bullshit its only gonna happen with more situations down the road. She will know that all she has to do is turn on the water works to her son and she will get her way. My MIL in a nightmare,just like you I have tried to be nice ( bend over backwards trying to make her happy ) and its never worth it because she is never satisfied and she is ALWAYS the victim!! Its your choice, you can never get this moment back and you have every right to deside who is gonna be by your side when you deliver. Good luck!!
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,634Member
    Stand. Your. Ground. DO NOT set a precedent of giving in to the waterworks, or you will be putting up with that shit for all eternity. Be a bitch. You're entitled.
    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,859Member
    Agreed with everyone above. I only have this to add. Giving birth is an extremely personal experience. I would not have anyone in the room that I was uncomfortable having them see me in ALL my glory. It is messy and anything but private in that room once the delivery starts. If you're not close to her now, I wouldn't imagine you'd be comfortable having her see all your lady parts on display as your writhing in pain, screaming in agony, and shitting on the delivery table. I am pretty close to my mom, and I was barely comfortable with her being in there. MIL got trapped in the delivery room when my first was born because she worked in another hospital and still had her scrubs on. I still have to tell myself 8 years later that she didn't see my vagina being ripped apart in graphic detail so that I can face her on a daily basis.

    You need to be a bitch on this one. NO ONE you don't want should be allowed in that delivery room. Period. They can wait until you're in your room, cleaned and changed. The baby isn't going anywhere. But they might if they keep on with the hysterics.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    @Grits, well said!!
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,859Member
    @Erica1982, thank you. I was just lucky that my DH has zero problem being direct when I'm not feeling so confrontational.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    @grits I wish I could say the same about my hubby...he has to be super pissed to confront them. So most of the time I have to deal with it. After 10 years of bullshit though its kinda old hat lol
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    @Erica1982 & @Grits Thank you ladies. Last night I had another talk with my bf just to make sure he was CLEAR AND UNDERSTOOD everything that is going to happen and what i want! I think he's really starting to get it besides the part where i just wanna bond with her after I'm clean, I don't wanna deal with the people (his family) coming in and saying "aww i wanna hold her" blah blah blah NO I JUST GOT HER! Idk if im being selfish on that part or what... I just can't help it, I've been bonding with her for 9 months and I just want some time alone with her first!
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    you are soooo not being selfish. My MIL took my first right out of my arms right after I had him, if I didnt have 1000 stitches in my suzzie q I woulda got up and smacked her lol
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • SammiRSammiR
    Posts: 66Member
    omg i woulda cursed her out right then and there! smh
  • nothingivebecomenothingivebecome
    Posts: 53Member
    If you don't want her in there she doesn't get to be there. That's it. Tell the nurses when you get there that she's not allowed in the room and they won't let her in. 
    I give up - nothing is what I've become!
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