its been about 7 years since i lost my bff sine 7th grade and i still have dreams about her ocasionally. i've never had another true best friend since. it doesn't really hurt anymore and i don't think about her much but i still get sad when i do.

Thanks y'all.  I had to talk to her recently, unavoidable.  She hinted around in an apologetic way (without actually apologizing, if you know what I mean) and pretty much tried to blame all of her horrid behaviors for the past several years on her dude, who she just dumped "for good this time". 

It weakened my resolve a little.  I doubt I'd ever see a true apology from her though... and I'd rather she mend her relationship with her kids before that anyway.  I don't know.  I just cannot imagine, at this point, her "turning around" and things ever being like they were.  Makes me so sad. 

I have other good friends.  Not a lot but I don't think I NEED a lot.  There's just something about the one  friend you've grown up with though, you know?  I mean, it boggles the mind to think of how we were children together.  I can't say that about any of my other friendships, really. 

Sounds like a mid-life crisis on her part.  It happens, but you need someone in your life that's going to have your back.  My best friend since high school and I have drifted apart, we don't talk as often as we used to (we live "states" away from each other) or as I would like, but that's as much my fault as hers, it just seems like time goes by w/o even realizing it and a week turns into months of not talking.  That being said, I know that if she ever needed me, I'd be right there for her, and I hope vice versa.

@BellaBefana;

yeah if this were a matter of busy lives or drifting apart it would hurt but not in the same way.   I've told her flat out that she has hurt me deeply.  I ignored a lot of it and put up with her BS but when she neglected to come to my  wedding just over a year ago it was the last straw. 

Her only response is to give BS excuses for everything.  She used money as the reason with the wedding even though my mother offered to pay her way (we were married in another state because it isn't legal in our state) AND her father has known me forever, had he suspected she wouldn't go for money reasons then HE would have offered to pay her way!    Her own kids (at the time they were 19 and 13, live w/their Dad) came to the wedding but not her.  Her daughter (the oldest) used every penny leftover from her Pell Grant from school, after books and tuition, to be able to go! And I had friends who drove up (from Texas to Iowa) who would have given her a ride.  She had several options if she was broke. :(

She claimed poverty but when we came back from the week out of state she was gone, to see her boyfriend and had managed to come up with plane fare for that.  Her daughter has told me flat out, since then, that she just wanted to go see him above ALL else and just made excuses.

 And it wasn't like she didn't see the guy all the time as it was, even though they were living 3 states away they flew back and forth every other month and drove back and forth even more than that.   They had been together for years at this point. He was the reason she dumped her kids.

It does sound like a midlife crisis but we all kept thinking she'd get her head back on straight...

@TrEr02  (((hugs)))!

It was a relationship that started my best friend acting weird too.  In her case he was way way younger... I called him her BoyToy.  Seriously he was barely legal and she is a year older than me (41).  He's just barely older than her oldest child!  Totally a WTF are you thinking thing but I tried to be supportive anyway.  And it's not that she's with (or was with) a boy toy, it's how she changed overall and blew everyone off as a result.  I understand some of that is normal when you are in a new relationship, and with her I think we all kept waiting for her to get out of that "new relationship" phase and come back to earth but she never did.

My BFF moved into my house, stayed for 5 months without getting a job, without paying any money, moved things around in my kitchen (that drove me nuts!), gave me parenting advice (she has no children), bought groceries and cooked only for herself.  She critisized the way I communicated with her, got mad when I started dating a guy that at the time made me very happy and then told me she thought her & I were in a relationship together.  HUH?  I have no problem whether someone is gay or straight but I'm straight & I didn't know that she was gay & I sure didn't know she was "IN LOVE" with me.

I was so pissed that she would move into my home with my kids (who she's Godmother to and they call her "auntie") and NOT tell me she has these feelings first.  In 15 years she couldn't find a way to tell me? I was more pissed that she'd spent the last 15 years we were friends torturing me over every relationship I'd had with a man - telling me I was neglecting her, spending too much time with them, giving the guy the silent treatment whenever he was around, etc.  Now that all makes sense, but at the time, I drove myself nuts trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. 

I felt so betrayed I couldn't stand it.  The weird part is - her brother is gay & I love him & his husband.  My DD was in their wedding.  She should know I wouldn't have a problem with her being gay.  What I have the problem with is her lying to me all these years & making me feel like I'm the horrible friend all this time, making me struggle to figure out what I'd been doing wrong all this time.

 

I lost my BFF almost 20 years ago, and it kind of made me give up on friendship. Looking back, though, I can see that our friendship, and especially its ending, taught me so much about life. I don't miss her at all, because now I see clearly how many issues she had and just how one-sided the friendship really was. I miss the friend she could have been, I guess, if she hadn't been so screwed up.

Had the unpleasure of dealing with this myself. Had a BFF that I loved like a sister, we graduated High School together, I even dated her older brother off and on! We were crazy close. Once everyone graduated, went off to college, that's when things changed. Insert guy drama, trying to become an adult, changing majors/schools, military, etc. It's like her and I bounced from one crazy scene to the next. After years of bullshit, I started to pull away from her. Was it the best thing? Probably not, but she wasn't stable enough to have a confrontation with at that time. What totally severed the ties was when it was around her son's 1st b-day. I sent a monetary gift since she wasn't doing a big party and my gift never got deposited. This went on for months. Kept asking if she got it, b/c I never got a thank you note/call/email/text about it. Then I must've bothered her about it too many times, and I basically told her, either deposit it or rip it up. She did the latter. I also put a stop payment on it just in case she tried to get one over on me. Since then, we haven't spoken. She also did my cousin wrong too, to the point where my cousin felt the need to get blind drunk and make a scene at one of my b-day parties. Awesome.

So my advice to you: Drop her ass and don't look back. You don't need the extra stress in your life.

why do they continue to do stuff like that @charlotte_sometimes???