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divorce help
  • Sprite
    Posts: 1Member
    I don't even know what my question is. I just need someone to talk to. I want a divorce and I don't know how to tell him. I don't know how I can leave the kids (3 of them, 7 and under). We have not touched or been intimate for three years. My choice, not his. I am not attracted to him. I can't sleep in the same room with him. His mannerisms drive me crazy. We have nothing in common. I travel for my job as much as I can. We each take weekends off to go do our own thing (him, camping. Me, sleeping, reading). He wants to fix it. I don't. I just don't. He is a good father and a nice guy. I have just realized that what we had in common was getting through school, getting jobs, having kids. Now that we are at a steady state, I realize there is nothing here. Thanks for listening.
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 9,775Administrator, Moderator
    Honestly? If you guys have been like this for three years, a divorce shouldn't be a surprise to him. Three years is a long time to try to make it work. 

    First get a plan together; where are you going to go? Who's going to get the kids? The house? Come up with your expectations, and then sit him down and talk to him about it. Don't make it about what's wrong with him, make it about what's wrong with you as a couple, or with you in this relationship. Hopefully he'll understand (I'm sure he knows this is coming) and you guys can be amicable throughout the process and maintain at least a friendship with each other. 

    I'm really sorry you are going through this. 
    >:D<

    community-manager


  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,052
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,272Member

    Hopefully, since its not a case of abuse or anything really trully being wrong... He will be easy(well as easy as divorce can be) to take too.  I agree that after 3yrs it should be a huge surprise. Perhaps you two can find an amicable way of separating..

    At least that is my wish for you. It is possible. I managed it once he got over the initial shock.  We did manage to stay on fairly good terms.

     Feel free to pm me if you want or need to talk. There are plenty of us here that have gone through divorce, or are going through it,  Good luck..

    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • booseneca
    Posts: 232Member
    Just wanted to say good luck to you mama! Divorce is a messy thing. Hopefully it goes smoothly and you can remain friends after. My ex husband and I still have a great friendship because we share our DS 14. Hes even dating a girl whos like 22 and hes 37! And we still get along great! You CAN do it!! And you will feel so much better being a strong independent woman!!
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    I lost all feelings for my XH less than 2 years into the marriage (He lied a lot and was/still is immature)  Around the 4th year I finally told him I wanted a divorce.  

    He didn't take it very  well but expected it and knew it was coming due to the fact, although we were intimate on occasion, I avoided him cause I didn't want him touching me at all and I was very distant for the last year.

    You just have take time out, get a sitter for the kids and tell him how you feel.  Honesty is always best.

    My oldest was 3 1/2 when I decided to split and although he completely hated the idea we agreed Ds would go with me.  Of course a month after this talk I found out I was preggo with #2 but I still couldn't see staying with him.  I wasn't happy.

    That's my experience with it.  Good luck to you.  Aside from the kids you have to do what's best for you cause kids are intuitive and although you may TRY to hide it, they know when a parent isn't happy.
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

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