Cant stand brother in laws wife
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    Ok so I guess I just want outsider advice, because I know my friends are going to take my side and i want honest opinions...Long story short, i cannot stand my brother in laws wife. We previously lived together in one big house, trying to save money since my husband and I were just starting out with our 2 kids and they had just had a new baby. MIL lived there too. It was ok at first, we got along and i helped her with her new baby since she was first time mom. My husband and MIL both warned me not to get too close to her but didnt elaborate on why...one night brother in law wanted to have what he calls a "family meeting" and told me and husband he wanted us and our 2 kids (mine from a previous marriage but husband is father because real dad left when they were babies and has never been heard from since) anyways he wanted us to move out because "Jessica" (his wife) found the front door unlocked and I was the last person to leave so that meant I did it, and they had too much stuff to risk that. (she was lying even my husband knew this) but after defending myself she proceeded to bring up more things i did wrong, such as my kids getting handprints on her walls, i leave water drops around her sink, left dishes in the sink, etc etc. Petty stuff. I argued back defending myself which angered my MIL long story short major drama went down and only person on my side was hubby....we moved out and soon became preggo with our newest Baby, who is now 8 months. during my pregnancy she was still very cold to me at family events, made rude comments like "youre huge" and didnt allow me to hold her baby any longer...she did come to the hospital when ours was born, and although I tried to keep her from holding him, family members still passed him on to her. Ive been allowing it whenever were around her but it EATS ME ALIVE!!! I hate her, I know she hates me and is just fake but I cant stand it!! My husband hates her and sees through her and says she is just very jealous of me but he also doesnt say anything and bes fake because he says its called "being the bigger person"! MIL and hubby have said to be the bigger person for the children and this and that but I know its because they just want to keep peace with her because MIL is still living with them.  Ive been faking it, but Im tired of it. Should I grow up and be the bigger person and just be nice even if shes slick or rude? and also, now shes pregnant again, should I make a big deal if she doesnt allow me to hold her kids since i had to let her mine? or do i need to let it go? IDK what is some advice?? or what can I do or say? Everytime we are there she stands in front of me with her arms open wanting me to pass our son, or shell say "let me see him" and i do it because I dont wanna say no and then MIL start to look down on me or treat my 2 kids from a previous marriage differently.
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,743Member
    Im so sorry momma whatta fucking bitch. She fucking deserves a taco punch then a roundhouse to her snobby face. As long as dh is on your side, give her the double fuck you finger! Hugs momma
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    I want to so bad! But i know in doing this itll make me look like the bad guy and "trouble maker" like it did before, and I dont want his mother to start hating me...they know shes a bad mom they say it themselves, but his mothers such a good lady she is a peacemaker. she has that be the bigger better person in life outlook so i know itll disappoint her and she will probably just get mad at me....is it petty? that I dont want her holding my baby? LOL
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,887Member
    Honestly  yes it is a bit petty. But I dont care one half of a shit about keeping the peace. I dont believe in in giving someone "pass go collect $200 card" just because they are family. I have had situations where a family member screwed me and I calmly stated to the person that I dont appreciate their behavior and wont be engaging with said person until they apologize. It was well known with the family as well and that person was not welcome in my home nor did I engage them at family events it was as if they didnt exist to me. It took 4 1/2 years but she finally apologized. 
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,743Member
    No its not petty im the same way sil she slapped my son in the mouth when he was 18 months old because my 18 month son pulled her 6 yr old sons hair in front on my inlaws. Well I went ghetto on the old bitch, yeahh I was blacklisted for a yr or so but she slowly but surely had everyone start to hate her and see whatta a true bitch she is. I DO NOT let my babies out of my sight if she is in or around my babies.
    But your sil trying to show that she is queen bee spray that bitch with raid.its a power thing she needs to be thrown off her imaginary throne.
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    Its just how do I go about doing and saying this when Ive been holding it in and acting "fake" all this time?? Cause she has been that "fake" back so i am gonna look like im starting trouble when really ive just been holding this all in...
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    what the hell is up with her not letting you hold her kids??  I would say something about that..how can you get close and be a good Aunt if you can even hold them lol....what a weirdo. But I do think your hubby is right, sounds like she is jealous and mental. Hang in there
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    honestly i think when i was living there i pissed her off because her baby would be crying with gas or teething or just fussy and shes a terrible mom with no patience and would toss him to my BIL who was a first time dad and my hubby knew i had experience with my 2 so hed ask do you know anything? he wont stop crying. so i went downstairs and was helping calm him and reccomended mylicon, which made me look like a better mom (that wasnt what i was trying to do) so i think it pissed her off....now the babys walking but he doesnt know me and wont come to me anyhow, i just feel like why should she hold my baby when she didnt let me hold hers. also, im wondering if shes gonna let me go to visit them and their new baby after she has him, i have a feeling shes going to only allow my husband back just to be a bitch to me...again Ill look like the bad guy if I say anything instead of just "going with it to keep the peace".....but yet she was sooo pushy and i was still throwing up and sick and she came in even while my BIL was at work and I had said to my family please dont let anyone back...I found that rude but what could i really say? "please leave im sick but yet my kids and MIL and grandma are allowed back?"  its just a hard situation and my hubby says why do i care just be the bigger person since shes such a bitch itll make me feel better, but it doesnt make me feel better it makes me feel like im sitting here letting her win.
  • MistressHeidiMistressHeidi
    Posts: 984Member
    Wow, I really wish I had some advice for you. I understand being the bigger person and turning the other cheek, but I know it's not as easy as it sounds. I would so want to just tell her off and be done with her, but I understand that you can't always do that in a family. And being the bigger person sure would not make me feel any better. I'm not sure what the answer is. Hang in there, I hope it gets better for you.
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    yes mam..she sounds like the jealous type and I wouldnt even fool with her. I have in law issues my whole marriage, gotta pick your battles. I know thats the hard part girl. Good luck :)
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    Honestly i know this is so wrong but im thinking (and hoping) its a matter of time before they divorce...theyve never lived on their own, they have both sets of grandparents pretty much helping raise their kid, and with a 2nd kid they are really gonna start to see what real life is like. she has no education and wont even get her drivers license which makes things so hard on my BIL...they all comment on how she doesnt work with her son, doesnt play with him, and wasnt even feeding him right. hes so skinny and unhealthy looking! when the whole family was so happy i breastfed, she was all "well i couldnt my milk didnt come" (even though she previously said she didnt want to ruin her breasts) and i asked "are you gonna breastfeed this time" she says "im gonna try"...shes constantly trying to tell me parenting advice to make herself look good, even recomended the mylicon to me!! LOL her own husband, (BIL) was like "babe, she knows, shes the one who told me about that remember?" and i just looked at her and smirked. what started this rant was last night she was trying to tell my MIL to tell me to give the baby an enema since hes constipated!! AN 8 MONTH OLD! i told his mom "look, i dont take parenting advice from jessica, i dont agree with the way she parents people parent different and shes even told me she gives her baby childrens tylenol, so what works for her is great, but im gonna do it my way" and my MIL was just like "yes i told her your dr said use prune juice so just go with that" ...thats what i mean though...she isnt concerned with whats going on over here she just asks my MIL to "look sweet" and be nosey as hell!
  • AnonUser32AnonUser32
    Posts: 793Guest
    Sometimes in life "being the bigger person" equates to "being the bitch" don't let them walk on you because god forbid anyone says anything to her. Hold your ground with YOUR kids. If she makes you want to smack her around then let her know. And don't worry about your mil, shell either get over it, or it'll put a nice big wedge between you and the drama.
    Without reason you have Rhythm and Rhyme the type of girl who knows how to have a good time... You take what you want except no for an answer... And I know first hand you're one hell of a dancer... So calling all cars and low and behold you're a real livewire with a heart of gold
  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    But like how do I say no when she goes to hold the baby? Just say no? Or do i just let her?
  • MegsueMegsue
    Posts: 1,846Member
    You need to stand up to her. The more you let her get away with this shit, the more she's going to do. You said your MIL knows that she's a bitch already, so I wouldn't worry about how she will react when you do stand up for yourself. Next time she wants to hold your baby tell her straight up "no, I'm not comfortable with that." You don't even need to bring up the fact that she never let you hold your niece. When she has this next baby, if she doesn't let you in, say in front of the rest of the family that you're hurt she's not letting you be a part of the family. She will look like the bitch there, not you. If she makes any rude comments to you, repeat them back, loud, so everyone can hear. Example: she said you're huge when you were pregnant. I would have said "Huge? You think I look huge? I think I look like a healthy pregnant woman."

    She sounds pretty childish. You need to make sure you're indirectly pointing this out to family. Speak up when she's a bitch, but do it in your best passive-aggressive "I'm the sweetest most innocent thing On the planet" voice. Once you start making her look bad in everyone else's eyes, she'll either stop acting like a moron, or she'll completely lose her shit on you and you'll get your chance to stomp her prissy ass! Either way, you win!
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    RJLmom said:

    But like how do I say no when she goes to hold the baby? Just say no? Or do i just let her?



    If the only reason you don't want her to hold your baby, is because you didn't get to hold hers...yes, I understand you feel slighted, but the proper "taking the high road" answer to that is let her the baby. If you feel like she might hurt the baby, or she might spread her hateful cooties to the baby simply by her touch, then of course you have the right to let whomever you feel comfortable holding the baby, and tell everyone else "no", but you asked about the "being the bigger person" answer, so there's my opinion on it LOL

    OR have a private conversation with her, not in front of people, and TELL her: Because you never would let me hold xxx, it's really making me feel badly. Because I feel like you might take a notion to act that way again, once you have your new baby. Is the past behind us now, so we can both act like grownups?

    And a few months down the road, if and when she decides to act childish again, and refuse you the opportunity to hold her new child, I would ask her, straight out, and in the open, May I ask WHY you won't let me hold xxx ?

    community-manager


  • RJLmomRJLmom
    Posts: 10Member
    I know she wont hurt the baby, well, I think shes crazy but I dont THINK shes dangerous...however that is why I dont let my kids alone around her i feel she would hit them or pull their hair if they made her mad. I usually just let her and then say "oh let me see him hes hungry"...or needs a change or etc etc. When she tries to give me all her unwanted baby advice I feel like saying put all that effort into potty training your 2 year old, but instead i guess ill say " thank you for your concern, but I have 3 kids so i pretty much got this, and whatever i get stumped on i ask a dr or someone with a little more experience. Its so sweet of you for your advice though, i know us moms like dishing out advice. I just parent a little different than you, hun." That way its rude but sweet in the same and i think shell shut up from then out...what do you think?

  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    RJLmom said:

     " thank you for your concern, but I have 3 kids so i pretty much got this, and whatever i get stumped on i ask a dr or someone with a little more experience. Its so sweet of you for your advice though, i know us moms like dishing out advice. I just parent a little different than you, hun." 



    LOL That's great. I've told my SIL that a couple times. Hey, I've got 4 other kids, and they're not dead yet, so I think I've got this, but thanks!

    community-manager