Stupid Laws!!!

nonamejustmommy

So when we found out that Evan had anencephaly I called every dr in the US to see if there was anything they could do to help us. I contacted every dr who had ever done any kind of surgery inutero to see if they could put some kind of cap on his head to protect what little brain he had. Not only did we get no at every turn we had a better ultrasound and they said it was one of the worst kind of anencephaly cases bc he had no cerebral cortex at all.

So I switched in to preparation mode. I started contacting drs in Texas to try and find one that could deliver me there so I could be close to family and bury Evan at home. I also started thinking about what was best for my other boys and my husband and me. I am due 30 Aug right after school starts for me and my 6 yo. I didn't want to have him miss school because I was planning on being home for a decent amount of time. So I talked to my dr here in GA and she said she would deliver me at any time bc it doesn't change the outcome. I didn't even think to see if it would be able to happen in Texas because who wouldn't understand and be willing to do it. Then we got a call from his aunt in Florida and she said that there is a LAW in FL that would not allow a dr to deliver a baby early. So I started asking in Texas and low and behold they can't! So now I am in WTF mode...How in the hell can anyone tell me when I can deliver my baby? I am trying to do what is best for the children that I do have.

I feel selfish at times but it is my choice. I guess if I had wanted to have him early I should have had an abortion. But I wanted to hold my child. I want pictures with him and his brothers. I wanted to have a chance to say goodbye.

PurpleFlowers

My heart is breaking for you :( I cant believe they wouldnt do this for you. >:D<

BellaBefana

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I don't agree with the law, but I do understand why it's in place. It's all about Roe v. Wade and late term abortions. I'm guessing that's what they'd put this into, despite the fact that Evan won't live long after birth.

I'm so, so, so, so very sorry that you're having to make these calls, deal with any of this. HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, hon.

iamslowlygoingcrazy

Oh my, sooooooo sorry Momma :( I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through. May God give you all strength to get through this
>:D<

jezebeldelilah

Oh my I'm so so sorry. I really wish I had some good advice on this but I just don't know what to say. I really hope the best for you and I am sending many positive thoughts your way.

shadylane

That's stupid, the law shouldn't apply to babies that aren't going to survive no matter when they are delivered. Why force the mother to carry longer than necessary?I really don't understand the point of it at all, its not the same as a late term abortion. Do they really need a seperate law to keep doctors from delivering early to kill the baby, I can't imagine a doctor would do that.

nonamejustmommy

I don't understand it either. I am 32 weeks pregnant so it would just be early labor....I called the dr in Texas again to make sure she knows how far along I am/will be.

momtomany74

I'm at a loss for words...

So sorry :(

nonamejustmommy

OH and to top it all off now DH wants to wait until my due date. Like he dropped this on me last night. Like it's going to make a difference or something. I am not a happy camper today.

ChristyJ

So sorry mommy. Huge hugs and a very big shoulder right here for ya.

BellaBefana

Again, hon, I'm so very sorry. No mommy should have to go through any of this. Why does hubs want you to wait? Is he maybe expecting a miracle or perhaps a mistake? I wish there was something I could do to make this all go away for you.

nonamejustmommy

he said he doesn't want to wonder what if he had lived long at full term than having him early. I understand but I cant bring myself to interrupt DS6 school and mine. I have 34 months left on my GI Bill. I can't take months off and loose that time we can't afford it.

katz_meow

oh I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no words just sending hugs.

anonymommy

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this now on top of everything else. When my SIL lost her twins, she and BIL had them cremated in GA where they live and then came to IL where they wanted to bury them a few weeks later. Is something like that a possibility at all for you?

Dontpooponthedog

There are no words that I know of that I can offer to help you heal. All I can offer are my prayers and thoughts.

meandmy243 · mom of wild children going to the chapel 7/5/2014

Would home induced labor work? Idk what to.say..

nonamejustmommy

DH would no let him be cremated. that was my second option to donating his body to duke for research. I would love to home induce but idk what to take/do other than blue/black cohosh

Dontpooponthedog

Since your doctor is aware of the situation, maybe you could advise your doctor of the situation of not having a doctor be able to help per the late term abortion law. Your doctor may be able to find a loophole for you or give you safe alternatives to help.

BeerWench

Praying for your family

AnonUser28

I am deleting all my content.

penny

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I have no advice for you that hasn't already been given. My heart aches for your family.

The people who create and pass these laws simply don't understand that this is what these laws do - force a grieving mother to carry a non-viable pregnancy to term and draw out an already painful goodbye. Please tell your story everywhere, to anyone who will listen. The only way these laws will ever change is by forcing the proponents to recognize the humanity of the people they affect.

tothemoonandback

No words.. just gentle hugs, sweetie.

primalmomma

I can't add anything more valuable than what was already said. I hate when people fall thru the small cracks of a law that was intended to help....but it just ends up hurting :( and your DH not supporting you wanting to deliver early just adds to the heartache! I'm sending you hugs! I don't know what else to say...

BellaBefana

@nonamejustmommy: I hadn't wanted to bring this up, but since you mentioned research, what about organ donation? Your little man would not only be able to help a great many little ones, but live on in them. I know the laws about that are pretty strict too, but it might be something to think about?

There really are no words to make this better, and I so wish you weren't having to think about these things. That's not what pregnancy is all about. HUGS, HUGS, AND MORE HUGS, honey.

nonamejustmommy

I wanna do organ donation but he has to be alive for a certain amount of time and weigh so much. I talked to dh more last night and I think he is ok with me delivering early. I am waiting for the dr in texas to call me back but she is waiting on he official hospital ruling. fingers crossed i get a good call tomorrow.