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Sharing rooms.... need opinions
  • HeadsYouLose
    Posts: 9Member
    We have 4 kids.  I have DD13 & DD9, and DH has SD8 and SS9.  We have a small 3 bdrm house, we own... adding a room is not an option.  SD & SS are only ever there EOW.  My 2 live with us full time.  DD13 has a room & DD9 has a room.  When SKIDS are over, SD shares room with DD9.  SS has caused lots of issues about sleeping in the living room on the futon that lays out as a bed. It got to the point that we have made my DD13 sleep in the living room and let SS take her bed while hes there.  I HATE IT, but it was the only thing we could do to ease tensions with DH's exw. 

    This weekend, we bought a new couch & bunkbeds.  We put the bunkbeds in DD9's room for her and SD8.  We moved the futon into DD9's room as well, so she has a extra bed.  

    My dilemma is.... do we have SS9 sleep on the futon in the girls' room & give DD13 her room back or do we have DD13 sleep on the futon & continue to let SS9 take her bed when hes there?  We live in Georgia, so I am not sure if there is a law or anything about them sharing a room.  Thanks for your help.
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest
    Can you have you DD13 bunk in with the little girls when they are over? I think at 9 your ss is probably too old to be sharing a room with the girls, even if it is only for a weekend.
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    @unknown1 has a good solution if it's workable.  I was going to suggest SKIDS share a room?? Not sure if they do at home or not....but I know my own DS & DD would prefer to share a room over sharing with kids they don't live with full time. 
  • HeadsYouLose
    Posts: 9Member
    DD13 could sleep on the futon in the girls' room, and SS9 continue to take her bed when hes over.  I just hate kicking her out of her bedroom EOW.  At their home, SD has her own room & SS shares a room with his half brother.  
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    Is there any area of the house that isn't regularly used that could be parcelled off to be just his on the weekend? My house is also very small...but we did manage to make an area as a bedroom.  
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,322Member
    While there is no law most CPS agencies state that the sexes must be in different rooms after age 6 so I would bunk him alone
    Glitter Words
    [Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Words*]
  • HeadsYouLose
    Posts: 9Member
    theres no extra room.  Its a basic house, living room, kitchen, an open area for the dining area, and 3 bedrooms.  
  • ChristyJChristyJ
    Posts: 880Member

    Not picking.  But after reading the above it looks like your SS never has any space of his own.  He shares with (I assume) a much younger half-sibling at his Moms, and feels like an invader at your house.  He either has to sleep on the couch, or take your DD13's room. 


    Think about that for a moment.  He never has his own space.


    I will say it does suck your DD13 has to give up her room, but at least she has some privacy, even if it is only part-time.


    Might want to find a way for him to have his own area.  Such as, if he is artsy, make sure he has his own art table somewhere that no one else is allowed to bother of if he likes sports, some equipment that is all his own.

    Imperfect and proud of it.
  • iamslowlygoingcrazy
    Posts: 145Member
    I was in your SS's position at my Dad's house as a kid.  We only went there every other weekend and the house they lived in only had two bedrooms, one for parents and one for my step bro with a bunkbed for my bro.  It is frustrating not to have your own space and it does make you feel like more of a guest than a part of the family since you don't even have a permanent space in the house.

    But I'm sure you, like my Dad, it was all they could afford at the time.  I really didn't mind all that much but after a four years they got a bigger house with my own room, loved that!  Hopefully having an honest conversation about all of this would help?
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,322Member
    One other suggestion since it is summer how about putting up a tent in the backyard and letting him camp out a couple of those weekends with dad for some male bonding stuff?
    Glitter Words
    [Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Words*]
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    @iamslowlygoingcrazy said...Hopefully having an honest conversation about all of this would help?  It got me thinking...sometimes when I'm overthinking something....The kids come up with the best solutions.  Maybe time to say...Ok...What are you guys most comfortable with on the weekends we get to spend together as a family??? My kids often make me feel like a big dumb ass for not coming up with the answer...hahaha..
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,757Administrator, Moderator
    @Lifeisgood that's a GREAT idea!


    We have 4 boys and a girl, and EOW sleeping arrangements get worse as they get older, and bigger. And mouthier.


    Even if your DD13 doesn't mind bunking in with the other girls EOW, that's bound to cause some friction, with her having him (SS9)  in her room (He's messing with my stuff!), and with him not having some space of his own. But with no other room in the house, the best you can do is just the best you can do! I get it.

    Time to think outside the box!  Kids are great at that, if you give them an opportunity to "help" solve a family problem. You may find yourself surprised by their ideas and innovation!

    community-manager


  • iamslowlygoingcrazy
    Posts: 145Member
    I think that's a great idea @lifeisgood.  Then you'd know what they are all comfortable with and can go from there :)
  • HeadsYouLose
    Posts: 9Member
    @Love you got a good point.  I think we will have a discussion with all the kids when they are over this weekend and see what they suggest.  

    @stinkersmommy we live in a downtown area.... not exactly a camping outside kind of place.  I wish it was!
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 6,312Member
    I would have gotten bunks for your dd13.. twin over full or something so that dss has his own bed... even if she's on the couch or futon or friends houses he has his own bed...
    mom of wild children
    going to the chapel 7/5/2014
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,054Member
    What about giving up the master bedroom and making the girls always share a room?   And him having that room all to himself.  he deserves his own space as others have said.  just a thought :) 
    apsycho

  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    I don't know if this is any help at all but we've lived for years with too many people for the space we can afford... and for several years DW and I just didn't have a bedroom.  We had something in the living room and used that to sleep on.  We used a sofa sleeper for a while (then realized that those are not meant for using EVERY night with 2 larger sized people, because it broke) and then a daybed with a pop up trundle (much better option).  With the right pillows and cover, the daybed can pass as a couch during the day then you pop up the trundle at night and have a king sized bed, basically.

    Yeah it sucked to not have a true "room" per se but it's still what we did.  And it helped that we aren't the kind to have guests over a lot so the fact that the living room was also our bedroom was not a big deal.  We shared closet space with the kids.  But the boys never used much of that closet space anyway. 

    Our situation has changed and we finally have our own room but as a result DS20 has to share space with his brother (14)... he's okay with it but my mother thinks I am awful for making them share.  Whatever.  She only had 2 kids and we were 9 years apart so she doesn't get the idea of having to make do with what you can afford and there is now ay we can afford an extra bedroom rental at this point.
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • KiinuKiinu
    Posts: 1,160Member
    Could you possibly give him his own 'space' in your room? Like a dresser and some closet space. You and DH sleep on the sofa bed EOW?
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 3,915Member
    I think @stars has a great idea. The 3 girls get the larger room, dd13 might bitcj about it, but it is probably preferable that giving up her space eow. Then boyo had his own sanctuary.
    Ask the kids what they think.
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
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