so much stuff

bendorbreak

So ive probably written a half a dozen posts about how ive been feeling lately, but i never actually post them. So maybe i can sum up a bit.

Every email i get i freak out, im waiting for the pictures of brinley. The photographer said it would take about a month. Its been a month and a couple days. Im impatiently waiting.

The funeral home hasnt called me either. Im still waiting for her ashes and im freaking myself out there, worrying that something went wrong with that.

There are a ton of things i want to buy, things that make me think of her and stuff. But when all this happened my BF had a relapse and emptied my savings. I want to hate him for it but i cant.

Ive been thinking of going back to school but i cant justify spending more money on an education i probably wont get to use but im afraid to be reliant on BF forever. And im not working right now so theres nowhere for the money to come from.

Its been a month, all my friends know im not working and no one is talking to me. I feel like i have the plague. I know they dont know what to do or say but c'mon, im alone and that doesnt help with all the crying. I even posted on fb (so everyone could see it, we all live on fb) that i understand that its awkward but i still want my friends and i got one text that said hi.

And brooks has a fever today. Also freaking me out. I was never a paranoid parent. Now i wanna take him to the ER over a temperature.

K im done bitching now. :)

BellaBefana

sweetie, this is all completely understandable. If you're ready to get together with some friends, call them....they are probably waiting for you to make the first move.

am working out so it's a little hard to type, but i remember when I miscarried, there really wasn't anybody i wanted to talk to for a long time...breaking things helped...i took all my old dishes and smashed them on my driveway one day...

take care of Brooks, cuddle him close, give him tylenol to get his? fever down, and don't worry about being a paranoid parent right now, that's totally understandable. Call his doc, perhaps you'll feel better.

big hugs.

anonymommy

>:D< >:D< >:D<

Katescrazymom

>:D< I hope your (real life) friends come through for you soon.

PurpleFlowers

Just big hugs to you sweetie! Its all normal feelings. I would come visit you if I lived anywhere near you. >:D<

AnonUser28

Hugs to you @bendorbreak, what you are going through is one of the most difficult things that can happen to any person. Bella is right, reach out to your friends. Call someone and ask them to come over for coffee or to pick you up. It wasn't so long ago that you were looking for space, they might be feeling that they don't want to intrude on you.

notperfect

The hard thing about losing a loved one is that friends forget that even though they are over the initial shock, grief is a long process. Reach out to one of your close friends and start slow, suggest a mani/pedi, a walk in the park or that she just come over for coffee. Go slow, some days you will want company and you will find some you don't, let your friends know that it's not personal, it's ok for them to approach you and ask that they understand if you want some time.

>:D<