child refuses to respect and listen
  • lj41120
    Posts: 27Member

    what the fuck are you to do with a son who chooses to not respect you or listen to you. he has said and i quote " i choose to not listen to you because i dont want to, you dont scare me like daddy does." then says "maybe you should get my face and spit while your yelling at me"

    first off, who the hell does he think he is, to be telling me what i should i do! maybe he should think about the lack of self control i may practice if i have to get up in his face. really! maybe he should think about the beating i dream of giving him when he CHOOSES to act like that.

    i am at loss of what to do with this child. i wish he would just be greatful, after all i am not his bio mom, i am his stepmom! i treat as my own, love him as my own, and have CHOSE to be through all his shit! i love himto death but i am ready to back off and let him be and only be his dads problem.

    he has even heard me tell a few adults that if you aint gonna show respect in my house you need to get out. it is also the main rule in our house! rule #1 show respect to eachother no matter what, #2 always tell the truth. thats is all the rules we have, granted the first one holds a whole of expectations but hell, aint different than when he is at school, but he can manage to what he is told there. and they dont get in face and yell.

    any advice with out resorting to beating his behind?

  • ohjoyohjoy
    Posts: 89Member
    Maybe start taking things away from him, video game , no t.v., bike , etc... Then you can choose to give them back when he starts showing some respect.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    How old is he? That makes a huge difference in how to deal with the disrespect!
  • lj41120
    Posts: 27Member

    @ohjoy, he has lost everything in his room except his clothes and bed.

    @Llb, he is almost 9.

    he cares nothing about anything. i am starting to believe that he thrives on misery! he bringing everybody down and i refuse to let that happen, but i dont know what to do. shy o not being a "mom" to him, i have tried everything i can think of, talking having one on one time, every thing mentioned by other moms above. just cant seem find anything that works, let alone sticks.

    i am in desperate need of help!!!!!!

  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    Maybe start taking things away from him, video game , no t.v., bike , etc... Then you can choose to give them back when he starts showing some respect.


    I was going to say exactly that....he doesn't want to show you respect and listen, out go all his toys, especially the high tech ones.  Sorry, but you're the mother, and it doesn't matter if you don't scare him as much as daddy does...YOU ARE A SCARY MOMMY, SHOW HIM HOW SCARY YOU CAN BE!!!!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Sounds like he's breaking your #1 rule. What are the consequences?
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Does Dad back you up?
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • lj41120
    Posts: 27Member

    yes dad backs me up, but sometimes he forgets when we try something new. so not always on same page.

    consequences go like this: first time get a warnning (kids will be kids, and not perfect)

                                               next is get pops/write sentences/appology letter (depending on action)

                                               third is lose t.v (there for lose video games)

                                               after that get grounded (no outside + above)

                                              then grounded to room + above

                                             after that what ever in the hell i can think of! lol

  • momma3youngings
    Posts: 18Member
    I'm going through the exact same thing with my daughter she is 13. I have tried every thing from counseling fir years, there is nothing wrong with her mentally. If you need tougher consequences. Try cleaning house daily all chores including kithen.I wish I could offer you help. I'm so here for support.
  • ohjoyohjoy
    Posts: 89Member
    Is there something outside of home bugging him? Are you two able to enjoy one on one time or always a power struggle? Something positive you can do together?Martial arts is an outlet that works well, my little brother was in tae kwon do (I use to believe with all my heart he was the spawn of satan) it taught him core values respect, honesty etc. He's awesome now maybe tkd had something to do with it? Who knows. I hope you find something that works
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    The part where he said you should get in his face and spit while you're yelling is a huge flag to me. I think he was essentially asking for help. He might feel like he's always in trouble anyway, so why not? Or he might be testing your boundaries. Not for rules, but for love. Don't give up on him. Show him love, have some quality time with him. Let him air his complaints. Meaning don't cut him off telling him how wrong he is. He can still be wrong, but letting him know you understand why he feels that way goes a long way. I had to do this with my oldest, and it takes time and a lot of determination, but it helped us a lot. I even tell Noah that I love him too much to let him go down that path. You can explain how a bio mom loves a child because he's hers, but you CHOOSE to love him. You'll always love him. You just need him to follow the rules.
    deus ex machina
  • lj41120
    Posts: 27Member

    @ohjoy, do things together like read, play cards, color, etc. @ImWendy, i have been talking to him alot, and it semms like he just trying to test me. he has admitted to testing bounderies and me to see if i'm gonna give up on him. i have reassured that that will never happen. i tell him i love him all the time give him hugs and all good stuff. i have also told him that i will never talk to or treat him the way he thinks that maybe i should. his bio mom used do all of that. with her the only time he felt noticed by her was when she was doing those things. i believe it wrong an d willnever be little him that way. she used tell him he was dumb or stupid, i always tell him he smart. and he really is smart but he doesnt believe it or wont believe it. he way under estimates himself! thank ladies.

     

    i have come to the conclusion that i can not fix him. so i am not trying to any more. i believe at 8 he should make the right choices or at least from the wrong ones. after all, like i said before, he does it at school everyday. so he knows right from wrong, just doesnt want to practice when it comes to me. i will always love him and support him as long as he is making a positve decission, doesnt have to be right all the time but positive, something that cause harm to him or anybody else.

    i am stepping back as main disaplanarian, my husband has done so and has inforced the respecting in front of me now. we believe that part of his problem that he never heard discuss him let alone the other kids, we do that when they are asleep. so we started including him in most of the conversation as far as himhearing us talk about what issues occured and what we think what we think the dicsipline should be. or if i add something to something continuous i wil tell hubby what i am trying in front of him, and vice versa,  so he can no longer try to play us against eachother as much.

     yes it is very hard and is a struggle, so my thought is this: my hubby now is the love of my life. i have never been treated or loved in the most softest, understanding of ways. and based on the laws in our state i only have 9 more yrs to put up this if, god forbid, this continues. i pray everyday it gets better, there are moments in the day that it does. hell at this point any moment is better than none. i have been in his life as a mother figure for 4 yrs now, im not gonna walk out now! but if i need to i will step back and let him fall on face, then help him back up. i have always believed you can't help someone change unless they are ready,and that rarely happens til they fall on their face at rock bottom. no matter the age there is one, i know i hit mine at a younger age than him, for different circumstances than his. his is his choice, mine was because of what i got dealt.

    i could tell him all day how to be different, do better change this change that, until im blue in the face, but he has to make the choice, i can only give him options. but i am very sure i will continue to vent and ask for advice on here just put it ease to my thought and heart, because you ladies are amazing and make me realize i am not a bad mom for what i think or how i dicsipline because most of the time you guys mention what i have tried or want to try. so thank you for that!