If i leave him on the floor, he smashes his head into it and bites himself.  If i put him in the pack and play he persistently tries to climb out while screaming and biting and pulling my hair when I try to put him back in so he doesn't hurt himself.  I just get afraid he is going to hurt himself when he gets like this which is part of why the anxiety gets so high.  I need a padded room i can lock him in til he is done.  lol j/k

When Muffin (my 7yo) was little, I'd lay on the bed with him, hold him VERY TIGHT, & just rock, until he calmed down.

you are not a terrible mom. you can do this. if he hurts hi
self I guarantee he wont do it again. even if he hits his head he will be fine. it'll just be a goose egg

Mine is into throwing tantrums now, too but she's a little older.  It's tough, I know it is, mine not only throws the tantrums but holy hell what a temper she has!!!  Now she's started letting out a scream that would curl your toes.

@Bellabefana, I mentioned the cover thing to my husband and the first words out of his mouth were, "Isn't that like caging him?"  I tried to explain that it would only be for a little bit so I could compose myself and calm down.  it's not like I'd leave him in there all day, but I saw that he was really reluctant to the thought so i don't know if I can get him on board with that.

So does your husband deal with your kid's tantrums? Because if he doesn't, he really doesn't get a say.

Plus he would be my transportation to go get said pack and play cover, so he'd have to agree to it somewhat.

@calliopemarie, not really.

a tantrum isn't a tantrum until they hold their breath til they pass out. lol

@kiinu yeah dd3 and ds2 have both done it to me. multiple times!!!

You are most certainly NOT a terrible mom! I agree with the other ladies, let them flip, it'll pass. Give them a hug when they're finished. Hugs are always helpful :)

Let your husband deal with a temper tantrum or video it on your phone and see if he changes his opinion. Has he seen the temper tantrums, or just heard about them?

I've been having similar issues with DS. He will be turning 2 in December and his tantrums have been becoming more frequent and more...well, I guess you could say violent. He has made a habit of slamming his head into things when he's upset. Furniture, the floor, his crib, me, whatever he is closest to. He has given himself plenty of bruises and goose eggs because of that. When he starts the head banging I usually give him a couple of spats on the bottom and put him in his crib for a time out (most of the time, he'll tucker himself out and nap for a bit). One other thing he does when he's mad I could beat my mother for. She has been trying to teach him how to make the popping noise with his finger in his mouth (I hope I explained that right, lol) and she's been trying since probably spring time. He can't do it, so instead he sticks his bent finger in his mouth and pulls it forcefully against his cheek. I smack his hand and tell him no because I'm so afraid he'll end up scratching the inside of his cheek. Another thing my mom started and my dad is trying to help me stop is her teaching him to put up his hand at me (talk to the hand). I've told her multiple times that he does this to me and DH whenever he gets in trouble for something (terrorizing the cats, trying to get on the computer, messing with the tv, etc.) and she still tells him to do it. He threw a couple massive fits today. One was on the way home from the store with me and my mom (he skipped nap time). All he did was cry and thrash about in the carseat, but he has the loudest, shrillest shriek ever! The second was at DH's dads house. He got mad because I wouldn't let him play on grandpa's lawn mower. He threw himself on the ground after I took him out of the garage (DH & FIL were working on a truck) and screamed bloody murder. DH came over and tried to tell him to calm down, but after DS done the finger in the mouth thing, he spatted his butt and had me put him in time out in the car in his car seat while DH helped his dad finish up.

Please listen to everyone's suggestions. You should get it in check before he's older and it it gets MUCH WORSE! Every time you give in it teaches him that the more he throws a trantrum, the more he gets his way.
Anxiety sucks. I have it too. But you CAN do this!!!

didn't read all the comments since i am on limited time with being able to catch an internet signal, but i say as i think someone else said, try buckling him in a spare carseat.  also, don't give in if you can help it.  ds4 (almost 5) went through it but we started noticing his tantrums were over everything and he would literally hit his head so hard that he would bleed, he would bite himself till he bled and he would go way beyond what was normal for a tantrum for a 2 year old (he was 2 when it all started).  after trying to just chalk it up to the terrible two's we realized it was more than that.  keep a log for a while of his tantrums and injuries from them as well as what sets them off.  it is easier that way to show your pediatrician and see if it is simply acting out or something more.  we got a referral to a great psychiatrist and have since discovered that he is bi-polar and ocd.  with behavior modifications, behavior therapy, and a very very low does antipsychotic med, his symptoms are well managed for the most part (we don't want to increase meds unless it is absolutely necessary).  we've learned his triggers and what we can do to help when they start.  try to be consistent with whatever you choose to do be it leaving him in the crib with the cover, carseat, snuggling etc.  i know at times you have to give in, we do, but try to not.  it's hard, and i will be sending happy thoughts that it passes soon and is mrerely a phase for your little one and just him learning limits, but if it escalates and doesn't seem to ease off then please have him evaluated.  the best advice i was given was to pick your battles.  meaning someitmes there are things you don't give in on no matter what, but if it gets to a certain point (and you as a mom will know when your kiddo is hitting that point) you have to give in or at least compromise.  hugs and best of luck.  feel free to PM me anytime you want and just know that no matter what, this too shall pass.  and yeah, you are an awesome mom!  the fact that you are so concerned about him shows that.  i know it is stressful and can send mommy into a meltdown too, been there done that, but you are not alone!  hugs and please let us know how it all turns out!

@carolunea I try not to spank unless I think it's necessary. DS never laughs when he gets spanked. When he does get spanked, he knows he did something wrong and most of the time (if the tantrum isn't out of control) he'll quieten down after a few minutes and pout in his seat or in the middle of the floor facing away from us. When he's done pouting he'll come to me and try to cuddle. I think the main reason for his tantrums is because DH was out of work for almost 2 months and was able to stay home and play with him while he waited for his next job to start (he had it lined out months before he quit, he was just waiting for the guy to open the new store). Well, DH started back to work about 2 weeks ago, and since then DS has been a demon for me. As soon as DH gets home DS is all over him. I think its hard for him to go from waking up and seeing daddy home and being able to play with him all day, to not seeing him when he gets up and only seeing him for a few hours before he goes to bed. Especially since when daddy gets home he is so tired that most of the time he doesn't have the energy to play. Last night DH let DS cuddle with him and watch tv with him for an extra half hour before letting me send him to bed. He got to stay up past his bed time, which he normally does on his own while playing in his crib, but he also got some daddy time. I'm hoping he gets used to this before the twins get here because that'll be another can of worms mommy gets to deal with *sigh* 

@mommasly does have a good point, some kids are sensitive to that sort of thing. If you've used his crib as a time out space and still had no trouble with bedtime though, I think you will probably be okay. DS doesn't have a negative connection to his car seat in the car, or the one in his room, I've caught him taking the time-out carseat out and taking a nap in it.

I've never put him in the carseat while screaming at him or anything though, I've always spoken gently and just put him in it and sat where I could hear him calm down. I'm not a fan of trying to talk to my kids while I'm still pissed about whatever they did, that's why they hear lot's of 'go to your room!' lol, so I can cool the fuck down before I try to deal with discipline.

I don't know if this will work for you, but OUTSIDE is what works for us.  When dd 22 months has her tantrums, I'll usually ignore as long as I can, but DH works largely from home, and he's not very patient with her tantrums.  So either I give in like you (particularly if it's something that's not going to hurt her.  I won't let her drink the ketchup, but I will sometimes give into a snack at the wrong time or a bath in the middle of the day), or I take her outside.  She has a slide and swingset, so sometimes that's all it takes to get her to stop the squealing.  Also, buckling her into her stroller and going for a walk will settle her (when she's not writhing and headbutting).  

Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you, other than you're NOT a bad mother.  We all give into the tantrums sometimes.  This phase will pass.

the only thing that works for my little one (3) is to let him scream it out. When he sees im not paying attentionhe stops. he has wacked his head on the floor a few times but he relized it hurt so now he doesnt do that.