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***I miss me***sigh #187041
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    ***I miss me***sigh






    There are a lot of OMG, Me Too! on this one.

    I also have lost "me". Lost who I am. I was so young when I married I don't know that I really knew who I was. Then I became a wife, lover, homemaker, mother etc etc etc... and now 20+ years later when my kids are getting so much older and don't need me to be there all the time, I don't know who I am, what I like or really even what to do with myself. I poured all I am into taking care of my kids. Assuring their education, extra-curriculars, needs and wants were covered (to the extend possible) has really been the sole focus of my life for many years. 

    DH and I are drifting some and often don't communicate well. In not too many years it will be just the two of us and my fear is we have little in common and will have a tough time relating to each other. I am trying to find 'me' but it's getting really hard trying to figure out what I want, what I need and truthfully even what I like. It's frustrating. 

    Well, that's how I took this confession anyway... OC You are not alone in feeling this way! 
    B
  • redheadedmama
    Posts: 97Member
    I was one of the OMG Me Too's on this one. Like boring_name, I too married very young and have spent pretty much all of my adult life so far being wife, lover, mother, etc. In some ways, it completely defines me. That being said, I have just recently started making myself more of a priority and trying to sneak in 'me time' however brief. I spend that time doing things that I enjoy doing just for myself - working out, scrapbooking, watching junk tv that DH hates, browsing random stuff online, reading, and trolling SM...it is so important to make sure that you dig within and find things that make you still feel like "you." Chances are, much of who you are is completely different now than prior to kids - but that isn't a bad thing at all. Just spend some quiet moments reflecting on what makes you happy as an individual person - not just as mom and wife and daughter and sister, etc. Big Hugs!! Definitely not alone at all!
  • scholarmom4
    Posts: 568Member
    I totally relate!! The first time I got married was when I was 18 and the exh and I had a baby. I have never been an adult and not had a ton of responsibility! I love the kids so much but I really am looking forward to them growing up so that I can have a life again!!!! I want to be able to spend money on things I want, NOT toys!! I want to go to the store alone. Not even think about how I will pay for daycare! Go to a movie or on vacation and not think about the kids or who would possibly watch them!!! I just want to discover who I am away from being a mom and what I like to do!!! I know just how you ladies feel!!! :)
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,863Member
    I was 21 when I got married, 22 when the first baby was born. I'm with you guys on this one. I totally miss the freedom DH and I had pre-kids. It seems like we have just changed so much! I guess that's normal and the natural order of things, but it would be so nice to not have the worries that come with the day-to-day of this stage in my life. I am looking sooooo forward to the days when DH and I can just leave the house without carseats and diaper bags, extra underwear, sippy cups, and all the other nonsense named Kylie, Sarah and Jackson LOL, but since DS is only 3 months, I guess we're in it for the long haul!
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • sothisislifesothisislife
    Posts: 32Member
    I was one of the OMG's...it is so hard to be self aware when it seems self is the last one who gets what they need or want for that matter! I'm 25 and have never lived alone...EVER! Oldest out of my siblings and I've always shared a room, went to college and had roommates, got married right out of college and well the rest is history! I wonder if this has affected me?!? ek
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,719Member
    I think everybody feel like this at some time in their lives.  Being single, I don't obviously miss that aspect, but now that I have a child, I can't just "pick up and go" ANYWHERE, even the damn grocery store!

    But I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything...
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,719Member
    @sothisislife:  how can you miss something you never had?  You have 2 beautiful children, and what seems to be a pretty good life.  I wouldn't worry about it!  Being single and "alone" isn't all it's cracked up to be...
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    I don't want to be single or 'alone'... I don't have any regrets at marriage/children at 19. and like you I wouldn't trade them for the world!! 

    I just know right now at 41 years old. I don't know who I am outside of 'Mom' (caretaker). My DH often teases and will ask people if they can "...see the tattoo on her forehead? It's invisible but says MOM in all capital letters!"
    Knowing my youngest is 12, I need to start NOW on figuring out how to cope and become 'me' when they are all grown and gone. (BTW my kids are 12,16,19 and 21 so diaper bags and all that other paraphernalia is a distant memory!)  
    B
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,719Member
    go back to school, take some "fun" stuff...by the time the youngest is gone, you'll likely have grandchildren?
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    @BellaBefana  I certainly hope not on the grandkids that soon!! My oldest will most likely not have kids.. he REALLY doesn't like them.. (he didn't like them when he WAS one!) both my DD's have big goals in life that don't include kids early. Med School for one... Drama/Musical Theater for the other.. LOL 

    We've also done enough kid watching and scouting for them to know.. Little kids are a BLAST! so much fun!! but more fun when you can send them home! 

    I am looking at school.. just trying to decide what to take. I have degrees in ECE and Paraeducation.. but that's all about caretaking still. Think I need a break from that side of me. 
    B
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