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Welfare recipient on vacation
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@irishlass - yes, I do think that because someone is not working they should not be entitled to luxuries. That is exactly what I am saying. If they are doing volunteer work, then maybe they should consider finding paying work instead. I can't afford many luxuries, but I don't think I deserve them, just because someone else has them. If I want it, I work hard, earn money and save. To me, that is the definition of a luxury, earning something special for hard work. If they are completely unable to work? Well, I don't know to be honest. I think that would have to be decided on an individual basis.
I think our governments should provide basis necessities of life for those in times of need, but a luxury is not a right. It is something that we've earned, worked hard for. But do I think the government should provide "hair products" or "cosmetics"? Since when did they become a necessity? I could go down a list of things I think are necessities, and many of your could disagree with me on what you consider a "luxury" to be, but that would be sort of a moot point anyway. We all have different perspectives on what it is anyway. -
@ClassicalMama - I would agree with you to an extent. It is also very surprising to me how many people will go into debt over luxury items. I saw a confession the other day with someone talking about overdrawn bank accounts, bills not paid, and getting ready for a vacation the next week. If you can't afford your bills, maybe you should think twice about the vacation? Big reason why so many people are in a mess. Buying luxuries they can't afford.
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@classicalmama I think that's a pretty dangerous attitude totake. By that reckoning, we should make the rich richer and the poor poorer.
Also, there shouldn't be volunteers?? That's bizarre. And wrong.
Tell me this; a disabled adult woman is incapable of work. She has no support system. Then what? Should the govt provide someone to look after her? Wash her and dress her? Should she be in an institution? Maybe they would have a tv (god forbid) and that is a luxury. Does that woman deserve to see a movie ever? Go to the zoo ever? Do anything??
I can't understand your logic here."Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss -
O.K., here is my definition of a luxury: a $500 purse when a $50 one will serve the purpose. A BMW when a Ford will do what you need it to do. Jewelry of any kind, especially if you cannot pay cash for it. Weekly mani/pedis. Going out to dinner all the time, when you aren't paying your bills.Shampoo is not a luxury, toilet paper is not luxury, even a new lipstick is not a luxury, now, if you go out and buy a Chanel lipstick when Revlon will do, yes, that's a luxury. Scrimping and saving for anything is not a luxury. I have many, many things people regard as luxuries. All are paid for, in cash, or I don't buy them. Right now, McDonald's is a luxury, forget wanting to take my daughter to Disneyland. My mother keeps offering to take us, but one thing I won't do is take my daughter there and needing to tell her "no" because I don't have the money for it...don't get me wrong, I have no intention of buying her everything she sees when we do go, but the reason will not be because I cannot afford it.Bite me, cupcake!
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I think people are starting to pick and choose what to take out of context here. I read the OP as criticizing abusers of the system, who we know exist. I think if you are on assistance, if you pay your bills and feed your family and have money left over, then buy whatever the hell you want. That said, if you are receiving assistance and NOT paying your bills, or you continue to accumulate debt to acquire those "luxury" items (whatever they may be), you are dead wrong. The system is not in place to aid our wants. It is in place to assist us with our basic needs, which start with housing, food, clothing, and transportation. After those are paid, people should be paying their financial obligations. Everything else is a bonus.
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@bellabefana, who said -
"O.K., here is my definition of a luxury: a $500 purse when a $50 one will serve the purpose. A BMW when a Ford will do what you need it to do. Jewelry of any kind, especially if you cannot pay cash for it. Weekly mani/pedis. Going out to dinner all the time, when you aren't paying your bills.
Shampoo is not a luxury, toilet paper is not luxury, even a new lipstick is not a luxury, now, if you go out and buy a Chanel lipstick when Revlon will do, yes, that's a luxury."
Exactly right!
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The problem with discussing what is or is not a luxury, is that it is all relative to your own upbringing and socio-economic background and experience. As well as what your own priorities are.
I would consider a $50 purse, that @BellaBefana mentioned, a definite luxury. "Holy crap!", my brain says. "$50 fills my gas tank and lasts 2 weeks, or $50 would feed all of us quite a bit of food!" $50 is internet for the month which we *need* for our school stuff. $50 is a month of mandatory liability insurance on our van.
To me, raised pretty frugal, and as someone who proudly carries my $5 thrift store purse, it's luxurious to consider spending that much on a purse.
You could say the same for the lipstick. I don't regularly wear makeup, and when I spend $7 on a Revlon lipstick I about choke on the price.
Ok so I am cheap. LOL. But you see where I'm going here. I can outfit all 3 kids with 7 full outfits (minus shoes, talking shirts/bottoms/undies/socks) for $250 via thrift stores and discount stores and my kids have never been "dressed funny", always in style and in good stuff. Someone else may think that they NEED to buy everything brand new and that by going to Target or Old Navy and spending the same amount for one kid they are being frugal.
Someone may look at a person who is on assistance yet has expensive tattoos. The problem is when we start to speculate. "Oh look at her with her half sleeve yet she needs food stamps!?" We don't know when she got those tattoos done, what kind of job she had, if she even had kids at the time!
There is usually just too much that we don't know to be fair in making any kind of judgment. Usually.
"But a lesson must be lived
In order to be learned"
Ani DiFranco, Manhole -
I think @BellaBefana was giving examples based off her definition of luxury. This thread has clearly shown us all that our definitions of the term differ on several levels.
That being said, I do agree that items like toiletries are not luxuries, but when you are spending more than $10 in the shampoo aisle, IMO, you are moving into the luxury realm. -
And, yeah, a $50 purse is a luxury in my eyes. I never spend more than $25 at discount stores like Ross, and I don't get assistance. I just cannot justify the cost.
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I have a hard time spending any money on myself at all. I don't have a purse, I use my pockets or a beach bag I got at a breast cancer walk. I got my schoolbag on freecycle. I don't own a lipstick, but I do have a really nice lipgloss my sister gave me. I've had my hair cut once in the last four years, and it was a cheapie at $20. Shampoo for me is always less than $5 a bottle. I just can't spend on myself, I just start thinking everything else it could be buying, and how we are sure to be short by the end of the month... No one else in the family seems to have that problem though. I don't skimp on the toilet paper though, can't use that discount shit.
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I was using examples...the same could be said for why buy a $50 purse when a $20 one will work...as for hair/skin care, you have to go with your skin...personally, I use good shampoo because if I don't my scalp itches so badly it bleeds, plus, I literally have a bottle of Redken 3 times longer than cheap shampoo because it takes 1/4th the amount to wash my hair...but too each their own.Bite me, cupcake!
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@PallasAthene: I know what you mean, I don't shop for myself much since dd was born, for many reasons...Bite me, cupcake!
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Can you look at someone and tell where they bought their purse, or how much it cost? If you see someone purchasing a purse can you tell if they're on benefits? Unless you actually know the person, or they're somehow buying an expensive purse with their EBT card how can you even know enough to make a judgement?
Point? You can't, you would have to be making an assumption.
Example; although I'm not on benefits, I am a poor student so this applies; my mother bought me a coach purse for finishing my first year back at school and performing well, it was originally a $300 purse, she purchased it for me for $80. I didn't buy the purse, and it didn't cost as much as it would have if it hadn't been purchased at an outlet store, but you wouldn't know all of that just by seeing me with that purse. Everything isn't black and white.
If I were on benefits would it be necessary for me to sell that gift? Where is the line? At what point do you deem it appropriate for someone to have a "luxury" item?
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BellaBefana said:
I was using examples...the same could be said for why buy a $50 purse when a $20 one will work...as for hair/skin care, you have to go with your skin...personally, I use good shampoo because if I don't my scalp itches so badly it bleeds, plus, I literally have a bottle of Redken 3 times longer than cheap shampoo because it takes 1/4th the amount to wash my hair...but too each their own.
I know you were, I was just making a point about one person's luxury being another person's idea of what's perfectly reasonable.
I buy decent shampoo too. When I met DW, because of the way her mother always shopped, she insisted on the cheap cheap shampoo (V05 and White Rain) until I made her see how quick that stuff was used up. I buy the big pump bottle of Aussie and it lasts for months and months! DS214 has severe skin problems so we have to buy certain stuff for him for body wash/soap.
My very good friend was shocked when she found out how much we spend on groceries monthly for the five of us. (about $700). She was shocked because she said she spends about $800 to $1000 a month for herself and her 13 year old daughter, no one else in the house! To her, buying everything organic is not a luxury, she sees it as something she MUST do. I would love to do the same but then we couldn't keep the lights on. So everyone has their own idea of what's important, I guess is what I'm saying.
And I agree @PallasAthene I will go hungry before I will scrimp on toilet paper! ;)
"But a lesson must be lived
In order to be learned"
Ani DiFranco, Manhole -
CanadianMama said:
Can you look at someone and tell where they bought their purse, or how much it cost? If you see someone purchasing a purse can you tell if they're on benefits? Unless you actually know the person, or they're somehow buying an expensive purse with their EBT card how can you even know enough to make a judgement?
Point? You can't, you would have to be making an assumption.
Example; although I'm not on benefits, I am a poor student so this applies; my mother bought me a coach purse for finishing my first year back at school and performing well, it was originally a $300 purse, she purchased it for me for $80. I didn't buy the purse, and it didn't cost as much as it would have if it hadn't been purchased at an outlet store, but you wouldn't know all of that just by seeing me with that purse. Everything isn't black and white.
If I were on benefits would it be necessary for me to sell that gift? Where is the line? At what point do you deem it appropriate for someone to have a "luxury" item?
EXACTLY this!
"What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
And I say I don't know you
But you say it's finished" -
$800-$1000/month for 2 people? What the hell does she buy? I don't think I could spend that much for the 2 of us even if I did by all organic!!!Bite me, cupcake!
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BellaBefana said:
$800-$1000/month for 2 people? What the hell does she buy? I don't think I could spend that much for the 2 of us even if I did by all organic!!!
I know, and they don't eat a lot of meat either, it's mind boggling. But she is a foodie and every time we have dinner there it is DIVINE. ;)
"But a lesson must be lived
In order to be learned"
Ani DiFranco, Manhole -
Ladies, the point is not the gifts people buy you. The point is, if you are on assistance and continually spend excessive amounts of money on items without handling your obligations first, you are wrong. And the people who ARE doing it are old enough to know they're wrong, but selfish enough not to care. What it boils down to is my last point - if you are on assistance but you're not paying for the basics first, or you continue to go deeper in debt to get your things, you're wrong. You're right in that we can't look at someone carrying a Coach purse and know what the deal is. We can, however, evaluate the actions of people we KNOW who are doing it. If you are not one of those people, then there's no reason to get your panties in a wad.
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Actually there is @Willilee, it's this distrust of people on benefits that results in across the board discrimination and justifies cuts to essential programs. So while I may not be on benefits, I still reserve the right to stand up for those who are.
If you personally know someone who is abusing benefits, call and report them, that way that money can go to people who need it. -
Our family is on medicaid. We're going on vacation this year to Florida. It will cost $1500 (or less), including food, gas, lodging, event tickets and new tires for the car. I'm not sorry. The only debt we have is my student loan (no credit card debt, no car loans, no mortgage). We make sacrifices to save money for things we need and want. It is unlikely that we would be able to cover medical insurance and co-pays even if we skipped going on vacation once every two years. We decided that going on family vacations enhances our quality of life so dramatically, that it is a necessity. We spend a year anticipating and planning the trip, and we enjoy reminiscing about the trip for years after it. I want our kids to have these memories and I cannot go without a vacation ever because we get medicaid. I would go mad.I do wish more people handled their finances responsibly, but mostly, I wish the world was more abundant in compassion.
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ClassicalMama said:
If they are doing volunteer work, then maybe they should consider finding paying work instead.
My family receives food stamps and Medicaid. I volunteer...a lot, not just because I enjoy it, but also because it's my way of giving back. For some of us volunteers, finding paying work is NOT an option. There are no jobs around here that would pay enough to cover gas and childcare costs. Even if I did find a job, I would then have to leave 3 kids at home alone. 2 of those kids have ADHD and it simply isn't safe for them to be unattended due to their lack of impulse control. I would also be promptly fired from any job for having to take time off for psychiatrist appointments for those 2 children, orthodontist appointments for the 3rd child (yes, Medicaid paid for those braces because they were actually medically necessary), and any time one of the kids is sick (which is a lot because 1 has recurring strep every 2-3 weeks). I have no one else who can stay home with them or take them to appointments. Believe me, I have been looking for a paying job that would be flexible enough for my circumstances, but they don't exist. When I volunteer though, I can take the kids with me and no one will fire me because my child is sick...again. I work my ass off but don't get paid. I don't think that makes me any less of a person.If I'm not supposed to do it, how come I can? -
Volunteering is an excellent way to keep your skills fresh, build references, and keep active while looking for work and I had the same concerns when my kids were younger; I just needed a job during school hours and that was impossible to find, and due to my skills I could never have hoped to make enough to pay for childcare.
"But a lesson must be lived
In order to be learned"
Ani DiFranco, Manhole -
Plus @etheriel it's experience for your resume, and will help you get a job when you are able to in the future. Volunteering is a really good thing, all around.
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I volunteer for all those reasons. I am one of those people who honestly cannot handle school full time plus a lot of work hours. I end up failing in school when I do that and right now school is my priority. Volunteering lets me limit hours if I need to and work it around my school responsibilities. Very very few jobs accommodate in that way (paid I mean). Well aside from my ebay business but that's all over the place in terms of relying on it for $$.
"But a lesson must be lived
In order to be learned"
Ani DiFranco, Manhole -
@PallasAthene I know what you mean. Even when I get cash for a bday present, I feel guilty spending it on myself. It sucks! Sometimes, I just want to splurge guilt free.
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@kim I'm going to have to spend some money on me here soon, I gained 20lbs when I quit smoking, and all my clothes are now a size too small. The weight is not coming off, I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and buy a few outfits. I have about two outfits that fit right now. Makes me crazy, but I guess I'm gonna have to unless I want my ass hanging out all over the place...
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@PallasAthene I know how that goes. I had to do the same thing after I had DD2. I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant. I still have that extra 20lbs. Ughhhh!!!! Damn cigarettes!
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I wouldn't call a bottle of 2 buck chuck wine or a six pack of Bud exactly a luxury, now, if somebody was out buying single barrel whiskey at $50 bucks a bottle it's a little out of line. Since I don't now, or never have done drugs, I won't comment on that, except to say that having watch two of my uncles with severe addictions to drugs, I doubt they would think their "fix" is a luxury either...whether or not I approve.Bite me, cupcake!
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@PallasAthene: what narcs were they giving him? Most should not cause peptic ulcers unless they contained aspirin or ibuprofen...Bite me, cupcake!
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There was alot of ibuprofen, that is what did it @bellabefana. I don't remember all the things they tried now, there were at least half a dozen...
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yeah, it will. plain narcs are much easier on your stomach, but anymore it's really hard to get docs to prescribe them, unless you can find an anesthesiologist whose sub-specialty is pain management. They're usually at the university med centers...Bite me, cupcake!
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Willilee said:
I think people are starting to pick and choose what to take out of context here. I read the OP as criticizing abusers of the system, who we know exist. I think if you are on assistance, if you pay your bills and feed your family and have money left over, then buy whatever the hell you want. That said, if you are receiving assistance and NOT paying your bills, or you continue to accumulate debt to acquire those "luxury" items (whatever they may be), you are dead wrong. The system is not in place to aid our wants. It is in place to assist us with our basic needs, which start with housing, food, clothing, and transportation. After those are paid, people should be paying their financial obligations. Everything else is a bonus.
^^^^^Exactly!!^^^^^
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KittyKat said:Willilee said:
I think people are starting to pick and choose what to take out of context here. I read the OP as criticizing abusers of the system, who we know exist. I think if you are on assistance, if you pay your bills and feed your family and have money left over, then buy whatever the hell you want. That said, if you are receiving assistance and NOT paying your bills, or you continue to accumulate debt to acquire those "luxury" items (whatever they may be), you are dead wrong. The system is not in place to aid our wants. It is in place to assist us with our basic needs, which start with housing, food, clothing, and transportation. After those are paid, people should be paying their financial obligations. Everything else is a bonus.
^^^^^Exactly!!^^^^^I totally agree. People need to take care of their own responsibilities / obligations first. -
I received help before but I couldn't afford to go on vacations. If you can bring you and your four kids to Seattle then to Disneyland and then go to the theme park. Did I mention your flying from Hawaii. You don't need to be on welfare
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I dont.even know what a luxury is anymore.. 2 ply toilet paper? that is a luxury at my house. everything i have thats nice i got when it was just me and ds and i had my income tax my child support and my job. i made 9 bucks an hour and paying my parents 300 a month in rent and buying groceries for 7people so all together for ds and i to sleep and bathe and occasionally eat there i paid 700 a month i was still able to buy a car and save money. but now as a family of 4 only one working and 6 mouths to feed we struggle. we get food and medical i use the food banks.. df and had a date because of gift cards for christmas.mom of wild children
going to the chapel 7/5/2014 -
I for one have never taken a vacation, do only get to take my kids to the park, and love beans and rice...yes too get food assistance and medicaid, I haven't eaten in a resturant in more than 10yrs, I do occasionallybuy from the dollar menu...lol..by saying this I'm not s asking for sympathy I'm simply saying if I ever get the chance to say go on a vacation, I dont care who likes it I'm going...lol
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IMO the little people (which is most likely all of us here, whether we're on assistance or not) need to stop fighting with each other over what amounts to scraps. The big money is going to corporate welfare. Our overlords love it when we get distracted with picking on each other. Then we don't notice them robbing our grandchildren blind while they get fat parachutes for scamming people and running companies into the ground.
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so i got halfway through this before i saw something about a 300 dollar bag bought for 80 bucks..and came straight to the comment box... EXCUSE ME,....but ya'll need to tell me where to go to find deals like that on clothes and shit! i drool over so many things and never buy them because i find them too expensive and you are telling me there are people out there paying a fraction of the price?! fack! i could have so many awesome things by now if i had known!
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Using welfare for neccessities is what it's for,and if you're careful budgeting and have leftover,you are some kind of magician in my book!
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I was looking over my post from the summer and make no apologies.Okay-maybe one. If I gave the impression I am against assistance, I do apologize. What I AM against are people scamming and cheating the system like my friend I mentioned.The majority doesn't do that and my friend does that not just to the system, but most everyone in her life.
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AnonUser34 said:Willilee said:
I think people are starting to pick and choose what to take out of context here. I read the OP as criticizing abusers of the system, who we know exist. I think if you are on assistance, if you pay your bills and feed your family and have money left over, then buy whatever the hell you want. That said, if you are receiving assistance and NOT paying your bills, or you continue to accumulate debt to acquire those "luxury" items (whatever they may be), you are dead wrong. The system is not in place to aid our wants. It is in place to assist us with our basic needs, which start with housing, food, clothing, and transportation. After those are paid, people should be paying their financial obligations. Everything else is a bonus.
^^^^^Exactly!!^^^^^Fabulously put! One of the things with my friend that chaps my ass is forgoing her bills for eating out and other luxuries and running to the county to pay her electric and water when she's exhausted her cash assistance the first week on things most working families can't afford. -
Dayum. If your that prejudice over 'welfare moms' over this apparent scam your 'friend' has going on, a few things come to my mind. How shady are you?? The disdain you project for your 'friend' isn't much shorter then hate. You are only a friend to her face. You know THIS much details into her scam yet you want us to believe the government is not investigating her? CPS JUMPS at the opportunity to cut people off. There is NO WAY she hasn't gotten caught yet. Sounds to me your jealous and are either making shit up just to stir the pot, have your own guilt your projecting, or you are just spreading gossip. Sorry but the factual aspects of your story and arguments just....is too far fetched.
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Marionettevie said:
so i got halfway through this before i saw something about a 300 dollar bag bought for 80 bucks..and came straight to the comment box... EXCUSE ME,....but ya'll need to tell me where to go to find deals like that on clothes and shit! i drool over so many things and never buy them because i find them too expensive and you are telling me there are people out there paying a fraction of the price?! fack! i could have so many awesome things by now if i had known!
The outlet mall, yo! I work 10with minutes away from Tanger Outlets and got a $400 Coach bag for $80. The Coach ladies hand out 30% off coupons as soon as you walk in the door. My purse was in the half off area, do it was actually 80% off. It was only about $20to more than my wallet, haha.
The Banana Republic outlets always have -
Stupid phone. Anyhow, the BR outlets always have fantastic deals. I got a few pairs of very nice work slacks and trouser jeans for less than $20a per pair.
I am not on any sort of assistance, but I do not like that those of you that are feel bad for spending money on yourselves. I think everyone deserves nice things, so quit being martyrs and hit up the outlets! My tax dollars help support those programs, and I give you full permission and encouragement to splurge on yourselves!!!!
the truth has arrived...
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From the Confessional
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He said he's fallen for me and I can't stop smiling! I don't think my DH has even said those words to me.
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Rough sex the other night and now I have a varicose vein on my perineum. Hurts and itches so bad I could cry.
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When I coached little league, we didn't draft to try to get the most talented ball players on our team - we drafted with the goal of getting the kids with the hottest moms on our team.
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I often wonder if being a single parent is worth all I gave up. Today my youngest hugged me then kissed my forehead and said I'm the best mom ever. He's 10. There's still time...
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