Hello all! I guess I just want to vent. My ex-husband cheated and left our marriage about 6 years ago. Our divorce was final in January of 2007. The divorce decree stated that I get physical custody of my children and he gets visitation. He is also supposed to pay $500.00 per month in child support and pay for all of their health insurance. Not once in 5 ½ years has he paid anything and he sees his children about once every 2 or 3 months. (He is supposed to get every other weekend). I have never withheld the kids from him. He is not involved with their daily lives at all. He doesn’t know the names of their friends or the names of their teachers. My son is almost 13 and my daughter is almost 10. About a week ago he went off the deep end and called me up saying that he wants half custody and he’s taking me to court and I need to get a lawyer. He tried to tell me that Memorial was his weekend and actually showed up at my house with the cops!!!! The cops talked to my poor kids and talked to me and told my ex-husband to leave – without the kids. I was told that they are mine and I don’t have to let him see them (even though last weekend wasn’t “his” weekend since he never sees them anyways). The police told him not to come back. I tried to meet with him for lunch today to discuss the kids. I had planned on offering a week or two during summer for him so he could have more time than just alternating weekends and every other holiday school break (ie Thanksgiving and Christmas) but he got mad and told me that he either wants them for the entire summer or half custody year round and he wont settle for less. I’ve talked to my kids about this and neither of them want our current arrangement (which is seeing him once every 2 months or so) to change. They are established with their friends in our neighborhood and their routines (they are booked with guitar, dance, gym, etc., on weekends). I told my ex-husband this and he straight up said “I don’t care what the kids want. I want them so I can train them.” – WTF!?!? What an ASS HOLE!.
You ladies are awesome! Thanks for backing me up! Twins911 – I have started to basically tell them everything that is going on – without padding it so that they know the reality of what is going on. My son is old enough to handle it for sure and would get upset if he wasn’t in the loop 100% and I don’t want my daughter to get blindsided because she doesn’t know what is going on. It pisses me off that this is the situation they are being put into out of know where. The one thing that I wont do is call him names or talk “mean” about their dad in front of them. I figure that they will have their own opinions of him and those opinions are theirs to formulate – not mine to try to put in their heads. It is hard. What I tell them is “I’m sorry guys, dad just wants to see you more and it’s hard for mommy to deal with – give me a minute to calm down.” When I really want to say “Your fucking sperm donor father had a visit from the good dad fairy and he’s a jerk and has no clue how much work it takes to keep you guys happy and he’s going to fuck everything up and he owes you $20 grand each but you’ll never see it from him cause he can’t keep a job.”
I agree with @canadamom that he is trying to impress someone new or someone new has noticed he's a crappy dad and he feels presure to step up his game. How about he starts paying child support once in a while to step up his game! I would gladly go back to court against this dirtbag because you will get full custody and you won't have to deal with his crazy ass antics anymore!
We would all kick his ass for you if we could!
Hey girls! Sorry I haven’t had computer access for the past few days – mine got sick and I had to take it to the doctor. =)
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Anyhow, to get back to a few of you with questions:
Charolette & Canadamom & shadylane - I have the child support order of $500.00 per month – the case closed over 4 years ago when they couldn’t find him (this was while things were still new and the divorce was still pending) – I haven’t since decided that I don’t need or want his money. I did the single mom thing for nearly 5 years and my kids always had food and clothes and did extra activities. I got re-married 2 years ago and my husband covers the kids insurance. We are not on any kind of assistance. I could USE his money to help put towards kids stuff but I don’t NEED his money. The problem I am facing is that if I demand the child support and take it from him, through the DA or otherwise, he is going to turn into an even BIGGER jerk and hopefully not be mean to the kids (or try to get them more often) he will feel like something is owed to him you know? Those are my kids. I have been raising them and paying for them and loving them since my son was 5 and my daughter was 2. They are now 10 and 13. But on the flip side, (I did the math) and if I get the support monthly and all the back support – my son will get $30,000.00 and my daughter will get $39,000.00 when they turn 18. That’s a huge chunk of money. ( I may just put it into a trust that won’t release it until they are 25 so they can be smart with it. ) – but how much money is enough to put up with a mad and angry dad? I love the journal idea! I was keeping thinks on computer documents but I will be LOST if it doesn’t back up and deletes.
The update from my last angry post is that I let him take the kids last weekend. We met at the police station at 5:00 and then the whole weekend he went to work and left the kids with his girlfriend or his brother. I think he spent about ½ of a day with them. My daughter texted me three times at 9:45 Saturday night to go home cause she was bored. I got the kids back Sunday at 5:00 and that’s what’s happened since then. I’m not sure where this is going to go but I am going to watch it and document everything!!!!!!!!
I have not had to deal with any of this but I want to hug you.
One thing I learned in dealing with BS with my kids school is follow up every conversation with an email. Just say "Hey I want to confirm with you the agreement or arrangements we made today on the phone" and then lay them out. Keep a file of all these things. They have a date and a time on them and can be used as evidence if you ever have to go to court. Also save any email you get from him in return.