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Uncomfortably Numb
  • doubletroubleplus1doubletroubleplus1
    Posts: 207Member
    I haven't been active here in SM for many months. Well, not posting, but I have been lurking now and then. Life was going really well. DH was kicking ass at work, and is in the process of transferring to the office (he works offshore, and this would mean he would actually be home every night instead of on the boat for a month at a time). He had already gotten a nice raise, I was back in school, and the twins were getting ready to start Kindergarten. Things were just going too well, know what I mean? And I don't really have anyone unbiased to just listen, and I miss all you awesome ladies.
    DH just went back to work, so I am trying to process everything that happened. Last weekend, we were celebrating our anniversary. His cousin kept all three kids for the weekend so we could go to the annual rock festival the local radio station puts on every year. The first night was great...bands kicked ass, we met up with some friends we hadn't seen in forever, and DH didn't get wasted. The last day started out fine, but he was drinking more, and had taken some of his lortabs before we got there (he is prescribed them, but takes more than he should). I wasn't too concerned until he got up with his buddy to hit the restroom. Thirty minutes later, he hadn't come back. I got up to look for him and couldn't find him. His other friend went to look, couldn't find him. I heard some people next to us talking about a guy tripping balls and crawling around in the mud...wearing the same shirt my DH was wearing. I heard that, jumped up, and made a beeline to where the EMTs were set up, just in time to see them loading him up on a stretcher.
    He was crazy, yelling incoherantly, thrashing around. The paramedics kept yelling at me to tell them what he took. I told them what I knew, but I hadn't seen him in almost an hour at that point. They took us to the hospital, and he wouldn't calm down. He didn't recognize me, and even after 4 shots of I don't know what, he still wasn't sedated. He was in arm, leg, and chest restraints. They made me leave while they cut his clothes, put a catheter in, and intubated him. I called a cab that never came, but one of our friends picked me up so I could get my car. He spent 24 hours in ICU. His cousins kept the kids a couple extra nights for me while I stayed with him.
    They took him off the ventilator the next morning, and while he recognized me, he had no idea what had happened or why he was in the hospital. The tox screen showed nothing other than the lortabs and alcohol. He was moved to a regular room, unrestrained, and kept one more day. He still doesn't remember what he took.
    I thought he was going to die. I couldn't believe that he would be so stupid. He has done some epically stupid things before, but this...I just don't know. I don't know why he jeopardizes everything once we get in a good situation. I got so angry; I couldn't stop crying and shaking the first day he was home. 
    I hate myself for covering for him, again. Not with his family...he told them it was heatstroke, but I told them the truth. I did let his job know he was in the hospital, but not why. So, he still has his job. In fact, he is in Houma now, working in the office until Wednesday when he goes back out. I haven't yelled at him, haven't really said anything other than if he does ANYTHING...booze, pills, whatever...I have made arrangements. I have two short-term places out of the state I will go to with the kids the second he hits the Gulf if he "slips" again. I don't want to have to leave him; I do love him, the kids love him, and he is wonderful when he is sober. When he gets the office position, we will have to move, but he thinks that will solve all his problems. I just want him to realize he is addicted, and he can't just "have one beer." It's never just one beer. And he goes months without drinking, or taking his pills...but when things start looking up, he thinks he can relax. It's like my childhood all over again, minus the physical abuse anyway.
    I know I have reached my limit. I packed my "get the hell out of dodge bag" as soon as I got home today from dropping him off. Before he left, he went to a couple AA meetings with his uncle, and I started going to Al-Anon. I so want to believe him when he says he's done, for good, for real this time. I just don't think I can believe it. So I have my plans made, but don't want to live on edge waiting for it to happen again. Maybe when we move it will be better. At the very least he will be away from all of his loser friends he grew up with who feed his addictions. So, I am prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best. I know whatever he was seeing scared the living shit out of him, so maybe he gets finally gets it. I guess we'll see. Thanks for listening. It feels good to just get that off my chest.
    "I will hold on hope, and I won't let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again."
    -"The Cave" Mumford & Sons
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,078Member
    Hugs that's all I can do.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    That's quite overwhelming! >:D< >:D<

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • Luvlyssa
    Posts: 2,953Member
    Holy scary! *hugs* good for you for having a back up plan! that's awesome! I'm sorry he's an addict... I hope this was scary enough for him that he learns from it!
    Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
  • AnonUser26
    Posts: 1,144Guest
    I think you're close to me, my sister was at that festival. I lived on the coast for several years. I know what you mean about the environment down there. I live back home in NOLA now. Here if you need an ear. Big, big hugs.
  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,470Member
    Sounds like he took that fucking bath salts shit that people have been freaking out on. I think that they change the chemical composition of them frequently enough that alot of the time they don't show up on standard tox screens. @megsue would probably know, they deal with them alot where she works. He must've been pretty wasted if he doesn't remember what happened.
    I know that living with an addict is hard. I'm in recovery myself, and I can tell you I was no fucking picnic to be around. I've also been in a relationship with someone for many years who has gone through a few long term relapses, and I don't wish that chaos on my worst enemy. Has your dh ever managed to maintain any significant lengths of sobriety? Has he been through treatment or really been involved in 12 step recovery like AA or NA? I know moving away from his using buddies will be a help, but it won't be a cure all. He's going to need a support system of people who are invested in helping him stay clean and sober. If the pills are an issue for him and he is abusing them when he has a prescription it might be a good idea to let his doctor know what's going on too. Sorry you're having to deal with this right now. Your hubs has a long road ahead of him and he's gonna have to want to stay sober first and foremost. Hugs to you and feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
  • southerngal
    Posts: 43Member
    This sounds really scary. I do admire your strength though in this situation and your ability to show him that you will not put up with him living recklessly. I hope whatever he took scared the addiction out of him. Big hugs momma
    'if you cant fly then run, if you cant run then walk, if you cant walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward'

    Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • mamaofboysmamaofboys
    Posts: 392Member
    Big hugs to you. I am in a similar situation with my DH that I sent off to detox 2 weeks ago. Even though he tells me he's done drinking I have that fear things will go bad again and I hate feeling that way. I commend you for having a plan in place although I do hope you don't have to use it.
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.
  • LifeofchaosLifeofchaos
    Posts: 984Member
    Just wanted to send you (((((hugs)))))) what a horribly scary situation to go through :(
  • doubletroubleplus1doubletroubleplus1
    Posts: 207Member
    Thank you all for the hugs and words of encouragement.
    @pdxmama-- he has managed to stay sober for just over a year before. I guess he gets comfortable, and slowly builds back up to the point where he loses all control again. The ER doctors and nurses seemed to think it was the bathsalts, too. He said he will go to meetings when he's home "as long as I want him to." I told him he has to want to go, otherwise it's a waste of time. I'm still going to Al-Anon, which I should have been doing even before I met him (both my parents are alcoholics as well).
    @FinallyFree2BMe-- I am in Biloxi, and yeah, it is a pretty toxic place with the casinos. His office is out of Houma, and we will probably be relocating in the near future. At any rate, I am over in LA frequently with taking him for crew change, and I have family in Slidell and Metarie.
    @mamaofboys-- hugs back to you. I don't know that the fear ever goes away. I'm finally starting to get support for myself and realize that I don't have any control over it. I get mad at myself because I grew up like this, and swore I would never let my children go through what I had to as a child. I'm hoping I don't need to use my plan too, but I know I can't go through anything like that again. The only advice I can give, that I'm finally starting to follow, is to get support for yourself. It's hard to let go of his problems, I know.
    I have a month until he comes back home, so plenty of time to revise and put some more money away in case. Most of DH's family lives in the area, and most are supportive of me, which helps. I have hope that he will stick to it; his uncle is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 20+ years, and he has been going with DH to meetings and offering support. Just taking it day by day. Thank all of you again, so much. It feels good to have someplace to talk freely.
    "I will hold on hope, and I won't let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again."
    -"The Cave" Mumford & Sons
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