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What makes a good DAD?
  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    I came across a story about a father who does triathlons with his daughter... who has cerebral palsy.  He carries her when he runs, pulls her in a boat when he swims, and has a carriage behind his bike when he does the cycling part.  He saw how happy it made her to be outside, and had to make changes in his life to do this. The story is a bit long to post all of it here, but the pictures could have told the whole story.  This guy?  He's a GOOD DAD. 

    image
    (There are more pics HERE, as well as the whole story.)

    I get disappointed with my H for being one of those dad's that are just kind of...there.  He "watches" them.  Makes sure they don't kill themselves, and yells a lot, "GET DOWN!", "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" "COME HERE!".  Shit like that.  I mean, he's not a bad dad.  He loves his kids.  Just not like THIS guy loves his daughter.

    So, what makes a "good" dad?  If you could describe the ideal way your kids dad, or step dad would treat the kids, how would you do it?
  • gamommiegamommie
    Posts: 348Member
    He works. He passes on what he knows. Man he's just fucking there for everything and no matter what kind of hairy shit we go through or how I treat him he loves my boy and is way more patient and understanding than I am! He's a great dad. He TRIES. That's all I need and he's a hero to me and my boy for that. (this is how it really is I got my wish and I'm very blessed--XH never did or tried anything and my boy cried and cried.)
  • rockmomrockmom
    Posts: 286Member
    DH is a great dad. He plays with DS1. Changes diapers. Does bath and bedtime because he WANTS to, even when he could easily pawn the job off on me. He takes the boy with him to the store so I can get a few minutes of quiet. He buys a new outfit or pj's for our son almost everytime he's out when he hasn't gotten himself anything new in two years.
    Best of all, he stands up to MIL about giving ds soda and other unhealthy junk. DS is a BABY, he is not deprived because we don't give him junk!

    I'm amazed at the stellar job he's doing. DH was the never-settling-down type when we first got together. Two months after that we eloped, and 4 months after that I was pregnant. I think he just had to meet the right woman, because he's way more cut out for this "Dad" thing than he ever thought. :)
    tripp175a
  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    @rockmom, I guess I should be a little bit more appreciative. My H... he gives baths, takes the kids (sometimes) when I'm on the verge of a mommy meltdown. He changes diapers.

    I'm just so pissed off at him for being a shitty H that I forget some of the good things he does as a dad.
  • rockmomrockmom
    Posts: 286Member
    @girdyolee, I'm not usually so appreciative either. In fact, I was getting ready to start a "Dumb shit DH says and does" thread when I wandered into this one....then I felt all glowey for a minute after I realized he kinda rocks.

    Until later when something else falls out of his mouth and I feel like stabbing him again. ;)
    tripp175a
  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    @rockmom  =))

    Yes... this is EXACTLY how I feel most of the time!!!

  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,769Member
    Dh will cook, clean, feed kids, bathe them.
    When he's home they follow him around and "help" him.
    He's the one who taught the two lil ones how to get their hair washed wout freaking out.
    He hugs and kisses and spoils. He's always calling me when his
    truck is getting unloaded and he's in the store shopping for the kids.
    He's the one that pushes for things like Kings Island passes or certain clothes they want.
    I've caught little bodies laying in bed w daddy watching tv.
    He has lost his cool every now and then and when that happens its not long before he feels bad and is trying to make it up to that kid, or snuggling them.
  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,686Member
    Dan is an incredible father, the girls are very lucky. They are both equally comfortable with him as they are with me. and it's because he has established a very intimate bond with each of them that allows them to feel very safe with their daddy. He teaches them all kinds of new things from educational to silly and handy to resourceful. When he is working on the house it takes a little longer because he likes to include the girls in sanding putty or using the screw driver. He dances with them and acts very silly, he doesnt care what it looks like to other people or what they might think, he just rocks! The one area we butt heads in is I think he is a little too hard and he thinks I'm a little too soft. However when it boils down to it I know he pushes them because he wants to build their character and encourage independent and responsible behavior that will carry on into teen and young adult years.

    I've posted this one before but he owned this colic hold and was so attentive to our babies.

    http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o539/Elizabeth_Htebazile/daddylove.jpg

    Now that's a happy daddy! (my 3 year old usually has no bottle but we were up north with no zippy cups)

    http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o539/Elizabeth_Htebazile/17B8CE1A-FEC4-4A14-9DBC-78420C68E0A7-87-0000000CB16C6758.jpg

    The silly side c:

    http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o539/Elizabeth_Htebazile/B93F8A6E-CDFC-4991-B068-A8D45A63CC25-87-0000000CBB1DC843.jpg

    Safe with daddy

    http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o539/Elizabeth_Htebazile/182D880A-0423-4430-A42F-18334386CF91-87-0000000CC372E93A.jpg

    Lol

    http://i1146.photobucket.com/albums/o539/Elizabeth_Htebazile/E34EFA6E-4730-4964-A9C2-F54C15EE6BB9-87-0000000CF0964333.jpg
  • mama2tutnkcmama2tutnkc
    Posts: 1,039Member
    I may be breaking the ex-wife-rule by saying this, but my dd's dad is a great dad. He didn't start out that way but after our divorce he stepped up and has gone above & beyond. He listens to her when she talks, no matter what he is doing. He really plays with her, he is involved 100% and never misses a practice or game or program (he pays for gymnastics cheer t-ball & guitar lessons without a word) and he will even take my DS3 (who is not his son) when he takes my daughter for ice cream or to the movies.
    He has done douchy things to me (like having me thrown in jail) and we don't always get along but he is there for his daughter NO MATTER WHAT and that's a good dad in my opinion.
    feels like *home* to me
  • mericksmom
    Posts: 388Member
    Dh isnt a BAD dad but he still needs improving (at least I think so)  The bonding he does with DS is play video games. He watches kid but not very often, and DH hates going out. ( he rather go spend money at a mall than go hiking and picnicking.) He LOVES his son but doesnt know how to show it. 

    He didnt LEARN how to be a dad from his dad, and with my dad being so far away there is only soo much he can coach DH on, like playing catch and biking and going out to do daddy son things.  My Mantra for DS is be a better person than us, show your family the love we didnt show you remember that we love(d) you but we werent the best that we could have been and that is where you can improve for your family when you grow up. 
  • Sabzzy
    Posts: 677Member
    My H is a great dad. Sometimes he gets too impatient with DD and I have to remind him that she's only a toddler and throwing fits and whining are par the course...But he's on the ball about cooking for her, bathing her, playing with her, spending quality time with her. It melts my heart all the time.  
    We buy things we don't need
    With money we don't have
    To impress people we don't like
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 5,422Member
    DH is awesome with the beasties. He shares all the responsibilities, well defintiely all with DS2. The baby is already an impossible Mama's Boy. He loves his daddy, but at almost 5 months old he's already up my ass. LOL So it's all Mommy at bedtime.

    When we found out I was pregnant with DS2 DH read everything he could get his hands about pregnancy and babies. He insisted on reading every review before we bought anything or put iron the registry. SIDS scared him to death and I think he was just as nervous the few times DS slept through the night as infant. And as the beasties grow and learn so does he.
    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

  • JessxBabsJessxBabs
    Posts: 20Member
    For the most part DH is a great dad! yea sure there are things i wish he'd do more or less of. but he gets up with ds8months on the weekends, plays with him ALL the time. gives baths and changes diapers. bedtime is his thing...so much so that i can't put ds to sleep! nap times yea but bedtime? haha forget it he wants daddy!!
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest

    My dh knocked me up when he was 18, he worked harder at work and at home to make sure our kids have what they need. He has unyielding patience with them. He teaches them everything that he can. He has taught them to change oil and tires and other car maintence. He taught them how to put a roof on and build a house. He goes to every sporting event, school function, campout and any other thing they are interested in if he possibly can go. He takes them fishing, hunting, swimming, skating and bowling. He plays video games and rides bikes. He is not always the most involved in discipline but he always backs me up and if he sees I am overwhelmed he steps in, he has never questioned my authority in front of our kids. The kids know they cannot play him they they do me and they don't even try. He is honest with them about everything, he answers their questions, he gives them lots of loves and he knows the proper line between parent and friend. He teaches our son how to treat women respectfully and he teaches our daughter that she deserves to be treated like a princess.

    I think the thing I love about him the most is the kind of dad he is. In 17 years he has only raised his voice at me once and I can count on one hand the number of times he has raised his voice at our kids. I wish I could be that awesome. He leads them by example and he doesn't have unrealistic expectations for them.

  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    @unknown1, would you do me a favor? Just tell him thank you for being that kind of dad. I wish I had had a dad like that. My dad was a birthday/holiday dad. I'm a little jealous!

    All great daddies, it sounds like. Maybe I should let H read this thread...
  • heartmeanseverything
    Posts: 76Member
    My dh is a great dad. He takes care of both our children, even when I'm home. He changes diapers, even the blowouts, he does bath time. He cooks dinner if I don't want to. He hangs out w dd2 and dsnb if I need a nap. He plays and reads to dd2. And he works full time. He keeps the house clean. Does laundry. He knows how to sterilize bottles and my bpump. He jumps when I say I need anything. He even watches the kids so I can get my nails done and so on. The only thing he ever really asks for is for me to scratch his back or his head. And I do for as long as I can. And he loves to pump for me, I think he likes seeing the milk squirt out haha
  • silken
    Posts: 205Member

    My daughtes biological father was a horrible father. He would go for months without calling. I would leave him a message that she would aa call. her.  After awhile I said fuck it.  He went niine months without calling her/J

    He lived in Denver and we lived in Houston. After awile he was no where to be found. We had his parental rights secibd husbadn adopted my daighter.  Then when my daughter was liike seventeen he got in touch with her. He lied and claimed I had hiid her from him,  He did not count on her remembering at nine talking to him and telling him our new address.  A common tactic for deadbeat dads. I loathe his ass.

  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,064Member
    I wish my kids had a good dad. Sometimes he is but then it is mostly for show. He can be a great dad , at church . At home it qa diffrent , he seemed not to want to be bothered with them. He claims to miss them on Facebook. I know he misses DD , we all do. But he still is so negative to the boys. Mainly the older one. Yes he is not the a-typical child. His dad thinks that just because we know he has autism he can just stop being autistic !!
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • wuts4dinner
    Posts: 5Member
    My BF is a wonderful father. My son went for 7 years with a piss poor excuse for a father. When BF came into the pictures he was hesitant but it didn't take long before they were attached at the hip. He goes to all school events. He even takes little man shopping and enjoys it. Im so thankful that we finally got a man thats worth something.
  • sleevienickssleevienicks
    Posts: 44Member
    My husband is not the best dad to my daughter that I think he could be. He claims that I "expect too much" out of him. But really, he spends more time with his computer than he does with his daughter and he won't take her outside because "he doesn't like the heat". He doesn't like to hear her shrill little screams (she's 3, for Christ sakes). Once, he even called her a cunt (to me) because she was crying after toppling over her Lego castle she had built and she wanted him to help her rebuild it and he wanted to "relax". I closed the bedroom door and did something to him that I probably don't need to mention here, but suffice it to say he hasn't called her any more names.

    So, I'm glad to read that there are dads out there that enjoy and love their children :) My daughter is the center of my universe - I don't know how she isn't the center of my husband's as well. She is not a perfect angel, but she's a funny, smart, beautiful little girl and I just don't understand why he treats her the way he does. It's so weird. And it makes me hate him. 

    Thanks for letting me say that! I didn't know it was going to come out like that...but there it is.
  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    @sleevienicks, I hope you nut punched him for saying that!  Who calls a three year old a CUNT???  Omg. 

    @silken, I'm sorry your daughter has had to go through that.  I know how it feels.  I'm glad she has a mom that loves her... I have mad respect for you.

    @momofdbb, A good friend of mine has an autistic son, and is amazing with him.  It's such tough thing to watch a child go through a meltdown for reasons you don't understand.  I gotta say, my friend is better with his son than his momma is. I will never understand why (some) dad's think they have to be harder on their boys.  It's like a viscous cycle. 

    @heartmeanseverything, he sounds wonderful.  THAT'S what I want my husband to be like.  I wish he would stop yelling, get off his fat ass, read a few books, have some FUN with them, and take some time to enjoy them.  He's going to regret it.  He loves them, but he's going to look back and regret so many things. It breaks my heart.

    @wuts4dinner... hold on tight to that one!  Glad you found someone like that to love you and your son!

    One of the great things about moms... we have enough love for our kids
    to cover what some dad's don't show.  Does that make sense?  My dad...
    we're closer now, and I think he regrets not being there when I was a
    kid.  He and I have a lot in common.  He didn't realize that I was a
    pretty cool kid, and that's HIS loss.  I'm still a little sad about it,
    but we're building a better relationship, and I'm happy about that.
  • KindredSpiritKindredSpirit
    Posts: 184Member
    DH is an amazing dad to SD12 and SD14. He's good to our two mostly but has virtually no patience. I am a preschool teacher so my patience is through the roof. So with DD1 and DD3 it's a lot of yelling "come here" "sit down" "stop that" and the occassional "shut the fuck up" which I have packed my and DD's stuff over and almost left but I don't have the balls.
  • KindredSpiritKindredSpirit
    Posts: 184Member
    @sleevienicks Unfortunately that sounds a lot like my DH. I married him because he was like a superdad to my SDs but when our two came along, it was completely different. I guess he has no patience for the toddler years which is unacceptable!
  • sleevienickssleevienicks
    Posts: 44Member
    @GirdyOlee and @KindredSpirit Yes, we probably shouldn't have had a child together! It's a long story as to why we did, but I'm so very happy that she's here. She's my miracle and although it may be a little TMI - I think we're all pretty used to oversharing here on SM. When he called her that, I shut & locked the bedroom door, grabbed the leather crop we used for sexy-time (note *used*) and gave him the hardest fucking lash I could muster across his upper right arm. No nut-punches where no one could see...oh no! That way he had to go to work like that and explain himself. 

    To this day he still asks if I have remorse for doing that. I just tell him the only thing I have remorse about is stopping at one lash because the GD crop broke. I also told him today that I wanted a separation. He's pretty well screwed himself out of a happy family. 

    I'm so glad you guys are here! I don't post often because I know my stuff is inconsequential to a lot of other families and women here, but I appreciate you all listening, just the same! Thank you!!! It means a lot!
  • GirdyOleeGirdyOlee
    Posts: 427Member
    @sleevienicks, we're glad you're here! Nothing you have to say is inconsequential. SM is an amazing support system. I'm always amazed at how incredibly loyal they are. Anytime you need to get something off your chest, do it here! It's saved my sanity! >:D<
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 3,915Member
    GirdyOlee said:

    @sleevienicks, we're glad you're here! Nothing you have to say is inconsequential. SM is an amazing support system. I'm always amazed at how incredibly loyal they are. Anytime you need to get something off your chest, do it here! It's saved my sanity! >:D<



    Anything you have to say, say it here! nothing is inconsequential. Nothing. I started a thread about being prisoner in a target bathroom!

    Back to the task at hand, my dh is a wonderful guy who cooks, cleans, supports us all. He always has time and patience for our kids. He is affectionate. He teaches them daily, like the why questions, he will google why the sky is blue and the sun is yellow. He loves them unconditionally, and I think they know it.
    I love my dh!
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
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