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should I just let this go? (kinda long)
  • BugsMomma
    Posts: 174Member
    so last night df went out to the bar for the first time in over a year and a half (before we were pregnant.) he asked me if it was ok and I said sure but to be home by 12:30. I had also stated that if he goes, I get a night out without him too at some point. so after sitting around and debating for 20 minutes he finally left. had it been me I'd left immediately. (what! no baby or df for a few hours? zoom....I'm gone!) it ended up being around 10 when he walked out the door but was back home in 5 minutes to poop. at 10:20 he was gone again. he still had a 12:30 curfew. so I watch tv, snuggle with dd and read sm. at 12:45 I finally go to bed and df gets home at 1:20. and of course I get on him for it. he could have called or texted to say he was late. df goes on about how I let him go just so I could bitch, how he'll never go out again and he assumed he got a later curfew since he left the house a second time. now the bar is 10 minutes from my house and parking is relatively easy where the bar is but df said it took him 20 minutes to get to his truck where he then sat for 15 minutes "sobering up." for me, letting him go to the bar was a huge step when he has a history of going, getting random phone numbers then fucking the girl at a later date. he has confessed to doing this once as well as fucking the barely legal neighbor girl in his truck. so at this point, do I just leave the whole thing alone or wait til it's my night out and take advantage of it all? I'm not sure what to do. I want to trust him but can't. I mean how hard is it to send a freaking text? just seems sketchy to me.
  • MistressHeidiMistressHeidi
    Posts: 977Member
    Wow! I read through this twice, and I have no idea what to say. So much about what you said about your df makes me want to kick him. Of course you don't trust him, how could you, he cheated on you twice that you know of. I would have a really hard time letting this go. I'm so not sure what the best way to handle this is. Big big big hugs.
  • Peace
    Posts: 2,250Member
    #1, sitting in the truck for 15 minutes is not "sobering up" enough to drive. Please get that through to him. No matter what the other issues are here, him driving drunk could destroy your lives & other's.
    Any current problems will seem minor then.

    I'm sorry you're going through this.
    I'm not a fan of curfews for each other, & if he wants to cheat he can do it at 11 as easily as 1am.
    Have you tried couples counseling? Or just for you? You've dealt with a lot here. This isn't about going out, curfews, anything. It's about trust & commitment.
    You don't want to barter with him for nights out, right? He's claiming he gets an extension because he came back? That's not the relationship you want, is it?
    I think you two have a lot of serious talking to do...hugs
  • blkrosemommablkrosemomma
    Posts: 296Member
    I agree with @Peace. I'm one to be bluntly and sometimes brutally honest but why are you engaged to someone you don't trust? When you trust someone or have a good partnership you shouldn't have to barter for nights out. Counseling sounds like a good idea.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,582Member
    I agree with the above ladies. With out trust what's the point? I'm not one for revenge I'd sit down and talk to him about what he did and why it bothered you and make sure he know the toll his actions take on you
  • Luvlyssa
    Posts: 3,338Member
    I just wanted to say you women are all awesome. You said it all better than I could. :)
    Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
  • onehtmma1029
    Posts: 1Member
    Why are you giving a grown man a curfew?  I think there are issues on both sides of this relationship. 
  • BugsMomma
    Posts: 174Member
    @peace @lilbit @skatermom @luvlyssa @onehtmma1029 @blkrosemomma @mistressheidi707
    sorry it's taken so long to get back to you....
    he's 31 and was going to meet a buddy who is recently divorced. I like the friend and know he's a good guy. df got the curfew in part as a test to see if he'll stick to it when this is his first time out in forever. and besides, why would he need to stay out all night anyhow? he's a dad now and that should come first. when I gave him the 12:30 curfew he said he'd probably be home by midnight. so bc of that comment why would I think he'd be home so late?
    we've also had trust issues for most of the relationship and few break ups/move outs. we've always managed to get through our issues bc in the end we do want to be together. we ended up engaged about 4 months after he confessed about cheating (and got pregnant that night) but this is also after being together for 8 years. during that time though we both put forth a lot of effort into the relationship to fix the past. and it made sense for the next step to be taken.
    my sis said to just leave it alone and we have minus the apology he gave yesterday when he woke up for the attitude he gave after getting home. so I guess it's a wait and see.
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